fearsomewretchedwrongthings

[fearsomewretchedwrongthings]

later

sometimes the only thing that helps is picturing my future apartment. someday i will live alone and not have to consider every possibility before every breath i take. it will just be me and the cats and a pretty pink stand mixer in the kitchen. it might be a total dump but it will be mine and i wont have to depend on anyone that has ulterior motives. just mine.

[fearsomewretchedwrongthings]

freshman year of college is like

i've only ever been wrong but also i used to always be right and i never am anymore. my mom loves me but she also resents me and when she was my age she was so much happier than now. did any friend ever actually ask me about myself? did i ever care about them? why do i dread the day one of them reaches out? why won't i reach out? does my cat miss me or will her world be entirely the same? i thought i would be different here. maybe i am different in the wrong ways. how can you be a worse version of yourself when the person you were before was someone you hated? i miss home but home isn't really home now and i dont think it ever was. nowhere is home and no version of me is happy. maybe happy is too wide an adjective to long for your whole life.