felisvulpine

[felisvulpine]

Ouchies

[felisvulpine]

ahahaha I keep getting divisive shit shoved into my social media timelines because I can't stop looking at the absolute train wreck that is the lack of humanity in some of the comments. (And I mean a lot of them are probably bots anyway, so lack of humanity might be literal in many cases.)

So, allow me to signal my virtues in a personal post on my personal blog for a moment.

If you have a conscious bias about nonwhite and underprivileged people, I want nothing to do with you. Your discourse is not productive or valuable, and it deliberately disrupts harmony in the global community. Politeness and effort to understand are energies I spend only on the civil. Because you are not a civilized person, I will not be spending that energy. And that's coming from a chronic people pleaser who goes online and pretends to be a beast! 😁

[felisvulpine]

happy birthday chococat i love you

[felisvulpine]

rb this to give the person you reblogged from a very tiny frog

[felisvulpine]

Fun with sketching in clip studio paint

Android tablet

[felisvulpine]

Tuff Tulin 💙

Android tablet + Clip studio paint

[felisvulpine]

Prince Sidon is a dashing beacon of joy and hope.

Android tablet + Clip studio paint

[felisvulpine]

He got it tattoo'd!

Darrel James Brescia

05/29/77 - 01/05/07

In memory of my brother on the anniversary of his death.

He was a huge fan of lacrosse and hockey.

If you have a sibling you can still hug, plz do that for me. Remember to check in on anyone you think might be struggling, preferably w/ love and compassion.

The original idea sparked from my father asking me to design something he could have tattoo'd. He wanted the initials and the lacrosse goalie sticks. The hockey ends with his birth and death date were an added touch. For some reason, the halftone shading feels sportier to me than a flat shade or hatching.

This picture guts me because I'm very proud of it as a design and I think he would have liked it. I can't ever show him this or get his true opinion on it. I can't show him the effort and inspiration born from the feeling of wishing he was still around. Deep down it fills me with some edgy rage that this image represents feelings I can't direct properly.

[felisvulpine]

Pencil drawing of megumi kitaniji from The World Ends With You

[felisvulpine]

Darrel James Brescia

05/29/77 - 01/05/07

In memory of my brother on the anniversary of his death.

He was a huge fan of lacrosse and hockey.

If you have a sibling you can still hug, plz do that for me. Remember to check in on anyone you think might be struggling, preferably w/ love and compassion.

The original idea sparked from my father asking me to design something he could have tattoo'd. He wanted the initials and the lacrosse goalie sticks. The hockey ends with his birth and death date were an added touch. For some reason, the halftone shading feels sportier to me than a flat shade or hatching.

This picture guts me because I'm very proud of it as a design and I think he would have liked it. I can't ever show him this or get his true opinion on it. I can't show him the effort and inspiration born from the feeling of wishing he was still around. Deep down it fills me with some edgy rage that this image represents feelings I can't direct properly.

[felisvulpine]

All Hail Shadow at Sonic Symphony last night at newark, NJ - NJPAC

[felisvulpine]

Reblog if you would wait with him in the rain

[felisvulpine]

Artfight attack #9 for user GreenManeHeart of their character Cyber. Artfight ends in an hour and a half, so this'll be my last one for this year.

[felisvulpine]

I don't know if it's a result of therapy or what, but it's becoming apparent to me that losing someone under a traumatic circumstance has caused my emotions to act in a way that could be compared to a tsunami. Complete annihilation of emotions / draining back water exposing ocean floor, to something a lot more dramatic, abruptly, way later on.

I have some really good defenses but it does rock the shit out of me from time to time. And it always seems to happen when I'm stressed from something else.

[felisvulpine]

Attack number 8 for vs user pand_ashh of the assassin character Kite and his bird. I am definitely feeling a little out of my comfort zone with drawing humans. But it's fun to draw in anime style. 😁

[felisvulpine]

Artfight attack 7 on user Brisketwolf vs. their character WarHead. Enjoying an early hot beverage.

[felisvulpine]

Kind of a downer journal? But not really. Idk

When I was young, I'd tend to discover (usually a bit too late) that I had worn out my welcome around other people i considered to be friends. I was “cringy” to be around. I couldn't be myself 100% of the time around my friends, because that embarrassed them around people they like more.

People would be open and enthusiastic with me privately and almost encourage me to be myself. A bit more open and encouraging. But it was different in public. They would avoid me around other people, or keep me at arm's length. I'd learn to suppress myself a lot more around groups of people as it became clear that the cringe factor was there for people if I was around.

The thing is, everything is cringe. But also, nothing is cringe. Everyone is dumb and inexperienced, including myself. Everyone is also beautiful and talented, including myself. I gave up trying to micromanage people's views of me. It's not worth the energy expenditure. My priorities are to be considerate first, and then be myself second. if someone cringes around me, that's a “them” thing for the most part. I can't spend the energy to care.

The thing is, It can be really hard to figure out what is being considerate vs. going overboard suppressing myself. Suppressing things for the sake of others is a necessary social tool sometimes, if you want to be kind. 

You don't make a scene during your friend's recital out of respect for their performance, even if you're feeling upset.

You don't drum walls while grandma is sleeping out of respect for her resting, even if it's fun to do and you have a massive urge to do it.

A long time ago, I had a mindset that I thought disappearing would be “considerate to others”.  That isn't the case anymore, because I've got more supportive people in my life (and I'm learning to utilize them, slowly.)

But, there are innate feelings that pop up that are hard to ignore. Like flashbacks that make it hard to approach and impose myself on people I like, for fear of eventually finding out that they don't like me.

It can be kinda soul crushing to find out you've been a pest to people that you actually admire.