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Week 4 Sculpture:

This piece is one I have made to represent isolation and segregation of individuals with disabilities. It’s the, I’m surrounded by other humans, but I’ve never felt more alone piece. The if we’re all the same inside, why do I feel so alone, different and outcasted piece. It’s the I don’t get to have friends as a child piece. The I don’t run around outside, or go to zoo like the other kids piece. It’s the segregation of race in public schools and institutions has been outlawed for years but somehow it’s encouraged to send the disabled somewhere separate piece. It’s my I have had my rights to decide taken away form me piece. It’s the it seems like my own family doesn’t want me here piece. It’s my how on earth is it okay to treat people this way piece. It’s my I’ll never be like them no matter how much and I want to, and no matter how much I believe I am piece. It’s the please stop starring at me piece. It’s the I have been taken advantage of in every way I can piece. It’s the I’ve been raped without consequence piece. It’s my no I don’t need your help, I need your fucking respect piece. My take me out of the box and see me for who I am piece. It’s my disability doesn’t define me piece. It’s my put me in a mental health institution because I want to end it all piece. This is my sculpture piece. My based off of Robert Martin piece. My stop taking advantage of people piece. My heartbreak piece. My empathy piece. My longing to understand piece. 

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Invisible Disability in College Photo series Part 3. 

(Click the photos to see the captions.)

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Invisible Disability in College Photo Series pt. 2

(Click the photos to see the captions.)

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Week 3: Having an invisible disability in college photo series part 1. 

(Click the photos to see the captions.)

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Expert Level Week 2 Quest: The Disabilities Rights Movement 

Art Explanation:

For this piece, I recreated a protest sign used in the Disabilities Rights Movements and covered it with many key events. 

Starting at the top of the piece, you’ll see Berkley California, the site of the first Independent Living Center for the disabled. In the fingers of the fist you’ll notice the text is many of the acts that fueled the eventual signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act. From Brown vs Board of Education to the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. This text is surrounded by words central to the fight, like Independence, Discrimination, and Accessibility. 

Moving down the piece you’ll see Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the first United States president with a serious physical disability. During his first term the League of the Physically Handicapped was established and was used to protest on behalf of those with disabilities. The Basketball represents the first wheelchair basketball league established in 1949 for WWII veterans that had returned disabled. You’ll notice the universal symbol for handicapped, with the date the wheelchair was built inside. To the left, a transit map of our own city Denver, CO where many protests, and forces were fought to ensure accessible public transportation for the disabled.

Finally, we have Ronald Reagan, the era where the disabled were forced to fight their hardest battle against a presidency loaded down with ignorance, supremacy, and a lack of empathy for it’s citizens. 

At last, the bottom of the piece shows the signing of the ADA by president George Bush on July 26th, 1990.  

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Week 1 Quest: Giving Voice, a  Disability Monologue

Expert Level Quest

What is it like having a disability? I can’t speak for everyone, or really anyone but myself. For me, my disability is a constant battle, one I fight everyday, one that interferes with my identity, my confidence, and my efficiency. It’s so incredibly confusing and often leaves me hopeless and afraid. I really don’t know where to begin. Disability comes in many different types, it has many forms, and even the seemingly formless. My disability is one of those formless kinds, invisible disability as some may say. Meaning, that looking at me you’d never guess I had something wrong with me. Only yourself, or the people closest to you, or the people that witness it’s symptoms first hand can recognize. I say people closest to you but realistically most of us with this disability don’t let anyone close to us, well at least I don’t. I am grateful I have not lived my whole life with this disability, although teaching an old dog new tricks, and learning to manage this has been the most difficult task of my life thus far. I just realized I am talking about this so mysteriously and still haven’t told you what’s wrong here. So, When I was 19 years old, a freshman in college, I was diagnosed with Severe Panic and Anxiety Disorder, and told I am also “Clinically Depressed” after attempting to take my own life. They told me that this sudden switch in my brain function is most likely a result of having about 8 concussions growing up as well as a relatively fucked up family dynamic. Quite frankly, I don’t really care where it’s coming from or why it’s happening, I am more concerned with my ability to function and live. I know what many of you are thinking, anxiety and depression are not disabilities, and before my life was in shambles, I would have probably agreed with you. It took a long line of therapists referring me to the Disabilities Services Program director and a nice long meeting with her for me to understand fully how and why I now have a disability, and why it’s okay to get help for it. It sounds like a nice casual conversation, but in reality I was sobbing and telling her how I was completely hopeless and felt like I couldn’t make it through the quarter, while she hugged me and told me that I wasn’t alone and that everything would be okay (by the way, that rarely ever helps, but she tried). Anyways, yeah having a disability in college is a fucking nightmare, and I’ll tell you kind of what I told her about why. If you can’t already, try to imagine having a full schedule, homework, debt, a job, and literally no motivation to address any of it. No motivation to get out of bed, almost a fear of getting out of bed. No I don’t mean I’m lazy and tired and can’t get up or don’t want to. I mean I would actually literally rather die then get out of this bed and be a functioning member of society today. Okay, now imagine that you actually can get out of bed by the grace of fucking god. You get yourself presentable and out the door. But then you put one foot on campus and you’re immediately and incredibly overwhelmed, insecure, and anxious and all of the shit you haven’t been doing since you’ve been a depressed, sad, bitch. Once again you would literally rather die then have to go to class and face the professor you’ve been blowing off talking too. For the sake of my explanation, let’s say I actually make it to class, by the time I walk in the door, I’ve now been in a full blown panic attack for about ten minutes. Imagine your heart is pounding so much that it hurts, that your adrenaline levels are so high that all of the muscles in your body are constricting, you can’t breathe because your chest is so tight, all of your blood has rushed to your center because your body is like what the fuck is going on so your hands, feet, arms, legs, face start to go numb and tingle. Your stomach is flipped upside down, you’re either going to vomit or shit yourself. All you can think about is “Oh my god, I’m going to die.” Wondering if anyone else in the class can tell you’re about to die, and wondering what their all going to say or do when I get carried out of Sturm Hall on a god damn stretcher. Oh and you have noooooooooo fucking clue what the professor is saying because the voices in your head are plenty loud enough to make the concept of actually learning something here so far fetched. Eventually you’re like I don’t want to die in here, so you get up, walk home, let the rest of the panic attack consume you in the comfort of your bed, and start it all over again tomorrow :-)

Oh and another fun part about all of this, is no one in your family fucking gets it. They act absolutely dumbfounded, and are quite frankly huge dicks when I end up in mental hospitals. They’re like “oh why don’t you just do what makes you happy?”, “why don’t you take one less class?”, “why would you ever want to kill yourself?”, “don’t you think this is a little selfish?” Like what???? So yeah I leave the hospital and start doing a little better, just recently got OK grades and sent it to my family group chat. My sister goes “I wonder if OSU had programs like the one you get to have special treatment.” I’m like wow you’re kidding me right now right? OK bitch. I sometimes wonder if my disability took more physical form, you know besides the panic attacks, the eating disorder, and self harm, if they would maybe attempt to understand but I doubt it, and I feel like that’s something most people with a disability can relate on, no one fucking gets it except for yourself, which is rather frustrating. Okay yeah that should do it for now. 

Oh yeah, and this fictional disabled character, is me, a pretty non-fiction creature that lives this life, in this world. 

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Character Profile

Gayatri: from the Buddhist Gayatri Yantra, This symbol represents the illumined mind and far-sighted wisdom. The words and sounds of the Gayatri Mantra comprise the most powerful of Vedic affirmations. using this symbol removes the possibility of making wrong choices in life by empowering all truth. It ocalizes complex and cosmic wisdom about all earth elements, plants, trees, animals, insects, fishes and birds, making an understanding of the whole life creation.

I have chosen to identify with two character classes, the face and the paladin.

“The Face is a master of understanding the “why” of a particular act. They understand how communication can create particular behaviors and are deft at creating messages that get people to do what they want (and generally be happy about it). The Face is a master strategist and can also create plans that allow larger organizations to roll out changes, or in getting people to all agree.”

“The Paladins are champions of justice. For the Paladin, diversity is important as meaning is made culturally and can change over time. Paladins are natural explorers and understands that the people they engage with are often products of their environment. Paladins love to explore people and what makes them tick.”

As a student of Critical Social theory as well as international and political theory, I spend my time searching for the whys of the world. At the core of social theory is how people communicate with those around them and how those systems are affected by the communication of the past, present and future. My goals in life align with the Face ideal of getting people to agree in order to roll out changes. I currently hold a job with a non-profit for preventing sexual assault and rape. My job is very centered around gathering supporters. I hope to take this experiences into politics as I grow older.

Going off of that ideal, I seek justice in these spheres as the Paladin does. I understand, appreciate, and seek to raise up the voices of those that otherwise may not be heard. I see the most value in an experience that gets all people involved and I seek to promote diversity in my communities. At a school like the University of Denver, it is so inherently clear that we are all products of our environments and I seek to do all that I can to change that into an environment of inclusivity, where people that come from an extreme lack of diversity can begin to embrace and learn from each other’s differences.

On an individual level, I identify greatly with the weaknesses of the Face. I seek so much rationality in an irrational world that when things don’t turn out in the ways that I had expected or wanted them too I struggle a lot with coming to terms with the alternative outcome. Like the Paladin, I am such a social constructionist and will always seek to understand the reasoning of why people are the way that they are and why they do what they do. A strength of mine that can lead to a weakness when I am unable to understand or rationalize these “whys”.

Professionally, I align more with the potential careers of the Paladin, I see myself in a position that is diversity based, as well as possessing leadership qualities. The education-based administration really sticks out to me. I have studied a lot of critical social theories as it pertains to education, so perhaps that would be an ideal career for me moving forward.