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[fatgirlsclub-blog1]

What Even Is

** Disclaimer: I do not proofread before I post my thoughts. While I do correct spelling errors, I want my thoughts to flow as effortlessly and organically as possible. My mind is full of so many thoughts and my goal here is to turn my thoughts in to actual words that could potentially in some far off universe reach someone who actually needs to read my words.. I hope that mayyybe with all of my experiences I will be able to help just one soul. .and even if I don’t, this is healing for me.**

I wrote a couple of paragraphs, I was just letting my thoughts sorta just flow out. I never go in with a game plan, I always just “wing-it!,” life is just easier that way, ya digg? But then, my entire game plan changed. The wavelength I thought I was feelings had a way of turning into a whole other wavelength. That’s how life is sometimes-- you go in with a game plan, you think you know what you’re going to do, then its like *CURVEBALL* we are not in charge of the way things flow and play out...

Anyways, off that rabbit trail I was just on...(please get used to that.. my mind is a wiiild ride, for realz.) I am always reminded that the way we see ourselves is not truly the way that we are. Unfortunately for me, I am my biggest hater. I don’t usually recognize anything positive about myself, which is awful to admit but it is the truth, meh.. I posted a little quote I found on facebook to my instagram in regards to miscarriage and the feelings related to it once it does happen to you, so on and so forth... and then I had an ex-coworker/a good friend of mine send me the sweetest response to my post which truly made me tear up. 

It’s been a rough day for me and I’ve just been feeling as if I am not truly important. Most of the reason I feel that way is because of situations with 2 different guys, which in turn has made me feel as if I am less than, not to mention that damn miscarriage that I am not fully ready to handle or even deal with at this point in time.. Because of all of that, and other various reasons, I do feel as if people don’t like me... 

I say all of that to say, the words that were written to me fully reminded me that I AM loved, I AM more than I think I am... I AM important. 

“You are seriously [an] amazing soul and you have nothing but the love of God and full fledged kindness in you heart.” 

The person who said that will more than likely never see this post, never know the full impact that statement had on my day. My entire perception of my day changed at the drop of the hat... Which I guess brings me all the way back to one of the first statements I was making alll the way up there (insert pointing up arrow).. life has a funny way of showing us that we are not in charge. 

Well, that’s all she wrote for the day.. 

So Long & Farewell