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dude…. its been two months since ive been officially taking my meds. i’ve barely been eating. ive gone days without it. my roommate told me my face is looking skinnier. i thought my stomach went down. but when i went to the doctor yesterday and i looked at the scale I HAVENT GONE DOWN A SINGLEEEEE POUNDDDDD.

why is my life like this? it’s gonna be warm out soon and i’m still this disgusting fat fucking troll. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i’ve been working out, eating less, hella cardio and yet nothing. i just dont understand why i haven’t even gone down a SINGLE pound…

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god….. i’m still so disgusting. i was supposed to be nearing 170 right now AND I KNOW IM NOWHERE CLOSEEEEE i can’t even bring myself to step on the scale because i know im going to be so disappointed…. i’m pretty sure i gained weight…. maybe i should go step on the scale so i can hate myself and hopefully that will motivate me to actually reach my fucking goals. every time i look in the mirror and see my fat fucking thighs and my disgusting fucking stomach i just want to die…. i can literally feel my back rolls when i walk….

thankfully im working now so i am constantly walking around and barely eating so i’m hoping this gets me back in order. i stopped taking my meds so i could donate plasma but i got a tattoo so i can’t donate anymore and can start taking them again but for some reason i haven’t. i think i’m nervous ab getting used to them again but i can’t reach my goals if i’m still feeling hunger cues. eating less isn’t gonna do anything i need to not consume anything at all and to do that i need to start taking them. i’m gonna start tomorrow i promise. i need to stop putting it off.

my legs and even my fucking calves and SHINS have cellulite like do you understand how fucking FAT you have to be to have cellulite on your SHINS??????? JESUS FUCKING CHRISTTTTTT dont even get me started on my midsection like that alone could make me want to die. i don’t even have morning skinny anymore….. my butt looks so disgusting and fat in a bad way. my arms are fucking massive but atleast i can hide that in my sleeves… but even then my sleeves have been getting tight so that’s another thing. i have this huge fucking double chin that i just dont understand how anyone could be attracted to me. thats probably why no one flirts or talks to me. like i’m literally back to being the fat friend. i can’t even go out because i just look so disgusting in my clothes. i hate going to the gym bc i just look like the fat bitch at the gym but i need to keep going so that i can eventually be the sexy fitness chick. my collarbones are completely enveloped in my body. i just dont understand how i can hate myself so much yet i don’t do anything to change it. well fuck that. its getting warm out and i can’t even wear a reasonably fitted shirt let alone fucking shorts. my roommate was talking about going tanning the other day and i deadass almost had a seizure just thinking about how much of a fat fucking beached whale i would look laying there for everyone to see…

the only good part about me right now is that i’m always going to be beautiful in the face… even then my double chin is ruining that. ive been going to the gym for the past two days so here’s to staying on track with that.

i haven’t had a lay since december and i’m def feeling it lmfaooo but my shame is stronger than my horniness. i can barely stand to touch myself because i just imagine what a fucking whale i must look like laying on my back. theres a cute guy at my job who literally lives in my building and i cant even make a fucking move because i am so disgusting i can’t handle him finding out im actually disgusting

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this is my kind of th1nsp0-

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i’m about to lose it…… I JUST KEEP GAINING MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE WEIGHT ITS DISGUSTING IM DISGUSTING I DESERVE TO ROT THERES NO HOLE ON EARTH BIG ENOUGH TO FIT MY GINORMOUS ASS I CANT KEEP DOING THIS

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do you want to reach your goals or do you want to continue longing after something you could have if you just stayed focused and consistent?

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the disordered urge to refuse to see anyone until i drop a shocking amount of weight

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i feel like i'm not desperate enough

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𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗉 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗉𝖾𝗈𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌

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the disordered urge to refuse to see anyone until i drop a shocking amount of weight

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do you ever feel embarrassed to be in your own skin like please just dont look at me i wish i didnt exist sometimes like i want to disappear because i cannot handle being me 

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sorry for eating that wasnt very i’m willing to do whatever it takes to reach my ugw of me

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me @ me: losing weight is literally not that hard u just have no discipline and it's embarrassing

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to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

to be the skinny friend

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sommer.swim

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by @badboi