feralwitcher - Tumblr blog

[feralwitcher]

I was making Jell-O and didn’t want to wait for it to set so I just drank it as liquid but it went into my lungs and hardened in there. I went to the hospital and they took out two lung-shaped Jell-Os and then the doctor ate them right in front of me but he said I didn’t have to pay any bills as long as I didn’t tell anyone.

[feralwitcher]

i'm really curious as to how you're gonna portray the cullens and their relationships in dusk!! i understand if you want to keep that info a secret for now, but are they gonna be adopted with a more sibling dynamic? foster kids that happen to date? i'm excited/intrigued!

I don’t think that’s anything “secret-worthy” because I’m STILL operating under the “I’m doing this as long as I feel like it” attitude because I am, at best, a fickle creature controlled solely by my Id

But since the Cullens in this are humans I am simply ignoring the fact that canon Carlisle is 23 because I’m 22 and that sucks to think about and also I crave DILF content (as I know literally everyone else does)

But the siblings are all adopted! Basically Carlisle and Esme roped together a bunch of peeps that are magic-latent and had been cast away from their family usually for that reason in an X-men sort of scenario. but I’m making the lore that in order to start being trained in their magic powers they have to recognize them and ASK first. So like, magic is hidden from Edward because he’s kinda dumb I guess? Doesn’t realize he can read minds? It works better in my head. One of those pls don’t overthink situations LOL

They are all foster kids that date each other but at school they pretend to be different families that are childhood friends because they are all just adopted. (like how homeschoolers operate yunno) But since they don’t have to be reclusive due to being vampires they are all pretty popular minus Edward because naturally. There’s nothing wrong with him he’s just a lot to handle.

Anyways I’m super excited for how non-vampire magic will be tied into the Twilight world! I think it makes a lot more stuff make sense including the wolf pack. 

Thanks for letting me rant and sorry for the long post!!! I’m excited about answering questions because reading Midnight Sun makes things go nuts in my brain about Dusk.

[feralwitcher]

Lmao why is Angela on brand though 😂

Credit to this user she is hilarious 😂

[feralwitcher]

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[feralwitcher]

Broke: Geralt annoyed by Jaskier lying ("it's called artistic interpretation, Geralt") in his songs about the monsters Geralt fights.

Woke: Geralt using Jaskier's exaggerated stories to mess with his brothers.

***

Lambert, after hearing Jaskier's new song: That's total bullshit! There's no such thing as a zombie vampire!

Jaskier: Pff.

Geralt: Yes, there is, Lambert. I was there. I fought it.

Lambert: And you expect me to believe this twink's song about how you broke both of your arms during the fight and still defeated it?

Geralt: Yes, that's exactly what happened.

Jaskier: Yeah, he held the sword with his teeth!

Eskel: Woah.

Lambert: Are you kidding me, what "woah", HE'S LYING-

[feralwitcher]

i woke up to 2012 tumblr, so here’s the witcher but make it 2012 and cursed:

stregobor is a cute, young white guy; gets shipped with geralt, ‘cause enemies to friends to lovers

there’s probably some draco in leather pants shenanigans to go alongside it, ‘cause nothing is cuter than a ‘misunderstood’ white boy

everyone is white, with like, one poc character in the background, but if you blink, you’ll definitely miss them

people hate on yennefer for getting in the way of The Ship

people hate on triss for getting in the way of The Ship

but it’s okay cause triss ends up being killed off for Man Pain

people hate on ciri for being a mary sue, yet still somehow manage to find the time to ship her with every adult character going and then will hate her for getting in the way of The Ship

jaskier and geralt are queerbaited even more in the show

yennefer will probably say shit like, ‘i love you, but not as much as your boyfriend’

jaskier and geralt get mistaken for a couple at every inn and town they go to

geralt looks annoyed but never verbally corrects anyone, ‘cause Queerbaiting 101 dictates that a male character can never verbally deny having feelings for another male character

jaskier is more like Book!Dandelion, in that he’s probably less ‘falls in love at first sight’ and is more ‘falls into their bed at first sight’ - will definitely be a raging misoginist, but no one would care

his songs will deffo be gross and toxic, but female characters fall for him anyways

every dead person is a dying, half-naked woman with a full face of make-up who was in love with geralt

geralt and jaskier don’t give a shit, ‘cause they’re too busy staring at each other in Homosexual Repression

yennefer is full-blown evil, ‘cause apparently strong woman = evil woman

there will deffo be a hellish crossover with superwholock/whatever else show was trending at the time

[feralwitcher]

The ultimate 2020 reaction [The Witcher edition]

[feralwitcher]

[feralwitcher]

Presenting you with Twilight gals in modern(ish) fashion aesthetics! Featuring:

Retro Bella

E-girl Alice

Dark Academia Rosalie

And dark grunge Leah

[feralwitcher]

There’s a ghost story people on the Continent like to tell.

It’s about a witcher and the bard who followed him, singing tales of his heroic deeds. Although they bickered often, they still travelled together for decades, the two of them. They became as used to each other’s company as a pair of odd socks, unmatching but part of a set: the witcher and the bard.

Witchers are strong and live for centuries, though, while humans are weak and have only a tentative grasp on life. All it took to sever that grasp was a ragged bunch of bandits, the bard stood in the wrong place at the wrong time, a flash of steel and a dagger embedded in his stomach. The bard bled out on the road as the witcher pressed his hands to the wound, trying to stop the flow of red, but not even the witcher’s strength could match the icy inevitably of death.

Even after that, the witcher saw the bard’s face everywhere. In the wraiths he fought and in glimpses of strangers on the street. Always a twinning of hope and horror: hope that the bard would come back, and horror that he’d come back angry and unforgiving at the witcher’s failure.

The witcher packed away the bard’s books and notes and sent them to Oxenfurt where his poetry could be read and his music could be sung. The bard’s clothes, his finery and silks in all different hues, those the witcher couldn’t bear to sell, so he burned them in a bonfire on Saovine, watching the flames creep up to lick the night sky, whispering a goodbye in words half-spoken.

The bard’s lute, though, the witcher couldn’t consign to the fire. It was a thing of beauty, gifted by an elven king, and it had so many years of love and music poured into it that even by looking at it, one could feel the weight of its history. The witcher strapped it to his saddle and carried it with him, a reminder of the light and life that had once been part of his travels.

He saw the bard more often after that. A shape in the darkness; a flash of colour in the tavern. As he drifted into sleep and as he stumbled into wakefulness he’d hear softly plucked strings, a gentle lullaby to tide him through the night.

Sometimes, when he was camped miles from anyone, all alone in the darkness, the witcher would take the lute from its case and turn it over in his hands. The wood was warm and smooth; its shape was a balm. One night he found himself plucking at the strings, lacking skill or artistry, but the round, single notes were comforting all the same. And as he played he saw a familiar figure across the fire: the bard, in outline, smiling in the blackness.

Each night when he was alone, the witcher would take the lute and play. Not even tunes at first; his fingers too big and clumsy to pick delicately as the bard had done. Just simple notes on open strings. But whenever music sounded from the lute, the spirit of the bard would be nearby.

Over the weeks, and months, and years, the witcher grew in skill. First he played notes, then simple tunes, then whole songs. He’d never be the musician the bard was, but when he touched the lute he felt something moving inside him. Something restless, yearning to be free. Something too big and too full of love to be contained.

He saw the bard more and more clearly, sat by the fire, tapping one foot in time to the music. Never angry, never disappointed despite the witcher’s failure to save him. Always there to calm and to encourage, each time a little closer, and yet always just out of reach like the smoke from the campfire that slipped into the night air.

Until, finally, one night, the bard sat next to him and took the witcher‘s hand, and he felt whole and warm and solid in his grip. The witcher touched the bard’s cheek, his chest, ran his hands over every part of his fine silk clothes and his soft skin and his beautiful face, flushed with health and joy and life.

“How?” the witcher asked, voice trembling.

The bard shrugged his shoulders, posture casual but eyes wide and dark with all he had seen. “We’re more than the sum of our parts. As long as we’re thought of, as long as our memories resonate in the living, then dead doesn’t mean gone.”

People say they still see the witcher and his bard, arriving at the cusp of evening when a village’s need is greatest. They say they still hear music drifting through the night, lifting hearts when everything seems hopeless.

People say it’s a ghost story, but it isn’t. It’s a love story.

Perhaps they’re the same thing.

[feralwitcher]

We’re Not Friends

So I mentioned last night that I had a post I wanted to make about The Witcher, and this was that post:

I know what we have in Netflix canon is Geralt going ‘we’re not friends’ at Jaskier several times

But since we see like 0.1% of their friendship, and we only seem to drop in on their relationship in the midst of Geralt having a succession of Terrible Days, it’s INFINITELY FUNNIER to me if Geralt, in fact, tells Jaskier they’re friends just. Like. Just constantly. Except for when he’s in a bad mood. So it’s pretty hard for Jaskier to take it to heart when Geralt’s like ‘We’re not friends. We’ve never been friends. I don’t even know why you’re here, or wearing a pendant that’s shaped like half of a heart and which reads “BE FRI” that I definitely didn’t give you. >:(’

And then I wanted to write a fic about it.

(And then the fic caught Feelings.)

You can read the fic below the cut, or on AO3 here. Warning for brief suicidal ideation. There’s a happy ending despite that warning, I promise.

We’re Not Friends

Jaskier expected to get chased off by a grumpy witcher the first night they shared a camp. He certainly had seemed like he was about to after the whole business with Filavandrel. But instead, Geralt disappeared into the nearby wood while Jaskier was attempting to get a fire lit. His horse and pack were still here, so it was likely that he wasn’t disappearing for good, but, well. It wasn’t as though Jaskier hadn’t spend most of his young life being told he was ‘a lot’ and that he ‘sometimes needed to let other people talk’ and that ‘maybe I just need to go be somewhere you aren’t for awhile, Jaskier’. So. He understood the impulse.

Keep reading

[feralwitcher]

Give me Witchers who protect humans because they LOVE THEM. I want Witchers who desperately try to lure in stray cats and people alike. Witchers who just want to be friends but the lingering magics on them drive off most people.

Geralt introducing his bard to his brothers: This is my human! His name is Jaskier and he makes funny sounds!

Eskel: *heart eyes* is he friendly???

Geralt: Very! Sometimes you can’t escape his hugs! Even if you need to go to the bathroom.

Lambert: Does he bite?

Geralt: Yes!

*delighted Witcher noises *

[feralwitcher]

This all makes me ugly laugh and I am living for it

Just thought you should know that every time I see tw3 Geralt shirtless or without clothes, all I can think of is your chicken cutlet tags. He is seriously the greasiet chicken cutlet man ever.

You’re welcome!!!! I cannot take credit for this without also blaming @limerental for describing the windexed chicken man.

Love that stinky witcher and his raw chicken cutlet body, sometimes I make him run around the Continent with no clothes on and laugh (before I put lots of clothes on because I am afraid of being attacked by bandits or wolves).

[feralwitcher]

hey everyone! this is a blog dedicated to all things witcher jaskier, run by a couple of witcher jaskier enthusiasts! we’ll be reblogging posts to do with witcher jaskier, so if you’re interested, please check us out!

here are our members so far, with some of their witcher jaskier creations:

steph: @jaskicr, ao3 andrewminyards

i have often dreamed of a far off place

i would know him in death, at the end of the world

aleia: @bamf-jaskier, ao3 Bamf_jaskier

The Nightingale Prince

accidental witcher au

bro: @brothebro, ao3 brothebro

A hazy shade of winter

art of griffin witcher jaskier from Death to the Details

cas: @cassandrasdreamworld and @cassandrasartworld, ao3 CassandrasDreamworld

viper witcher jaskier art

escher: @stars-in-my-damn-eyes, ao3 StarsInMyDamnEyes

Death to the Details

witcher jaskier lineup

kim: @buffskierights, ao3 KHansen

Hiding in Purrfect View

female witcher jaskier

koda: @icedragondreams, ao3 DancerInTheShadows

Forever Wanting More

[feralwitcher]

undefined

if yall aren’t in the best place emotionally and the original breakup scene is hard for you,,,, i would suggest waiting to watch this. i know ive done almost every scene in new moon by now but i just think new moon’s vibe fits well with most of hoziers songs

some of yall need to be reminded that cherry wine is not a romantic song. it deals with domestic violence, which i will be tagging. edbellas canon relationship is very unhealthy, so i thought this song was fitting.

edits masterlist

[feralwitcher]

Okay I think I may be able to stump you with this one! Mike Newton and Vladimir

They have the same chaotic energy just a thousand years age difference.

Mike likes to call Vladimir "Old man." Vladimir calls Mike "Fetus."

Jock Solidarity™

Vlad is even older than Marcus, so History Enthusiast Mike is In Love™ immediately.

The height difference. Vlad is 5"4'. Mike is 6". Mike uses Vlad's head as an armrest.

Vladimir: I'm going to bite you if you keep doing that.

Mike: Good luck reaching my neck, short stack.

Mike listens to Vlad talk about his time thriving as ruler of the world back in his prime and he's like, "See Bella, this is how you be a vampire correctly. This is Class™"

Bella: They killed thousands of people, dominated other vampires! They're as bad as the Volturi!

Mike: Yeah, but they were HONEST about it! They didn't pretend they were protecting the greater good or some shit! That's just passive aggressive manipulation.

Vladimir, on his knee: Marry me.

Send me your twilight crackships and I will give them headcanons.

Already done: Charlie x Aro, Mike x Marcus, Victoria x Eric, Jasper x Eric, Marcus x Rosalie, Emmett x Garrett, Jane x Bella

[feralwitcher]

...for later

can you rec me some like. really heartbreaking fics? like ones that’ll make me cry rly hard lol? preferably more about heartbreak and such things and less about like. death. smth happened and i think i need to be miserable about smth that doesn’t have anything to do with myself

ahh, sometimes you gotta wallow in the sadness. some geraskier angst recs to induce misery (some with happy endings, some without):

Unwanted by @witcher-and-his-bard Jaskier has never felt like he’s enough for Geralt.

again, and again by siren_songs Jaskier and Geralt have been sleeping together for years. Jaskier is in love, but Geralt doesn’t feel the same way.

A Blessing, A Curse by aileenrose Geralt’s words on the mountain are inflicted on Jaskier.

Do it Again by thisgirlsays22 Geralt gets stuck in a time loop on the day of the mountain.

another dawn by alittlebitmaybe Geralt watches Jaskier die over and over again.

don't tell me we've grown (for having loved) by @yoursummerfrost Jaskier keeps repeating the same day but can never get it right.

like a river flows by @redlightofdawn-writes It’s when Jaskier realizes he’s in love that things start to go wrong.

I'd Be the Choiceless Hope by @lesdemonium Jaskier is cursed to obey all commands, whether he wants to or not.