fabledchaosposts - Tumblr blog

[fabledchaosposts]

I tell you I'm hard to love, and you never believed it until..

you saw me drown in crescentic falls of utter hatred; you felt the drips of angst rushing down the palm of my sweaty hand as you tried to caress my anxiety away; you observed every inch quiver to the intimacy you tried to show; you saw me surrender to the power of your eye contact, knowing it was shielded with fear of your realization to my flaws; you watched me love you a bit too deeply, for I only ever knew abandonment and misery; you reassured my restless nights, constantly repeating the words i've said out loud; you washed my insecurities off with the waters of your offered passion; you glanced at my continuous shirt pulling -white was never my color- i do not romanticize my curves; you watched me cry at my cellulite -an attempted suicide- i could never see what you saw in me; you wanted to outline a silhouette of us across my inner thighs -my stretch marks are not framed art- my frailty is an intoxicated muffled scream. you never believed it until you received the same set of questions every night before bed -was i good enough, or will i ever be- "yes" seemed too vague, and "no" would've been a heartache; words of affirmation no longer served my solicitude any seconds of tranquility, for you started to see in me what i saw in the mirror; and that was the scariest thing of it all.

-fabledchaos

[fabledchaosposts]

•The Summer It All Changed•

An impetuous crash traced the narrow pathways to my system and suffocated me with a bittersweet reality pill; healing was always a part of my journey, but letting you go never crossed my mind. One step forward meant a million memories backwards, all of them intertwined with the mere image of me and you. I came back to poetry, because ever since you left, it's where my heart felt brave enough to hide the dents. If eyes could speak, mine would cry you a river to find your solemn way back to me and wipe the infinite heartaches. you called my words "your peace of art", and I couldn't ever put my pen down after that. i vowed to be your serenity as you folded your fingertips into the palm of my hand, and traced our ever afters across my cheekbones. My poetry will live on, longer than our love cassette ever did but it'll only ever be drafted under your name. As i stare at the wrinkled corners of your handwritten confessions, i bleed at the passing thought of losing a soul i've dedicated myself to. Bit by bit, the reflection of who i'm supposed to be becomes clearer, the only difference now is, you're not here to witness how i heal my wounded fragments. you're solely a bystander who holds my heart hostage.

-fabledchaos

[fabledchaosposts]

When your heavenly ocean eyes come across this, I’m hoping you’d pause life for a second and riffle through my use of vocabulary that’ll eternally founder at the defeat of my thoughts of you. A glimpse of the near future barricaded a present pleasure of your love for it thwarted my way of reaching into your arms and caressing life’s most precious blessings. I was embarking upon a journey of self-discovery when I stumbled across your name and wanted to get lost. Every part of me calls out your name and it shall forever yearn for the care you’ve showed me in no time. Thank you for the very few days that truly manifested what it feels like to be loved, sleeping with a heart that sinks in tranquility and waking up knowing something’s waiting for you at the end of the line. You may never read this but my ink will bleed till the day you come back to me, and mark your territory; the home you truly belong to. I have to grasp in reality and accept that I’ll never get to hold your heart, but maybe in an alternate universe, I’ll dance with your soul and fall in love freely. You’ll always be my diamond in the rough.

-My Naked Truth Pt. 1

[fabledchaosposts]

Do you ever feel like you're cornered in a vacant place yet your thoughts are your loudest companion? I know how you're feeling and it's not easy, it's not supposed to be. You're in a warfare with what your past left and what your future has in store. Your mind keeps rushing into the worst scenarios and you try to battle the nugatory out of that place. Seeking peace within yourself isn't as facile as we believe. It takes a lot of effort to get to a point where you don't have to fight the criminals of your positive side. Searching for inner peace means chasing happiness even if it's miles away, it means running from a mind that haunts you. With a noise so disturbing, it's always going to be a rocky journey but it's all expedient. Drive off to a land where no toxicity is welcome, a place where only you and your thoughts can rest. I know it seems futile now, but in a few months, you'll thank yourself for leaving the corruption behind. To find serenity is to let go of all that worries you. Let go of everything that keeps you up at night, and the reason behind your constant overthinking. Letting go is being assured it won't be an easy step but knowing your placidity waits at the end of the line. You'll feel peaceful once you focus on who you are and what you want in life rather than how to please everyone else. The tranquility will strike once you look the negativity in its eyes and never let it in. Do it now before it consumes you and eats you whole. Do it now before you regret the calamity you missed in your years. -fabledchaos

-fabledchaos

[fabledchaosposts]

I need you to know that it's okay if you're not feeling your best on a Friday night. It's not a big deal if you didn't go out because you weren't feeling it. It's okay that you're not always positive and you're struggling to find motivation. You need to tell yourself that it's okay to not be okay. When you're at your worst, and there's no one you want to talk to, it's okay to enjoy your lonesome. It's okay that you ended a relationship because your prioritized your happiness, and that you started putting yourself first before anyone else. It's okay that you tend to distance yourself when things get hard. I need you to know that you're not a bad person, and you deserve the love you selflessly give others. I need you to know that you're doing great, you're trying your best to get back up everytime something knocks you down. You're taping your own scars back everytime someone wounds you, and that's something you should be proud of. I want you to know that it's okay you haven't done everything you wanted to yet because life gets in the way sometimes. It's okay that you're lost, and haven't yet found a purpose or a goal. You're not a bad person if you go through breakdowns sometimes, and some days find it hard to get out of bed. You're not a bad person if you're not loving the reflection in the mirror, and you're suffering on your own. It's okay that you don't have it all figured it out yet, because you will. Every day that you live and find a way to keep yourself going and not give up, you're doing more than enough. Trust the timing, it won't let you down.

-fabledchaos