fearing--is-beginning

[fearing--is-beginning]

“I would have given anything to hear your voice” 

“You have one new voice message” with her hands full of boxes and her cell phone jammed into her shoulder Elliott attempted to balance against the wall as she dug around in her pocket for her key to the new building. She probably should have admitted to Brennon that she needed help. But when he’d called her in the morning and asked if she’d needed anything she’d been her usual stubborn and had chosen to deny the offer. Now here she was attempting to balance a million things. Finally, the key found its way into the correct spot and she started to turn the door handle when she heard it. “Message received at 9:35 AM…” something had told her when her phone started going off that she wasn’t ready for whatever was on the other line. She wasn’t ready to receive whatever message was waiting for her. Yet there was a part of her that couldn’t wait to hear the message either. “Hey, Pip…” His voice started out and suddenly she felt the boxes in her hands drop to the ground as the door finally swung open, taking her cell phone right along with it. Maybe she should have just deleted the message rather than actually listening to the thing. She knew that from this moment, this second that she was hearing his voice everything was going to change again.

Her phone continued to squawk on from the floor. Thankfully, the screen of it didn’t seem to be in any way damaged. Maybe it would have been a better thing if it had crashed into millions of pieces, maybe then she could ignore the fact that her heart was pulling tighter in her chest over his simple two words. Elliott hadn’t ever been able to ignore him once he’d started something, this was him starting something for sure.

Attempting to gather her composure she took a deep breath and knelt down on her knees to fuss with the books in the box that had fallen to the ground. She’d rather get that in order first before looking at her phone. Today was supposed to be a good day. She’d signed the papers on the building this morning and now here she was finally opening up her own therapy center, the first one of its kind in town. If there was anything she was proud of it was this. She’d worked so hard to gather things together, to receive her degree… all of it. Just so that kids going through a hard time had a place to get help and deal with what was occurring to them. She would have given anything to have someone around when her own mother and brother had passed, or when her father had remarried and settled her with two young sisters that she’d never really been too fond of. Two step sisters that she still to the day wasn’t sure how she felt about. But this therapy center wasn’t for her. This was so that the next generation didn’t end up like she had.

She’d gathered everything to make kids comfortable. Her car was packed with pillows and blankets, with books and crayons… everything to make the now cool little building feel homey and warm… for the center to feel like a safe place rather than just a doctor’s office.

With the children’s books finally back in the box, she reached for it then, her phone almost like lava scorching her skin. She knew she needed to listen to it. She needed to hear what he had to say. He’d been gone for almost four years, he’d left without hardly giving her a goodbye and surly without giving her any sort of closure. And yet hearing his voice had brought back to her all of the emotion she’d felt through the years, the love, disdain, happiness, frustration, sadness… literally, every emotion she felt was wrapped into Benjamin Oliver Dubois. He had all of her, he’d created most of her, he was to blame for both her highs and her lows. And that was part of the reason that now she didn’t know how to feel. Not when her life was just beginning to find a pattern without him being there. When she was figuring out how to live and how to move on when it was just her again.

Grasping the cell phone in her hand she pressed the button to make the voicemail end, she didn’t attempt to put it on again or even to listen to it. Instead, she slipped it into her pocket and attempted to recompose herself. She wasn’t going to do this now. She’d let the questions continue to reoccur in her head over and over again. For now, she was going to walk inside that building and make it into what she’d been dreaming it to be for months. Because that was the most important thing at hand. Because she’d put far too much effort into it for Ollie to throw her for a loop for the day.

[fearing--is-beginning]

“The truth hurts but secrets kill” 

“Dear have a seat” when the woman’s secretary had called her cell phone and requested a meeting she’d known right away that nothing about this little visit was going to be a good idea. “I’m sure you are aware of the situation at hand Lucy…” Elliott’s brow furrowed for a moment, she’d been around for literally seventeen years and yet the woman sitting in front of her still couldn’t remember to call her the right now. This was how involved the ex-senate woman was with her family and at home priorities. “Pardon me, Mrs. Dubois, my name is Elliott.” she interrupted and saw the older and sickly woman’s face turn to rage for a moment over the fact that Elliot had dared to talk out of term. For heaven’s sake, she didn’t understand how anyone could talk to this woman and then wonder why Oliver had turned out the way he had. Of course, it was no excuse for all of the mistakes he made, but it also wasn’t anywhere near a surprise as to why he was the way that he was. “Oh right, my apologies. Elliott, as I was saying before, I’m sure you are aware of the situation that is going on right now. Benjamin has explained to you that I am in fact going to die in a couple short months.” abrasive to no end, even in times of illness it didn’t seem to stop the woman from speaking exactly what was on her mind. “You are surely not what I would have chosen for my only son.” Elliott’s eyes grew wide for a moment and she looked away for a moment to compose herself. It was just a good thing she’d learned a long time ago how to put up with Dubois antics.

“I do apologize for that Mrs. Dubois” with an attempt to hide the question in her voice she painted a smile on her face before looking back at the woman again, brushing away her hurt. “I don’t mean anything against you dear, I just mean that Benjamin could have always had anyone he wanted and yet somehow he’d always picked you. There is clearly nothing that I’ve ever been able to say about this.” Kathleen Dubois hardly even knew her son, she’d skipped every holiday from the time he was ten years of age on. Elliott had been with him for all of them and yet here went his mother, pretending like she knew what was right and what was wrong when it came to Oliver’s wishes and needs. She hadn’t even bothered to show up the day he’d graduated. It was not Elliott’s place to point out any of these things, of course, she knew how and when to hold her tongue which was probably the best way to deal with the Dubois family. “The point of this meeting is that I need to know that you return my son’s feelings implicitly.” if she’d been around more she would have known that this conversation was the most pointless thing that could have been arranged. “Ol - Benjamin, has been my best friend since the day I was born Mrs. Dubois. I don’t believe that there’s ever been a day that I haven’t been in love with your son.” that was the honest truth even when he was both unfair and pigheaded towards her. Ollie had done things that most girls never would have stood for, and yet somehow she’d always found a way to stick right with him.

Sitting back in the chair she attempted to relax herself a little bit. Not that that was going to be possible in the woman’s stuffy office. Kathleen was quiet now, studying her almost it seemed. What else was she going to assess next? Elliott’s lack of designer clothes? Her mousy blonde hair? How she wasn’t sitting like she’d taken any formal classes. Elliott had prepared herself best she could before walking into the familiar house, these people didn’t see their neighbors or anyone in their tiny town as people, they were simply servants who’d gotten her elected into office years prior. “Now Elliott, I must ask - what are your intentions with my son? Can you be the one to take care of his every need? Even when he becomes like his good for nothing father? This is not the first time that Hank has done something like this and I know that it wouldn’t be the last time if I wasn’t dying.” Elliott’s eyes went wide again, how could a person stay with someone through any of that. that was something that Ollie had never done. He’d hurt her so many other ways but being unfaithful, that was something he clearly spoke out against, never wanting to be like his own father or mother. She’d had her indiscretions as well, that had been splashed across all newspapers when Ollie had been thirteen. she’d sat beside him slightly confused but being as understanding as an eleven-year-old could have been. “Excuse me for speaking out Mrs. Dubois, but you don’t know your son as well as you believe you do” she couldn’t believe the words as they came out of her mouth. What was she doing? This was dangerous water to tread and she attempted to never even do it to Ollie, never mind the woman who’d given birth to the storm. “Did you know that your son graduated the top of his class? That when he gave his speech he did it for you, he thanked you - and not because the media and press told him that he needed to. But because he has always credited his brains to you.” there was a hit of energy then, Elliott wasn’t sure she was going to be able to stop herself from speaking, even though she knew that she probably should have right away.

“He was accepted into every college he applied to - only he didn’t go because he didn’t know what it would do to you. He didn’t know what would happen if he wasn’t here to play the go-between for you and Mr. Dubois. Because he knew that if your, excuse me for saying this, sham of a perfect family came to light you’d never recover from it.” Ollie probably would have been proud of her for speaking up against anything, she was always the quiet kid that knew when to smile and nod her head. In this case, she was losing grip of everything. “He knows about the coke you both hide in secret places in the house just to make it through your days. His father’s gambling issues have never been lost on him either, just like your drinking. You may think that I’m not right for your son, but and excuse me for saying this, you’ve never been right for your son either.” she was pretty sure she hadn’t come up for breath once since she’d begun talking, but once she’d started she knew that if she stopped she’d find herself apologizing for everything she’d said and more. “I want to see him happy, I’ve never wanted anything more than to see him happy. For the most part, I see it every day. But there’s also this sadness to him that he’ll never get over because you and his father broke him day one.” that was it, she was done and she needed to get out of there as fast as she could before this tough girl persona cracked and she was left with pieces all over the floor.

Getting up out of her chair without being told she was allowed she pushed the chair in, “Now I have a date with that son of yours that I’m running very late to get ready for. Good night Mrs. Dubois, I hope that you use the time you have left to actually get to know your son. Because he’s difficult, yes, but he’s the most compassionate and headstrong guy I know and I’ve loved him my entire life.” without making any eye contact with the older woman’s, Elliott pushed her chair in and made her way out of the office. She needed to get outside so that she could breathe again.

[fearing--is-beginning]

Elliott lifted her sandwich to take another bite when all of a sudden Amelia was up off of her chair and running toward the bathrooms. Watching her best friend, her brow furrowed. Maybe Amelia should have actually stayed home from work for once instead of forcing herself to go in. It sounded like she’d picked up the flu or something along the way. Then again, knowing Amelia she was probably just overworking herself. If anyone was good at that it was Amelia. Taking the time to reach for the wraps for the sandwichs and other leftovers, she carefully cleaned them up and placed them back in the container. THere was no way that Amelia was going to want to eat anything after that whole little outburst. Ellie would have to do her best to try and convince her to go home, it would probably be a moot point but she still had to give the whole thing a decent attempt.  

As Mia walked back over to the table she pushed her water in her direction, figuring that might be the best thing. “You know Mia, maybe you need to go home for the day and rest. It looks like they have everything pretty covered in here.” the sparse amount of people who lingered inside of the diner was true, but Elliott also knew that the place pretty much fell apart when Amelia wasn’t the one in charge. She’d heard all of the horror stories that came from Amelia’s mouth when she came back after even a day of leaving the place to watch itself. One would have thought that everyone who worked in the restaurant would have known the deal by now. Clearly, these were people who didn’t learn anything very easily. “I really think it might do you good” she edged on, knowing that it would be of no use. It was rare that Amelia actually listened to her about anything. She’d always been both fiercely independent and completely stubborn. One of the many reasons the two girls had stuck like glue to one another through the thick and thin.

“You know, that whole appointment doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe you should give them a call?” Elliott had had her ins and outs with appointments but never had anything sounded so simple and pretty much put together as that. There was just something that sounded like it was off like the doctor hadn’t known what she was doing when she’d examined her. “Maybe the woman grabbed the wrong chart and thought you were coming in for something else? Maybe like a check up on something?” she was sure it probably wasn’t anything series. Probably just a mixed up file with someone who had some sort of infection or something. Regardless, it was probably a good idea to make sure that the doctors knew what they were doing and had a handle on it all before the other person ended up sicker or endanger. Perhaps Elliott was just too good at looking out for other people. after all, it was so much easier than looking out for herself. “Just give them a call.”

pulling her drink closer to her she took a long pull from it, thinking to herself for a moment. “Not really, it’s just a long and boring day for me” she shrugged. She probably should have been happier to go out with Brennon for the day. Maybe she would have been had Oliver not (as always) found a way to creep back into her mind. She and Brennon had been together for nearly a year and still, things seemed to be just okay. “You haven’t talked to him lately have you?” Brennon she meant, they’d all grown up being closer than dust, so there was always a possibility there. “I’m beginning to think that he has the thought of forever in his head already” he’d been making comments about rings and things for weeks now. “I don’t know how I feel about any of that.”

[fearing--is-beginning]

Melia’s greeting was one that she lived for. At least there was one person who always seemed to like having her around, whether she carried cinnamon rolls with her or not. Most of the people in town only wanted her around if she brought the sticky gooey goodness with her, she could understand those people, not that it made the situation any better of course. She listened to Leslie speak to Amelia and she offered the other woman a sympathetic smile for the morning as she bit her lip, attempting not to laugh at Amelia. “Woah, sounds like someone got out of bed on the clumsy side of the bed. Maybe I should carry lunch” she teased as they trudged through the kitchen. “It can’t be that bad of a day. I mean – you’ve had much worse.” Their escapades in college, accidentally landing in dumpsters – had to have been far worse than whatever hell Amelia was going through for the day. She’d remind the other girl of that to lighten the mood as soon as she calmed down a little bit. It seemed as though Miss Mia just needed to let it all out for a moment without her going on and on like a crazy person. Something that Elliott had always been far too good at.

“Food poising? What did you eat last night?” she asked as they sat down in the chairs and mentally checked to see if they’d been out to dinner together. Being that the usual was to have dinner together she was almost positive that they’d had the same thing, and she was completely sure that she was just fine. “How the heck did you get food poisoning? We had dinner together? The Chinese food.” She scratched the side of her head a moment as Amelia continued on telling about her hell of a morning. It was as the set of words slipped out of her mouth that Elliott clasped her hand over her mouth, doing her best not to burst out laughing. “Amelia, since when does something like that EVER help?” not that Elliott would know the difference. The closest she’d ever gotten to anything like that was Tylenol, and even that was only if she was fifty shades past desperate to get rid of a headache or any other ache. “Oh, Amelia” she laughed once again, knowing that it was probably the last thing that would help. “It sounds like you really have had a bad morning, I’m so sorry.”

“How about this…” she offered after a beat of silence. Reaching into the bag she pulled out the wrapped cookies first, neglecting the sandwiches for a moment. “It sounds like for once you could stand to eat your desert first.” It wasn’t like Ellie to encourage this, she was always the by the books type, even when it came to something like food. Sugary treats always came after the real food. She’d never really had any sort of urge to stray from the things her mother had taught her before her passing. “My day has been positively normal and boring. Just like every other day” her life was a case of ordinary and boring. Everyone had told her that again and again. “Although, I guess Alex and I are supposed to be going out tonight. It’s a …date… or whatever you’d like to call it” she was still having an issue with the whole dating thing. It had taken her far too long to agree to go out with Alex and unfair enough to him, she was still having issues with calling their nights out what they actually were. The concept, even years later, was odd to her without Ollie being around to be her other half. “Are you sure we can’t just get movies and stay up all night instead? It sounds like a much better option” perhaps she needed to stop trying to use Amelia as her way to get out of things – but that was never going to happen anyway.

Unwrapping her sandwich she took a bite of half of it and gazed out into the restaurant, at the usual people who all gathered pretty much day after day. And a thought struck her. “You never told me about the doctors a couple of weeks ago.” She announced suddenly, knowing it was probably the last thing Amelia wanted to talk about, but since when were they, not the two that shared even the most awkward things. “You said something strange went on but never elaborated on what exactly happened. Besides, you were in and out of that office quicker than even I’d expected. Was it just a pre appointment?” and as always there she went asking ten thousand questions of the things she probably had no right to ask. “I mean, those appointments aren’t ever quick and painless. In fact most of the time they’re both embarrassing and painful.”

[fearing--is-beginning]

The very first time they'd shared lunch they were in the first grade. It was the first day of school and her father had gotten so caught up in the morning that he'd forgotten to pack her lunch when he'd gotten her ready for school. It was the first year without her mother and he wasn't exactly prepared for everything her loss had brought along. Elliott had gone to lunch and sat quietly watching her surroundings, the still five-year-old waiting to see if the third graders had lunch with her so she could have harassed Ollie. When he hadn't walked into the cafe she'd figured all had been lost. That was until she noticed the quiet little girl sitting at the end of the table. That was the first moment that a lunch had been split into two and from there on out it had turned into a tradition. Not only splitting lunch, she and Amelia had become practically inseparable. Two jagged and innocent souls locked together for lunches and everything else. It was Amelia that kept Elliott from losing her mind nine out of ten times in a day. Amelia that she’d run to when Ollie had packed his bags and taken off without so much as a goodbye.

That was one of the reasons that she stood wrapping a ham sandwich and a tuna sandwich in reusable cloth (Elliott never should have been allowed to look at Pinterest, the do it yourself activities always swept her up). The fresh baked cookies she’d made the night before stood in a neat stack to be folded up and packed into the chilled lunch box next. Because their traditions hadn’t ever been broken, not even by the angst of adulating. They were unique like that, to say the least, that they’d fought so hard through thick and thin to keep themselves from growing apart in any way. Elliott couldn’t and wouldn’t have changed that for anything. Without Amelia, Elliott was pretty sure she wouldn’t have survived a day as it was. As she placed the sandwiches into the bag she pulled the carrots and celery closer to her, the knife cutting perfect precision of slices. Perhaps Ellie had to much time on her hands. At least staying active took her mind off the fact that the anniversary of him leaving was coming up quicker than she could distract herself from it. Because Ollie’s presence lingered on in her life no matter how hard she attempted to swat all thoughts of him away.

“Gina, I’m heading over to see Amelia now. Can I bring you back anything?” she’d never thought she’d of been one of those people who had someone else help out, she never thought she’d need someone. Growing up she’d hated the fact that the Duboi’s had utilized Spencer and everyone else on their payroll. But when things began to stack up between Synonym and home life she hadn’t had much other choice in the matter. Gina had been a god send, and she did her best not to treat Gina like she was anything other than an equal and a friend, she attempted to make sure that the pay would not only suffice but that it covered a patted life, and that whenever she needed the time she was free to leave and live her own life. “Thanks again for today by the way. Synonym was packed this morning. You’d think that everyone would stay in bed late and enjoy their free mornings.” It was a weekly affair, even out of state-ers had joined in on the cinnamon bun experience. “Ellie, go out and enjoy your day. We’re just fine here, there’s nothing to worry about. You know that I enjoy being around” Gina offered and she gave her a warm smile. And that was one of the many reasons she wouldn’t have lasted more than a few days without the other woman in her life. “Alright, I’ll be back in a few hours.” “Tell Miss Amelia I said hello.”

With one last wave, she picked up the bag and headed out the door and into the last summer weather. This was one of the things she loved most about their small little town, everything was convenient, Amelia was no more than a small walk away, the leaves were beginning to change, the air had a hint of early fall to it. She had no complaints about any of it. Breathing in the smell of the changing season she waved to a car as she crossed the street to the main shops.

The bell on top of the door let off the fact that she’d walked into the, not to crowded restaurant, regulars sat in their usual spots with their usual food. It was then that she noticed Amelia, standing with her back to the counter. Perfect. Walking over to the dark haired girl she wrapped her hand around the other girl’s eyes. “Guess” she announced as her hello. Another typical move for the two of them. Letting go of Amelia’s eyes she placed the lunch bag down on the tabletop. “I believe it’s just about time for you to take your break, Miss Amelia, besides, before the bread in your lunch gets all soggy and gross. No one wants to eat sandwiches like that.”

[fearing--is-beginning]

“Red lips and rosy cheeks”

Sleep was still clouded her vision as she made her way down the spiral staircase in the middle of the foyer. The house was overly extravagant for their small town, with perfectly trimmed hedges and a half indoor, half outdoor in-ground swimming pool, and a three door garage that housed about four. Yet to Elliott it was simply ordinary. Unlike those who used to hark in the windows during Christmas time or waited with impatient eyes for the local magazine to interview the family and give a photographic tour of it. She, on the other hand, knew her way around the monstrous place even in the dark. That was perhaps the perks of growing up so close to the Dubois family. Not that she was sure the Dubois’ family knew her, the staff on the other hand, had her on a first name basis. For Elliott, it was just simply everyday life. Nothing overly special or fancy about any of it. She didn’t understand how so many people ended up in such a twist over how many windows were in the home, or how many cars were constantly parked in the driveway. The house was just that, a house. It was the people in it, those who greeted you at the door, insisted on cooking your meals or slept in the upstairs beds that made the whole place unique.

As she pulled at his cardigan, causing it to envelop her closer and kept her body heat from feeling the chill of the marble floors she yawned to herself, still trying to shake the extra nap she’d pulled out of a late night thunderstorm. The smell of bacon wafted through the air, getting stuck in her nostrils. She should have known what to expect from a morning in the Dubois compound. After all, this wasn’t the first time in sixteen years that she’d defied her father and stayed for the night rather than going home. It also, more than likely, wouldn’t have been the last time either. For some reason, (though she knew perfectly well that it shouldn’t have) his “Shut up and go to sleep” always seemed to win over her better judgment when the choice between listening to her father and staying with Oliver was placed in front of her. She hated him for it. If she could have admitted those words she probably would have. One of the downsides of loving Oliver Dubois was that she couldn’t ever admit to disliking him even in the slightest. Besides, she was pretty sure that regardless of the fact that he was so impossible to deal with, he loved her just as much, if not more, on many levels.

“Spencer sit.” He had a smile on his face, she didn’t have to walk in the room to be able to see it. The sound was in his voice. As she peaked around doorway she could see it, sure enough, the eighteen-year-old had his hands on the older man’s shoulders as he directed him to sit in a seat rather than standing at the stove any longer. “Master Benjamin I need…” Oliver’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. “Spenc, you need to do nothing. Let me have a hand at this kitchen thing okay?” though the older man held his protest, it was obvious that his tired eyes and tired hands didn’t have an issue putting the reigns to someone else for a little while. “Let me show you how it’s actually done.” Oliver turned back to the stove and Spencer’s eyes finally landed on her, she lifted a finger to her lips, shushing him before he could point out the fact that she was awake and deter Oliver from his space in the kitchen. “Now Spenc, the technique to this is all in the wrist alright, pay attention” of course his voice, as charming and collected as it was held an air of arrogance to it as well. He wouldn’t have been her Oliver if he didn’t.

“Spencer… are you watch… I should have known.” Being caught in his green eyes she felt her face flush, not something that was entirely new to her. “Always distracting my staff from their jobs Pip, maybe I should start kicking you out of here at night. They might learn something for once.” Rolling her eyes at him she finally entered the room, her hand skimming Spencer’s shoulder for a moment as she pressed a kiss to the older man’s cheek. “You always do a wonderful job, Spencer. Don’t listen to a word that old grouch says.” Even Spencer had changed over the years, the hesitance that he’d always seemed to give off during Oliver’s teenage years was something that had dulled resoundingly now. “Shut up Pip” taking a couple steps closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his back, her head leaning there for a moment. “Get off me” He complained and she could feel his smirk as he shook her off of him. Letting go of him she took a step back, waiting for him to turn around himself. It surprised her when he did, a perfectly made cinnamon roll in hand that he placed on the counter top and pushed in the direction of Spencer. He really had come a long way from threatening the staff. The older male sat staring at the plate in front of him as if waiting for someone to take it away. Everyone in the house seemed a little scarred from the way Oliver had once been. “Jesus Christ Spencer, it’s not like it’s going to poison you” a second later the older man picked up the pastry item off of the plate, biting into it with a puff of cinnamon surrounding his face. “I know what I’m talking about, don’t I Spenc?” Spencer nodded his head as she stood back and watched the two interact, “I do say Mr. Benjamin, you do very well with that.” Ego inflation was one thing he didn’t need, however the taste of his cinnamon rolls actually deserved it, it was one thing that Oliver had always done very well with. “Now Spenc, do me a favor and get lost for a couple of hours will ya?” once again she felt her face flush a deeper red color as Oliver looped his arm around her waist, implying that there was more than just cooking about to come of the Dubois kitchen. She hated how he was always so willing to share activities with the rest of the world.

[fearing--is-beginning]

“I used to think one day we’d tell the story of us” 

“Holly how are you not panicking right now? I mean, are you sure of this? Any of this?” As the small teenage girl sat on her bed with the photograph of sorts in hand the calmness she possessed was almost eerie. Here she was, staring down what was the biggest moment of her life without even a shaking hand. Elliott knew for sure that had she been in Holly’s position  “ball of anxiety” would have been an understatement. “I love him” she hadn’t said a word of judgment but she could tell by the way Holly suddenly clenched up that her actions had betrayed her. “He’s leaving his wife” wasn’t that simply a statement for television? A lie always told to the other woman, something that never actually happened. “That’s not just a line Elliott, he was going to talk to her this afternoon, after he dropped me off from the appointment. He loves me, just like he loves our child.” For Holly’s sake she forced a smile through tight lips, what else was she supposed to do? Being the supportive best friend was a role she’d taken on early in life and one she planned on upholding even in the worst times. “This is really happening” if Holly was so sure about herself then who was she to rain on the girl's parade?

Looking back up at Holly she held in a sigh, “So when do I get to meet this mystery man?” She wasn’t sure she actually wanted to meet the older man with the probable family who was so willing to leave his old life for a new model. Not that Elliott would have said anything to the man regarding it, she’d never been the type to speak her mind when she didn’t have the ground to put her two cents in. Her father had always joked that Oliver was her voice box, everyone knew that he spoke what was on his mind regardless of how inappropriate it was at times. There were days when she felt like she wasted half her breath lecturing him on what was appropriate and what wasn’t. This would probably turn into one of those things once the news was shared with the general public. “Soon, I hope. Oh Elliott, I just want you to like him. I love him so much.” She needed to keep reminding herself that Holly being happy was the only thing that mattered. “So long as he’s good to you Holls, that’s all that matters, you’re the only one who needs to like him.” It still confused her to why her approval was always so vital when it came to so many of her friends, and yet the majority of the time no one ever approved of Oliver.

“We’re supposed to have dinner tonight to celebrate, he promised to take me somewhere fancy” loaning as much of an encouraging smile as she could manage, to Holly she tried to make it look convincing. Though there was a large part of her that held doubt if Holly would even know the difference. She was to wrapped up in her perfect world image to think of all of the outlets that were terribly wrong with the picture she’d drawn up for herself. “What are your parents going to say Hol? I can’t imagine your dad being too happy” she probably wasn’t filling the good friend quota by bringing up things that would taint Holly’s mood. Wasn’t the rule now to not in any way hurt the pregnant girl? Maybe she needed to make sure to be a little more supportive and a little less judgmental. After all, Holly was sharing with her something she hadn’t with anyone else yet. “Know what, don’t answer that. That’s nothing for you to be thinking about right now. A baby” by the look on Holly’s face she’d only hindered her for a moment. A second later her bright and happy smile was back on her face. “He has a son too, this baby is going to have a brother to dote on him or her endlessly. Isn’t it exciting Elliott?” She knew Holly had always hated being an only child, she just hoped that Holly knew just how different all of this really was. This wasn’t a sibling she was expecting, it was a child.

The silence had settled between them as she hesitated on what exactly to say to the other girl. Yet before she could open her mouth to say anything back to the girl she’d been friends with forever her bedroom door slammed open with a rage she was pretty sure was unparalleled. “Holly get out” her boyfriend's booming voice reprimanded without explanation. She hated when he did this, her friends already thought he was a jerk, they didn’t need any more fuel to add to the fire. “Looks like your boyfriend is PMSing again” shooting Oliver a look she noticed when he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I said get the hell out Holly” his words were tense and his jaw was clenched tight. “Holl I’ll call you later okay?” The annoyance that filled Holly’s face was unmistakable. She was sure she’d get another lecture from her friends the moment word got around that she’d kicked Holly out for Oliver. It didn’t matter how long they’d been together, she still found herself in trouble more often than not. “Whatever Ellie.” Of course a second later their quiet conversation was broken as Holly picked up her bag and a moment later was out the door Oliver had just walked in. She’d deal with that mess later on in the day, for the time being, the pacing male in front of her was what she was going to have to deal with.

“You know what they think of you already Oliver, you really…” Before she could completely finish her sentence she’d been cut off by his thunderous voice, “shut up Pip, I don’t care what your fucking friends think of me”. If there was one thing that Elliott hated it was when he talked down to her. Backing off of him she sat down on her bed, mouth clamping shut as she watched him silently, knowing that protesting to him would have just made matters worse. They’d been so good lately, where this set back in everything was coming from she didn’t much appreciate. A second later it was as though everything had been tipped upside down as he made his way to her, his mouth biting against hers as he pushed her back onto her bed. His hands were pulling and pushy against the cloth of her shirt. The way he got when he was like this was something she’d always resented. It was what he’d done to her when she was fifteen, what he was doing again now. His warm mouth was against hers, his fingers fumbling to get her shirt off. It was the first time she’d actually taken initiative to push him away from her, “Oliver NO” she spoke up boldly, catching her breath. They’d been through this once before, and she’d made the mistake of allowing him whatever he’d wanted at the time.

It scared her a bit now, what his reaction would be to her as he sat up and she straightened out her shirt. She loved Oliver, unconditionally, but when he demanded things he turned into someone else entirely. “Oliver…” she began only to jump as he picked up her favorite picture frame of the two of them and chucked it with defeat against the wall. “He’s leaving us… he’s leaving her” suddenly his reddened face and hostile anger were coming to a head, not that she fully understood it just yet but at least he was communicating with her, it was a start. “She tells him that her cancer has progressed to stage four and he tells her that he found a woman he wants to marry… no I’m sorry, a girl he wants to marry. She’s only a few years older than me he says.” There was no question in the matter that his words and anger were the product of his father’s doing now. It might not have excused his behavior exactly but it certainly made a little more sense to her. “She’s going to die and he’s going to make himself a new family …it’s not right.”

[fearing--is-beginning]

(taylorswift)

[fearing--is-beginning]

↳ INSTAGRAM: @broken_romantics uploaded a new photo

Bright and early Wednesday mornings with Melia. Aren't I lucky?

↳ 12 LIKES, COMMENTS: 

View all 0 comments