existenceisalot

[existenceisalot]

If you're having a private phone conversation with the phone off your ear, no headphones, and the speaker on in public, that's a public conversation now. That's an open invite, and I'm going to chime in if I have an opinion. This is now OUR disagreement about your boyfriend's spending habits.

[existenceisalot]

[existenceisalot]

Go sharty, it’s your squirt day

[existenceisalot]

Who The Heck Is “Suzy?”

This is an information post on the character of Suzy in Undertale. This post serves as a source for anything about the ‘Suzy’ character that we can gather at this time. 

There are lots of theories, but that’s not what this is for. I’ll try to keep even my personal opinions and theories to myself, and try to boil it down to the hard facts and give my best answer to the question: ‘Who the heck is “Suzy?”

Tl;dr: Nobody is really sure, but we have a few specifics.

The long answer is under the readmore, if you want to check it out.

Where Can I Find Suzy?

You can’t.

Even using the cheat engine to skip through all the unfinished rooms, even tearing the game apart with hacking tools and decompilers to look for their monster information, their obj_ files, their sprites … You can’t meet Suzy right now.

You just can’t.

Fun And The Clamgirl 

There is only one scenario where you can hear about Suzy. You hear about her secondhand from her ‘neighbor.’ We call this neighbor ‘clamgirl,’ because that’s the name of their sprite in the files. She never gives us her name and we have no better way to indicate her unless we say ‘that girl who talks about Suzy,’ and that’s a mouthful.

You meet clamgirl in the waterfall ‘safe’ area, in the section that leads to Gerson’s shop, Undyne’s house or the blook farms depending on what exit you take. There are a few conditions that need to be met before you can meet the clamgirl.

Your LOVE cannot be too high.

Your ‘fun’ value must be between 80 and 89.

When you start up a game of Undertale, or reset, your file is assigned a random ‘fun’ value. You can check this value in the .ini file, in the Undertale SAVE area.

When your fun value is between 80 and 89, either through luck or by manipulating the files (just changing the number in the .ini file is NOT enough) the clamgirl will appear, and you can talk to her.

Default Clamgirl Dialogue

When the game first came out, the clamgirl had a set of dialogue options, just like any other overworld NPC. Depending on circumstance, this dialogue changes. I have pictures of most of these, but some of them I do not, and I will have to resort to tearing the dialogue from the strings.

The first time you talk to the clamgirl, before you have finished the game, she says this:

If you talk to her again without leaving the room, she says this:

If you talk to her again after having killed Undyne, she says:

* I sense a disturbance in&  the nearby aura…/

* I think you should leave&  that girl alone./%%

If you talk to her after having completed the pacifist ending and having talked to her before:

If you go back and talk to her after beating the game on pacifist, without talking to her the first time, she says:

* I wanted to tell you about&  my neighbor’s daughter./

* But you walked right by me&  before I could tell you./

* Fate has decided that I&  should not tell you./%%

Patch 1.01 Dialogue

When Toby updated to patch 1.01, some of the clamgirl’s dialogue changed.

When you talk to the clamgirl a second time, an extra piece of dialogue is added to the clamgirl’s regular speech. 

The post-pacifist dialogue, where you spoke with her before and come back to speak again, changes slightly.

“Don’t Forget”

Starting with the 1.01 patch, there is a special picture in sans’ lab that you only see by fulfilling certain special conditions.

This condition for seeing this ‘don’t forget’ message is: having talked to the clamgirl.

What Do We Know About Suzy?

Suzy is a kid, about Frisks’ age.

They’re a girl.

They live in the capital, with at least one parent.

We never meet them over the course of our adventures. (aka, they are NOT monster kid, they are NOT a reincarnation of the yellow human SOUL in mettaton [if you’re one of the people who subscribe to that theory], or any other possible mistaken identity twist)

There is, if the clamgirl is to be trusted, some undefined ‘destiny’ that connects her to Frisk.

Somehow, speaking to the clamgirl who talks of nothing but Suzy, causes the ‘don’t forget’ event in sans’ lab.

Who The HECK Is Suzy?

Hell if I know. But whoever she is, she’s important.

SEPT 21st 2018 UPDATE:

In the Switch release of Undertale, the clamgirl’s post-pacifist scene changes drastically at ‘fun’ level 81.

In it, upon walking up to the clamgirl and talking to her, she turns gray and her sprite changes to something more sinister and strange-very similar to gaster followers or the goner kid-and the post-pacifist music cuts off. When the convo ends, she vanishes with the same sound effect that the ‘mysteryman,’ which you need fun value 66 to find in Waterfall does.

[existenceisalot]

[existenceisalot]

[existenceisalot]

most beautiful tweet in the world

[existenceisalot]

[existenceisalot]

They Call It A Blow Job But It's Mostly Sucking: New Scam?!

[existenceisalot]

[existenceisalot]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[existenceisalot]

when people ask me why i dress so feminine as a trans guy i have to delve into some long oral essay about how gender is abstract and complicated because people don’t like my ‘because it gives me a boner’ answer

[existenceisalot]

trying to break into the furry scene what do you guys think of my newest ocs

[existenceisalot]

Context is important! Pole and sex work are inextricably linked, but there are distinctions between them. Strippers made this hobby what it is, and taught me what I know, and while I haven’t lived that life, I’m honoured to stand on their shoulders.

I hear Patreon has cool stuff

[existenceisalot]

you ever have just like, a really bad idea

anyways if you like bad things here’s a postcard

[existenceisalot]

if i had a pussy i would put a right angle in that shit a few centimeters in. twistss and turns abound it becomes a labyrinth as you attempt to traverse deeper

[existenceisalot]