feywilder

[feywilder]

haven't been here in a hot second... long post under the cut, mostly me gushing about my friends lol

for the longest time i felt really lonely. i never felt like i fit with my friends. straight, cis and neurotypical with partners and 2.5 kids. hobbies: dinner dates with other couples, their kids hobbies and "treating themselves" by taking a bath when their partners are away on business trips and the kids are sleeping (and then a snapchat arrives with "treating myself didn't last long haha" and a pic of their toddler awake). i didn't fit into what the "standard" core family adult looked like. my hobbies were looked down on a bit, i was asked at one point if i ever thought to outgrow video games... it was lonely but didn't have much choice than to accept it.

so fall 2023 i follow a guy on TikTok, a cosplayer, and he creates a discord. i decide to join it as soon as it starts and three days later i was asked to become a mod (which later turned to an admin role). and this guy and the other admins, they are what i've been looking for my entire life. this is my found family, these people are the friends i was meant to have all along.

everything i ever wanted in my life, connections, friends, travel - i have. last time i had traveled was in 2011. And then I didn't have any money because of studies and when I did have money - no one to travel with. and now in the past 6 months I have been to the US twice. i've been to cons and cosplayed, went to Disney and Universal. I traveled on my own from Sweden to meet up with my friends in the US. And while we've technically only met twice - it has never felt odd or like I'm seeing strangers. it's like my soul settles down after being restless. despite being very introverted, this last trip to MegaCon i've spent 11 days in the company of them and never once felt drained or like i wanted to be alone.

i have never met more loving and caring people in my life and i finally feel like i belong. i never feel too much or too odd. we are all queer in some ways (a lovely mix of pan/bi, trans and non-binary) and all my "oddities" are accepted because it aligns with what most likely is some kind of undiagnosed neurodivergence (not to self-diagnose but i'm a 90s kid and girls were rarely diagnosed with anything back then). even though im still physically alone, i am not lonely. i hate that we all live so far away from one another but at least i have them in my life.

[feywilder]

what is the 13th song on your on repeat playlist?

[feywilder]

im dead, deceased, departed over mass effect

[feywilder]

N7 Day 2023 | NEBULA

“Transmission incoming.”

[source]

[source]

"/////ACCESS CODE ACCEPTED: POST-NEBULA /////WARNING /////SECURITY BREACH DETECTED /////CONTACT SYSTEMS ALLIANCE"

[prev: EPSILON | DEFIANCE]

[feywilder]

i lost like 9-10 kg in the span of 2.5 months. It started out with intention (cut back on sweets, exercise etc) but due my mental health going sideways while being stressed (im in the middle of an extended stress leave as well) i had a hard time eating anything so the weight just dropped. I am... not used to my body? like i feel my bones differently through the skin, my thighs and stomach is just not what im used to. it's not a bad feeling per say, it's just odd and weird and not what im used to. also i barely have any clothes that fit, everything is too big for me now...

[feywilder]

kinda weird how following this one cosplayer on TT ended up with me not only in their discord but as a mod with the genuinely best people i have met. like when people talk about finding their people in gc and online, this is what they were talking about and i GET it.

[feywilder]

so i'm like 10 episodes behind on Critical Role Campaign 3 that I intend to catch up on soonish. But I really want to see the Might Nein live show once it's uploaded. Those who have seen it, do I need to catch up on Campaign 3 before I see it or can I just watch the M9 reunion and then catch up?

[feywilder]

i just wanna curl up somewhere for a moment and just... stop thinking for a while

[feywilder]

[feywilder]

Purple Light 💜✨

I had a lot of fun with this one, it's giving all the TBC feelings right in the heart! Where my Paladins at? ♡

[feywilder]

saw a poll about how often you wear makeup and now i'm curious

also if you wanna put in the tags, i'm curious whether you prioritize definition (like neutral eye makeup, brow filler, contour, etc.), complexion (concealer, foundation, etc.), or pizazz (glitter, big eyeliner, fun colors, etc.)

or just tell me your everyday makeup idk

[feywilder]

hope everyone's having wonderful lust-filled thoughts over fictional men today

[feywilder]

please block me if you read books with death in them. i don’t care your “reason” - it’s clear you have a death fetish, are pro-necrophilia, and think killing is okay. i don’t care if someone you know died recently or if you have a terminal illness. it is not okay to consume fiction with death in it to cope. and that’s that on that, you freaks. pro-death crowd dni.

[feywilder]

characters who are absolutely convinced down to their bones that they are unlovable being subjected to the mortifying ideal of being wholly and unconditionally loved. that’s the good stuff. never get tired of it.

[feywilder]

Sure man if you say so

[feywilder]

I reached my goal of reading 30 books! I started with a goal of 10 books this summer (and already had 2 or 3 finished, two of which I had started last year and hadn’t gotten around to finish lmao).

It’s basically only been romance novels but they are super addictive. Emily Henry is my new favorite author, her books are just chef’s kiss!

[feywilder]

i’m curious

reblog if you’re curious as well