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Kiss Me Quick (And Make My Heart Go Crazy)

Rating: E II Word Count: 5,218 II Prompt: (alternate prompt) Shut up and kiss me

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It’s not how he wanted it to go. Their first kiss. He’s been waiting–figuring himself out. It had taken him a while to get there and he knows he’s so close. Knows he’s almost ready to tear his heart out of his chest and see if Buck wants to keep it instead. It’s belonged to him for a long time, after all, even if Eddie hadn’t really been conscious of it. Eddie has wanted it all. The love, the life, the quiet nights and gentle mornings. The touch and the kisses.

But this isn’t how he wanted it to go.

***

“Fourteen, Eddie. He’s fourteen. How the hell did that happen?” Buck asks, standing beside Eddie on his porch as they greet Christopher’s friends, telling them where they can put their stuff before they join Christopher in the back yard.

“You don’t have to stress that to me, I’m well aware,” Eddie tells Buck with a laugh. He doesn’t know which of them is handling it worse.

“Did you know he invited this many people?” Buck asks, watching car after car try to find a spot on the street.

He did. It looked less on paper when he and Christopher had been writing out the invitations.. And he didn’t really expect all of them to arrive at once. Buck had managed to source a projector and a screen and they’d called around friends and pooled every bit of camping gear they could find. He’d figured his backyard was big enough for a few tents, but somewhere along the way he’d forgotten that there would be close to a dozen teenagers traipsing through his house until it was set up.

“I did,” Eddie sighs.

“Including Toby,” Buck says, nudging Eddie with his elbow, eyebrows dancing and he smirks.

Toby’s a great kid, and one of Christopher’s best friends right now. His mom, on the other hand, is overkill. She’s been flirting with Eddie all year and she’s relentless. It doesn’t matter how many times he knocks her back, because she seems to take every no as a “not yet”. He is not interested.

“Including Toby.”

He directs the first of the boys to reach the door inside, quietly giving instructions and saying hi to the parents as they tell their kids to behave and make a run for their responsibility free night.

“So she’ll be here?” Buck asks, like an excited puppy. Some friend he is.

“Yes.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, dreading how that will go. Especially with a potential audience of teenage boys.

“Why don’t you just tell her no?”

“Oh god, why didn’t I think of that?” He says, scowling at Buck. “I’ve tried everything, Buck. Not interested, not dating. I told her I was still getting over my ex. Nothing works.”

He’s not still getting over his ex. His break-up with Marisol is pretty much ancient history at this point, and he’s made more than a few discoveries about the potential of his future dating pool since then.

“You broke up with Marisol six months ago,” Buck very helpfully supplies.

“I know.”

“And you came out as gay.”

“She doesn’t know that,” he tells him.

Buck laughs, smacking him playfully with the back of his hand.

“Don’t you think that would help?”

Eddie directs a few more of the kids inside. It’s already looking pretty full in there. He’s glad he has the excuse to set things up to avoid breaking up any arguments on who the best avenger is, or discussions about girls they like, or whatever the hell it is teenage boys talk about.

“Maybe. But at this point she probably wouldn’t believe me. She’d probably be thinking it’s some excuse she can work around. I’m telling you man, she’s loco. Hey, do you think we ordered enough pizza?” He asks, leaning his head inside as two more of Chirstopher’s guests walk past him.

“Eddie.”

“I mean. I think six will do, but maybe we should call the place and add a couple–”

“Eddie, shut up and kiss me.”

His brain grinds to a halt, all empty space other than Buck’s voice and the words kiss me playing on repeat.

“What?”

“Just–”

Buck doesn’t finish his sentence, he just adjusts the way Eddie’s standing and leans down to press a soft, lingering kiss to Eddie’s lips.

It’s not how he wanted it to go. Not how he expected it. And he did expect it. At some point. Ever since Buck’s coming out, and his relationship with Tommy, had sparked a whirlwind of emotion and chaos that Eddie had to work through to finally come to terms with his own sexuality. Ever since he realised he’s probably been in love with Buck since he saved his son in the tsunami, almost bleeding to death trying to find him. Ever since Buck had broken up with Tommy and his touches with Eddie had grown more cautious, more…testing. They’ve been dancing around it for longer than they maybe should have, but this is still new to both of them, and it’s them. BuckandEddie. They want to get it right.

He’d expected their first kiss to be passionate. He’d expected confessions, and whispers and exploring tongues and hands. This isn’t that. It’s soft, and sure, like they’ve done it a million times. And it’s over far too soon.

Buck pulls away and Eddie struggles to open his eyes, until Buck’s hand slides around his waist and pulls him closer, and Eddie has to rest a hand to Buck’s chest to steady himself. Then he opens his eyes. Then he spots Melissa Cunningham, Toby’s mother–with her bleach blonde hair, perfectly manicured hands, and expensive wardrobe, standing at the bottom of his driveway with a disappointed look on her face.

She shakes it off pretty quickly, and catches up to her son.

“What are you doing?” Eddie whispers, hissing it from the corner of his mouth.

“Just…play along. Maybe then she’ll stop,” Buck whispers back, squeezing his waist.

“Mrs Cunnigham,” Eddie says as she steps up on the porch.

“Oh, Eddie, I’ve told you before, call me Melissa.”

He resolutely ignores her in favor of talking to Toby.

“Hey kiddo. You can just dump your stuff inside for now. The guys are all on the PlayStation. We’ll be right in.”

“Thanks Mr Diaz,” Toby says cheerfully, swinging his back through the door and following after.

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met,” Melissa says, holding out a hand towards Buck, passive aggressive smile on her face.

Buck unwraps himself from around Eddie and leans forward to take her hand and shake it.

“Hi, I’m Buck. I’m Eddie’s partner.”

Partner. Not boyfriend. Technically not a lie, but it still tears something open inside of Eddie, wishing it were more true.

“Oh. Yes. Christopher talks about you all the time.”

Buck smiles proudly. That definitely isn’t fake. And it never fails to make Eddie smile when he sees it. The love Buck has for Christopher can be seen from space, and that only makes Eddie love him more.

“Well,” Buck says, an air of finality about it. “We’ll take good care of Toby and have him back to you tomorrow all in one piece. They’ll have fun.”

“Yes, well…” she looks between the two of them, and Buck throws and arm around him once more. He doesn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or beat the hell out of him. “I guess I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

They watch her walk back down the driveway and climb into her car. Eddie hadn’t realised how tense he actually felt until he’s relaxing, Buck still pressed into his side.

Eddie pushes him off and shakes his head.

“What?” Buck asks innocently. “Problem solved, right?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Eddie tells him, failing to keep the laughter from his voice.

“But you forgive me. I just saved you from the scary single mom.”

Eddie doesn’t dignify him with a response, heading inside and waiting for Buck to follow. Once Buck shuts the door, Eddie rounds the gaggle of teenage boys to stand in front of the fireplace. Christopher pauses the game, and eleven boys turn to look at him in unison. It’s a terrifying sight, actually.

“Okay, boys. Pizza should be here in an hour. Me and Buck are gonna set up in the backyard, please try not to destroy my house.”

Chris groans, dropping his head.

“Dad!”

“Okay,” Buck says, hurrying round to take his place next to Eddie and take over. “And if anybody needs a drink, there are sodas on the table.” He points to the kitchen. “Please don’t spill.”

“Buck!” Chris protects again, loudly. “We’re not babies.”

“Sorry Chris.”

“Thanks Mr Diaz,” Toby says, kindly. He’s always liked that kid. “And Mr Diaz’s boyfriend.”

“Uh, I– Um, we’re–” Buck stumbles, and Eddie drags him away before he can embarrass Christopher any further.

He pushes him out of the backdoor and watches Buck stumble on the porch, almost tripping over the pile of camping gear they still have to sort through.

“That’s your fault,” Eddie tells him.

“I guess I didn’t really think that through.”

“No you did not,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “But you can make it up by helping.”

“I was already going to help,” Buck says.

“Well, you can help harder.”

They get as far as putting the tent bags in the spots they’re planning to set them up, around the perimeter of the yard, when the back door swings open with enough force to send it slamming into the wall.

“You guys kissed!” Christopher yells, stepping through the door and pushing it closed behind him.

Eddie levels Buck with a glare, because it was Buck’s actions so he can deal with the consequences.

“Uh, yeah, kinda, but it wasn’t like that,” Buck says, grimacing at Eddie, clearly looking for help. Eddie sends him a look back to tell him he’s on his own with this one. “It was just, uh, to…help your dad out.”

“By kissing him?” Christopher asks, looking unsure, like he doesn’t quite believe him. Not that Eddie blames him, he’s just as confused.

“Yeah. It’s a, uh, long story. We’ll tell you tomorrow when everybody’s gone.”

“So you’re not boyfriends now?”

“No,” Buck says, quickly enough that it feels like a punch to Eddie’s gut, even if it is technically true. “We’re not.”

“Oh,” Christopher says, looking down–looking disappointed.

“We’ll explain tomorrow, bud. When there aren’t so many people around. I promise.”

Christopher nods and slopes back inside to continue entertaining his guests.

“Your fault,” Eddie says, pointing a tentpole in Buck’s direction.

“Yeah, yeah.”

It goes more smoothly than Eddie had been picturing, but maybe that’s because he’s a worrier. The tents are set up, and there are a pile of cushions covering a sheet on the ground. Buck has the screen and the projector set up, and a table full of snacks and sodas on the porch. The boys are already full on pizza, but Buck claims you can’t have a backyard movie marathon without snacks, and who is Eddie to deny him?

Buck and Eddie pop up camping chairs at the back of the group, both of them in silent agreement that they’re too old and too seasoned in their profession, to be climbing up and down off the ground.

They work through Buck’s collection of action movies, starting with *** and the boys laugh and joke with each other as it plays. Buck shuffles his chair closer to Eddie’s and leans over to whisper.

“Do you think Chris is going to forgive me?”

“For what?” Eddie asks.

“For, you know, the whole…” Buck waves his hand like he’s suddenly lost the ability to say the word kiss.

“Dude, Christopher always forgives you. You can literally do no wrong by him. Besides, he’s probably already forgotten. He’s having a kickass birthday party, planned by you. You’re already forgiven.”

Buck visibly relaxes but he doesn’t shift his chair away.

***

The night drags on. Some of the boys grab their sleeping bags and head to their tents as the third movie winds down. It’s closing in on one a.m. and Eddie’s not sure he’s going to be able to keep his eyes open much longer.

“Go. Get ready for bed. I’ll shut it down when it’s over and make sure they get into their tents,” Buck tells him.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Of course.”

Eddie pats his wrist and climbs out of his chair. He steps carefully up behind where Christopher’s laying on his stomach. His knees popping as he crouches alert Chris to his presence, and god if that isn’t a sign he’s getting old.

“Hey bud. I’m gonna head inside, okay? Buck’s gonna finish up here.”

“Okay. Night dad.”

“Night.”

“And Dad?” he says, pushing himself up slowly to sit beside him. “Thank you for the party.” He leans in close, like he’s sharing a secret, and knocks the breath out of Eddie as he whispers “And I’m sorry the kiss wasn’t real.”

Eddie’s not really sure what to say to that. Wasn’t really aware that Chris knew about his feelings for Buck. So he doesn’t say anything. Just pats Christopher’s shoulder and heads inside like planned.

He heads to the bathroom first, one too many sodas getting to him as he starts to move. He washes his hands and brushes his teeth. He checks the lights in the house as he hears Buck telling the kids that the back door will be unlocked if they need to get to the bathroom in the night. Telling him where Eddie’s room is if they need anything. He smiles to himself as he listens, smile staying as he heads to his room to change.

He loses the jeans and shirt, swapping them for sweats and an old, faded band tee he’s kept since he was a teenager and his sister had bought him a Letters To Cleo shirt thinking it would be funny. Little did she know, he loved Letters to Cleo.

He hears the familiar sound of Buck in the hall closet, grabbing sheets and he pulls open the door before he can change his mind.

“Buck. Why don’t you just sleep in here tonight?”

A pile of sheets and blankets falls to the floor as Buck fumbles them. He looks between them and Eddie and back again.

“Uh, w-w-why? I-I mean, it’s fine. I don’t mind the couch.”

“Will you still be saying that when a dozen boys wake you up walking back and forth to go to the bathroom?” Eddie asks.

“That’s an excellent point,” Buck says. His cheeks are flushed and it’s so damn cute Eddie can’t help but smile.

“Come on.” He jerks his head inside and taps the doorframe once before stepping back and letting Buck make the decision for himself. He does another sweep of looks between the sheets, the hallway, and Eddie’s door, before he leans down and sweeps up the sheet. Eddie’s heart sinks for a second, thinking he’s decided to stay in the living room, but he gathers them in his arms, shoves them back in the closet in no real order, and closes the door. Eddie smiles as he steps back, walking around the bed to climb in on his side. Buck steps in, closing the door behind him, and looks around nervously.

“I forgot to grab my stuff,” he tells Eddie.

“Just borrow something of mine,” Eddie tells him, waving a hand towards his dresser.

Buck nods slowly, turning around and opening drawers until he finds what he’s looking for. A pair of soft gym shorts and a hoodie that he thinks might have originally been Buck’s anyway, who knows? They’ve left so many sweaters at each other’s places over the years they pretty much share.

He holds the clothes to his chest like he isn’t sure what to do.

“God, Buck, I’m not gonna jump you,” Eddie says with a laugh. “We change together at the firehouse all the time.”

“I know. I know.” Buck shakes his head and drops the clothes on the bed, before he starts to change.

Eddie maybe shouldn’t have made any promises, because seeing Buck in nothing but his underwear, right next to Eddie’s bed sets his heart racing. He’s so hot, but that’s not even it. Okay, it’s part of it. It’s just the domesticity of it all. The sharing a bed, getting ready for it together. It’s Buck’s nervousness, even though this isn’t a big step away from anything they’ve ever done before. It’s the fact that Buck kissed him today, and Eddie doesn’t want to wait another seven years before it happens again. He doesn’t wait another day.

Buck finishes dressing, still standing awkwardly at the side of the bed.

“I didn’t–”

“Buck, just get in the damn bed,” Eddie order and Buck’s lifting the covers and sinking in with barely a pause. And isn’t that interesting.

He squirms a little, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, and Eddie can’t help but roll his eyes affectionately as he curls on the arms.

“Buck, why are you nervous?” he asks, amused.

“I don’t know,” Buck whines and Eddie’s helpless but to reach for him, wrapping a hand around Buck’s wrist where his hands are crossed over each other on his stomach. He pulls it closer and slides his fingers between Buck’s.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“I-I-I told you, it was to get that mom off your back.”

“Buck.”

His head turns slowly. Even in the low light, Eddie can see the flush in his cheeks, see how he chews his bottom lip, eyes wide and fearful. Eddie wants to tell him not to be afraid–that they’ve wasted so much time being afraid. Too much time. In this moment, right here, with Buck beside him, the kid they’ve basically raised together for the last seven years outside with his friend, another year older and still going despite everything he’s been through, and that’s in small part down to Buck. He wanted to tell him that he’s tired of being afraid.

But he just asks again.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Because I wanted to,” Buck answers, quickly, throwing the words out there with little care. But that can’t really be true, because Eddie knows Buck. Knows him right to his core. Loves him to his core. And Buck never does anything with little care. If anything he cares too much.

And it’s because he knows Buck that he knows he’s not going to get through this without at least a little prompting. Not with the way his hand is shaking in Eddie’s grip. And if he feels anything close to the way Eddie does, it’s no doubt because all his dreams are about to come true, and he’s not sure what to do with that.

“Why did you want to kiss?” Eddie asks, barely more than a whisper, and he watches Buck’s lips as he waits for the answer he knows is coming. Wants to see the shapes Buck’s mouth makes as they form, the way his tongue dances and folds just behind his lips. The way it hovers there when he’s done talking.

Buck turns, his body following his head, all of it facing Eddie now, two halves of one full circle. He takes a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath the sheets, and his lips part, pulling away slowly, like even they find each other too beautiful to be apart for long.

“Because I love you.” He pauses, collecting himself, because that’s not the scary part. Eddie’s loved Buck for a long time and he’s known Buck loves him. Loves him in so many ways, and knows so many of the ways Buck has loved him. Does love him. But this one is new, even if it’s old. This is a way they’ve never openly expressed to each other before. “I’m in love with you.”

And it’s beautiful. To see it. To hear it. It’s beautiful. Buck is beautiful in a multitude of ways, some of which Eddie still doesn’t fully understand. Doesn’t think he’s big enough, powerful enough to understand. The kind of beauty only understood by deities and ancient beings. But Eddie can still appreciate it.

“Yeah?”

Buck’s shoulders drop, all that nervous energy vanishing at once, a smile spreading over his face, beautiful, blue eyes shining.

“God, Eddie, so much. You have no idea.”

“I think I have some idea,” Eddie tells him, softly with a smile. Buck huffs a laugh.

“I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been pining, Eds. Like, in a big, bad way, and I was terrified I’d never be able to tell–”

“Buck?” Eddie interrupts. It’s not that he doesn’t love the words coming out of Buck’s mouth. Not that he doesn’t want to give them all back to him in some other form. But right now there are more pressing things.

“Yeah.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Buck laughs, and Eddie cuts it off by grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him close.

This is more like he imagined. It’s full of everything they want to share together. It’s full of love and familiarity. It’s Eddie tangling fingers in the short hairs on the back of Buck’s head., It’s Buck’s hand curling over Eddie’s hip and pulling him closer until they’re pressed together. It’s a dance of tongues, and slide of lips and hushed hums and groans that neither of them are able to hold back. At least not until Eddie realises he forgot something really fucking important. He pulls away with a gasp.

“Wait.”

“What?” Buck asks, eyes flickering over Eddie’s face, swimming with concern like he might have done something wrong, probably forgetting that Eddie explicitly asked for exactly what just happened.

“I love you too.”

Buck laughs, head dropping back and whole body shaking.

“Yeah, Eddie,” he says, still laughing a little. “I got that.”

“Oh. Good.”

He pulls him back in and they get back to what they were doing before Eddie rudely interrupted them.

The kiss deepens, turning from passionate to filthy, and Eddie lifts a leg over Buck’s, hooking a foot around Buck’s calf and slowly rolling against him, too hard to think straight. Buck groans and pulls out of the kiss with a gasp.

“Fuck. Uh, Eds, do you think that’s a good idea with the boys right outside the house.”

“We’ll be quiet,” he says, rolling against Buck again.

“Are you sure?” Buck asks as Eddie pulls his head closer.

“Yes. Definitely.”

Finish on ao3

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