faerieswithfangs

[faerieswithfangs]

How to explain to the love of your life that you hate yourself so much that you wish you were dead every minute of the day without hurting him?

He deserves better then this.

[faerieswithfangs]

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I feel a little bit sick

But it feels like a cough, or a cold, or a flu

But the only medicine feels like a bullet in my chest"

Sorry, My Dear by Hobo Johnson

[faerieswithfangs]

"Big Daddy: What makes you so restless, have you got ants in your britches?

Brick: Yes, sir...

Big Daddy: Why?

Brick: - Something - Hasn't - Happened...

Big Daddy: Yeah? What is that?

Brick [sadly]: - the click...

Big Daddy: Did you say the click?

Brick: Yes, click.

Big Daddy: What click?

Brick: A click that I get in my head that makes me peaceful

Big Daddy: I sure in hell don't know what you're talking about, but it disturbs me.

Brick: It's just a mechanical thing.

Big Daddy: What is a mechanical thing?

Brick: This click that I get in my head that makes me peaceful. I got to drink till I get it."

-Cat On A Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams

[faerieswithfangs]

I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. Pretending everything is okay. Trying to set boundaries just to have them be ignored day after day and not be able to do anything about it. Act like I am not at my breaking point and I don't think I will be able to rebuild myself this time. Watching you love the rest of the family and then constantly do everything you can to show me just how much my family doesn't love me.

I can't keep living like this, but I know that if I was successful in ending my life this time, you would play the loving and grieving person and everyone would see me as the selfish one and disregard the lifetime of abuse and shame I have experienced. So I have started starving myself again instead.

Hopefully if I starve long enough I can just fade away and this will all be over. All of the pain, the fear, the humiliation, the confusion-there will just be nothing. Because that's what you have shown me I am. Nothing.

[faerieswithfangs]

Etel Adnan, from The Spring Flowers Own

[text ID: The morning after / my death / we will sit in cafés / but I will not / be there / I will not be]

[faerieswithfangs]

[faerieswithfangs]

Wintergirls, Laurie Halse Anderson

[faerieswithfangs]

[faerieswithfangs]

“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff, Hunger Point

[faerieswithfangs]

for the love of nancy (1994)

[faerieswithfangs]

Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea

[faerieswithfangs]

Im trying so hard to be okay but im not okay. I feel like im losing myself piece by piece and there isnt much left to salvage. I just want this to all be over. I want to leave behind everything but i dont want to risk hurting anyone. I feel so stuck and i dont know how much longer i can handle this.

[faerieswithfangs]

[faerieswithfangs]

how can I keep it together ? (c.b) (12.21.17)

[faerieswithfangs]

— Sylvia Plath

[faerieswithfangs]

[faerieswithfangs]

Kasia Jasmina