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fans-of-the-damned · 2 days ago

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Cupcake (Part 1)

Part 2 (in progress)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x plus size female reader (Y/N)

Summary: Cupcake, that's the nickname Captain-Perfect-Super-Soldier-Rogers gave you when you first started working as his assistant. You think it's cute, sweet and a touch random, just like he is when he brings you little treats throughout the week. The small gifts make you feel appreciated and cautiously hopeful that your crush has similar feelings for you despite him being your boss. The women you work with don't understand the nickname or why he seems so friendly towards you while practically ignoring them. They quickly let their jealousy turn to outright bullying, their rude remarks focusing entirely on your weight which you are already self-conscious about.

Warnings: Low self esteem because of your weight, feeling self-conscious, feeling like you aren't good enough / pretty enough, being bullied and called names behind your back (unfortunately you hear them), thoughts of never eating again, miscommunication cause I barely use that trope and really wanted to... general angst but I promise fluff at the end and the jerks don't get away with being mean to you

A/N: As soon as I finished writing Bucky's Favorite Person I had a really strong desire to rewrite it with angst. As a plus size woman myself, I kept thinking the faces some people make when I treat myself to a snack and how self-conscious I feel sometimes about my weight. Thanks @cabingrlandrandomcrap, @siconetribal and @multyunervisesuperfan for letting me bounce some of my ideas off of you guys!

I hope everyone likes this! ❤️

Steve steps out of the elevator and heads straight for your desk like he has every morning since you started working for him. The super soldier nods politely in greeting to the other assistants he passes but he doesn't pause, much to their annoyance. He never appears to be affected by their flirtatious smiles or the way they giggle when they call him Captain Rogers. He just keeps walking steadily through the open area of desks until he gets to yours. A relaxed smile spreads across his lips when he sees you flipping through his latest report to double check his work for errors. His blue eyes focus solely on you, still unaware of the envious glances thrown his way by your coworkers. Steve never misses a chance to see your bright smile, "Good morning cupcake."

"Good morning muffin," you respond cheerfully when you look up the forms he dropped off on your desk last night. His blonde hair is still damp from his post workout shower and he smells like shaving cream, citrus and what you are pretty sure is sandalwood but you don't have the nerve to ask him. Months ago you decided that aside from freshly brewed coffee, Steve was the best thing to smell in the morning.

Steve sighs, feigning disapproval as he shakes his head lightly but he's unable to keep himself from smiling around you as always. Your super hero boss clearly enjoys his quirky nickname as much as you enjoy yours. It's not the only inside joke the two of you share but it is the oldest. It began on your first day of work nearly six months ago and you know it bothers the other assistants that they can't figure out where it came from.

You force yourself not to jump up from your desk and give him a hug despite how much you've missed him. Steve's been on a mission in Belgium for the last five days and you're thrilled he's back safe. As soon as your alarm went off this morning, you were filled with excitement which you are still trying to contain. Unlike you, the other assistants prefer when their boss is on a field mission. It means you have fewer meetings and are able to catch up on an ever growing mountain of paperwork. For you though, work isn't nearly as much fun without Steve. He isn't just your boss, he's become one of your closest friends and no matter how hard you try to pretend it isn't true, you've developed a fairly large crush on him.

He pulls out the chair on the opposite side of your desk, placing a familiar white paper bag down as he sits. "Oh, is that for me?" you ask and he nods with a perfect grin.

"Of course, got your favorite," he answers, taking one donut out for himself and leaving yours in the bag. He slides the bag towards you and when you take it from him he adds, "I missed you, haven't been gone that long in a while."

You try unsuccessfully to hide the blush that spreads across your cheeks by looking down into the bag. Closing it again, you force yourself to remember he only means that as your friend and joke, "You just missed me cause there wasn't anyone to help you with your paperwork."

His eyes meet yours and he continues to smile but doesn't laugh at your attempt to be funny, "As much as I appreciate the help, you know that's not why."

The sight of Bree, Sam's assistant, getting up from her desk to whisper something to Bucky's assistant makes your heart sink. You can't hear what they are saying, but Yasmin rolls her eyes in your direction and you wonder how Steve is able to ignore them so easily. You decide to shift to a new topic, hoping it'll distract you from the sudden awkwardness only you feel from being watched, "So what are you doing this weekend?"

He leans back comfortably in his chair, "Dragging Bucky to the Met Saturday, there's a new art exhibit I want to see."

"That sounds awesome," you say with a hint of jealousy. You love that museum but honestly you'd just love time alone with Steve, not in the Tower.

"Yeah?" he asks as he leans forward then to your surprise he asks, "Want to come?"

Your silent for a second, watching over his shoulder as Calla join Yasmin and Bree, most likely to add to the discussion of you and Steve. Any time he spent more than a few minutes with you, they would whisper and gossip, no doubt trying to figure out why he found you worth the time. You never heard what was said but the constant looks in your direction made the topic clear. With a slight shake of your head you say, "No, I wouldn't want to bother you guys."

"I'm sure Bucky wouldn't mind," he tries again to persuade you and you nearly cave. He smirks, "Or I could tell him to stay home and we could go together, just us."

Your heart races at Steve's offer but despite every fiber of your being screaming yes, you hear yourself lie to him, "It's okay. I've got plans this weekend with a few friends anyway, maybe next time." Forcing a smile, you keep your mouth closed tightly so you don't make a fool of yourself, especially not with your coworkers clearly eavesdropping.

"Right, sure," he gets up from his seat and you can't help but notice he looks a little disappointed. "I've got an early briefing to go over the mission, I'll talk to you after," he says before turning away from you to walk towards his office.

You sigh contently as you finally respond to the last unread email in your inbox and get up from your desk. Stretching a bit, you groan softly when your stiff muscles move after a few hours of you being stuck behind your desk. Looking around you notice your three least favorite coworkers aren't at their desks so you assume they must be eating lunch. Either that or continuing their earlier conversation about a couple from cyber security that had a messy breakup over the weekend.

How do they get any work done for Bucky, Sam and Clint, you wonder as you grab your phone and put your computer to sleep. All they ever seem to do is gossip, I guess that's why Calla puts in so much overtime. You roll your eyes then sigh as you enter the hallway, pausing briefly to check your weather app. A smile replaces your annoyed expression. At least it's nice enough to eat outside. I never run into them out there, you think cheerfully as you move towards the break room to grab your lunch from the fridge.

Still looking down at your phone, you decide to search for the art exhibit Steve and Bucky are going to this weekend. Maybe I could buy a ticket and accidentally bump into them on Saturday? You picture him smiling warmly when you run into him then you shake your head as you quickly change your mind. You bite your lip and think, It does look like a really cool exhibit. I should go on Sunday, pretend I went with my friends then we could talk about it Monday at least.

Your finger hovers over the button to buy a ticket as you pass what should be an empty conference room. Through the crack of the partially open door you hear several voices and light laughter. Your curiosity gets the better of you and you lean closer when you hear your name.

"I can't believe Steve talks to Y/N so much," Calla, Clint's assistant complains with a huff. You move close enough to see the three women through the gap, wishing they would go back to discussing Kyle and Lexi's explosive breakup. "I know she works for him but seriously, it's like he doesn't even see the rest of us."

"Maybe he's not completely perfect after all," Yasmin laughs at her own joke. "He might need glasses, he is pretty old."

"Or he just can't see around her," Bree suggests with a giggle and your heart sinks when you watch her hold her arms out wide, exaggerating your size. "I mean she does take up a lot of space." You know you should walk away when you hear Calla and Yasmin laugh again in agreement but you can't seem to pull yourself away from the door. Instead, you find yourself moving quietly closer to hear better after looking around to make sure no one else is in the hallway.

When the giggling at your expense calms down, Yasmin smirks, "You know, I was thinking, Steve could save SHIELD a bunch of money if he just paid her in cookies or donuts."

"Oh yes! Or those stupid cupcakes they're both always so excited about," Bree agrees quicky with a wide grin.

You put your hand over your mouth to keep silent as you listen. I knew they talked about me but I didn't realize they were this hateful. I just thought they were a little jealous I got attention from Steve and they didn't, I had no idea this is what they really think of me, you fight to hold back tears knowing once they started falling they might not stop.

A flood of memories from middle and high school fill your mind as you recall the horrible names you had been called and the jokes played at your expense. You knew you would never be one of the skinny, beautiful, popular girls but you would have gladly settled for being invisible instead of a target for bullies. Your weight had always been a constant struggle and it is only very recently that you've begun to feel comfortable in your own skin. After college you slowly began to realize you're more than just your weight like you had always been told by your peers. You're self-esteem gradually grew day by day and you put less focus on what others thought about you, instead focusing on the parts of yourself that you love like your sense of humor and how smart you are. You can feel a shift in yourself as your mindset changes the minute your coworkers begin talking again. Every shred of your new found confidence leaves you and you feel like the shy teenager who used to hide away chance she could.

"Oh my god, I hate how he calls her cupcake. It's such a weird pet name, it doesn't make any sense," Calla rolls her eyes, her voice full of jealousy despite her claim to not like it.

Bree laughs, "He should call her pound cake."

"Ugh, and then she calls him muffin," Yasmin adds. "I bet she thinks it's so cute but Steve probably hates it. I mean really, what kind of grown man wants to be called muffin in front of everyone he works with?"

You look down as they talk harshly about the unique nickname that's caused you to smile and giggle everyday since Steve first used it. They're ruining it, you think as a tear rolls down your cheek. You can feel the weight of their words sinking in as the thought of being called cupcake suddenly makes you nauseous. Steve would have told me if he didn't like being called muffin, you try to argue silently but you aren't sure you believe that anymore.

"Oh wait wait wait. Did you hear she asked him what he was doing this weekend?" Yasmin changes topics abruptly.

You cringe in embarrassment and close the website to the museum on your phone. Catching a quick glimpse of yourself as another tear falls onto the black screen before you shove it into your pocket.

"I can't believe she actually thought he would want to go to the museum or anywhere else with her," Bree says. "Honestly, he's lucky she has plans this weekend. Can you imagine if she said 'yes'?"

"Please," Yasmin laughs and hits Bree's arm playfully. "There's no way she has plans, I doubt she even has friends. She probably finally realized he's just being nice to her. There's no way she would really think he'd want to spend time with her where people could see them together."

"I don't know, I just think it's sad how obvious it is that she has a crush on him," Calla says almost as if she cares about you getting hurt but you know she doesn't. You've watched her feign concern with several people over the last few months, getting them to trust her just so she can share their personal issues with her two friends. "He really is too sweet to her, poor thing is probably completely in love with him."

"I know and he'll never have the heart to tell tell Y/N that he's not even a little interested in her," Yasmin agrees.

"Maybe if she lost 100 pounds he would be," Bree offers and the other two laugh as they debate if you would ever be able to lose weight with him bringing you snacks all the time.

Your body finally moves, taking a few steps away from the door as if your legs have decided you've heard enough. Once you start moving, you don't stop. Keeping your head down and wiping your tears silently as you head straight for the women's bathroom, locking yourself in the furthest stall.

As soon as the lock clicks, you rest your back on the wall and bury your face in your hands, sobbing quietly. The harsh words and laughter repeat over and over in your mind, feeding into your own insecurities about your weight and any potential relationship you could have with Steve. Deep down you knew he was only being nice to you, he's my boss and my friend and nothing else.

Before you can collect yourself, your phone vibrates in your pocket and you read the message. You stare at Steve's text and sigh as your heart aches deep in your chest.

Steve: Hey cupcake, can you stop by my office when you're done with your lunch break? I need help with the expense report like always. You're right, I'm useless without you.

You type out a response but you can't bring yourself to send it. Reading it again, you sniffle as you delete 'muffin' and instead call him by his first name, keeping the rest of the text professional as well. It feels weird not to reply with an emoji or gif but you find it impossible to pretend you are your usual playful self.

Opening the stall door, you slowly walk over to one the sinks. You splash some cool water on your face, hoping it will calm you as you take several deep breaths. After drying your face, you look at yourself in the mirror and try to steady yourself to talk to Steve.

Taking one more deep breath, you knock on the door to Steve's office, wiping your eyes to ensure there is no trace of tears. He tells you to come in and when his eyes meet yours, his smile fades instantly. You can see the concern spread across his face and realize you must look even worse then you thought. "Are you okay?" he immediately gets up from his desk as you approach him.

Your eyes are red and glassy and it's apparent from his reaction that he can tell you've been crying but you decide not to tell him why. Steve will insist on trying to fix everything and the last thing you want to do right now is tell him what you overheard. You shake your head to answer his question, "I need to go home. I don't feel well."

Its not a lie, you reason with yourself, I feel completely awful physically and emotionally. Every part of you knows there's no way you can go back to your desk where Bree, Yasmin and Calla can see you for the remainder of the day. They would either realize you heard them and be thrilled to know you're a wreck because of it or they would be curious about why you look worse then usual. You can almost hear Calla pretending to care as she asks you invasive questions to find out why you're so upset so she can report back to the others.

"I'm sorry, of course you can go home. Do you want me to drive you?" he offers without a second of hesitation.

You can feel a new wave of tears threatening to escape at his kindness. He knows you have a long bus ride ahead of you and has driven you home many times when you both worked late. Shaking your head again you tell him, "I'll be fine."

"Okay," he hugs you tightly. You rest your cheek against his chest for a moment, savoring the feeling of his arms around you as you close your eyes and breathe deeply. "Text me if you need anything cupcake," he loosens his hold of you just enough for you to look up at him. "Soup, tissues, whatever you need. And let me know if still don't feel well tomorrow. You've got plenty of sick time," he reminds you in a caring tone as he lets you go, you let your arms fall to your side even though all you want is another hug.

You nod and take a step away from him, moving closer to the door, "I will, thanks Steve." The small smile on his lips fades once again as you leave his office.

You make your way to your desk, ignoring the way Calla watches you curiously. Maybe if I don't make eye contact with her, she won't come over and ask me what's wrong, you hope. You begin packing your belongings into your bag and frown when you think about how disappointed Steve looked when you left his office. He's only upset because he has to figure out the expense reports on his own now. It's not because I didn't call him 'muffin', you remind yourself despite feeling guilty for not reciprocating his use of your nickname a second time. Putting your bag over your shoulder, you keep your head down as you walk swiftly to the elevators.

Closing your front door with a heavy sigh, you kick off your shoes and drop your bag onto the floor instead of hanging it up where it belongs. You honestly can't be bothered to clean up after yourself as you drag yourself down the hall to your bedroom. Well, the bus ride was just about as awful as I thought it was going to be, you think with a groan, tossing your phone on the bed. As much as you wish you had asked Steve for a ride, you've decided the best way to get past your crush on him is to treat him professionally and be realistic about how you look compared to the perfect super soldier.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you lay back and look up at the ceiling while you reflect on the different emotions you felt on bus ride. The hour long trip was spent staring at your reflection in the dirty window, memories from this afternoon playing in your mind. Some replays of the conversation you overheard were exact while others were made even worse when your mind added in your own deep rooted insecurities. At one point, a scenario suddenly popped into your mind where you slammed the door to the conference room open and confronted your coworkers, you smiled to yourself when you imagined their shocked faces. The bus pulled over to make a stop and for a moment you thought about getting off the bus to go back to the office. You felt a sudden surge of confidence but it faded just as quicky as it appeared and you let out a defeated breath. Holding your bag tightly on your lap, you squeezed closer to the window for the remainder of the trip, trying to take up as little space as possible as a man sat next to you. There were plenty of empty seats but he still grumbled in annoyance when he pressed his leg against yours, trying to push his way into your limited space. Resting your head on the dingy window, you clenched your jaw and thought about what you needed to do to change things.

You put your hands over your face and close your eyes, breathing deeply for a few moments. The feeling of your phone vibrating on the bed next to you causes you to sit up immediately and unlock it. You read the message, a small smile slipping free without you even realizing it.

Steve: Hi cupcake, just wanted to make sure you got home okay and see how you're feeling. Let me know if you need anything okay? Feel better

You bite your lip, the thought of asking him to drop by with the excuse that you need soup flashes through your mind but then you're reminded of Calla's words. He's only offering because he's sweet, not because he likes you. He would do the same for everyone he's friends with and it's sad you don't realize that. You sniffle and type out a response, hoping he won't text you again so you can try not to think about him for the rest of the night. You doubt it will be that easy but you have to at least try.

Y/N: Just got home. Thanks for the offer Steve, I should be fine. I'm pretty tired so I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'll be okay to come to work tomorrow.

You put your phone on the nightstand and decide to take a shower, hoping it will help you relax but unfortunately it has the opposite effect. No matter how long you stand under the hot steamy water, you can't seem to quiet your thoughts.

Your boss frowns when he reads your reply, noting that you once again call him Steve and not muffin. Something is definitely wrong, he decides as he begins to type out a new message in the hopes that you'll let him drop by after he finishes his last meeting. The door to his office abruptly swings open and he groans with irritation when he's distracted from his phone.

"You okay punk?" Bucky asks lightheartedly when he sees the annoyed expression on his friend's face.

He closes the unfinished text and puts his phone back down on his desk. "Don't you ever knock?" he asks instead of answering Bucky's question. What he really wants to say is, 'No, I haven't been okay since Y/N lied to me about being sick and left'. The blonde super soldier has spent the last hour and a half wracking his brain, trying to figure out why you were crying and what he could do to help. He's sure his friend will see right through his avoidance but he continues, a part of him welcoming the brief distraction. "Seriously, what if I was in the middle of something important?"

"You're never doing anything important," Bucky smirks as he takes a seat.

Steve rolls his eyes, relaxing a little with the familiar banter, "Real funny jerk."

Bucky chuckles, not offended by his friend's sour attitude. "You're grumpier than usual today. Is it cause Y/N isn't here?" He raises an eyebrow, curious to see if Steve will admit you're absence is the reason he's on edge.

"She went home," the captain explains as briefly as possible.

"Is she sick?" he asks, only curious because his friend is being evasive.

Steve sighs and leans forward, "She said she is."

"But you don't believe her?" Bucky slides his chair a bit closer to the desk as he becomes more interested.

Your boss shakes his head, "She lied... she was crying. I don't know... something is wrong but I'm not sure what."

"Did you talk to her about what was happening with her job?" Bucky can tell Steve didn't by the way he reacts. "You were supposed to talk to her this morning."

Steve puts his hand over his face, "I know, I was going to but then I got distracted." Bucky sighs as his friend continues. "She was asking me about my plans for the weekend and I asked if she wanted to go to the museum with us..." he smiles a little at how cute you looked when you were excited. "Or without you, preferably-"

"Thanks," Bucky laughs a little as if he's offended.

Steve continues, ignoring his friend's comment, "But then she suddenly got really awkward and told me she was busy so I just went back to my office cause I felt like an idiot for thinking she'd go with me."

"Steve-" Bucky starts, his expression becoming serious.

"I know," he interrupts, putting a hand up to stop him. "I screwed up but I'll talk to her about it tomorrow when she's back."

Bucky shakes his head, "It might be too late for that. You said she was crying when she came in here? Did it just happen?"

"I guess a little after noon, she was at lunch when I texted her to talk about those stupid expense reports," Steve looks anxiously at his friend. "Why would it be late?"

"Because Agent Hill is off the next few days, she sent the email out already," he explains.

"What?" Steve's chest tightens. "Oh crap, you think she got the email before I got to explain everything to her?"

"That's my best guess," he shrugs.

"I need to call her," your boss gets up and grabs his phone.

Bucky gets up and walks towards the door, "Good luck. Don't forget to tell her you're an idiot a few times, might help her not be so angry at you."

"Really helpful, thanks," Steve waves for Bucky to leave as he listens to the phone ring.

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

(I still don't have a Steve list so I'm just tagging a few people I think might like this)

@soubi001 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @multyunervisesuperfan @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @lulubelle814 @alexakeyloveloki @siconetribal @ash-muses @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @wolfsmom1 @peaches1958 @catsladen @michellewgrt @crimson25 @jaidenhawke @mochie85 @itscomplicatedx @motherofmischief @lethallyprotected @biaswreckedbybuckybarnes

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