fatedpromise

[fatedpromise]

5/1

-important for validation and reassurance, normal for me to be worried

-i have to be more clear with communication in the future in terms of what i want to do. would be good to revisit conversation into specifics of how we can be intimate. als ok to change boundary in the future if i'm not comfortable

-in the meantime, maintaining long distance will be important. would be helpful to schedule times to catch up

-could ask social workers to grab coffee or lunch

-helping him as a human and separate actions, make sure he is ok physically, set goals for treatment

-we have a couple more minutes left, let's revisit or continue conversation next time. next time, reminder that we this much time

-oh my next patient's coming, i'm sorry, let's talk about it next time

[fatedpromise]

dealbreakers vs preferences

dealbreakers

doesn't smoke/vape

monogamous

open to having children

taller than me

makes 6 figures and above (similar earning potential)

preferences

east asian/southeast asian

had an alt/emo phase or still in it

has piercings/tattoos

likes cats or has cats

can cook/enjoys cooking

[fatedpromise]

4/11

join facebook groups for girlfriends

walking clubs in town

if i notice asking question before conversation is over, remind self in head, fnish thought but redirect back onto other person

good to ground self in the moment and 5 senses. can eat sour candy/gum to kind of ground self

sometimes it's ok for people to not reply, they may just be processing. i seem to have ok responses

[fatedpromise]

4/3

-pros/cons of waiting a year vs waiting until year ends

-what don't i like about the relationship? am i willing to waitfor change to be brought up? reflect on other traits/qualities

-do you think he would be a good partner + husband?

-what do i want in ideal husband? does he match those qualities

[fatedpromise]

3/27

-would be helpful for him to say he is busy

-normal to feel disappointed that he hasn't responded, don't need dbt modules lol

-with long distance, more shifts with feeling different, so it's normal to have more highs and lows

-regarding my family, it was her choice to stay in relationship and try to work things out, not my fault that it happened

-normal to have some social awkwardness esp after covid and figuring out socialization

-i don't seem to be autistic lol

[fatedpromise]

1/22

ability to be empathic will serve me well, in example with medical student

professionals can develop prickly exterior bc they don't want to be blamed

ok to be in space of 'oh i was wrong, no problem'. reframe and continue to practice transference

dad was prob scared or whatever and projecting on to me

dump those feelings as soon as i can

toxic to hold onto those feelings

try to detach, it's not about you and more about them

[fatedpromise]

therapy 1/6

-was able to deal w strong emotions, ride out waves in 2024

i want to repeat affirmation statements to self to increase confidence and self worth

don't beat yourself up if you don't hike or exercise, listen to self and see if you need extra sleep

be intentional about scheduling travel time

[fatedpromise]

therapy 10/22

-try yoga classes kakaako

-lean into affirmations for self, 'you're doing well,' 'you're strong,' 'say positive thing out loud to balance out negative,' 'i'm where i need to be at' 'you should be making mistakes, you should be checking yourself''you won't forget your mistakes, you want to fail and fail forward' 'i needed to have that experience so i won't do it again'

-have grace for yourself!

-cointern could have transference, maybe inside joke that's not negative

-what would you tell high school self when dealing with judgmental people, chance to reflect on it and sit on it. you're not the same person that you were in high school, you've grown a lot and matured, have more rubber on tires.

[fatedpromise]

therapy 10/15

-dec discuss comproise

-shut down, hard for me to mind read, would be helpful to talk about

-maybe helpful to share first

-maybe helpful to seriously dissect podcast or video together, if you see something with him then playing devil's advocate

-maybe entertain some train of thought that he has, reality test though my background" i can see how you would come to that, but also form this perspective.." come into his world and maybe he'll soften a bit

-can you be more mindful about checking and kind words to help me get through the day

[fatedpromise]

gratitude

10 things i wanted so bad back then that i have now

a cute asian skater boyfriend with good music taste :P

piercings

a medical degree :D

makeup skillz

a fashion sense

healthy friendships

dating experience :P

being an alt girl :^)

two cats!

a future to look forward to!

[fatedpromise]

therapy 10/3

-don't like her crisis become yours

-rational detachment, pts need to be in crisis and make behavioral change

there's a value to stating what you need, how do you want it o unfold?

-if he's unable to change, then ball is in your court

-are the thoughts helping you? separate work stress + isolation from thoughts abt relatonship. what do you want? where do you want to be in 5-10 years? value in connecting with bf, making compromises. if there is unwillingness to compromise, that's a huge data point. address concerns sooner the better w/empathy, since things can get kind of entrenched

[fatedpromise]

therapy 9/25

-ohana psych for rx

-it's ok act selfishly in this relationship adn use bf as support or "nice thing" for now, can re evalute later. but don't lose self and be careful about detachment

-engage in pleasurable activities, nice dinner, show, movie

[fatedpromise]

goals for kind of person i want to be

[fatedpromise]

therapy 9/11

-what do you want rleatioship to be

-what do you want career to be? visualize things, go through contingencies, create a space for what he wants relationship to be, try to find vision of what you woud like both of your futures would like to be

[fatedpromise]

therapy 9/4

-shared experiences helps further develop relationships, may take some time. maybe can connect over common experiences

-continue to do exposure

-trying to hold onto being as genuine as possible and framing things as learning. i worked my ass off to get here and still learning/growing

-keep talking back to negative thoughts. great that i'm reframing with cbt techniques.i'm where i need to be for learner

-all-or-nothing perfectionist thinking, i don't feel proud of myself. but right now i'm a sweet spot of learning, meeting expectation is good. i'm being challenged, and that's a good thing.

[fatedpromise]

therapy 8/28

week is survival, distracting self is ok with doomscrolling

weekend i can be more intentional

be direct with what you need in love language, wouldn't hurt to be vulnerable and would be something you'd like. give positive affirmation to reinforce behavior

"i feel kind of bad/guilty when you joke around about it"

he just might feel discomfort when expressing love and use humor to soften things

guilt/shame are red flags, use cognitive behavioral therapy. important to be vulnerable with partner

be patient, don't guilt/shame but just be vulnerable. everyone's different and these are my needs.

can there be a compromise?

can model behavior for boyfriend

[fatedpromise]

therapy 8/21

-horseback riding turtle bay resort

-sleep tracker app

-brother doesn't have to get it, you don't have to hold back when talking since you will always have this relationship. maybe try experimenting and try opening up, see if it's benificical for you. 'hey i'm just going to vent, let me unpack'

-can vent about relationship to brother, esp medication stuff with antidepressants

-make a day for yourself - watch a movie, have your fave meal, take time to recharge