existential-nightmares

[existential-nightmares]

Hospital Socks

Forgot almost everything

Over the years

Building a monument

Out of my tears

Hollow and broken

Consumed by my fears

Preaching sobriety

Fell on deaf ears

Up to no good

But I’m doing it well

Know that I’m toxic

It’s not hard to tell

Kept getting higher

Each time that I fell

Hospital socks

Is the vibe that I sell

[existential-nightmares]

OOPS

They say I can’t hack it

They say I am worthless

They say I’m a faggot

Insults with a purpose ~ I’m an easy target

Heart worn on my sleeve

I won’t make it far

Get hurt since I’m naive

~ I’ll paint you a picture

You will tear it up

These tears forming a mixture

With the liquor in my cup

~ I’m just like that sunset

Watch me fade to black

Wake up in cold sweat

Anxiety attack

[existential-nightmares]

It hurts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hurts to be a burden

It hurts to be a burnout

One thing is for certain

I think it’s better if I’m left out

- It hurts to just remember

It hurts to want to change

Every day feels like December

Every thought I have is strange -

It hurts to know I’m not pretending

It hurts to know it’s for the best

I’m detached and condescending

I’m apathetic and depressed

-

It hurts to feel like this

Every day is the same

It hurts to feel washed up

Hanging my head in shame

It hurts to think about

Damage done to my name

It hurts to know I’ve got

Only myself to blame

[existential-nightmares]

📽: @dispost

🎶: epy - feel good inc

[existential-nightmares]

Silver spoon in your mouth

Silver knife in my back

Silver fork in the road

Needle in a haysack

Silver lined clouds

Rain on every parade

Fuck your flimsy facade

And half-hearted charades

Living in greyscale

I am only spilled ink

No one cares how you feel

Who could care what you think?

It’s the reason I hide

It’s the reason I drink

I’m an old rusted fence

Broke and missing a link

I understand why you left

Would have made the same choice

Spot your ghost in the mirror

I can still hear your voice

[existential-nightmares]

Apathy

Apathy is harder to cope with than depression When I was depressed, at least there was this passion within me Emotion that could in one way or another be concentrated and dealt with Now, I've become so empty and hopeless, so completely apathetic that I couldn't care less what happens to me I'm not sure whether I'll try to kill myself again, continue to wander in search of a purpose, or just go back to slowly drinking myself to death I can't even channel my feelings into anything constructive anymore so I haven't written any new songs or poems in what seems like forever The more I think about what I should do next, the more uncertain I am, and the more I despise every moment of consciousness I sleep until I cant keep my eyes shut, and then drink till I can fall asleep Eventually there will be a day where I won't wake up at all, I guess I'm just hoping that day comes soon...

[existential-nightmares]

December

Wake up to another sunset I'm devoid of any feeling Jealous of the chandelier Because it's hanging from the ceiling Hit the flask in isolation And pretend that I'm still healing Like the scars and burns and bruises That I'm tired of concealing If misery loves company Why am I still alone? Living life on borrowed time I've defaulted on the loan Sheltered by a house of glass As I cast another stone So I can find a jagged shard And separate my skin from bone

[existential-nightmares]

Toujours

Je ne sais pas ce que tu voudrais

Mais, quand le pleine lune brille

Sous le vaste ciel nocturne

Je me souviens de notre amour

Maintenant il est évident

Cet amour est non partagé

Malheureusement il ne disparaître pas

Toujours pas au courant de

Ce qu’il faut faire

Hélas je marcherai indéfiniment

dans l’ignorance de l’avenir

Votre beauté ne m’échappe

Comme je ferme mes yeux 

Pour la dernier fois

Je vous aimerai toujours

[existential-nightmares]

Parasite

I’m a jack of all trades

But a master of none

You’re the queen of spades

You’re the midnight sun

I’m an ingrown nail

My growth is your decay

I wish I cared enough

To make you wish I’d stay

I gotta feed the meter

With the hair of the dog

When my ride got towed

It was a twelve mile jog

Wish that I could lift you up

Every single time you fall

Tried to run before I walked

Guess I’d better learn to crawl

[existential-nightmares]

Bluebird

The trees from the Earth

Are hairs on your head

Like notes in a chord

Like you in my bed

Words curl from your lip

Like waves by the shore

Pulled knives from my back

Hollow to the core

Snow covered canvas

Barefoot

Alone

Forgiving yourself 

Like blood from a stone

Over your shoulder 

Crack in the road

Kissing the asphalt

Cracking the code

Mind is like jelly

Skin is the butter

Brain is an attic

I’m lost in the clutter

[existential-nightmares]

Perhaps

Perhaps I’ve given up on sobriety

Perhaps I have given up on happiness

Perhaps I’ve given up on finding a solution

Perhaps I’ve simply just... Given up

What does one do when one has nothing left to lose?

Where does one go when one is no longer being followed?

Perhaps it doesn’t matter

Perhaps this is it

Perhaps I’ve lost that last microscopic fragment of hope

That’s kept me pushing through every tough moment

Perhaps this is not an inherently bad thing

Perhaps it is even necessary

Perhaps I was never even meant to get this fair

Perhaps I won’t get much further

Perhaps I really am those things I always say I am

Perhaps I really am a snow covered tree branch

A misplaced puzzle piece

A parasite

An ingrown nail

A piece of driftwood

And a ghost

Perhaps my heart really is an empty lantern tin

Perhaps I really am barefoot on a snow covered canvas

And 

Perhaps the lack of footprints that I leave

Really does prove that I am indeed perpetually hollow

[existential-nightmares]

Apathy

Apathy you’re my best friend

Please stay with me until the end

The others left 

I was alone

I could not draw blood from a stone

Instead I drew blood from my wrist

I tied my arm off

Clenched my fist

I shot up first

Did not think twice

I closed my eyes and rolled the dice

Then one day you said to me

“You can’t feel pain if you’re empty”

Now I am hollow and content

With no ambition or intent

I’ve had no feelings since last year

And though I’d rather disappear 

I haven’t shed a single tear

I have no worries

Have no fear

Oh apathy I love you dear

Love how you whisper in my ear

“Always stay in solitude”

To apathy

My favorite mood

[existential-nightmares]

Flesh

I wish the warmth of your body could ignite a flame

Within the empty lantern tin that is my heart

Your hair brushes against my forehead

I run my hand along your silky smooth skin

I recognize the sensation brought along by this proximity

Familiar and comforting

Yet now far from elating

Bitter powders still hold a delicate grasp on my mind

A reminder that it is often SO much easier to pretend

I want so badly to find joy in the embrace of flesh

Though once I remove my hand and the contact is lost

The familiar wave of apathy washes away

One of the few remaining grains of hope 

Onto the beach of disappointment

[existential-nightmares]

Slipping

I think I’m running out of feelings I’ve been falling out of love I’ve been clawing at the ceiling Thought I’d never have enough

I’ve been drinking from your chalice I’ve been shoeless in the snow Consumed by fear and malice Thought I’d never let you go

I’ve been thinking of re-dosing How I wish I could concede If I cut myself wide open Darling would I even bleed?

[existential-nightmares]

Snow

I am a snow covered tree branch, bearing the terrible burden of upholding something more important than myself. I fear of snapping- not out of righteous self interest, but because if I were to concede, I would bring down with me the innocent snow, entirely undeserving of a premature destruction. When the world became too cold for the leaves that gave meaning to my existence, I was left naked and purposeless. Though however dull an apathetic life may be, apathy alone appears not to merit the desire for a departure from dismal days with no doubt that in death I am destined to be damned... Alas, the snow hast fallen upon my back and I have vowed to never let this delicate gift be the reason I allow my will to expire. No matter the weight I carry, I must never let the snow become aware of my devastating weakness, for the snow knows not of my past. The snow rested upon me in confidence, blissfully unaware that I was still mourning the loss of my leaves. Somehow, even in a horrible state of disrepair, I still appeared strong to the ever so naïve snow. A newly bestowed trust has been invested in me, and I mustn't forfeit to the stress that beckons my surrender; if I were to allow myself to collapse now, I would betray the snow, just as my precious leaves had failed me. Though I must cope with irreconcilable emptiness, I shall never forget this maxim: The day I am no longer able to support myself will be the day I become no better than the leaves which made my own existence hollow. Therefore, this day must never come. Though I may never again be truly happy myself, perhaps I can prevent the snow from ever knowing the agony of a miserable and hopeless life...

[existential-nightmares]

Driftwood

I'm a piece of driftwood Dragged along by the tide I'd love to destroy everything around me I'd love to watch the world go up in flames Humanity is cancer incarnate Narcissism deserves no sympathy GOD PLEASE Help me turn the other cheek Both sides are so bruised already At what point is it acceptable to give up? I'm a blackened matchstick Trying to light a fire within me My will is smoldering I need someone to breathe life into me I need an angel Am I a lost cause? If I could only combust spontaneously Potential energy lost to entropy I must have done something Terrible to deserve this agony For whatever grave sin that I'm guilty of I am sorry I surrender

[existential-nightmares]

https://soundcloud.com/suuuperguy/rough-start