exclawshou

[exclawshou]

...Making sense of it all was like untangling a giant ball of yarn without scissors. As far as he could tell, the legalese inferred that there had never been any potential wrongdoings committed towards his person. No abuse. No coercion. No altercations. A dotted line beckoned for his signature on the final page. With a sweaty hand, he scribbled his name. No one here--his friends, his mentor, his leader--had ever held a gun to Teruki's head and asked him to do anything. Joining Claw had been his choice. The possibility that it could have been anything other than his free will had never even entered his head until now. And in the months to come, the thought would not let go...

Teruki's decision to join Claw wasn't initially a hard decision. It was more complicated. For the first time in his life, Teruki had friends, a mentor, and a new family who actually understood him. More than that, he was infatuated with the idea of becoming a stronger ESPer like he'd been promised. Being a part of a larger-than-life ideology made every single day worth living. He took the teachings imparted to heart, but being worthy of heaven wasn't so easy.

🔹️ Claw if it was a religious cult 🔹️

More context under the cut

In time, the organization crept into each and every aspect of Teruki's life. You couldn't miss lectures. You couldn't dress the way you wanted. You couldn't go anywhere without permission first.

Above all, you were to remain dedicated to a single man, and a single man alone could save you.

Of course, you didn't have to do any of the above. It was only highly encouraged to follow the expectations if the organization really meant that much to you. Not obeying would make The President very sad. And The President only wanted the best for you, after all...

To deny his leaders wishes was to deny himself.

----

Rebellion was brewing in Claw. Most members were ignorant to the politics happening in the upper echelon, or of Toichiro's loosening grip on the fringes of his massive organization. A contract to silence new converts had been devised up, though no such document would ever hold up in the court of law. It was this very contract that eventually led to Teruki's awakening. Coercion wasn't a word he would use to describe what had happened to him, at first... But eventually, he came to understand that he needed to leave. Somehow. Anyhow.

So, one evening in the middle of a winter storm on the outskirts of Seasoning City, Teruki Hanazawa found himself walking out of the local Claw headquarters without submitting his request for travel. He arrived home without a single personal belonging and took a long, hot shower before curling into bed.

Claw members wouldn't actually come after him, would they?

He'd been confident at first that he could simply leave and wash his hands of all the misdeeds he'd been witness to. Yet in the next few months of being free, in both nightmares and reality, they were there. Dark figures snatching at him with their eager claws, desperately trying to bring him back to The President...

Fighting back was the only thing left to do.

He became a ghost walking through life trapped in an incessant spiral of self-blame and rumination. Had it really been free will? Wasn't this all his fault, in the first place? Would he have to live in fear like this forever? Wouldn't it be easier to just...go back?

His parents couldn't know. He had no friends to talk to anymore. No mentor to guide him.

Without anyone left to confide in, paranoia and isolation swept through Teruki's life like a storm. The best he could do was get even stronger. Stronger than Claw. Stronger than The President. Stronger than anyone.

Hanazawa was smart, after all. He'd seen the entrails of their organization and lived to tell the tale. He'd fought off so many mindless followers and seen so much, that it had to all amount to something. It had to.

Eventually he came to believe that the meaning he had sought all along was closer than he'd realized; that maybe the meaning to life and its secrets were buried within himself, and himself alone.

[exclawshou]

"...Usually, this was a practiced routine. A few sessions of training each night had become a comforting game. Mr. Suzuki would dodge nearly all of Serizawa's attacks each time. His subordinate would put up a good fight before surrendering. And afterwards, both men would retreat back to their quarters, ready to do it all over again the following night. Not tonight. It was clear that Mr. Suzuki wanted to draw blood. Holding nothing back, his leader's dizzying blows brought Serizawa back to the harsh reality of his mistakes. He was an idiot for thinking that everything would be so easily forgiven. With every other strike, Serizawa stumbled or fell. Twenty minutes later, and Serizawa could barely stand, despite the President's commands to get up and face it. It was punishment. It was his punishment..."

🔹️ Claw if it was a religious high control group. 🔹️

Developing Serizawa and Shou as cult survivors.

More context under the cut

Serizawa takes on a lot of heat when he occasionally (and very meekly) stands up on behalf of Shou.

As Shou starts to rebel against his father's teachings, Serizawa starts covering Shou for slights here and there. He pretends to not notice when Shou sneaks out of his room to hang out with the local folks (outsiders). He even pretends to not hear as Shou engages in long conversations with his mom deep into the night (as Shou tries to convince his mom to re-convert to Claw).

When Shou realizes that he doesn't want to stay in Claw, his friendship with his dad's bodyguard becomes more tense. But, there is no talking Serizawa out of his sworn faith. If Serizawa's mother can't talk her son out of it, what hope does Shou have?

Despite his enduring loyalty, there's a conflict buried deep in Seri's heart when he sees the impossibly high standards that the President has for his son.

After the boy threatens to leave Claw forever, Serizawa and the Ultimate Five are sent on a mission to capture him before he successfully boards a plane back to Japan to stay with his mom.

Serizawa provides a distraction which allows Shou a narrow escape. But in that moment, Shou also offers Serizawa a choice between coming with him, or staying in Claw.

And so, Serizawa decides to stay.

[exclawshou]

From an early age, the President wasted no time in teaching his son about the differences between himself and the non-psychics. If psychics were the light, non-psychics were the darkness casting shadows in the night; an image which would come to dominate the lens through which Shou viewed the world.

🔹️Claw as a religious high control group, and developing Shou as a cult survivor 🔹️

More context under the cut

Growing up in Claw meant you were special. Regardless of ranking or strength, all members were witnesses in watching God's chosen guide usher in a new era of salvation...

I wanted to write a story in which Shou's belief system doesn't simply dissipate upon learning one horrible truth about Claw, and not even after learning many horrible truths. After all, the process isn't so easy for many people leaving abusive groups. So, I played around with the idea of shit having to get really bad for him to want to leave-- and it made sense to me for Shou to respond this way. After all, his own father would also be his own religious leader.

And even when his faith shatters, a lifetime of conditioning remains. Shou continues to struggle with familar narratives favoring black and white thinking, or overvaluing physical strength. More than anything, his belief in his dad is slowly replaced with a fevered faith in himself. Convinced that he's meant to stop his father, a thread of a plan is woven through the boy's head, spinning tendrils through his heart and twisting around his throat, and he becomes as certain as the shaking in his hands that stopping his father is his destiny, and only his alone.

[exclawshou]

Earlier this year, I finally passed writing 100 pages* on a fic in which I'd re-written Claw as a religious organization (a choice that I'm not 100% sure about and intended to tone down in subsequent drafts). Set before Toichiro's attempt at world domination, I was writing a gen fic mostly concerned with Shou's internal life, how he shed his faith gradually and the ripple effect that religious abuse left in his psyche.

I don't think i'll ever publish this fic, despite working on it for a whole year. Sure, it's just an initial draft and shitty writing was expected. But it was also just too heavy for me, too cathartic and embarassing. Too raw. Unpolished. An act of self-flagellation that I realized I simply couldn't post on the world wide web in its entirety.

And...being in Shou's head all the time meant I, too, was back in the pews of the horrific church I'd grown up in, kneeling on cold, hard tile, begging for spiritual awakening for hours, until I ceased feeling in my legs, rubbed my knees bloody, expelled the remnants of my voice in raw screams of humiliation, layers of spit caking my face and hair...

I don't think I'm ready to completely humiliate myself to a public audience in the same way nowadays BUT I also hold this fic close to my heart (its the longest thing I've ever written). If i can put ideas and art out there in a more casual way... then, I'll be happy. Especially after receiving some inspiration to do so from @little-seed I realized maybe it was time to do so (thank you!)

So! I'll be active here. And if anyone even read this far, thank you so very much for your interest~

[exclawshou]

Saturnino. He/they. Adult.

I like writing and drawing stuff.

Stuff you'll find on here:

🔹️Wheat or Chaff

A Mob Psycho 100 AU where Claw is a religious high control group or a cult. Ideologically, in Claw, Toichiro is considered God's only spokesperson on Earth. I explore the effects that being in a cult had on Shou and Serizawa in greater depth than what is explored in canon. While I stick to canon as much as possible for characters' personalities and arcs (with some differences here and there for sake of plot), I've added depth to the inner workings of Claw to make it seem more authentic to real cults.

🔹️I'll post MP100 artwork unrelated to my AU sometimes.

✨️

Please be mindful / respectful with my stuff that covers serious topics like abuse.

Thanks for looking at my work!