evilassistantbutnotmean

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

*The Belles + Caden, Jeweled Lotus Flower, and Assistant and Friend/Alex hanging out, Auryn is with Bennett and Aruna, being babysat by Sir and Chad*

Sage: *Tired*…Yeah, I am not feeling this today. Hands, who wants to go to the Cafae Latte universe?

Caden: *Raises hand*

Ivan: *In Caden’s arms* Not sure what that is but if Caden goes, I follow.

Vapor: Yeah, what’s this branch of the multiverse like, love?

Sage: Well, it was created by author C. M. Alongi, originally on TikTok but then she started migrating to YouTube after TikTok started souring. The base premise started as a cafe run by fairies and the boss cursed rude customers since once they stepped into the cafe, they were in her domain and she wouldn’t need their names. But then she started introducing new and reoccurring characters with names and backstories and specific outfits so they could be distinguished from each other- oh, she does all the character acting, but because portraying certain characters quote unquote “accurately” would be a form of blackface, she just uses different outfits for specific characters. Uh- Jennifer Charles has a signature jean jacket, Cyrus always has his hat backwards, and the paranormal characters have various accessories. The world is very rich urban mundane fantasy, filled with gnomes, dwarfs, goblins, dragons-

Assistant: Dragons?!

Sage: Dragons. Both Western and Eastern style, with human forms they can take. As well as sirens, sphinxes, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, witches, angels and demons that actually aren’t affiliated with any kind of god and are just from two warring dimensions, and a wild hunt lead by immortal King Herla. A real ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ situation in the fantasy department. The worldbuilding is just delightful, and Lavender makes good coffee too.

Vapor: Lavender?

Sage: One of the names of the owners of the Cafae. Not her true name, obviously, and she mostly goes by Bob since JC gave her that nickname and therefore it’s dear to her. I call her Lavender because it’s like we’re matching. Another one of her names being The Iron Witch due to her magic and battle skills being so deadly.

Ivan: Neutral Good?

Sage: Basically. The drinks Bob makes can include some pretty fantastical ingredients, like a perfect hangover cure that she charges 8 dollars for, which I can respect the hustle. JC, head baker and technical protagonist, also makes excellent baked goods, my favorite is the lemon pound cake. So, who’s up for it?

*Everyone raises their hand*

Sage: Ooo-Kay then. I’ll message ahead and tell her that I’m bringing a big group with me.

Sylve: Does she…know?

Sage: About my true nature? Ehh, probably not the details, I’ve never told her directly, but she’s very insightful so she definitely knows I’m not human but not any paranormal she’s familiar with. I suspect she thinks me some kind of embodiment of nature?

Vapor: *Shrugs* Not too far off. We should probably know what we’re gonna order ahead of time so we don’t take to long.

Friend: Good idea. Sage, you have a picture or list of what’s on their menu?

Sage: On it! *She texts it to everyone*

[Oooo!]

(Sage : @sagehyperfixates Ivan & Caden : @the-belle-siblings Assistant & Alex : @evilassistantbutnotmean Cit. Vapor & Sylve : @vaporeon2010317)

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Funny thing based on a new fact I learned about.

Assistant: *Getting a tour of the archives* Sage, why do you have multiple greenhouses?

Sage: Hm? Oh, the first one is for leisure and the second one is for magical regents and extinct plants

Assistant: I’m sorry- Extinct?!

Sage: Yes. I personally don’t need it, but I’ve been growing a steady crop of silphium.

Assistant:…I’m a little afraid to ask, but what’s silphium?

Sage: An incredibly effective form of herbal birth control that the ancient Romans harvested out of extinction because it worked so well. I’ve been trying to bring it back.

Assistant: Wait- Seriously? That’s awesome!

[Huh, cool!]

(Assistant - @evilassistantbutnotmean Sage - @sagehyperfixates)

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

I hope so, I don’t know how much time I have left, the cut off my hair too Goonie, they cut me more when it grows back too fast, I can’t appease them

Please help me

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

They are hurtign me Goonie, so much

I don’t know where I am, there’s so window, no clock, nothing

Please help me

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Goonie, I think I’m dying. I’m being held at a place called the SCP foundation, they think I’m not sentient, Goonie, they think I can’t feel pain

Please help me

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Please help me

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

REMEMBER FIENDS!! ✨

Villains Gaslight,

Villains Girlboss,

but we do NOT gatekeep!!

Always remember to be welcoming and open to new villains! They’re doing their best and just need support!

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

@doctor-shay-d-guy

Clemont from Pokémon X and Y is a feral scientist

Requested by anonymous

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Ooc: Assistant redesign for post-foundation :]]]

@sagehyperfixates @sirlordevil @theboredgoon @vaporeon2010317 @deadless-corpse

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Ooc: YOOOO LETS GOOOO!!!!

GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM THE ANTIKEZAAHDUEH

OH MY GOSH, GOONIE!

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Ooc: WASSUP DUDE!!!

I’ve been back for roughly an hour it feels like I never left, I say, spamming old friends with asks and doomscrolling, not actually having had a single true interaction

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Ooc: GOONIE YOOO!!!

GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM THE ANTIKEZAAHDUEH

OH MY GOSH, GOONIE!

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Mhm, yeah

i am EVIL!!! no I don't want to join your found family please go away,,

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

It’s got a lot of Sam just being the creators interpretation of what alt girls are like, it’s got a bunch of moments that range from mildly embarrassing to Phantom Planet

i am EVIL!!! no I don't want to join your found family please go away,,

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Hey Ross, how are you uh- recovering from being vivisected?

lmao everything burns, they figured out iron is a bitch

[evilassistantbutnotmean]

Sir, to the Minecraft end with you /pos