ferret-the-overseer

[ferret-the-overseer]

"I sort fics by kudos and only kudos on stories with high kudos counts, why aren't there more stories with high kudos, I ran out of things to read." You're part of the problem.

"Authors artificially inflate comment counts by thanking people, I can't find anything with a real comment count to read." No they fucking are not, they're grateful for engagement.

"I can't read anything under 100k." That's the majority of fics you're ignoring, most novels aren't even that long.

"I don't have time to look for the incredibly rare diamond in the rough, so I won't read anything below a certain amount of kudos, comments, and hits." Those fics are popular because people gave them a chance and then snobs like you found them.

"I won't read anthing with a single typos." You made typos in that sentence, get off your high horse.

"One singular author didn't thank me for commenting, I'm never commenting on any fic again so I don't get burned." You're punishing people because someone didn't give you engagement they don't owe you that they might not have seen.

"This fic is three months old, it's so old, it doesn't matter if I comment or kudos, it's old." Fics do not have expiration dates, comment and kudos.

You're killing your fandoms with your snobbish behaviors.

[ferret-the-overseer]

this “f1 is for the girlies” push to try and commodify the sport so you can be a “paddock princess” and essentially a pretty object is just repackaged misogyny. girls like CARS. girls like strategy and combustion engineering and aerodynamics and race analysis and RACING. i don’t want to be sold a lingerie set based on who my favourite f1 team is, i want a sensible and flattering team shirt that actually fits my body shape.

[ferret-the-overseer]

actually how do we know bruce would care if jason killed the joker. if you think about it, like, i’m pretty sure every time jason made an attempt on the joker’s life jason made a point of letting bruce know beforehand and actively antagonising him WITH the murder, which i feel like at that point with bruce’s morals he probably felt like he had no choice but to go and put a stop to it? like if he didn’t then he was actively encouraging and being complicit to a murder, which, y’no, isn’t really batman’s deal. but like, how do we know that if he was kept out of it that he would even give a fuck. i want a scenario where jason kills the joker and waits around his safe house just. expecting batman to come take him down as revenge, and when nothing happens he gets impatient and shows up to the manor like two weeks later all defensive and ready to fight and he storms in guns drawn, and its just like

Jason: look I don’t fucking care what your shitty opinion is, the clown is dead and I do not fucking regret it so if you wanna lock me up then you’ll have to-

Bruce, sipping coffee at the dining table: ah, Jaylad, you’re joining us for dinner, that’s great!

Jason:

Jason:

Jason: I killed the joker tho

Bruce: yes I saw that on the news, it’s a shame Batman wasn’t aware until it was too late. oh well! it’s not like we can change the past, anyway want some coffee?

Jason:

Jason: *stares incredulously at Tim and Damian*

Tim and Damian: *give equally confused shrugs*

Jason:

Jason: ……y-e-e-s-?

Bruce: I’ll go pour you a mug and let Alfred know to set dinner for one more! :D *leaves*

Jason: *baffled*

Tim: so we could have just fucking killed him ages ago-

Damian: it seems so, Drake. yes.

Tim:

Jason:

Tim: unbelievable.

[ferret-the-overseer]

and here we have lando driving blindfolded while oscar directs him 😭😭

[ferret-the-overseer]

[ferret-the-overseer]

ask me, "what's your favourite video of landoscar?" and i'll show this piece

imagine, chrome gold-chrome green livery, it would be lovely... BUT THE FUCKING WAY OSCAR SAY, "YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T WE JUST GOT BOTH?" EYE CONTACT, OSCAR STARING AT LANDO THE WHOLE TIME. LANDO'S REACTION. i can'tㅡ hsjsksksjdjd

video credits: @.box.boxxx on tt

[ferret-the-overseer]

lando: beautiful! right, right, right! straight, straight, yeaaaah!

and oscar laughing through it all and tilting his head up towards lando 😭😭

[ferret-the-overseer]

??? saph what happened on sky sports?? i’m ALWAYS missing out on the nico rosberg lore drops smh

SO

during the insanely long rain delay in spa into martin brundle and croftys commentary box wanders one (1) nico rosberg (he was aparently there commentating at sky italy this race and i guess got bored during the delay and looked for other people to bother? idk they never really addressed Why he was there). and he sasses them a little and says some classically nico rosberg things BUT THEN they start talking about the departure of horner because you know that was a Thing that Happened Recently and nico says, i shit you not:

nico: "do we know if zak brown and toto wolff are also missing christian horner?"

and i am sitting on my couch and suddenly my jaw drops to the floor because Nico Rosberg has brought up a Rivalry to none other than David Croft Live On Air. the Same David Croft who said the infamous "everything but a lover" line. and this is only ending in One Way.

so crofty speaks.

crofty: "i think they probably are. because every rivalry needs two parts to it and lets face it. christian and toto were head to head rivals for many years and zak this year, last year, has kind of replaced toto in the rivalry....your yin needs a yang nico i would say on that one. so in most respects i think they probably are."

and i am still sitting with my mouth hanging open because now it is only a matter of Time before lewis gets mentioned.

nico: "its like senna and prost."

YOU MEAN THE OTHER INFAMOUS RIVALRY OTHER THAN THE ONE THAT YOU WERE A PART OF, NICO???? THIS IS GETTING INTO DANGEROUS TERRITORY

nico: "who suddenly when prost retired senna went damn, i hate that guy but i actually want him to be here. and they became best friends afterwards."

and didnt....prost....tell you nico that you need to talk it out with lewis......wasnt this a conversation that was had.........And Also Youre Still Saying All Of This To David Croft, King Brocedes Pot Stirrer. and remember the last time nico was in the commentary box, crofty made fun of him for eating cauliflower for breakfast. so. anything was possible here.

crofty: "your world championship win in 2016."

me, sitting on the very edge of my seat, mouth open, eyes wide

crofty: "would you look back on that so fondly now if it hadn't been lewis hamilton that you had beaten? your teammate? and your main rival at the time?" nico, very softly and realizing he has backed himself into a corner: "no of course not....that was a big part of it for sure and uh you are right in that sense. " crofty: "so do you miss lewis now"

DAVID CROFT. YOU INSANE MAN, i think as there is a slight pause.

nico *laughing and stuttering incoherently like he somehow didnt expect this* crofty: "well you just asked the question!" nico: "im okay. im okay."

which, was not the question. at all.

but thankfully david croft, as i said earlier, is an insane man and also a shit stirrer and were in the middle of a rain delay so i can only imagine that that is what possessed him to say this:

crofty: "are you still next door neighbors?"

very long pause. i begin to wonder and not for the first time if david croft is writing brocedes fanfic himself.

nico, sounding like he has been caught taking cookies out of a cookie jar: "we...we uh still live in the same building yeah.....we catch up from time to time. but we have a very nice, uh, neutral relationship."

???????? what in the Hell is that supposed to mean?????????

which was a question that martin brundle aparently also had because:

martin, laughing: "a very nice neutral relationship??" nico: "um, uh, moving on...?"

but rest assured, shit stirrer david croft was not done yet. he needed to keep his viewers entertained as we were nearly an hour into a rain delay where the only thing keeping people watching were the glamor shots of charles leclerc and the red bull garage drinking tea.

crofty: "has he still got your safe? was it....wasnt it when you first moved in you put your safe in his apartment?"

there is an old story that i think it was lewis had nicos watch for awhile because he had his safe box or something and nico somehow managed to get it back after he won the championship, but i have no source for that story so you will just have to take my word for it.

nico: "no. other way around. he put his safe in our apartment." crofty: "yeah. you looked after it for a bit." nico: "yeah yeah. i was considering whether i should kind of forget where i had put it when he next asked for it but then i did give it back."

which. wild things to admit to live on air.

then! in case you were worried that crofty didnt have anything else. martin jumped in.

martin: "when i was driving for mclaren and you two kids, you were karting, you came in and terrorized the motorhome. you were so annoying as kids you and lewis, running around the place. causing havoc. ive always wanted to tell you that actually." crofty, laughing maniacally: "and there you were trying to have nice quiet moment." martin, evilly: "well me and nico have a neutral relationship." crofty: *laughing even harder* martin: "as of now anyway." nico, somehow missing the point entirely but also sounding very excited to recount this story: "the worst was the hotel rooms we left behind."

me and the rest of the world watching this probably sitting in the exact same place of shock wondering how theyre still talking about this and also wondering what other insane lore nico is about to drop because we Know that he and lewis shared hotels when they were karting and left them a disaster and also one time wrestled under a sink.

nico: "cause we shared a hotel room for two years. and we would have, like, wrestling, wrestling competitions *laughs* in the hotel rooms. they would not look good...they would not be on their best afterwards." crofty: "bit of rock and roll on tour *pauses* sometimes i love a rain delay. because you get the sort of information you never actually expected to get when you came into work that day. more of this to come."

which, first of all, understatement of the year thank you crofty. second What The Holy Ever Loving Fuck. and third: THEY STILL WERENT DONE

some five minutes later martin i think it was interrupts and is like oh look we've been sent a photo! and the photo in question was. this:

and nico says:

nico: "i just got that yesterday." crofty, in slight disbelief probably that his diabolical brocedes plan is working: "someone just sent you that?" nico, very excited to tell the story: "we were always on holiday together. you know, we were best friends at the time. but here was us actually at my parents house quadding. flat out quadding. always with an engine, full speed on everything. and lewis was. Proper Nuts. like he was nuts. completely" crofty, spurring him on: "really?" *laughing* nico: "i remember once we were jet skiing together i was on the back of him on the same jet ski. oh my god, i made, i had such a big shunt. i flew off in the biggest way. and then we went with two stand up jet skis, and i was watching him go off this giant wave from the ferry and he did not lift. he was- i'd never seen someone go so high airborne, and then he came crashing down and he knocked open his chin when he smacked down onto the jet ski as he landed. *laughs* just completely!" crofty: "oh!" nico, gleefully: "so hes lying there like half unconscious and i had to go and like check that hes okay, his chin was cut open. complete nut case." crofty: "honestly you two, it a wonder you ever made it to formula one and settled down and concentrated."

and then crofty started immediately talking about the race restart leaving all of us viewers with A Whole Lot Of Questions. because. what the hell. what had possessed nico rosberg other than the usual insanity.

then nico also revealed that he has recurring nightmares still about not getting into the car in time for race starts in f1. and then he was back off to the sky italy box:

crofty: "nico rosberg we must let you go. thank you for coming to join us, this has been a fascinating hour, we've gone into territories i never thought we would. before you go though, little prediction ahead of the race. who do you think now, in these conditions, is looking the best placed?"

understatement of the year, thank you crofty.

nico: "umm...lando norris. he has the best car, hes on a high mentally also coming off the win in silverstone, great qualifying yesterday so, uh, the favorite is 100% lando norris but he has some amazing wet weather drivers right behind him. so anything can happen. thank you very much it was a pleasure. i am off to speak some italian now."

which of course cursed lando because as we all know, anyone who nico says is going to do well (aside from lewis) get somehow utterly fucked over in a race because he just has that power. and lando of course got passed by oscar on the opening lap then locked up and went off three times in the late stages so he couldnt close the gap enough to get oscar back. and lewis, who started form the pit lane ended up p7. nico rosberg strikes again.

[ferret-the-overseer]

Smallvillers are Victorian children in that they'd explode if you showed them a spice rack and Gothamites are Victorian children in that they snort six lines before their 16-hour shift at the crime factory

[ferret-the-overseer]

It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

[ferret-the-overseer]

daily reminder to drink some wa-

hold on.

Post canceled.

is it anyone on tumblr named Brian?

is there anyone logged in right now who has the name Brian

[ferret-the-overseer]

SPLAT

I would give anything to be dipped in syrup and thrown against the wall really hard

[ferret-the-overseer]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 3

*wind whooshing* *grunting* *the sound of scraping against stone*

Dick: you have to be cheating somehow, you could never do that jump before!

Jason: how the fuck do you cheat at parkour?

Dick: *pause*

Dick: secret.... winches.

Jason, incredulous: secret winches?

Dick: secret winches. you got like- i dunno. stuff to help you up here.

Jason: *snorts* you're a fucking idiot. i can do the jump because i got steroided by the lazarus pit and pokemon evolved three times the size of myself, dipshit.

Dick, humming: yeah, that must have been a culture shock.

Jason: well it was fucking something that's for sure.

Dick: did you ever get like-, like when you woke up and you were just over six feet tall. did it fuck with your head?

Jason: like did i forget and run into doorframes a fuck ton-?

Dick: -yeah, like what was it like?

Jason: *hums consideringly*

Jason: kinda like. what i imagine the hulk had to go through. like i was just suddenly real big and real strong.

Dick: was it cool?

Jason: parts of it were cool, parts of it- *wheeze* parts of it were fucking fantastic.

Dick, very amused: ok now- wait hold on- don't you give me that fucking look-

Jason: *laughing*

Dick: -alright. brother to brother, i feel like we're close enough with each other to discuss this as mature adults. but i have to ask,

Jason, audibly grinning: -oh, i'm proportionate.

Dick: *bursts out laughing* that- that must have been fucking wild-

Jason: IT WAS- it was- *breathy laugh* it sure was something-!

Dick: how long after you came out the pit did you notice?

Jason: how long- dude, instantly!

Dick: *laughing*

Jason: i was out that pit like that fuckin' tiktok audio, just 'woah woah, wait, where my dick at?!'

Dick: *laughing louder*

Jason: just climbing out, barely conscious, in the back of my mind like 'did they tie a weight between my legs or something because this shit ain't normal, why's it heavy'

Dick, crying: why's it heavy-!

Jason: i will say in all honesty i kinda forgot about it for a while.

Dick: how do you forget?

Jason: i dunno, just kinda doing my thing. mentally i was still like, fifteen, so as much as my cock did interest me, once Talia gave me a shiny sword i was like 'ooooh' and instantly stopped thinking about it.

Dick: was there not any like, mechanical issues?

Jason: mechanical- like, did it work? yes, dude, it fuckin' worked?

Dick: well i don't know i just feel like- it's probably like getting a new phone, right? like they're all pretty similar but when you transfer over to a new model there's an adjustment period?

Jason: OH- ok yeah, no, i get you. no there was definitely an- *slight wheeze* there was an adjustment period.

Dick: *starting to laugh* i don't even know if i want to ask,

Jason: *wheeze* well it was- like i said i forgot for a while, right? so the first time i slept with somebody,

Dick: *cackling* no, littlewing what did you do?

Jason: no i think i just ruined the mood a little bit in the beginning, because like- like it was just as much a surprise to me as it was to her, right?

Dick: *cackling even louder*

Jason: so she was- *wheeze* she was fuckin'- *high pitched, breathy* she was below me as i got it out, and she went 'oh wow, it's so big', and my fuckin' stupid ass was just- wide-eyed looking at it like 'jesus fucking christ it is isn't it?!'

Dick, choking: i can't- i'm fucking crying-

Jason: *half-silent wheezes*

Dick, slightly delirious: but didn't you ever, like, try it out alone beforehand?!

Jason: WELL I-

Damian: OH MY FUCKING GOD. S T O P.

Jason and Dick: *cut off chokes*

Damian: MAY I FUCKING REMIND YOU, that BOTH i AND Batman are on this line tonight!

Jason, slightly muffled: *shocked laugh* oh my god, B-?

Damian: he's been staring blankly into a gutter since Nightwing first mentioned genitalia.

Dick, high pitched through hitched breaths as Jason starts cackling in the background: yeah that's- that's our bad, B. Sorry about that.

Damian: i feel like i also deserve an apology.

Jason: *cackling louder*

[ferret-the-overseer]

donald trump will die on july 20th 2025 at 1pm pacific standard time

[ferret-the-overseer]

I'm a very big fan of the “one of the ways Batman fights crime is by making the bad guys afraid he could be anywhere”. The “he’s not in every shadow, but he could be in any shadow” thing.

I think it would be fun to mix that with the way the rest of the batfam is drawn when they're in shadows:

the glowy eyes and splashes of vibrant colour, especially with Nightwing's symbol looking like it's actually reflective.

So now I'm thinking:

imagine if Gothamites realized that dangerous people get really uneasy when they keep seeing things that, out of the corner of their eye, might look like a vigilante. To the point that they avoid areas where, let's say, an old poster on the wall is just that shade of yellow that keeps jumpscaring them every time they turn. Or that old trash can that still has a patch of green paint that hasn't peeled away yet. Not even realizing what makes them nervous, just knowing that a particular place makes them jumpy. Stuff like that.

So to keep themselves a little safer Gothamites just start… adding little things like that in their neighborhoods. Nothing that outright references the Bats - stuff like that might get vandalised or just lose the effect if it's recognised, but things like:

- plants on window sills in flower pots or vases in bright colors

- little shiny trinkets in the windows that just might be mistaken for a flash of a utility belt

- colorful curtains get very popular for children's bedrooms

- someone sticking a piece of blue reflective vinyl on a chimney visible from the street, so that as you walk you see a little flash of electric blue when the light from streetlights hits it just right

- people painting a pair of dots with glow-in-the-dark white paint high up on walls by fire escapes or in dark alleys, that look like glowing eyes

So basically I want Gothamites to invent protective charms and amulets which have exactly zero supernatural properties and aren’t intended to have any, but still very much work lmao

[ferret-the-overseer]

never kill yourself, you could wake up one day to news articles rolling in about christian horner being fired

[ferret-the-overseer]

remember to take good care of yourself because that's literally your self dude. like that's you