fairytale-ending - Tumblr blog

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Still got a few months until his arrival but I've been nesting like crazy these past couple of weeks.

Baby's nursery is finished! It's a very small room and the wall you can't see a built in wardrobe with a floor to ceiling mirror. I'm so happy, can't wait until he's here in it 🥰

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Yesterday was the the due date of the baby I lost which was really hard to deal with for various reasons

But today I hit 24 weeks with this pregnancy and so we are VIABLE

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💙💙💙

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Just put through my maternity leave request at work. I have two months left (taking it early) which is exciting but also scary because it feels like I'm tempting fate by telling them officially. Really really hoping baby stays healthy 💗

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Feeling the baby kick is the best feeling in the world. I find it so hard to do the things I need to do instead of laying down feeling my baby. I just want to be with him and spend time with him!

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After going through a devastating loss in January I am so happy to be expecting this little boy 💙

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💕

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My period came this morning after being SO SURE that I had implantation spotting yesterday because I never, ever spot, I just comes full force. I was so hopeful that we had managed to conceive right after having a miscarriage, we have done everything right and so this feels like a kick in the teeth. Also having my period is bringing back horrible feelings from the miscarriage too. I'm trying to remind myself that this is a positive thing, even if it's not exactly what I wanted, it's still showing that my body is kicking back into gear after losing our baby. Super sad right now

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So apparently crying at pregnancy announcements both on TV and real life is now a thing 🙃

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One good thing is that I got my covid booster jab today so at least I'll be protected if I get pregnancy again. Getting covid was one of my biggest fears during the pregnancy and was borderline obsessed with the fact that our baby would come to harm at some point because I was bound to get covid and gosh I felt so guilty that I hadn't had my booster.

So I guess now I'm in the stage of doing everything I can to prepare myself and my life for a future pregnancy. I'm trying to get back into the healthy habits that slipped during the last few weeks following the miscarrage but it's hard when my life seems so empty and sad and without purpose now my baby is gone. It wasn't planned or prevented but really made us realise just how much we wanted to have a family and so the plan is to try again. I've started to track my temperature and ovulation since having a negative pregnancy test but I'm worried that it will take a long time and I'm worried that my worry will make it take even longer. Very easy to worry about your worry when ttc or prglegnant.

It really feels like something is missing. Like I should have a baby in my arms. The necklace I bought for the baby I miscarried arrived and I keep touching it to feel close to them but it really doesn't fill the hole at all.

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Tested negative today, about a week and a half since the miscarriage began. Sad, but it needed to happen to move on. I've also started temping for trying to conceive again. Not sure when I should start taking ovulation tests, I guess when the bleeding has completely stopped as I have a tiny tiny bit of spotting most days. Really hoping that comes soon 🤞

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On Christmas eve, the day after I found out I was pregnant, I was given a necklace with a ladybird pendant and told it was good luck. So I wore it everyday, hoping that it would protect my baby and the pregnancy. I'm still wearing it everyday even now the baby's gone. I don't know why or what to do with it because I feel like it let me down, that it wasn't good luck at all but at the same time it reminds me of my baby. I rubbed it so frequently in the month I knew I was pregnant that now it feels like something to connect me to my baby. I guess I'll keep wearing it until the necklace with what would have been my baby's birthstone arrives.

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‘I took my grief down to the river to drown it there but it was the grief that carried me and it won’t be bringing me home.’ - Katie Maria

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Survived my first day back at work following the miscarriage. So relieved and it got easier as the day went on

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Back to work today after having a week off due to the miscarriage.

I was meant to go back last Thursday but only made it until lunch time. Issue today is that I'm feeling so so unwell. Sick, headachy, tired. Slept for 10 hours last night. Really not sure how I'm going to cope today but I know that the longer I take off work, the harder it will be to go back

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So it's been a week since I started bleeding and 6 days since I passed the baby and sack, when I eas 8 weeks pregnant.

Today I decided to take a pregnancy test to see where we are and it was positive, but pretty faint. Honestly I wasn't expecting the hcg to go down that quickly. It's sad but I'm actually feeling happy about it too because it means that my body is healing at a good pace and we're getting closer to be able to try again. That makes me feel a bit guilty that we're wanting to replace our baby so quickly but it's not like that really. I'm just feeling so empty and this pregnancy made me realise just how much I want it