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Nobody:

JD Vance:

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🛸 .。.:*°　🌙　•　　.°•　　🚀 ✯　.°• ★　*　　　°　　 .。.:*・°.　.°• 🛰 　°· 🪐.　 •　° 　 •  ☄ .。.:* ・°☆. •　.°•💫 .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

mutuals look we are in the planetarium together

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I went to bed and I woke up feeling well rested. this has never happened before what do I do

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So apparently Tumblr ate my original post about this but:

A couple weeks ago I’m going to get lunch and as I open the fridge, my mother attempts to communicate to me that any chicken currently in the fridge is ok for people to eat, because the chicken that was intended for the dog to eat has been used up.

What she actually says is, “That’s human chicken.”

After taking a minute to process all horrible implications of the phrase “human chicken”, I decide to go a different route and hold the tupperware of chicken out to my sister, saying, “Behold, a man!”

This was evidently the wrong choice, as it meant I had to explain to my parents who Diogenes was, thereby cementing the incident in their minds and leading to me, just now, opening the fridge to see the following incredibly cursed image:

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Happy freedom weekend to all who celebrate!

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Walter Melon

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Going into this bio exam knowing brown eyes are dominant, blue eyes are submissive, and that punettes are square. Wish me luck!

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I was about to make joke about how Tumblr doesn't declare many special daily observances mid week because there just aren't enough sex acts that start with "th", but before I could even reach the post button my brain immediately supplied "Thuck Her Dick Thurthday", and I'm not sure I'm going to recover from that one.

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I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health

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googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

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bisexuality will really creep up on you huh. one day you're just chillin and suddenly you're like oh my godddddd the other ones

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i wanna kiss u

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