fae-vixen - Tumblr blog

[fae-vixen]

Hey girl… I mean they,

I lost my name, may I have yours?

Sincerely the Fey

[fae-vixen]

Annie Stegg Gerard  -- The Oak Tree Fae

[fae-vixen]

Happy Equinox 🍂🍁🍄‍🟫

[fae-vixen]

Life as a Disabled Alterhuman

Let's talk about being alterhuman without being able bodied.

If you've never met me before, i'm a werewolf. I use the label of psychological otherkin, but nowdays I mostly just say alterhuman.

A lot of individuals in the community can relate to wanting to spend time in their natural ecosystem or habitat. Some of them don't live in a country where that habitat even exists.

Conceptually, I'm lucky. I'm surrounded by nature reserves that are an hour away at most. Some are much closer.

Every part of me wants to be out there, in the trees and bushes and soil, every week. I'm sure some of us ARE out there every week based on some of the responses I've gotten on my posts.

I can't be.

I'm chronically ill. Partly from birth, partly acquired later in life. My mobility is limited by my threshold for suffering. The more I move, the more i'll have to pay for it later. And those debts don't have an upper limit.

I would love to prioritise letting my animal out more, being in nature more, travelling more. Hell- even running. But not only would doing that wreck me over and over again, it would make it impossible for me to meet the demands and responsibilities of my human life.

As a werewolf, there's an internal pull towards more feral behaviour and imagery. But my chronic illness requires constant upkeep, constant maintenance. My wellbeing depends on frequent visits to professionals.

I've always dreamed of running off to a cabin in the woods. I'm sure many of you have. But it's patently impossible for someone like me, who relies so heavily on human healthcare to survive.

The truth is I wouldn't be able to function without humans to look after me. And I have responsibilities that come before my desires for freedom.

None of this stuff makes me any less of an alterhuman. Makes me any less of a werewolf. All of these smaller restrictions do add up to a certain kind of distance from the "ideal alterhuman" perhaps. But my identity has always been, and will always be, an internal thing for me.

I'm not a werewolf IN SPITE of being disabled.

I'm a werewolf who IS ALSO disabled.

[fae-vixen]

Thinking about a specific thing that has to do with our human brains interpreting what info we have in this existence through a lens informed by our likes and what we’ve experienced. I often say that I know my knowledge of my actual form is most likely not accurate, because it’s so warped by things that I can actually comprehend on this plane, and in that vein, there’s also so much more that I couldn’t ever expect to be able to comprehend!

I’m reminded of a time where I got really into attempting to understand things about my past lives, particularly my fae life, through journeying and readings, but oh MAN did the cards get mad at me! They encouraged me to focus on the here and now instead of what happened elsewhere. It’s still a part of me, but isn’t too relevant right now. Obsessing over these other planes has ended up very negatively for me, because there’s so few steps between obsessing over the past and learning about it, and the end result thought of, why bother staying here if that’s what waiting for me?

I feel like it can’t be an uncommon thought for nonhumans to want to hurry back to these other planes… but just as you in human form now can’t truly comprehend magic or running through the forest and existing as an animal, then you as another creature will marvel at that time you spent as a human. Why would you be here if it isn’t what you needed, or wanted?

[fae-vixen]

do you/would you eat your kintype?

[fae-vixen]

[fae-vixen]

Actually my answer to "would you do it permanently" isn't nuanced but it is more complicated than just "yes" and I'm curious if others have the same stipulations, so here—

*Poll is open to both physical humans and physical nonhumans if you have any kind of physical or social species dysphoria at all. It's meant for animals mostly but the title was getting too long so if you're a mythical being then you can just apply your own versions to the answers.

My answer has always been the second one, because I wouldn't hesitate for half a second to change to a (fully) raven, hawk, mustelid etc. body, because my dysphoria is mostly physical; my hesitation has always been about the fact that the response is always given as "I'd change permanently and go live fully as an animal." I like my life, my friends and family and being an artist and listening to music and everything, and I'd be so chill with being physically a bird but everyone knows it's me, is OK w/ it, and I get to continue doing the things I love.

[fae-vixen]

don’t want you to treat me like an animal, you’d demean me like I’m beneath you, you’d look at me like I couldn’t possibly understand the world around me, you’d keep me in the cramped corners and the small enclosures and wait till I died.

I want you to treat me like an animal, I want you to give me space and study my body language, I want you to listen to the fucking hissing and rumbling of a warning, take note of my territory and space and treat it with caution and respect.

I am an animal, I am also worth knowing.

[fae-vixen]

it/its but in the dehumanizing way. it/its but in the way that an animal is called an it, a creature born from nature. A creature that is beautiful and special in its own right, something not to be seen as lesser but equal in its own unique ways. " oh but it/its isn't dehumanizing !!" it CAN be to those who want it. Being seen as something nonhuman does not immediately equal lesser; there are beautiful things that are not human. You ever seen some sick tropical birds with its plumage, or the familial ties a bear may have to its cubs, or the dedication a lion may have to its prey. It/Its but in the way of appreciating the unhuman, but not subhuman.

[fae-vixen]

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

[fae-vixen]

Did the whole "Don't hate what you don’t understand" lesson we were taught a million times over in children's movies go over people's heads?

This is how we should be acting

Oh, you're Muslim?

That's awesome, I'm always so inspired by your creativity in fashion!

You're pagan, and worship several pantheons at once?

That must be a lot of work! That's impressive!

You're a girl but you use he/him pronouns?

Alright, it doesn't inconvenience me at all to respect that, and it's interesting.

You're cupiromantic, so you don’t feel romantic attraction, but you still want to do romantic things?

I don't see how that's any different than an ace person who enjoys sex, or even an allo person using a dating sim game, so go right ahead!

You're a therian that physically identifies as your theriotype?

That's fascinating, how does that work?

You identify as robotkin?

That's sick as hell, tell me more!

None of these things affect me personally, and none of them inherently harm anyone. Can we please treat things with curiosity instead of anger?

[fae-vixen]

There's a really funny dichotomy regarding alterhuman playlists that I've seen, though it's likely due to the amount that these genres engage with sentiments aligned with alterhumanity more than some others do. So what predominantly occupies YOUR playlist?

This is a judgement-free poll btw I'm not saying it's bad to fall into either of these categories!! I just think it's interesting :}

[fae-vixen]

[fae-vixen]

[fae-vixen]

they call me paper towel the way im nap kin #sleepysona

[fae-vixen]

When you feel your wings, and a little annoyed, because you just want to

Stretch and stretch and stretch