ferin129

[ferin129]

1 more night

it's thursday morning, and damn it's gonna be a long day. but tomorrow is move-in day!!!! im still waiting on an email from them, but i hope that i can move in ok. I can't wait to stop living in the car

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yeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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hell yeah

im a fuckin boss, I knocked that shit out of the park man, im a fuck social demon man, call me the speech master

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morning before I have to give my speech: man i don't feel good about it at all. We'll see how it goes. I'll probably just bomb it like the last one :/

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3 more nights

not that much longer left in the car, it sucks that this week is going to be busy as hell for no reason like usual. Tomorrow morning I have to go do the CWST swim test, and that's gonna be fuckin awful, I can already tell. Not looking forward to it at all. And I have to do the second speech. I'll have to cobble something together tonight and give it while sleep deprived as hell. Can't wait. I wish I could just skip the Poli-sci discussion section, that class is so damn useless. But at least move-in should be Friday, and I don't have class on that day. Thank god.

Song of the day: Virgen by Adolescent's Orquestra

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I figured it's about damn time I write again. I was a lot more mentally healthy when I did. So here's the gist of it. I got kicked out of my parents house last night. And I'm fine with it, so I don't really care. The biggest problem for now is going to be able to get the rest of my stuff back from them, because the last thing that I want to do right now is see them again. But if I can close a deal on one of those cars tomorrow, I'm going to show up and take my stuff with me whether they like it or not. fuck it, we ball. I'm also going to live out of the car, if I can make the deal. Hotels sure are expensive. But the indomitable human spirit will always prevail. It may seem like a bad situation, but all I can do is make the most of it for now. Will update tomorrow.

song of the day: vividest by ANDRIVEBOiz 

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everything hurts

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idk man, the army really feels like it’s not the thing for me some days. I’m truly terrible at assimilating myself into new and unfamiliar groups. My new unit doesn’t shun me, I guess, but it just feels like I don’t belong here.

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god, BA is so awkward when I barely know anyone. Social anxiety is killing me rn.

Maybe the army isn’t for me.

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haven't posted in a minute

been a pretty rough past week or so. work is beating my ass and my apathy towards doing anything else useful is killing me.

My number one priority right now is going to be studying for the math placement test again. I'm so stupid now! it's amazing how much knowledge you can lose after not having taken a math class in a year and a half.

but hey, the only thing we can do is try, right?

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my Kiara figure came in a couple of days ago! I love her, and she looks really good with the rest of my good smile figures.

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well it's thanksgiving

and that means having to put up with my crazy ass relatives. it really wasn't terrrible. I spent most of the day sleeping, im still hurting from the work marathon i did over the last three days. and goddamn, today really makes me realize why I dont like to hang out around my family. my younger sister just started going in on my oldest sister about stupid stuff while we're trying to eat thanksgiving dinner. and understandably, my sister got mad because that's kinda fucked up to talk about at literally the only dinner we eat as a family all year and my parents didn't say shit to my little sister. They never call her out on her bs that my older sisters would never get away with, and she's sick today, so that doesn't help. and then dinner just turned into "here's what we hate about everyone" and my mom ranting about illegal immigrants "not understanding the true meaning of thanksgiving". my dad went off about how i'll never be a woman and that all of my interest and hobbies suck. and holy hell, my family sure does know how to ruin a holiday.

but anyway, it is what it is. i can't wait to move out.

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ouch

3rd 12 hour shift in 4 days... i do like getting paid but i think it may be too much. (I say as I prepare myself to ask for another 12 hour tomorrow). but hey, money is money.

I really want to write today but I'm just exhausted. I had some thoughts about loneliness and my place in the world but I'm not sure I can put into words in an intelligent way tonight. I'll try, but it's not going to be today. Work just completely fried my brain.

Life will get better.

song of the day: A6 (Meteora DEMO) by Linkin Park. This song really kept me going during basic training.

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I can’t sleep worth a shit

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what a long ass day. 9 to 9 in the dairy is no joke. Everything hurts, and I have to be back at 9 tomorrow. But, money is money. And I’m gonna need it, because I just ordered like 7 figures from Crunchyroll. (Will post pictures when they come in)

I really want to write more, but I’m just mentally and physically shot. I will try to write more tomorrow if I don’t work a 12 again.

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it's late and im tired

i wish i had done more with my day. spent all morning doing nothing and then loaded a storage unit with my dad. I did end up going to a trampoline park with my sister for an hour or so in the evening, though. (first time i've gone somewhere that isn't work in 3 months) it was pretty fun, although it was pretty pricey. at least I got to do something fun. Next few days are going to be very busy at work. I'm scheduled in the meat market for all of them, too. I'll try to write as much as I can, but I'm sure I'm going to be exhausted.

I'm gonna try to get some sleep now.

song of the day: but the regrets are killing me by american football

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