feministcrazybrain-blog

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Guess what "pro-lifers," I'm a woman, not an incubator.

(This was supposed to be posted on April 28th, but between the evil wasp that decided to randomly take out it’s fury upon me, and my perfectionist tendencies, it’s been slightly altered and is being posted now.) Disclaimer: This post contains logic. It also contains sarcasm. It is very, very long. I have much to say. Consider yourself warned. Most of this post is inspired by my life, and I know that many women’s (and trans-men’s) experiences will differ from my own, and there’s no way I can speak for all of them or for the pro-choice movement as a whole. The following words are simply what being pro-choice means to me. Oh, and I welcome responses to this post. As long as those responses don’t read something like: “you’re a (insert profanity here), go die/burn in hell.” or “But what about the “BABY?” or “How can you never want any CHILDREN?”  Those responses will be deleted. So will any responses with atrocious spelling.  Sorry, but I don’t take kindly to groundless insults or extreme ignorance.

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I love you, Mike.

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I want to live in a world where little girls are not pinkified, but where little girls who like pink are not punished for it, either. We can certainly talk about the social pressures surrounding gender roles, and the concerns that people have when they see girls and young women who appear to be forced into performances of femininity by the society around them, but let’s stop acting like they have no agency and free will. Let’s stop acting like women who choose to be feminine are somehow colluders, betraying the movement, bamboozled into thinking that they want to be feminine. Let’s stop denying women their own autonomy by telling them that their expressions of femininity are bad and wrong. Antifemininity is misogynist. What you are saying when you engage in this type of rhetoric is that you think things traditionally associated with women are wrong. Which is misogynist. By telling feminine women that they don’t belong in the feminist movement, you are reinforcing the idea that to be feminine and a woman is wrong, that women who want to be taken seriously need to be more masculine, because most people view gender presentation in binary ways. This rewards the ‘one of the boys’ type rhetoric I encounter all over the place from self-avowed feminists who seem to think that bashing on women is a good way to prove how serious they are when it comes to caring about women and bringing men into the feminist movement.

s.e.smith (via definitiveme)

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This is my manifesta. I'm posting it here so I don't forget later.

Bitches Be Crazy: Patriarchy in Less Obvious Vocabulary Words

  “My crazy sister thought she could get away with it.” “That crazy bitch wanted a raise.” “My crazy ex-girlfriend took the cat with her.” Similar statements can be heard from a multitude of wronged, angry men. It’s her fault, many of them say. She’s crazy.

What’s wrong with being crazy? The most brilliant minds in all time were and are considered crazy. The problem is that it becomes a derogatory term when applied to a woman. It’s a label that allows her thoughts and actions to be utterly dismissed. She suddenly has no more credibility.

Guys who are called crazy don’t lose credibility. It isn’t implied that their brains are inferior or that they are less capable of making good decisions. It isn’t whispered behind their backs that it must be PMS. When a woman asserts herself, she is called a “crazy bitch”. When a man does it, he’s just being assertive

But men are not the only perpetrators guilty of the crime of calling women crazy. Women are just as at fault, if not more so. Women disrespecting other women is absolutely nothing new. The advancing of patriarchal attitudes by women and men are so common and subtle that they are often not even recognized.

Using “crazy” is tame and barely considered an insult. But using it in a way that can be interpreted negatively can be just as abrasive as slut or cunt. “Crazy” has a negative connotation, and it is necessary to reclaim or replace the word, or make it into something that doesn’t imply a lack of knowledge and control. 

A woman who makes radical decisions for herself should not be told she is wrong or insane or a fucking crazy bitch. And women should not be shamed for doing something so rudimentary as making a decision.

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Good Housekeeping, 13 May 1955 - “the Good Wife’s Guide’

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Hi, I should've written this, like, two months ago, but seeing as it's National Masturbation Month, I find this appropriate.

I don't know about you, but I think it's a little sad that people still need seminars such as Orchestrating Orgasms. Not that it's not a wonderful program--it is--but I think the fact that the seminar mostly concentrated on female orgasms is very telling.

I think part of the reason is the fact that female masturbation is completely taboo, but male masturbation is not. Another thing is the fact that male anatomy is very clearly mapped out, but most women don't know how their own bodies work.

Both men and women need to be taught about female orgasms. I know, at least, that my ex desperately needed to be taught how my body works. (He got most of his moves from porn and was confused when I didn't moan in ecstasy.)

"Foreplay is a concept created for male purposes, but works to the disadvantage of many women, since as soon as the woman is aroused the man changes to vaginal stimulation, leaving her both aroused and unsatisfied" (Koedt 187).

The fact that many men are not sure where the clit even is is phenomenally sad. The fact that my ex thought my orgasms were not very important is another sad thing. I guess the fact that I never really complained contributed to that. I put his pleasure first and he put his own pleasure first, as well. Why was I with him, oh my God.

Anyway, during the seminar, we busted porn myths, went over proper anatomy, and for once in my life, I felt comfor　table with myself. It's sad that this seminar is necessary, but I'm really glad that it exists.

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I saw The Business of Being Born with my sister on campus. Before I viewed this documentary, it had never occurred to me how political and oftentimes disrespectful hospitals can be towards women in labor. They often disregard a woman's wishes about her own body. This is because hospitals have a system. And once you are swept up in that system, which is designed in the hospital's best interests, it is almost impossible to get out or express your opinions. If labor lasts more than twelve hours (and it usually will), women are drugged up and basically told to hurry up. Giving birth on your back adds unnecessary stress, pain, and a likelier chance that something will go wrong. Gravity is not there to aid you. The hips are not in an optimal position for birth, and this can lead to complications. The medications that are administered screw up the body's natural process. These drugs increase labor and block pain, alternatively, and eventually a C-section is ordered because it's taking too long. If you want to give birth in any way other than on your back, you're pretty much out of luck. Midwives are your best chance for a natural birth that isn't unnecessarily difficult.

Now, why are hospitals so unconcerned with the way things are run?

I use a quote from Kate Millett: "Our society, like all other historical civilizations, is a patriarchy. The fact is evident at once if one recalls that the military, industry, technology, universities, science, political office, and finance--in short, every avenue of power within the society, including the coercive force of the police--is entirely in male hands" (Millett 181).

Again, hospitals are a business. Businesses are, sadly, usually run by men. Businesses generally have little concern with the issues of the individual. Birth is seen as nothing but a process to get over and done with quickly. Getting people in and out is what they care about. Their goal is to make money. 

I am not saying that hospitals are evil things. Nor am I saying that men are causing all this. I am saying, however, that the men and women who often extrapolate their misogynistic ideas do not understand the necessity of birth. Birth creates a bond between mother and baby and allows a rush of endorphins that will never otherwise be experienced. It is an important process, one that should not be brushed over or ignored. And yet, hospitals screw up the process and ignore the importance. 

I realize that sometimes it is not possible to give birth without assistance. For those who need the help, hospitals are the way to go, absolutely. But I feel that if it is possible to give birth mostly medically unaided, one should attempt to do so. The only way the insure that one gets a fair opinion and a say in their own birthing process is to contact a midwife, as midwives are generally more experienced with birth than hospitals are, and there is a greater chance that they will listen to you. Midwife births are usually safer than hospitals, and they're a lot cheaper. I say stay the hell away from the hospital unless it is necessary to go.

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Let me first say: vaginal molding is not as easy as you might think. It's a powder mold, mixed with warm water. This mixture resembles the chunks blown after a particularly raucous party. This mixture is then smeared all over the labia. It gets everywhere. It hardens (more like gels) and it is peeled off. Voila, an inverted vagina. Then plaster gets involved. I also got free condoms. Anyway, I think it was interesting how girls were just sort of parading around with their molds with no shame. It was kind of an epic experience. It makes me wonder--if guys ever did a dick molding, would they be just as open about it? Behold, the quote I shall apply: "Woman "touches herself" all the time... For her genitals are formed of two lips in continuous contact" (260 Irigaray). Every vagina is physically different. Hair, no hair, thin lips, full lips, big clit, little clit, etc. And the above quote does not apply to some of them. Allow me to explain. Vaginas generally have two lips, this is true. But they do not always naturally touch. It all depends on their construction. Some lips are tiny enough that they generally do not touch. Some lips are naturally deprecated via a larger inner labia. A woman may not be "self-caressing" in the way Irigaray describes. This does not make her less than other women or better than others. It merely shows how there are exceptions to this statement. The vagina molding allowed me to see just how different genitals can vary.

[feministcrazybrain-blog]

First of all, DISCLAIMER:

I grew up in the church. I have studied the Bible. I believe Jesus Christ died for my sins. I believe in God the Father. I also believe a bunch of old men have interpreted the Bible incorrectly, and that there is nothing wrong with being who you are. I do not consider myself a Christian. I do not belong to a church. I am bisexual. I am a feminist. And I believe men and women should be equal in society. This post is to explain that last statement. Because apparently it needs to be explained. In Genesis 1:27, it says this: "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female he created them". I am going to say right now that I have a problem with all the"he"s stuck in there, but that's the translation's fault. NOW. I read a Bible that interprets this as men and women being equal in the eyes of God. Not everyone believes this. This has come to my attention recently (this morning) in the form of my Milton class, in which I wanted to punch a few people. Now, it says in the Bible, after Adam and Eve sin, that part of Eve's punishment is to always submit to Adam. Okay, fine. Whatever, Eve was an idiot. But the religious and power-hungry peeps of yesteryear (and, apparently, still today) use this as an excuse to be dickwads (pardon my French) and treat women as inferior beings. This dude (Mike?) laughs at one point in class today and says, "All right, justified sexism!" Excuse you? There is a war against women going on right now, and there has been for the majority of human history. Oppression, lack of rights, etc. It's everywhere. We need to fight back. We HAVE been fighting back. But clearly, if views like these still exist in the general mindset of youngish populations today, we need to fight harder. Women are equal to men. Maybe society should start acting like it. And it's up to us to help make that happen. Also, I apologize for any spelling mistakes; I'm doing this from my phone.

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This is what my mother believes.

Okay Phyllis Schlafly, you can stop it now. That makes me so annoyed.

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"...One-half of the moral and intellectual power of the world is excluded from any voice or vote in civil government. In this denial of the right to participate in government, not merely the degradation of of women and the perpetuation of a great injustice happens, but the maiming and repudiation of one-half of the moral and intellectual power of the government of the world" (Frederick Douglass, 1882).

Excuse me while I cry at the fact that this man is dead.

Okay. I'm fine.

Women are supposed to stay in the home, shut up, and do what they're told, right?

Nope. Try again.

See, this model worked for a while. Then women started grumbling and glaring more obviously and some strong and highly opinionated people were born.

Thus, rights.

Well. Sort of. 

Frederick Douglass, besides being who I want to be when I grow up, had things to say about the American government. Namely, that they would crash and burn unless they let women into the system. Cause half of the population's intelligence and morality was being ignored. He is, I believe, a feminist of an older sort--the type that believed that women are equal to men, but also that they differ in function. He mentions that women have been more involved in the freeing of slaves. He implies that women have more of a conscious than men, that they are more moral and compassionate creatures. This is not necessarily untrue (I'd believe it). It does, however, portray women as being more gentle, and more capable of caretaking. This may be insulting to some. My mother would probably agree with the statement (I don't know how badly I would've turned out if my father had raised me. I'd probably be on drugs.).

I believe some women are better caretakers, and some are not. I think it's individual. I do agree that both sexes are equal.

In conclusion, Frederick Douglass needs a shrine. Or several.

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Sexual Assault Prevention Tips:

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

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In class the other day, the topic of marriage vs. prostitution was brought up.

I would like to introduce this ebook to you all:

http://books.google.com/books?id=NyicMIxzkUwC&pg=PA29&source=gbs_toc_r&cad=0_0#v=onepage&q&f=false

It's only a preview, but you can view enough of it. It's pretty amazing. It includes a quote about a man talking to his buddies--and his buddies say, hey, listen, your girl might not be labeled as a prostitute, but you're still paying for sex in dinner and gifts and stuff. Haha. Ha.

Ha.

I mentioned to my mother (and I will probably mention her a lot--our views differ a bit, but we still talk every day) about this sort of view, and she responded that the sanctity of marriage and a life-long commitment was the basis of marriage, and that your husband is not 'paying for sex' in alternate ways. She also gave me another nugget of wisdom:

"There are two things that men find most important, and they may not know it. The first is his job. The second is sex."

Sex is (usually) very important to a romantic relationship. In the cases of asexual people, this is generally not true, because they can be romantically involved and perfectly happy without sex. Most relationships need sex to maintain a connection. 

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day, and a husband was unfaithful to his wife with several people. He claimed she wasn't giving him 'what he needed', and therefore he had to look for it in 'other places'. This man is a pig. But his viewpoint adheres to the 'commodity model' of sex described in the book preview.

Women have it, men want it. Hence phrases such as 'get it', 'get some', and, hey, 'don't give it up'. Virgins are often valued, despite the fact that they usually don't know a shit clue about what they're doing. Women who aren't virgins are 'less valuable'. More experienced, and probably a better and more satisfying partner, but still not as good. They're used. Damaged goods.

Well, newsflash, most people in their late teens and older are probably not virgins. Unless I hang around an unusually small group of sexually active people.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, I just mostly wanted to share the book. It's called Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape. It's by Jaclyn Friendman and Jessica Valen. Go wild.

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I love it when sexual assault is just glossed over and mentioning it is being avoided. 

I love it.

Rape at BU

Recently, Boston University has been the location of two incidents of sexual assault on campus. Both incidents involved players on the varsity hockey team; you can read about the incidents here:

http://www.bu.edu/today/2011/mens-hockey-star-arrested/

http://www.bu.edu/today/2012/hockey-player-arrested-for-sexual-assault/

Now here’s where the plot thickens. 

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"When, however, we ask why the existence of one-half of the species should be merely ancillary to that of the other--why each woman should be a mere appendage to a man, allowed to have no interests of her own, that there may be nothing to compete in her mind with his interests and his pleasure; the only reason which can be given is that men like it. It is agreeable to them that men should live for their own sake, women for the sake of men: and the qualities and conduct in subjects which are agreeable to rulers, they succeed for a long time in making the subjects themselves consider as their appropriate virtues..." (Harriet Taylor, Enfranchisement of Women)

The above passage was written in 1851. Politically and socially, things have changed for women. Women are certainly considered their own beings, individuals with unique thoughts and actions. But because the world in general has advanced from this model does not mean it is not still relevant. 

I'm going to invoke some experiences from my own life to relate to this passage. Men are, in general, still the considered 'head of the household'. My father is the breadwinner of the family. He works hard, gets paid too little for his line of work, comes home and drinks his beer. He and my sister watch sports channels together. My mother generally does the housework, buys the groceries, etc. She handles all the money. My mother, in private, says that Dad only thinks he's the head of the household. She imparted some wisdom to me: "Let the men think they're in charge, or they won't be happy and won't know why."

This has an interesting relation to Taylor's words. My mother does not exist for the sake of my father. He depends on her, certainly. But my father has absolutely no interest in scrapbooking. My mother has weekly get-togethers with her friends, and they scrapbook for hours. If my mother had no independent interests, the only books in the house would be biographies about dead dictators. 

On the flip side, I worked with a woman a few years older than me this fall. She was on welfare and needed to work to get her benefits. She had several young children and I'm not sure she had a high school diploma.  She was with a man, and in a family, that did not approve of her working. Her boyfriend would pick her up from work and grumble. Her support system believed she should stay at home. Not pursue anything other than the work achieved at home. 

She was a women, and therefore not meant to work. 

This is a far more ancient view.

I do not know what her interests were, or indeed, if she had many. Her focus was her children. She lived to abide by her family's, and ultimately, her boyfriend's, rules. She left the job not long after starting, and it was a shock to no one. Familial pressures can be quite persuasive.

My main point? While the views on women have, in general, changed, certain views still remain. Women are still often seen as second-class individuals. I just hope that the world will eventually diminish those views.