ferretphobos

[ferretphobos]

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The chick's bathroom at my location always has a bunch of fake flowers and seasonal soaps and posters n shit in it and I just asked the custodian kid if the men's did too and he said "Nah just the urinals, the women's room gets all the nice stuff" and he sounded so sincerely wistful so in conclusion I know what I'm gonna do this Christmas

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me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right…..good boy……vore president washington

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tonight's the first night of chanukah where's that pic of the guy smoking a joint shaped like a menorah

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You ever been in a state where you physically have no energy, but you're bored and socially understimulated so you kind of wish you could just invite people to come over like this:

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santa saw you reading all that gay porn

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had to show you guys. he looks so unbelievably bad. for context he always gets shit crusted in his fur because he doesn’t maintain it so my mom decided to give him a haircut and wanted to even it out

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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I couldn’t date a tsundere because she’d say something like “I don’t even like you! Hmph!” and then I would run directly in front of the nearest car

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need to have someone in love with me who’s a little freak about it

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Tumblr is always dead on the holidays because you’re all afraid to open the app around your families. Stop being a coward and reblog that anal gif