fantasicallyconflictedsage - Tumblr blog

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

It feels so good, when the ice breaker is, "So, tell me about yourself"

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Oh! How funny am I now? So much for restraining myself for three years, I miss her, her friendship. I didn't wanna fall, but couldn't help tripping all over the place.

I managed to distance her but I couldn't keep myself with myself, it's lost. Well, we exchange stickers for now. I wanna quit already, I'm too scared. 🙃🙃🙃

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

I'm broke🤗✨

Stalking has never been more interesting!

alright, pay me for my interesting blog. 🫴🏽

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

I just go over for a walk when I'm bored, take a book and read it on the bench, what more do you need???

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

winter is like will it ever end will it ever end will it ever end and then summer is like everything is ending suddenly and at once

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

I would someday, just kneel down to tie her laces, just for the sake of touching her feet.

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I have been wondering for a few hours, about her.

How is she? Did she dance? Did she listen to music? Did she play with her cat? Did she smile?!

It's been 3 years ig, I am just having my usual late night panic attack, scared mind and guilty heart.

For I don't have any wishes to see her, not the way I am. But, a thought came to my mind, that if she is ever standing around me, I would just have an automatic mode on, a smile from idk where will be on my face, she would be glowing like the moon, doesn't matter even if I'm blind. Man, her presence is sure very warm.

Sorry yuri.

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

Somehow, I have started to laugh around people, I have no reason to, still I do. I realised I can stop it voluntarily too the moment I turn my face away, why am I faking it now.

I recently came across an experience, if I think hard enough I have done really bad to someone, but it's different from what she claims. I am not responsible for hurting her, but for not trying to reach out to her when I know she is hurt. I still remember those red tear-filled eyes looking straight up at me, sitting across the table at a local café, as we both were in our own company, I chose to look away, but that still haunts me. I'm still unsure if I should have let everything go wild, walked up to her, sat across and apologised. And tell her to speak up. But, I chose to sit, was I that coward, I wonder.

I sat cuz I ended things on most basic terms. And, it was just a few days ago, she was flaunting her new boyfriend (I wasn't a boyfriend) and flirting loudly, and laughing as if nothing ever bugged her. I was genuinely pleased, and felt myself at peace until this happened.

I'm confused, ik you can have breakdowns at different moments, but she always asked me to share my problems with people around me, why does that not work now, the fact that everyone knows everything she thought, yet she is sitting with them crying, wth are they there for... Why is she crying? If she got friends? Why am I not crying there? When I am left with no one to talk to, no one to share my side of story, I created a common group for both of us not to get cast out?

Well, anyways, I tried to genuinely take care of one person, I cooked her breakfast sometimes, and just loved caressing her head, kissing her forehead, but somehow, I felt I am just not getting their same attention as I am giving, I slowly started swaying away, things were nothing now. I couldn't care for someone, when they don't help me gain my social energy, I don't like getting drained out. I do cry for what she put me out to everyone as. But, I did really wrong, for letting someone cry. I'm sorry.

About my laugh? I am sensitive to people noticing my sad face.

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

come rest your bones next to me

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

tumblr is a period tracker app if you use it right

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

I used to think communication was the key until I realized, comprehension is. You can communicate all you want with someone but if they don't understand you, it's silent chaos.

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

Gimme book recommendations 🐱✨

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

Bro, neend nii aa rahi😭✨

Sojaaoyaar kahan ho vro

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

Sojaaoyaar kahan ho vro

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

Please bless them! 😭✨

[fantasicallyconflictedsage]

And at 5am the bus stops at a dhaba for a short tea break.