exvangelical-ramblings

[exvangelical-ramblings]

I’m still spending thinking about the Bible fanfic TV show, and someone just talked about how they demolished Wiccan ritual sites as a high schooler……. Why…. why am I here?

Not me sitting in a Bible study that’s devolving into discussing how Daniel 10 is the basis for all Christian lore on spiritual warfare while I silently sit considering how to apply this to potential Supernatural fanfiction…

Like when did Gabriel make that deal with Loki? Who was tempting Jesus in the desert or talking to Chuck about Job if Lucifer was in the Cage? I’m gonna end up writing about this now…

[exvangelical-ramblings]

Not me sitting in a Bible study that’s devolving into discussing how Daniel 10 is the basis for all Christian lore on spiritual warfare while I silently sit considering how to apply this to potential Supernatural fanfiction…

Like when did Gabriel make that deal with Loki? Who was tempting Jesus in the desert or talking to Chuck about Job if Lucifer was in the Cage? I’m gonna end up writing about this now…

[exvangelical-ramblings]

Why did my brain read this in a Biblical canon sense time…

Like please, picking and choosing which parts of canon they like and dislike are why Christian denominations are like that.

"you can't pick and choose what you like from canon" common misconception! yes you can

[exvangelical-ramblings]

[exvangelical-ramblings]

Big day for deranged evangelical freaks

[exvangelical-ramblings]

I think we need to appreciate this part of Brennan Lee Mulligan's WIRED interview a lot more:

"The evangelical right in this country needs to manufacture outrage to hold onto its voting block. [The satanic panic about DnD] was arbitrary, as the targets of their outrage always are. Fight the power."

[exvangelical-ramblings]

I’ve been listening to Michael John Trotta’s Dies Irae setting for reasons, and the ending portion just goes so hard. I need more choral music that I can lightly headbang to with Latin text about the world ending. Or just intense Latin in general. It’s fun to sing in a very unique way.

[exvangelical-ramblings]

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that despite how I’ve really no clue where my actual religious beliefs lie anymore outside of “the Bible is flawed but Jesus said some good stuff”, I’m still very culturally Christian in a lot of ways. Like I’ve thrown purity culture in the trash and dress fairly alt on many days, but I still feel really bad about lying in a way my atheist friends don’t seem to? It’s just weird that I’m now stuck with the lifelong effects of being raised in evangelical. Like hearing certain songs deals me psychic damage but I could probably still do at least some of the weird hand motions to some of them… And I was so sheltered for so long that I’ve just got no clue what’s considered normal childhood or normal schooling amongst my peers… It just seems like everyone I meet who grew up in progressive Christianity instead of the conservative hellscape I experienced is more well adjusted human being…

[exvangelical-ramblings]

"Christ on a cracker" well actually I think you'll find Christ is the cracker. And also the wine. But you wouldn't know that you fucking protestant heathen

[exvangelical-ramblings]

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

[exvangelical-ramblings]

No matter how progressive or well-read you are, there are always going to be moments in your life where somebody pushes back against something that's so culturally ingrained you never even considered it before. And you'll say "Huh, it never occurred to me to challenge this but you're right" and that doesn't mean you were "morally toxic" before, it means you're a non-omniscient human capable of growth.

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I genuinely think there was no greater insight into the modern Christian mindset than when the Pope said he very much hoped Hell was empty and he was absolutely hounded by both Catholics and Protestants outraged at the idea of a man who wanted a place of infinite suffering to have nobody in it.

[exvangelical-ramblings]

I’m turning 27 this week, and it’s got me reflecting on how much I’ve changed as a person over the last 10 years.

At age 17, I was constantly surrounded by family that thought abortion was murder, being queer was a sin, and even some who thought Obama wasn’t born in the US. My grandparents certainly still believe those things, but after I went to college and actually got to know the people I’d been taught to judge, I’ve been slowly dragging the rest of my family towards more progressive beliefs.

At age 17, I thought I was a bad Christian because I couldn’t pray in tongues or hear God speaking to me. Now I think most people who speak in tongues probably don’t really follow the Christ’s teachings in the gospels. Instead, they mostly spread hate and fear under the guise of love.

At age 17, I don’t think I’d ever really heard of asexuality or aromanticism. Then when I was 19, I began to realize to realize I was asexual, and it scared me because I felt I had to be straight. I didn’t even begin to accept my aceness until I was 21, and I think I felt some level of guilt about being aro ace until I began coming out at age 24.

At age 17, I was in the midst of maybe my worst year of high school. In fact, most of that year is a blur at this point. My classical Christian school wanted us to be right-wing thought leaders, and I just wanted to be a scientist. Now I’m desperately working to finish graduate school to be a PhD level scientist like 17 year old me wanted. Earning that sweet, sweet gender neutral title in what has overall been a painful experience.

At age 17, a mom leading a devotional for my Christian, youth musical theatre rehearsal said something that I still think about to this day. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, but if you hate yourself, how are you ever going to be able to love your neighbor? And I think maybe part of the problem with evangelicals at large is that they’re taught to hate themselves. Even if they don’t realize it, they project that hate outward as a sad and damaging attempt to make themselves feel better.

At my current – very progressive – church, there are several elderly couples who left evangelicalism much later in life than me. It makes me glad I got out when I did, but it also gives me hope that others can have that change of heart and become a radical force for good in their communities.

[exvangelical-ramblings]

anyone who says “the bible is clear” about an issue, is 100% of the time wrong. the bible wasnt clear once. the bible couldnt be clear about how to make a table if it came in an ikea box

[exvangelical-ramblings]

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[exvangelical-ramblings]

mercy seems like a long shot here, so my prayer for inauguration day 2025: may they be incompetent. may they just be really bad at implementation. may their egos choke their effectiveness. may they drown themselves week by week with infighting and selfish posturing. may they be easily distracted. may the very governors and senators and agencies and religious leaders that the new administration expects to be friendly force endless stalemates to preserve their own power. may every delay turn into a three ring blame circus so chaotic that no one remembers what they were doing. may the good and necessary parts of government be too boring to draw attention and keep running quietly in the background. may the next four years be full of sound and fury and signify nothing.

[exvangelical-ramblings]

I sing in my church's choir, and today's anthem was "He Never Failed Me Yet" by Robert Ray. And here's the thing, it was a great time to sing, but afterward, I was absolutely crashing out during the sermon. The central theme of the song is "I'm gonna keep trusting God because he's never failed me thus far", but there I was sitting in church, surrounded by people who genuinely care about the well being of all people across this planet, as my amazing genderfluid, sapphic pastor was preaching on Jesus's first miracle at the wedding in Cana and MLK Jr Day being tomorrow, and the message just didn't resonate. Because tomorrow is also Trump's inauguration, and I just kept thinking about the TikTok ban (at that point it was either still dark or I hadn't realized it was back) and how fascist this country is right now.

Like we just vamped for who knows how many repeats about God has never failed us, but if there is a God out there who cares why is Trump president again. And that's when I had the terrible, terrible thought that most Christians in this country are happy about that fact. Hell, when Obama got reelected I remember being sad (and also confused by the electoral college) because I was being told by the adults in my life that he was bad, that he hated Christians and wanted to "kill babies". And there are many, many people in this country that believe the same of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. People who are now happy that a tyrant will be back in the Oval Office. And it just hurts, because those people have got that they wanted. Those people ostensibly pray to the same God that the members of my church do, yet they don't actually love their neighbor. They're the people who hear the Beatitudes and say "keep that socialism out of my church". I want to live in a country where everyone is fed and housed. Where our government provides for those in need and no one is allowed to hoard obscene amounts of wealth. Instead, people who claim to follow a man who preached those values are celebrating a man who only wants to make himself richer regardless of how it hurts those he deems as beneath him.