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[exoloml]

I do not need a boyfriend. I need an opportunity to study neuroscience overseas.

[exoloml]

It won't be like a movie every day We'll argue and laugh together I'm not a perfect person, but If that person comes to me I'll do my best In every moment

An excerpt in D.O.'s new song My Dear English lyrics.

I always love the word intention.

It connotes and implies a well-thought-intended action. An informed decision and intended course of action based on foreseen outcomes; not on whims, not spur of the moment kind of thing, no pressure, and most importantly, not primarily driven by heightened emotion. Better than its synonym deliberate where the motivation behind the action is sometimes quite questionable and open for contention. This song reminds me of the notion of love. Contrary to what fairytales and tell tales of some people, love is not an emotion, but a decision and an action.

To love is a decision that one has to make and do. A thought carried and observed by one's action. "Love is as love does" as Scott Peck once said. Love is an act of will. As one foresees the future of love not being a bed of roses. An act to do one's best as it's intention to love despite it. Just like the lyrics. In Tagalog, mas masarap pakinggan na: Mahal kita. Pinili kitang mahalin. At pipiliin kitang mahalin.

[exoloml]

240329 2024 BAEKHYUN ASIA TOUR Lonsdaleite in SINGAPORE

[exoloml]

Hi, my love! <3

SEHUN 180728 SMTOWN Live in Osaka.

[exoloml]

Bad things at times, do happen to good people. 

Last 2020, since I was working on my graduate thesis, an opportunity opened for me to work and collaborate with women with trauma. In that opportunity, I encountered questions that, I myself, would never find the answer in books no matter how I read and study. At times, even introspection and experience may come up short. 

“Bakit ganun Mame, mali yung ginagawa ni Papa di ba? Bakit nya yun ginawa sa akin?” 

“Masama ba akong tao at nangyari saken to?”

“Ano bang ginawa kong mali?” 

“Bakit sa dinami dami ng tao, mas maraming masasama pa, pero bakit sa akin nangyari to?” 

I can only console them by giving some tissues and water, offer few taps on their shoulder, and a being sharing a presence in their already occupied space. 

With no definite answers to such questions, I let time and silence take their course while those questions still linger in my mind with a little hope that time can reveal the answers someday. 

Figuratively, father time answered. Subtle and still considered vague, but it offers a piece of peace. An irony of life.

An irony of life that hopes to offer a piece of peace. Even just a little.

[exoloml]

One time in Kaohsiung.

Story time.

While I was traveling back to Kaohsiung from Kenting, I had a hard time finding a bus to go back to Kaohsiung proper. Roughly 2 hours away from Kaohsiung, I really wanted to go home since it was almost evening already (4PM-ish), I had to catch another ride of the subway to my place, and I was traveling alone. Lakas ng loob is the key pag mag-isa kang magtra-travel. Luckily, one bus, even though it was full decked already and despite the language barrier, let me hop onto the bus and made me sit in the very front just beside the driver seat with a safe small space between us.

In the midst of the travel, he noticed I was slightly shivering and adjusted the AC temp. He offered me some snacks, asked if I had water, and emphasized to me how beautiful the scenery right before our eyes through one to two English words that he knew backed up with facial nuances for the message to come across.

The ride was long but serene. When we reached the final stop, before I hopped off the bus, I showed him my phone so he could see the translation of the message that I wanted to say. Then he said, in the best of his capacity to communicate in a way that I can understand,

“Be happy. Everyday” while showing his best smile to me. I bid goodbye and thanked him again, one last time.

Sir, I will. To the best of my capacity, I will.

I celebrated and officially closed my master’s degree journey with meaningful and unforgettable experiences in Taiwan. :)