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Super Royal Assistant! - Chapter 5: Wish Upon a Star Road

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Your impromptu adventure takes you through new lands as you get wrapped up in Smithy’s plot… as well as weddings, wishes, and pirates…

AO3 Wattpad or below!

When going on an adventure, you imagined something closer to the stories about the Mario Bros or those adventure novels Goombella hid under her bed – that is, something along the lines of rolling grassy hills and fodder enemies for grinding. Instead, you spent the last hour skirting the edge of Boo Woods. “Are you sure this is a shortcut?” You were more than thankful your new boots were comfortable for the longer-than-expected trek.

“More or less. Ideally, I’d just fly you there, but since we don’t know for sure, we should keep an eye out,” Kamek said, floating beside you on his broom. “Not to mention, this broom barely holds me up these days.”

The two of you emerged from the edge of the dark, twisted woods. A few flowers giggled as Kamek got smacked with a stray branch. You now stood in the rugged wastes leading into the rocky peaks near Marrymore. “No offense, but if I built a whole town for the wedding industry, I would’ve picked something a bit easier to get to,” you sighed as you began the climb.

“I’m sure they picked it as a way to demonstrate one’s love through sacrifice and hardship… or some crap like that,” Kamek replied. After a beat, he added, “Wasn’t expecting to be in Marrymore until next week.”

“Have a sweetheart?” You asked.

Kamek laughed, “Several, but never wanted to settle down. They called me a heartbreaker back in the day who sent the boys crying home. But not what I’m talking about; I do a drag show every now and then.”

“You do drag?”

“Nothing fancy like you see at the big shows in New Donk or Shroom City, of course. No, Kammy’s an old queen who’s there to help the young’uns these days. Still, come out on stage every now and then and take home a nice bundle. I do a mean lip sync to Chanterelle.”

“Next week huh? I’ll make the trip for that – though I’m taking a warp pipe or a bus next time.”

“Agreed,” Kamek muttered as the two of you passed the sign at the city’s edge.

The famed town of Marrymore sat atop the summit, with perfectly manicured gardens and spotless streets. Villas with sprawling lawns and wrought iron fences seemed to be everywhere. A massive resort sat just off the main street, lined with topiaries shaped like hearts. “Man, and I thought the castle was posh,” you muttered.

“Why do you think I do shows here? You get tipped in gold bars. Only place better is Poshley Heights,” Kamek said.

The crown jewel was the majestic chapel overlooking the entire town. The bells were already ringing out a jaunty tune, and flower petals drifted everywhere in the breeze. “Wow, someone must be throwing the wedding of the century,” you commented. “Think they hired the Broodals?”

“Please, they’re so exclusive, even Bowser would break the bank to hire them,” Kamek sighed. “Believe me, I’ve had to talk him down from that multiple times.”

“Excuse me,” came a voice with clacking footsteps. A stranger appeared from around the corner. He appeared to be a life-size wooden puppet wearing a blue cape and a blue hat. “Greetings, I am Geno. Are you friends of Mario and Mallow?”

“You could say that,” Kamek said, adjusting his glasses as he peered at your new companion.

“Ah I’m glad to have found you,” Geno continued, unbothered by Kamek’s gaze. He focused his attention on you. “Mallow said that I should keep a look out for the nice man in a pink vest.”

Kamek chuckled. “Not a whole lot of people with your fashion sense, [Y/n].”

“I didn’t exactly have much of a say in the uniform,” you replied. “Are Mario and Mallow here? Have they found the Princess or Bowser?”

“Yes. Both.” Geno nodded. “You’ve come at a fortuitous time, please follow me, quickly.” He led you down the stone path. “Tell me, you were the one who restored the first shard of the Star Road, correct?”

“When you put it like that, it sounds like a much bigger deal than just picking it up,” you replied. “But yes.”

Geno nodded. “Then I thank you from the core of my being. Restoring the Star Road is my purpose on this world.”

“Pardon me for saying so, but you’re quite extraordinary,” Kamek said, seeming to scan Geno with his wand. “I’ve never seen such well executed magic to animate a puppet so well…”

“Ah, possession magic tends to be stronger than animation magic.”

“Possession?! Are you a spirit?”

Geno seemed to smile, despite his fixed expression. “In a manner of speaking. I serve a higher authority.”

Geno led the two of you to the chapel, where a group of Snifters in gray gathered. “Um, excuse me?” You called, tentatively reaching for your new hammer.

Thankfully you didn’t need it, as they were not machines like the Shymores. “Sorry, we’re having a wedding, so we can’t play today,” one of the Snifters said.

“Who’s wedding?” You started to ask, just as a familiar scream pierced the air. “Peach!” You charged into the chapel, Kamek close behind. Peach lay in the aisle, but instead of Bowser or one of the mechanical monstrosities, a gremlin of a man stood nearby.

“Hey, it’s [Y/n]!” Mallow said as you ran in, standing next to Mario and… Bowser?

Well, there was no time to unpack that now. A brigade of Snifsters shoved you aside and carried Peach to the altar. “Booster sir, we’re ready for the wedding, we just need to light the candles!”

“Then let’s get this wedding started!” He shouted. He then turned to Peach. “What’s this? Water from your eyes… are you leaking, my dear?”

“My shoes, my ring, my brooch, and… my crown!” She sobbed. “They’re all missing!”

Assistant instincts kicked in before you even realized, as you quickly hopped over the pews, grabbing Peach’s missing accessories. With your new boots, you could nearly jump as high as Mario. With the last snagged, you hopped up to the altar, trying to catch your breath as you silently handed them over. “Oh, thank you [Y/n]! You’re my hero!” Peach leaned in to kiss you but stopped short. “Oh wait… I’m your employer. That, um…”

“No, yeah that might not look great,” you replied. “Hug?”

“Hug works!” Peach said, embracing you and enveloping you in her appropriately fruity perfume.

Bowser and Booster both growled under their breath, but you only could make out the Koopa King’s words. “Stupid, I should’ve gotten that kiss…” You did your best not to roll your eyes.

Just then, a cart burst into the chapel, holding a massive – but messy – three-tiered cake. “Ze wedding cake! Zhee is here!” A Koopa chef announced. He stopped short. “Vat? Vat is going on?”

His apprentice poked his head out behind the melting frosting. “Is the wedding cancelled?” Before anyone could explain, he groaned. “No, this can’t be! We worked all day on it!”

“Listen, maybe we can still have the cake, there’s no reason to get worked up,” you said. Your eyes crawled over the multicolored batter and misshapen decorations, especially the raspberries matched with wafer cookies and candy canes. For a second, you could have sworn the whole thing twitched. “Uh… so, what flavor of cake is it?”

“Every flavor!” The chef proudly replied.

“Oh dear…” You had heard of “mistakes” before from when you visited Tayce T in town, but this took the cake, literally.

“I see you and zee judging! You are idiot! You do not appreciate zee fine art of zee baking!” The chef snarled. “Ve vork hard and-”

“Uh, Chef Torte?” His apprentice whispered. “The cake is moving.”

“Moving? Vat? Idiot, it-” He was cut off by a roar that rattled the stained-glass windows. The cake trembled and shook, the five oversized birthday candles bursting into flame. “AIYEEE!”

“Look out!” Kamek shouted, casting a spell that created a shield around you, Peach, and Bowser. The others ducked behind a pew, narrowly avoiding the sandstorm that now raged in the chapel.

“What do we do against a cake?” Mallow shouted.

“It’s a cake!” Bowser shouted back. “We eat! It might not be one of Peach’s cakes, but I’ve got an iron stomach!”

“Is that what we’re calling it?” Kamek muttered. Before Bowser could protest, the cake roared again, but this time it sounded more fearful.

“I call dibs!” Booster said, scrambling over with his Snifsters. “Let’s dig in!” The monstrous cake didn’t stand a chance.

==============================

With the cake gone and Booster in a food coma, the rest of you figured it best to take your leave. “Peach, I should really get you back home. Toadsworth is gonna have an aneurysm at this rate.”

“Please [Y/n]? A princess should really be out there helping her people, especially at times like this. I know Toadsworth worries, but this is the time for action.”

Your stomach twisted, you knew she was right after seeing what just Claymorton had done and the mass panic after the sword landed… but that also meant that you would have to deal with it. “What do I even tell him?”

“I don’t know, just call him up and say I’m taking a rest at one of the other castles.”

“He’ll never buy that.”

“He will, believe me, did it all the time when I was growing up.”

You rubbed your forehead, hoping you wouldn’t regret this. “I… I guess I can let you, but I’m coming with you!” You didn’t want to add that if you returned without Peach, you’d probably kiss your job goodbye.

Peach clapped her hands. “Wonderful!”

“Now that that’s settled, I suggest we make our way to Star Hill,” Geno said. “I can sense the next Star Piece there.”

“While you all go get that one, I better go check to make sure the kids are still doing alright. After that, I’ll scout ahead and see if I can find the next one,” Kamek said. “Try not to get into trouble!”

==============================

Star Hill stood before you, glittering in the perpetual night that hung over the region. The ground glowed with an unearthly soft blue light. Tiny stars rained down all around you, leaving small craters in the earth. Beyond, near the top of the hill, stood Shooting Star Summit and the entrance to the mythical Star Road – or at least it used to. “I don’t understand why taking out the Star Road was part of their plan,” you said. “Did they want to take everyone’s wishes?”

“No, not exactly,” Geno said. “The Star Road is the way that wishes reach Star Haven. There, the Star Spirits grant the wishes, and they return to earth as falling stars. But, since the Star Road is broken, ungranted wishes are stuck here too. The Star Spirits can’t hear your cries for help. I imagine Smithy wanted to invade unopposed and cut all of you off from any assistance.”

You scratched your head. “Okay… but why not go after the Star Spirits themselves? Wouldn’t it be better to have the power of wishes?”

Bowser snorted. “Not a bad plan, maybe you ought to be working for me.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Geno said, shooting a glare at Bowser. “I imagine Smithy is afraid of them. The Star Spirits are nigh omnipotent. The only way one would stand a chance against them is if one had the Star Rod.” Geno frowned – or at least as best a puppet could frown. “The last time a mortal wielded the powers of the stars without restraint… have you ever heard of Halcandra?”

“No?” You replied.

“There’s a good reason for that.” Geno’s eyes scanned the landscape for any sign of Smithy’s minions. “We’re wasting time. The Star Piece should be around here somewhere.”

“Finding a Star Piece here is gonna be impossible,” Bowser grumbled. You found yourself nodding along. Stars lay everywhere, glowing with all colors of the rainbow.

“Perhaps we should split up to cover more ground,” Geno suggested. “Mallow and I will take the north.”

“Mario and I can take the eastern part!” Peach quickly added.

“Looks like that leaves you and me, Bowser,” you jumped in, eager to keep Peach away from the lovestruck king. Bowser growled but didn’t put up much of a fight, merely turning and trudging westward.

For a while, the two of you hiked across the hill, the only sound being Bowser’s heavy stomps, leaving their own little craters. “So…” you started.

“Yeah?”

“I’m… sorry about your castle?”

“Nothing I can’t fix,” he grumbled.

You fell back into uneasy silence as you walked over these hills of hopes and dreams. Stars of all colors surrounded you, and as you passed, you could hear some of them whisper bits of their ungranted desires. One, however, seemed to call to you more than the others. Looking at the star, you could feel it pulse in time with your heartbeat. There was no doubt that star was one of your wishes. Unfortunately, Bowser must have come to the same conclusion as his claw reached towards it. “Don’t you dare! That’s private!”

“Like that’s ever stopped me!” He touched the glowing star, and your voice echoed around you.

I wish to walk among the stars…

“The hell is that supposed to mean? Aren’t we doing that now?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’m not budging until you tell me, so spill.”

You sucked on your teeth, trying to find the right words. “I… wanted to be an astronaut. Studied like hell, passed all the written tests, I should’ve been a shoo-in for REXA, but…” you turned away from him, looking up at the beautiful shooting stars above, “I couldn’t pass the physical. Astronauts have to meet strict guidelines for everything, especially the health ones.”

“And?”

“I couldn’t pass the medical requirements, turns out I have a disqualifying disability. Something just didn’t work for me. I couldn’t be an astronaut… so I switched my major in college. Went to a bit of a dark place for a while…” Your voice trailed off, really not wanting to get into that with him of all people.

Bowser was quiet for a moment. That alone was a bit surprising. You figured he’d laugh or something, but there was nothing. Finally, he said, “Life ain’t fair sometimes. Doesn’t mean you can’t go to the stars someday.”

“I know; it’s kinda why I decided to work for Peach. Figure maybe someday I could at least tag along on one of her racing trips up there to the Rainbow Belts.”

“Guess we better help these star people get the Star Road fixed then, huh.”

It wasn’t so much a question as a promise. You turned back to him. “Thanks.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t?”

“Don’t thank me. Wishes are bullshit. You’re a stubborn enough guy to get there on your own. Just figure Geno could at least give you a helping hand.”

“Heh, I guess he could. Still though.”

Bowser shrugged and led the way up Star Hill. “Maybe those Star Spirits actually do something for once…”

“They’ve helped me a lot before,” you said softly. Bowser seemed lost in thought for the briefest moment but continued trudging up the hill. He stopped for a moment beside a star that glowed red but left it behind. Part of you wanted to know, to get back at him for listening to your wish, but you held back. The way he looked at it almost seemed filled with disdain, or was it just painful longing? It was hard to tell with him. For now though, you resolved to leave it be.

“Over here!” You heard Peach call. Just over the next hill, you could see her and Mario next to the giant purple Star Piece.

“We’ll be right there!” You called back. “C’mon Bowser, sooner we get these Star Pieces back, the sooner we can get your castle back.”

“You wanna be rid of me that badly, huh?”

“What? No, I-”

“Just messin’ with ya, nerd. Loosen up.”

“…right.”

==============================

With the Star Piece secured, you soon found yourself on a much more pleasant coastal path. “Seaside Town… it’s so beautiful!” Peach exclaimed. “Just a quiet little fishing village up here on the coast. Father and I used to go here all the time for weekends away from the castle.”

“Must be nice,” Bowser said, “Doesn’t look like a lot of people get out here.”

“Yes, that’s what I liked about it, though,” Peach frowned as you approached the town. “This seems even quieter than usual.”

“Almost seems like a g-ghost town,” Mallow whimpered.

Geno flicked his wrist, swapping his hand for a shiny gun barrel. “Everyone, be on your guard.”

The town was eerily quiet and the houses all seemingly empty. It wasn’t until Mario pushed open the door to the shop that you caught a glimpse of any life. “OH!” came a shriek.

Bowser shoved you out of the way to protect Peach as Geno rolled in, training his arm on the noise. “Toads,” Geno said simply. You bit your tongue and brushed yourself off, squeezing past Bowser with a scoff. Bowser snorted back at you.

“Oh, we’re sorry, we thought you were that monster!” The Toad shopkeeper replied in a raspier-than-usual voice.

“Monster?” You asked.

“Johnathan Jones!” A fellow Toad added. “An evil pirate! He stole that shiny star that fell from the sky!”

“Johnathan Jones…” you muttered but stopped. “Hey, are you both feeling okay?”

“N-never better!” One replied, but you still worried about their skin which was a shade of blue normally reserved for asphyxiation.

You decided to let it slide for now, but both you and Bowser planted yourselves between them and Peach. Mario picked up a few necessities in the shop before all of you made your way down towards the docks. “So, Bowser, you have a submarine, right?” You asked.

“Hey, that’s classified information! Besides, it’s on a top-secret mission to-”

“You left it in the Dire, Dire Docks painting world, didn’t you?” Peach asked.

“…Maybe.”

“Okay, plan B,” you said, clapping your hands. “Got any spare frog-suits Mario!”

Mallow gasped. “Hey!”

“Right, right, sorry! Okay, plan C… any ideas Geno?”

He pointed towards the water, now bubbling furiously. “I think we wait for them.”

Suddenly, the water frothed white and monster shark privateers emerged from the waves. Their leader, unlike his compatriots, seemed to be a strange figure wearing a shark costume, but that didn’t detract from his sheer presence. He laughed as he emerged, brandishing his impressive trident. “Don’t let them get away, I won’t let any ruffians take my sea!”

“Wait, this might be a misunderstanding!” Peach said.

Bowser spoke with his fists, clobbering two of the pirates easily. “Buzz off! We don’t want your damn sea.”

You and Mallow ducked as Mario leaped past to stomp their heads. Mallow readied as spell as Geno fired his star beams. You grabbed your hammer and swung… and fell forward onto the dock. “Ouch.”

“Hmm, appears you need practice before you tangle with the likes of us.” You suddenly realized a fin was planted before you. You looked up at the glowing eyes of the pirate leader and gulped. “Well now, what do we have here…” He bent down, gently tipping your chin up with his hook hand. “Oh my, you aren’t some ruffian, you’re a precious treasure…”

“I… what?”

“You may call me Johnny,” he said, gently taking your hand and kissing the back.

“I don’t think we’re on the same page here. Maybe we should sit down and talk about this?”

“Ah, parley! You are craftier than you look.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

He called to his crew, “Gentlemen, we must save this beauty from those horrible monsters, bring him to the ship so he won’t be harmed!”

“Aye aye!”

Soon you found yourself hoisted into the air by several of his fishy friends. “So, this is what this feels like,” you muttered.

“[Y/n]!” Peach shouted, trying to reach for you.

“I’ll be okay!” You said back, knowing you were headed for the star. You braced yourself for the plunge as they charged towards the sea. “Okay boys, you wouldn’t happen to have a diving helmet or anything for me, would you?” They didn’t respond with anything beyond a hearty cheer. “Great, thanks.” You sucked in as much as air as you could moments before the salty sea swallowed you up.

==============================

Johnny’s sunken ship was a fair bit more regal than you anticipated – or at least his room was. Lucky for you, a spell had been cast over it to protect landlubbers from drowning inside. Breathing water felt a bit like being stuck in a warm shower or sauna and breathing in steam, but it wasn’t painful or terribly unpleasant. That said, being stuck on a velvet throne and offered rare and exotic foods from beyond the seas certainly didn’t hurt. The Star Piece was mounted just above your head, but you couldn’t grab it as Johnny remained by your side. “Pray tell me, sweet siren, what is your name?”

“[Y/n],” you said, wondering if this was common for kidnappings, because it really didn’t mesh with the stories on the news. Plus, you were pretty sure this was a step up from what Bowser did for Peach, but you didn’t have any firsthand experience to go off of there.

“What a charming name,” he said. “I wonder how it’d sound with my last name…”

You could practically hear Goombella screaming at you to stop this. “I think we’re moving a bit fast here. Besides, I thought a sailor’s true love was the sea?”

“Ah, the sea may be my mistress, but,” he turned to you with a wink, “every sailor deserves a good man by his side too, don’t you think?” His crew cheered at this, and the history of the word “matey” suddenly came to mind. “But… you are right, my dear [Y/n]. You are clearly a gentleman of distinction, and you deserve a proper courtship.”

You did your best to not choke with laughter, considering the times you and Goombella would have all-night game sessions. Gaming in only ratty t-shirts and underwear with trash talk so crass it could peel paint along with a 36 pack of Yoshi Cola and two extra-large pizzas did not exactly strike the tone of a “gentleman of distinction.” You composed yourself before responding. “What entails a proper courtship to you then, Captain?”

He clicked his hook against his trident. Seemingly out of nowhere, his crew laid out a dining table complete with white tablecloth, bouquet, and candelabra while another crew member tuned a violin. “And, my dear, you need not address me as Captain. You’re my guest.”

As you were about to sit in the chair Johnny pulled out for you, the door splintered and tore off its hinges. Bowser stormed in, the rest of the party in tow. “OI! WHAT THE HELL?!” You looked up sheepishly. Bowser rolled his eyes. “At least look grateful we showed up!”

“I am!”

“Listen fish-face, if anyone is kidnapping people around here, it’s ME, got it?! I don’t care if that means its Peach, Mario, and especially not the nerd here!”

“Gee, thanks,” you murmured.

“If you dare to challenge me for [Y/n], you are sorely mistaken,” Johnny said, wielding his trident. “[Y/n] is his own man, he can choose who he wishes to associate with, but if you choose to demean or belittle him, you will answer to my trident!”

Bowser growled, but his usual cinders only came out as bubbles underwater. That wouldn’t stop him though, considering his claws and shell were still just as deadly. “Wait!” you shouted. Both froze and looked at you. “Johnny, listen. We came to Seaside Town, because we need to collect the Star Pieces to fix the Star Road. We’re not here to take the sea or destroy the town, or anything like Smithy wants.”

Johnny’s eyes narrowed. “Then why did those Toads say that you were all with Smithy?”

Everyone fell quiet as everything fell into place. Peach was the first to put it to words. “Oh dammit.”

==============================

Back on the surface, the Toads were waiting as you all emerged from the sea. “Ah good, you have the Star Piece then?” One of them asked. “We’d be happy to take it for you.”

“And why would we give it to you exactly?” Geno asked, deadpan. “Considering you lied to us and to Johnny?”

“Uh…” The Toads murmured. “Oh, screw it, I’m not gonna get a promotion like this!” The Toads melted before you, reforming into a gangly machine that looked more like a stick figure in armor with a pointed head. “I, Speardovich, shall be your doom and finally Smithy will recognize my true talents! Finally, I’ll get that promotion! Now hand over that Star Piece!”

“Mood,” you muttered.

“What was that?” Peach asked.

“Nothing!”

Speardovich took a battle stance. “En garde!” Magic began to surround him as the ground began to shake and hiss. Steam spurted from the cracks below your feet.

“[Y/n]!” You fell to the ground, smothered by something big and warm. A concussive blast rocked you, but you remained unharmed. Instead, you realized your face was shoved into a large chest and pinned in by thick arms.

“…Bowser?”

“You okay?”

“…yeah. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“…do you think you can let me go?”

“Oh, crap, right.” Bowser pulled back, letting you free from the scaly prison. “I’ll just… uh… go…”

“Yeah,” you managed. “Uh, good luck.” You backed up with Peach to leave the fighting to the pros, but you wouldn’t be so lucky. Peach grabbed you and spun you around to see a team of multicolored Toad-sized machines.

“There they are!” The red one said, trying to pose but instead tripping over his own feet and falling. The other four groaned.

“Who are you?” Peach demanded.

“Who are we?” The red one sneered. “Team, sound off! Axem Red!”

“Axem Black!”

“Axem Green!”

“Axem Pink!”

“Axem Yellow!”

“GO GO AXEM RANGERS!”

“Hey Red,” Axem Yellow asked. “Who are we grabbing again?”

“Their leader you idiot! We gotta hold them hostage!”

Axem Pink giggled. “As if any leader here could be as adorable a princess as me!”

“As if,” Peach muttered.

“Ugh, like how dare you!” Pink hissed. “You pink wannabe!” Without warning, Pink flung her axe at Peach.

“Oof!” Peach smacked into you hip first, knocking the wind out of you both. Something even hit you in the head. “Are you okay?”

You sucked down air, now understanding why the Peach Bomber was her go-to attack move in those fighting tournaments. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Enough stalling, you clowns!” Axem Red pointed. “We’re here to take the ruler of this land hostage, and that means you!”

Both you and Peach sprang to your feet, and you stepped in front of her. “No way, you can’t take the- HEY!” Suddenly you found yourself bound in ropes and lifted in the air. Something slid off your head and clinked on the ground… Peach’s crown. “Wait! I’m not the ruler!”

“Quiet you!”

“Twice in a day!!” You roared as Axem Yellow tied a gag over your mouth.

Peach ran after you, but the Axems were too quick, carrying you to their ship and blasting off towards the massive sword in Bowser’s Keep.

==============================

A/n: Ironically, I started writing this chapter before the chronic illness stuff hit again, so the Star Hill section was a bit self-indulgent.

For those of you who missed my announcement, I will be shifting to a biweekly upload schedule (Still on Fridays) until I fully recover. Also hoping to change jobs soon so that should help.

Anyway, one more chapter left in this RPG saga as you’re stolen away by Smithy’s Gang. What awaits you at Bowser’s Keep? Only time will tell.

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