faline--stevens

[faline--stevens]

jfcsmee:

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first of all, one time birth control didn’t work and that’s only cause the birth control was a lie. second of all, yes i so had manhood. no, nothing being tattooed on your vagina because i’d be a shitty tattoo artist and no one else is getting that close to your vagina. so no. i’m okay with boobs, but i draw the line there. enough people have seen it before me, i’m the last one. you’re so jealous of him it’s cute. seriously, buster was a friend. a fuck friend, but a friend. if you’re going to be jealous of my fuck friends, babe, you’ve got a long list. and i have no idea how jasper never came up then.

don’t lie, you didn’t use birth control when you fucked shelley’s brains out. you were probably drunk off your ass. and no, you also lost your manhood when you had clary. she took any ounce of dignity that you had left when she made you play tea party. you know, if i can’t be jealous over your numerous amount of ‘fuck friends’ then i should be able to get a damn tattoo on my vagina. though, you’re right... it is cute when you can see the jealousy in your lover’s eyes. if you wanna pull the ‘enough people have seen your vagina’ card, we can always pull up yours again. let’s see, snow, buster, gaston, and jasper are only a few. you’ve fucked far more people than i have. and you’re the one with a kid. now, what’s the damn tattoo.

[faline--stevens]

jfcsme

never seen raising hope but it reminds me of the scene in the notebook where he’s sitting out in the family room while allie’s parents yell at her and he’s just listening to the whole thing.

[faline--stevens]

jfcsmee:

what the fuck so i get out of a strap on? my manhood is already peaced out the window if my dick is gone. which explains this marriage really. yes, trust me, i’m dickless in this marriage. you’re the man in this relationship, no doubt about it. and unless you get my name tattooed on your boob, then my ass is tattooless for now. which reminds me i’m getting one soon. not on my ass.

you get the pleasure of knowing that i am being pleasured. it’s a win-win. and it’s basically free birth control. you never had any manhood to begin with. honestly, i’m the man in any relationship. this really shouldn’t surprise you. first of all, i would totally get your name tattooed on vagina if it made you happy. so yeah, do it on your ass. wait... excuse me? what is this one going to say? ‘pob’? ‘property of buster’? or some shit to piss me off?

[faline--stevens]

no it’s not permission. if i have no dick, you’ll peace out and i’m not explaining that to clary. two moms running out might cause a bit of a complex. you are getting paid….. in my returned love and affection, clearly. 

wow. way to get my hopes up, asshole. i’m sure we could get you a strap on or something... i mean, i wouldn’t necessarily peace out. i’ll probably find a lover behind your back so clary won’t feel abandoned. or we could split custody. we’d make it work out -- but didn’t you become dickless when you married me? what the fuck? i’m really getting the low end of this deal, i already had that before i was forced to fuck you. love and affection? pfft, i want you to tattoo my name on your ass.

[faline--stevens]

jfcsmee:

we neVER DID THE THING WHERE FALINE’S PARENTS MET AND DISAPPROVED OF HIM BC OF THE MONEY THING.

because that would just add to all the reasons he’s built up in his head of why he’s no good for faline but gaston is

except honestly, no one will ever love her like he loves her. it’s not possible

but he’s no good. in general and certainly not for her

and gaston is. and she’s happy and so is her family

so he keeps his mouth shut.

and does what he does best in attempt to help her believe she made the right choice and to prove that she saved herself from making a mistake with him.

‘lololol he’s not as rich nor as good looking as gaston -- what the fuck faline?’ and she’ll pretend to agree. and thaT WOULD BE HILARIOUS. 

and then i continued reading what you said and now i’m sad again. but this reminds me of Raising Hope and holy crapballs.

she would have to remind see every damn day that she loves him more than that french tool but that’s not a chore because she wakes up everyday next to him and probably jumps on him and kisses him all over so she can annoy the shit out of him from the moment he wakes up bc she’s actually happy with him.

and she hates that someone took her place but she loves his kid like no other and then when they have lil mini smeeline babies, they’re fucking screwed bc those are going to be the most annoying and stubborn children ever.

[faline--stevens]

or you could castrate me and bring my dick to france. this is what you’re for, fal. god dammit. 

are you giving me your permission? that would be such a lovely present to give gaston and a brilliant reason for me to visit him. oh, that’s all i’m here for? well, damn. i should be getting paid for this shit.

[faline--stevens]

jfcsmee:

smee sleeping with some random in the closest

bc he’s so not watching his fal in a white gown with him not as the groom

and oops it’s faline’s close cousin

wooooooooow why you gotta make it even worse??

it’s bad enough that during her vows she glances at smee because she wishes it was him but she ain’t got those kind of balls to call off her own wedding.

so when she sees him go into the closet with her cousin... she kisses gaston harder because smee will never truly be hers. she knows he likes sex too much and she can’t love him the way that he needs to be loved -- not yet, at least.

so she hugs gaston a little bit tighter and wishes just a lil bit stronger that she’ll find smee again one day. probably after he knocks up some random hoe and has a snot nosed lil brat attached to him.

[faline--stevens]

please if sj knew that impregnating someone would leave him untouched for almost three years by anyone except for me… he’s just not the culprit. he wouldn’t turn on me like that.

h-how the hell did clary come from you... you’re a fucking idiot. maybe sj needs a few more years before he gets touched again just so he can take responsibility for his stupidity.

[faline--stevens]

jfcsmee:

someone asking smee ‘so are you on the bride’s side or the groom’s?’

and he’s just like ‘depends on the position and who’s in the bed with me’

and they just laugh

but he’s completely serious.

h a ha ha no.

it would probably be her mom that he tells that to

and then faline pretending to cry to him but rlly just pushes him overboard

again. bitch b y e.

[faline--stevens]

i don’t actually think you signed up for a teenage daughter... your dick did. that sounded so much better in my head.

never should’ve signed up for a teenage daughter. bad idea.

[faline--stevens]

i’m gonna have to ask you to fuck off.

bc then she pulls him into the nearest closet and tells him she’ll be right back

and she never comes back.

because bitch bye

no but don’t think about smee hanging out in the back of the hall at the gaston/faline wedding, all quite for the first time in forever, avoiding everyone he even knows in a tux that’s a couple sizes too big because it belonged to gran’s husband. 

just standing by the door. with a flask obviously, keeping to himself and eyeing faline as she dances with gaston.

and she’s staring right back at him. 

so at the end of the song she comes over and he lifts the flask and is just like ‘to your slutty freedom’ and downs whatever’s left.

[faline--stevens]

hold up - does that mean that i actually have the chance of seeing you out of it?

shut the fuck up, col. you tell him, and you’ll never see me in the uniform. or out of it.

[faline--stevens]

you’re going to make me chase after you, aren’t you?

tucker and i are running away together.

[faline--stevens]

guess that means it’s my obligated duty to inform him of his daughter’s escapades. he’s going to flip.

of coures you have. my dad doesn’t know, who cares?

[faline--stevens]

this a damn lie

Are you sure is not for you?

[faline--stevens]

is that because you only have feelings for your dog? should i be jealous?

i hate you you, to be honest.

[faline--stevens]

trust me, i know. i’ve been around with a fair few cheerleaders. but really, how does your grumpy old man feel about you downing such scandalous apparel?

with the uniforms, you perve.