ex-mutuals-document-aita

[ex-mutuals-document-aita]

After reblogging the additional information and reading through responses to the update, I realized some context on how I was brought up might add some insight as to why I reacted how I did.

My family is pretty conservative (by which I mean they watch Fox News all from around 6pm to 9pm, sometimes longer) and only trust news sourced from republicans. Additionally, I was raised Mormon, but stopped going to church at 12 or 13 (don't remember exactly). While I have managed to separate myself from this fairly well (obviously; aside from me writing NSFW fanfiction when I was 17 and continuing to do so now, I will not hesitate to fight with my family if I feel the need to defend myself), I think my reaction to this is evidence that I haven't separated myself from it completely, something I definitely wouldn't have realized had I not sent this in (which I was hesitant to do. I am incredibly happy that I did send this in, because I've actually done quite a bit of self reflection since it was posted and responses started coming in).

While I'm adding some additional context, I'll respond to this reply from venombiote.

I have attachment issues as a result of not having a lot of friends in real life, which is why I was trying to keep them close. I also had issues with school as a kid because of attachment to my dad, who was always either at work or at school (something I have come to realize I likely made worse by not wanting to go to school, as he would sleep while I was at school, probably so he'd have energy to spend time with me and my brother after school). I experience transphobia from my family as a result of the aforementioned "my family is conservative and Mormon" which, combined with my preexisting attachment issues, means I get easily attached to people who respect my preferred name and pronouns. My anxiety was that by voicing any concerns I had to these friends, I'd lose them, which is actually why I ended up leaving the friend group (I voiced a concern about a situation with one of our other mutuals and, due to paranoia because of a completely unrelated issue I was simultaneously experiencing, ended up paranoid about how they were responding to my concerns).

In hindsight this probably should've been added to the original additional info reblog but it's better to add it late than to never add it I guess.

I also don't have any plans on posting the document. I don't know if I ever would have, even if I hadn't sent in the ask. When I sent it in though, I genuinely thought that this group was dangerous, and I wouldn't have ever been able to realize that it's likely because of my upbringing that I have that mentality. At this point in time, I don't have reason to believe they're dangerous or anything of the sort anymore.

Also, to that one person claiming I'm just embarrassed about it, if that was the case, I wouldn't feel sick looking at that blog archive. I wouldn't feel sick coming across these former mutuals in the wild. I wouldn't feel sick thinking about this for too long. It legitimately traumatized me because of how I was raised (which just makes it even more fucked up frankly).

I am also planning to get therapy, but it's something I don't think will be helpful until I'm safely out of my current situation. My previous therapist tried to help me through trauma, but I would shut down every time. Because of this, I feel like therapy genuinely won't help me unless I'm out of my current situation.

@am-i-the-asshole-official

WIBTA if I made a document that publicly pointed out that my ex-mutuals (and former close friends) had NSFW discussions with minors (which included me at the time)?

TW for possible grooming; I'm not sure what criteria behavior has to meet to be grooming, but we'll get there when we get there.

I mainly feel like this is just petty because it happened back in 2021/2022, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to get some judgement for this. Also, to get this out of the way ahead of time, as far as I know nobody was baiting anyone; in fact I didn't realize that the behavior from my adult mutuals was probably not good until INCREDIBLY recently.

So for context, two years ago I (gender irrelevant, but I'm almost 20) had a fairly close-knit friend group. Mixed ages, but I believe the youngest was around 16. Oldest was mid-20s. When everything started, I was 17. My mental/emotional maturity isn't exactly that of a 20 year old, and my mental/emotional maturity at that age wasn't exactly that of a 17 year old. I very much act younger than I am sometimes, especially online. Additionally, I was open about my life at home not being great.

As an emotionally and mentally immature 17 year old, I would post NSFW in the form of text more than I should have (by which I mean I probably shouldn't have been doing it all at 17, at the very least not publicly where adults could find it). At the start I was pretty openly hesitant about it, but the adults in my mutual circle honestly kinda encouraged it? This eventually spread out, and my mutuals who were younger than me started joining in (and remember, these mutuals were 16-17, and the oldest adult in the mutual circle was mid-20s; before I get asked, I do believe the adults in the group were aware as most of the individuals in this mutual circle had either their age or their age range {ie, minor or adult} in their bios).

This experience, frankly predictably, caused a fuckton of damage to my moral view when it comes to this kind of stuff, by which I mean I've seen similar situations, saw people telling the younger person to get out, and thought "man I feel like they're overreacting" when they're obviously not. I don't know if desensitizing me to it was intentional or not, and that specifically is why I don't know if it qualifies as grooming (as I am unsure if grooming has to be intentional or not).

Seeing people interact with me then looking through their posts to find out they've interacted with the adults in this ex-friend group just puts a bad taste in my mouth, which again, is something I didn't realize the reasoning for until recently.

I just kinda feel like it'd be a dick move to make a document detailing things that happened 2 years ago, but at the same time someone in their mid-20s having and encouraging NSFW conversations with minors is something I think is worth pointing out. So WIBTA if I made a document detailing all this and posted it publicly?

What are these acronyms?

[ex-mutuals-document-aita]

Alright so I didn't want to add more information, just because this all happened on Tumblr and I don't know if anyone in the situation follows this blog (and I don't want them seeking me out because just looking back at my previous blog archive is something I don't like doing) and I personally find it gross for anyone in their mid-20s to be having NSFW conversations of any sort with 16-17 year olds. But I'm just gonna bite the bullet and add some more information.

This all happened in 2021/2022 in the Sonic fandom. The discussions ranged between suggestive and sexually explicit (both usually involving headcanons). I was absolutely encouraged, by a 26 year old when I was 17, to write and post NSFW fanfiction (sexually explicit which I openly posted about), and they helped me brainstorm for these fanfictions. I'm upset because there were also 16 year olds in this friend group who also participated in NSFW discussions. We all had our ages in our bios and I was incredibly open about it when I turned 18. I'm upset because in my eyes, the adults in the group knew our ages but didn't discourage us from posting sexually explicit text posts, and interacted with those posts themselves. When I say they "encouraged" it, I mean they both implied encouragement by not discouraging it, and they actually encouraged it by both saying so and interacting with the posts directly.

One of the issues here was social pressure. I had friends I didn't want to lose, so I did everything I could to keep them close. Part of this is because I didn't (and still don't) have a lot of friends in my real life, and my home life isn't great (especially when it comes to transphobia). I would get asks from my adult mutuals supporting me if I posted about experiencing transphobia, which made my attachment to them worse.

I initially sent this ask because I'd already started typing up a document just to get all my feelings on the situation out of my head and somewhere I could look at it (basically as a journal of sorts). As part of that document, I've been going through the archive of the blog I abandoned after having a falling out with those mutuals for reasons unrelated to this, and going through that blog archive is fucking nauseating. Just thinking about this for too long is nauseating and gives me a stomachache. Just logging into that account to download the archive (something I've had to do twice because I accidentally deleted the first one) fucks with me emotionally. I still plan to at least work on putting a document together to at least get my thoughts together, even if I never post it, for my own sake. Typing up a document is the easiest way for me to organize my thoughts, so that's what I'm doing by making the document.

@am-i-the-asshole-official

WIBTA if I made a document that publicly pointed out that my ex-mutuals (and former close friends) had NSFW discussions with minors (which included me at the time)?

TW for possible grooming; I'm not sure what criteria behavior has to meet to be grooming, but we'll get there when we get there.

I mainly feel like this is just petty because it happened back in 2021/2022, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to get some judgement for this. Also, to get this out of the way ahead of time, as far as I know nobody was baiting anyone; in fact I didn't realize that the behavior from my adult mutuals was probably not good until INCREDIBLY recently.

So for context, two years ago I (gender irrelevant, but I'm almost 20) had a fairly close-knit friend group. Mixed ages, but I believe the youngest was around 16. Oldest was mid-20s. When everything started, I was 17. My mental/emotional maturity isn't exactly that of a 20 year old, and my mental/emotional maturity at that age wasn't exactly that of a 17 year old. I very much act younger than I am sometimes, especially online. Additionally, I was open about my life at home not being great.

As an emotionally and mentally immature 17 year old, I would post NSFW in the form of text more than I should have (by which I mean I probably shouldn't have been doing it all at 17, at the very least not publicly where adults could find it). At the start I was pretty openly hesitant about it, but the adults in my mutual circle honestly kinda encouraged it? This eventually spread out, and my mutuals who were younger than me started joining in (and remember, these mutuals were 16-17, and the oldest adult in the mutual circle was mid-20s; before I get asked, I do believe the adults in the group were aware as most of the individuals in this mutual circle had either their age or their age range {ie, minor or adult} in their bios).

This experience, frankly predictably, caused a fuckton of damage to my moral view when it comes to this kind of stuff, by which I mean I've seen similar situations, saw people telling the younger person to get out, and thought "man I feel like they're overreacting" when they're obviously not. I don't know if desensitizing me to it was intentional or not, and that specifically is why I don't know if it qualifies as grooming (as I am unsure if grooming has to be intentional or not).

Seeing people interact with me then looking through their posts to find out they've interacted with the adults in this ex-friend group just puts a bad taste in my mouth, which again, is something I didn't realize the reasoning for until recently.

I just kinda feel like it'd be a dick move to make a document detailing things that happened 2 years ago, but at the same time someone in their mid-20s having and encouraging NSFW conversations with minors is something I think is worth pointing out. So WIBTA if I made a document detailing all this and posted it publicly?

What are these acronyms?