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Eddie: *monologuing about being in love with tragically straight Steve Harrington*

Robin: You know you can just ask him out. He’s bi

Eddie: Steve’s bi?

Steve: Oh, no. Not anymore.

Steve: My parents found out and they got really supportive. Like really supportive.

Steve: It was weird so I’m straight again.

Eddie:

Steve: We can go out though.

Eddie: Okay. Good.

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After the fight with Billy, everyone in the party starts freaking out about Steve’s eyesight because he straight up can’t see. He’s squinting at everything. He’s feeling around for stuff that’s right in front of him. He’s holding stuff inches from his face to see it.

Eventually Steve catches on and is like, “Dude, I wear contacts.”

“They’re clearly not working anymore.”

“Yeah, because I’m not wearing them,” Steve says like it’s obvious. “Have you ever put in contacts with two black eyes? No? Because it sucks?”

“Don’t you have glasses you can wear?”

“I also have a broken nose,” He points out. “Having a pair of heavy-ass glasses sitting on my face will feel great, right? I’d rather see nothing.”

A week later they find out that his hearing was fucked up during the fight and are like, “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING?????”

“Didn’t seem important.”

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One, two, and maybe three flutters of his eyelashes, and the woman is already blushing. Barty is aware that the angel face he was born with serves many good purposes; bedding the most irritating -and relevant- musical theatre critic in the UK is one of the handiest.

AO3: Like lover, Like ghost (blah, blah, blah) || Chapter 4

The color version of Barty's headshot because it's cute

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Bruce Just-became-a-parent Wayne having no idea what things he should or shouldn't allow because, well, no one told him 'No' growing up.

And just letting Dick get away with the most insane shit.

*At a fundraiser*

Random rich lady:... I can't believe how these young people are behaving! All covered in tattoos and piercings, God.

Bruce: Right, right.

Random rich lady: I would never allow my children to do something like that, In my time–

Bruce: You Wouldn't!????

Random rich lady: Wha– No! Of course I wouldn't! Beside, my kids are too young–

Bruce: YOUR FIFTEEN YEAR OLD KIDS ARE TOO YOUNG!??

Random rich lady:

Bruce: Shit. FUCK. Excuse me, I need to make a call. *dials number furiously*

Bruce: Alfred! I need you to stop Dick at front door. Do NOT let him leave the house!

*A month lather*

Dick entering Bruce's office: Hey, Bruce!

Bruce: Hey, Chum. What is it?

Dick: I just wanted to remind you that you promised to get me a certain something for my birthday next week.

Bruce: Oh, right...

Dick: Yeah, wouldn't want you to "change your mind" like with the piercing. You did promise, after all...

Bruce:

Dick: And it would be pretty villainous of you to break your promise... again.

Bruce:

Dick: Alright, that's all. Bye! *runs away*

Bruce, quietly picking up the phone:

Bruce: Hi, Mrs. McAllister. It's Bruce Wayne, we met at a fundraiser last month... Yes, the very same, heh...

Bruce: Say, hypothetically, if your kids were to ask for a motorcycle for their birthdays, that would be okay, right?

Bruce, closing his eyes: It wouldn't?... Right, of course. Fuck

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"el has like a book of letters from you!"

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*Tim Drake’s parents after they all just witnessed the Graysons falling to their deaths*

Jack Drake: I think that the important thing is that Tim is fine.

Janet Drake: Fine? He’s been grilling me about where circus performers go when they die.

Jack Drake: Hah. Like they have souls.

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Driving lessons gone wrong

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(My headcannon on the BatFam's poison resistance)

Jason and Damian are playing a game where they test each others resistance to poisons while the others make bets.

Dick: So we're all in agreement about Damian winning? Jason: No loyalty. Duke: I bet on you Jason Jason: Then you're gonna lose lol.

While they're talking Bruce just... mixes all of them together and downs the concoction.

Bruce: I've had vodka stronger than this.

Everyone is horrified except Alfred, who watched Bruce do this a hundred times when he first finished his training as a 'party trick' and already placed his bet on Bruce.

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Bruce, completely horrified: gods, no

Selina: *follows his gaze*

Jason, on the piano:... and I call this one "A world of pain" *closes his eyes and starts playing a slow music before pausing*

Jason: *goat scream*

Bruce: I'm so sorry, Selina... we could reschedule, if you want?

Selina: it's alright, I'm honestly impressed with your kids

Bruce: kids? *abruptly stands up and sweeps the restaurant with his eyes*

Dick: *a few tables away, on a date with Kory*

Duke: *seemingly uncomfortable, sitting relatively far away*

Tim: *for some reason making a cocktail in the bar*

Steph: *taking an order not that far*

Cass: *talking in sign language with a kid, also working there*

Damian: have you decided what do you wish?

Bruce: *turns around to find Damian, pen at the ready to take their order*

...

Bruce: all of you but Cass and Duke are grounded until the heat death of the universe

Damian: *nods* tt. an acceptable price

Selina: *puts down the menu* I'm having the steak

Damian: certainly

Jason: *more screaming*

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Damian is still a child guys

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Sirius may flirt with everybody around him like it’s nothing but the second Remus comes close to him he struggles to form a coherent sentence

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Not to be dramatic but Wolfstar invented yearning. You wouldn't last one day in 1970s homoerotic tension.

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I think Lily would be weirdly competitive about class Kahoots. Remus would play casually and usually get 3rd place without trying. James wouldn't even understand the rules and spend the whole time trying to come up with the funniest username. Peter would get way too stressed and treat it like a final exam. Marls would give up at question 5, and Mary would answer everything on instinct and still somehow answer almost everything correctly. But Lily? Lily would play to win. Sirius once made the mistake of beating her, and you don't want to know how that ended.

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"He was like the moon; part of him was always hidden away" but it's Remus Lupin and his secrets.

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Sirius trailing off mid-rant about something stupid and realizing Remus is watching him with this look.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Remus just shrugs. "You’re very pretty when you care about things"