HT- 5’ 11”; SW- 222, HW- 225, CW- 215, GW- 160, UGW- 130 (all in pounds) :)TW:// ED
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We looked inside some of the posts by feellikeastacy and here's what we found interesting.
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17
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i almost had a panic attack because i thought that i exposed myself
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im finally back guys. i think i’m finally relapsing and im happy that im going to fix myself.
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i really fell off so hard and i’m coming down from my weeks long binge. im so scared to check my weight again but i will tomorrow sometime. im going to try everything again and improve.
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Day 30
i’m going to post day 30 tomorrow because i ate a lot of earlier and i’d rather take measurements tomorrow morning right after i wake up.
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Day 29
so this is going to be a very controversial opinion. my definition of beautiful is a very generic model like kind of beauty. not necessarily like the “exotic” look that media praises, but i find people beautiful when they’re different. different as in their beauty is unique and “never seen before”. basic beauty standard features are nice to have and that’s why they’re considered the standard. but when you have a mix of unique and basic features it makes me go crazy. also, i love people who have basic beauty standard features but something about them makes their look more unique and different. i don’t know if any of this makes sense. now this is the part that i feel is controversial. i think that slimmer or smaller bodies are more beautiful to me. i have a skinny preference and this had affected my views more specifically on myself rather than other people. i will say i am not fatphobic and will not bully people for their weight, yet i do look down on people who choose to live unhealthy lifestyles with hypocrisy. i saw with hypocrisy because disordered eating is just as unhealthy compared to overeating and i’m aware of that but simple just choose to ignore the fact. my beliefs of beauty have affected my self esteem. i think that i’m a very good looking person, but i won’t consider myself completely beautiful until i lose weight and reach my goal weight.
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Day 28
yes, i do want that gap between my thighs. why? well there’s many reasons. i have no problem with having thicker or bigger thighs. i wouldn’t care to have thick thighs myself, but i do not like having fat deposits right at the top center of my thighs if you know what i mean. i also don’t like my thighs touching because them rubbing together hurts and creates rashes on my thighs especially when wearing shorts or loose pants. also, my clothes have been ruined from my legs constantly rubbing together. therefore, having a gap between my thighs will just be more convenient for me. it doesn’t have to be very defined or huge but just enough for my thighs to not touch.
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Day 27
i don’t deal with food as well as i could. i don’t get tempted as easily as i did but when i’m hungry i often fall into temptations more easily. i’ve gotten rid of the habit of eating just because and only eat when it’s necessary. sometimes i over eat just a bit but i try to control myself.
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Day 26
I want to hit my goal weight by my birthday and june. i love the spring/summer time because of the cute clothing and the warm weather. i want to have a big korean bbq dinner with all my closest friends and finally have the body and looks that i want while having fun and look good with my friends. and by then i’ll be able to eat and indulge without getting a guilty feeling for it. im excited for being able to participate in fashion and dress a little less conservative than usual. i also want to post my body more.
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Day 25
i’ve never purged and i’m scared of throwing up and my teeth rotting.
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Day 24
im not pro-ana or pro-mia in my own personal opinion. i believe that these are illnesses and have done many terrible things for people mentally and physically. im pro recovery, but at the same time i know ive suffered from disordered before. i think right now i’m doing okay. i will not judge or bash people with ed’s and i promote recovery but won’t force people or pressure them to get better. i simply just mind my business.
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Day 23
media influence is one of the main reasons why i even worry about my weight in the first places i think the biggest is of course i want to be fit and healthy and look good. since i’m into kpop i feel like over the almost 5 years i’ve been into it the image of being “perfect” or “perfect looking” has been forced into my head. that’s part of media. i also am obsessed with beauty and being and looking beautiful. i also love fashion and the fashion industry is mainly surrounding thin people.
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Day 22
i don’t know the lowest weight i’ve been because i never really cared until now. i would say maybe about 200 but i’ve pretty much maintained the same weight minus my growth.
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Day 21
my clothes sizes fluctuate depending on brand, style of clothes, type of clothes, etc.
shirts- i mostly go for large and xl sizes
pants- right now i wear 13/14
skirts- same as pants size but for letter values i can fit a L and XL
most of my hoodies/sweater/jackets/coats are also L or XL
I wear size 11 shoes.
that’s about all i can think about
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another day of living with heartbreak so about to start my extreme weight loss plan again.
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Day 20
i don’t really have a favorite diet i just like easy and effective shit.
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Day 19
it’s been well over 2 weeks since i’ve eaten fast food. the last time was when i ate some chipotle.
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