faeriemachinist

[faeriemachinist]

"These right wingers don't follow the REAL teachings of Christ"

They ignore the parts of the Bible which encourage compassion and charity just as easily as a nice Christian ignores the parts about misogyny and bigotry. Religious documents are just documents.

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The National Parks Service have purged trans people from the website on the Stonewall National Monument

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Looking at 2025 governance in the US I get it. I wish I didn't, but I've been forced to understand malfeasance on a new level as of late.

“So let me get this straight. We’re here to rescue a princess.”

“That’s right.”

“At the request of a princess.”

“Right again.”

“And you, who will be leading the expedition, are also a princess.”

“You’re very perceptive.”

“How big is your royal family, again?“

“We don’t have one.”

“But–“

“We overthrew our monarchy centuries ago, but we kept most of the titles around. The rank of ‘princess’ is held by the directors in charge of various civil service branches.“

“Huh. And the princess we’re rescuing today is in charge of…?”

“Public sanitation.”

“The Lord of Death’s Dominion kidnapped your public sanitation director?”

“We think he’s a little confused.”

[faeriemachinist]

Rayla Snowtail is an accomplished White Mage, Gunbreaker, and Reaper (level 100 before I started Dawntrail content)

Rayla's journal:

Entry 1: Okay, the Hrothgar girl has so much spirit and vigor. While I don't know her fighting style she is competent in it (if I had decided to be more vigilant in my studies of the Marauder art I might have more input). But I can definitely provide advice, and yet she is adamantly denying her own flaws, I've been there, I thought I could solve everything with Conjury and later White magic, and I couldn't. She has the makings of a hero and I need more people like her in power if I'm going to go further. Tural is going get it's backside kicked in if they test the East, but I don't want Tural to suffer that beating, and I'm even more concerned about the Eorzean Alliance and Eastern bearing the casualties of that easy victory.

Entry 2: My protegé actually backwardly solved the Hanu Hanu's by revitalizing a local tradition. Glad to see this level of faith magic not summoning a Primal, but revitalizing some of the reed paddies. Bakool Ja Ja is aching to be made Bakool Ja, and I know which head I'm aiming at severing. Koana had an alchemical solution to the same problem we solved with bringing back Ihihanna. Koana's rise to the throne isn't an issue for my long term goals, but conflicts with my current objective, but Ihihanna was actually so much fun that I favor the ritual over immediacy. The Elementals didn't grant me a White Mage soul stone because I'm blind the value of traditions, Ihihanna is wonderful festival that brings the community together, worth maintaining, but Koana's solution should absolutely fill in the gaps Ihihanna isn't getting the job done.

Entry 3: Congratulations Wuk Lamat, you successful made me question following you. Oh no when you were a kid acting out of turn you got spit upon by the animal you were infuriating! I ride around in a cart pulled by the most most lethally cantankerous herbivore you can imagine, a Hippo. She's starting to grow, and I deeply understand why old things can hold you back, but nasty smelling stuff that was spit in your face? I fight Morbols regularly. I can't catch the Alpaca for you but I can pay to skip this nonsense. Oh wait, you won't let me? Fine let's get this over with ASAP.

Entry 4: I actually love Wuk Lamat's spirit, we got the saddle without me having to pay a single Gil (other than what I payed for the Mescal the rest of drank while waiting for her) and she got an alpaca to finish the challenge. Yes her brother got a golden fleeced alpaca, but that wasn't required for the test (note to self: come back here and buy the golden alpaca once the Pelupelu have brought it to heel).

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[faeriemachinist]

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[faeriemachinist]

I mean I'm a transfemme and Urianger is the most relatable character in the game. I'm still wondering how he's only 29? Thancred is 32? I'm sorry Urianger should be older than Thancred, and they both should be pushing 40.

Overwhelmed thinking about Urianger and Alisaie... I've always seen her as the trans twin (based on recognising trans autistic lesbian friends in her :P I know it's more popular to see Alphy as the trans twin but this is my personal feeling for me where I know it in my deepest heart of hearts, I'm not looking to invalidate anyone :D).

And like. She clearly figured that out IMMEDIATELY. Toddler gender euphoria moment, kinda thing. Urianger was the next person to know, and who knows how he recognised that and that she was Not The Same As Alphy... but he KNEW. And was her biggest supporter when she was baby, he's been calling her "my Lady" with utmost sincerity and mutual delight since she was knee high to him. (He had no idea why it felt so good being the No.1 Ally or why Louisoix being so immediately cool with it was a personal relief)

I think she deferred that half year before entering the Studium behind Alphinaud while she got herself sorted out coming out and transitioning, she always sounds so down about being behind him by a few months but this headcanon means she had a lot more going on internally to deal with! Paperwork to sort out! Not thinking about magical theory and politics ALL DAY like certain twins.

(Améliance was DELIGHTED btw and was like "I always wanted a daughter! I have so many wonderful ideas for outfits for you!!" and then instead of giving her entirely identical outfits to Alphy, gave her nearly identical ones with pink details instead of blue ones.)

meanwhile Urianger has not figured out a single thing about himself while wandering around in his dysphoria robes and cowl, hanging out with the overtly sapphic Moenbryda who also won't stop hitting on him once they're older and never wondering why she has a soft spot for him as well as her little squad of girlfriends. Oblivious to being collected into that group even when he is kissing Moen all the time.

Anyway it took Urianger all the way until he lived in Il Mheg to finally trans his gender to whatever arcane and wonderful thing it is now. Nonbinary? Agender? transfemme? he/him but it's on thin ice? :P He's on a journey.

So he's the baby trans and Alisaie gets to support him and answer all his stupid questions because she now is his elder in queer stuff :') And thinking about her being his mentor absolutely obliterated me, okay.

[faeriemachinist]

As an Aquarius, who's corresponding Convocation member is Emmerololth, the Mender - Curator of medicinal and therapeutic practices, and a White Mage main I kinda just vibe with this. I'm the Air sign that is the "Water Bearer". And despite being a Keeper of the Moon Miqo'te I worship Azeyma, the Protector, so my second class of choice is Gunbreaker, who is defined by being a bodyguard. My tertiary class is Reaper because sometimes I just need to cut a fool (also I absolutely adore that Garlean refugees get a story in the game about just trying to survive in Eorzea, beyond Cid and Nero, it's a badass story, but the people it's about needed a little attention in the story).

The symbology of the Convocation of Fourteen is just... one of my favorite details in ffxiv. And yeah, I know they have zodiac signs because Final Fantasy Tactics had zodiac signs and FF12 had zodiac signs, but 14's spin on them is inspired, and I don't think that gets enough appreciation.

Each of the Ascians is characterized to at least superficially match their sign. Emet-Selch seems like a Gemini, seemingly on both sides of every issue. Fandaniel seems like a Leo who wants to be the center of attention. Lahabrea, The Creator, seems like an artsy Pisces... just...y'know, a horrible one.

And it's not as if "terrible, messed-up version of Zodiac symbol" is new here. Tactics definitely had that already. The thing ffxiv adds to the trope is the presence of the Sun.

Azem's symbol being the sun and not a constellation tells us exactly what their role in the Convocation was supposed to be. The sun's path through the constellations is what gives all those signs their meanings. You can't be a Gemini unless the sun is in Gemini. The sun's passage through the zodiac is supposed to illuminate the best way forward. This is why Emet-Selch calls them both "Shepherd to the stars in the dark," and "Counsellor to the star's people." They're meant to inspire people to become their best selves. This is inadvertently what WoL does in numerous places and times across the game, (and one of the ancients in Elpis even comments on it) because apparently repeatedly dying at the hands of their coworkers and friends for eons did not get them out of having to do their job.

When the sun protested their unspeakbly terrible plan, they went all in on their hubris by casting it down forever. They never replaced Azem. They don't even want to remember they ever had a sun. They don't have the light that illuminates their best selves, their better future. So they can't find it anymore. They don't know how to be themselves anymore, in Azem's absence. In Elidibus' case, literally. He is so desperate for the guiding star he can't even remember having, that he constantly, instinctively, seeks out Azem in different forms. Wearing Ardbert's corpse, and wandering up to WoL for awkward chats, and looking back to the heroes of the past who were definitely Azem shards.

The sun, torn from the heavens, leads to the maker's ruin.

[faeriemachinist]

Thank you @mysticmothworld that answers my question and I'm very intrigued to look up more on my own!

Okay so we call the young ones "Caterpillars" either way, because we can't tell them apart unless we know the specific species on sight right?

Yes

And we call the adult ones with folding wings "Moths", and the unfolding wings "Butterflies"

Correct

So it's really hard to tell the intermediate stages apart, they're both just pods full of bug goo hanging from trees, so they should obviously share the same name right?

Nope the foldy wing ones get "Caccoon", the unfoldy one's get "Chrysalis"

Can you tell the two apart?

Shut up.

(I'm actually hoping for help understanding this, because this is my current understanding)

[faeriemachinist]

Update I'm also playing FFXIV too

You should always flirt with that quiet trans gamer girl in your discord group btw

She's waiting for you to do it

[faeriemachinist]

I recently finished a certain series of raids and got this scarf. Is my Gunbreaker Glam better off with it or without it? Please ignore the ferret, I can have or not have a ferret in 2 second, just scarf or no scarf.

[faeriemachinist]

I'm really glad that certain Tumblr and Reddit users are still willing to wade into 4Chan because I'm never doing that again, but there is occasionally posts like these, which is what drew me in initially. The raw and blatant honest was kinda the draw, the community only rarely delivers that, and I had my edge lady phase on the site. Just so many pizza cutters (all edge no point), so few awls (a point with no edge), and a few knives (edge with a point).

[faeriemachinist]

I can absolutely let Tumblr be Tumblr most of the time, but not giving children food is where I have to draw a line. There are a few issues I disagree with Tim Walz about, but feeding kids and given kids period products aren't on the list. The rumors aren't true (he passed a law demanding period products in bathrooms, and allegedly a couple of Minnesota schools put the dispensers up in the boy's restroom), but fuck it put tampon dispensers in the boy's restroom, the trans boys will thank you. I'm a trans woman and I don't keep tampons in my purse for cis women, I keep them there for my trans masc homies (but if a cis woman needs one I'll happily oblige, I'm actually a pretty friendly person who wants people to be okay)

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[faeriemachinist]

Okay so we call the young ones "Caterpillars" either way, because we can't tell them apart unless we know the specific species on sight right?

Yes

And we call the adult ones with folding wings "Moths", and the unfolding wings "Butterflies"

Correct

So it's really hard to tell the intermediate stages apart, they're both just pods full of bug goo hanging from trees, so they should obviously share the same name right?

Nope the foldy wing ones get "Caccoon", the unfoldy one's get "Chrysalis"

Can you tell the two apart?

Shut up.

(I'm actually hoping for help understanding this, because this is my current understanding)

[faeriemachinist]

It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!

[faeriemachinist]

This might be the funniest thing I've ever read, and I can only add that.

the default way for things to taste is good. we know this because "tasty" means something tastes good. conversely, from the words "smelly" and "noisy" we can conclude that the default way for things to smell and sound is bad. interestingly there are no corresponding adjectives for the senses of sight and touch. the inescapable conclusion is that the most ordinary object possible is invisible and intangible, produces a hideous cacophony, smells terrible, but tastes delicious. and yet this description matches no object or phenomenon known to science or human experience. so what the fuck

[faeriemachinist]

They did it!

hanging out with my pals and what do you know we find 100 bottles of beer on the wall. so i say to my buddy rick "how do you think those got up there?" and hes already taking them down and passing them around. absolute mad lad