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ff3e33 · 3 months ago

Text

for transparency this is what I'm replying to

cw for ableism against schizophrenic people

I want to preference this first and foremost by stating at the original post I made / the original attempt I had THOUGHT you had left the server on your own accord to which I was told / explained upon that you were kicked due to the comforts of the other in the server, to which I understood and came to realize you had treated us and others inside the server poorly. I did not lie, or purposefully lie, I came to realize that you had treated many members poorly in the time from January to now. I appreciate you understanding and apologizing for the behaviors that we recognized and called as harmful to us, but I also want it to be known that we could have talked about this privately and It would have been able to be handled all the way back in January when I was first expressing confusion and concern, albeit i wouldn’t have the perspective that I do now. Even so, that is not the point of this subject.

I do want you to know that I again appreciate your words, and I appreciate how you can come up with the fact that you can see where I’m coming from, I’m not here to witch hunt you, but I am concerned for the fact you were lying to me to your friends, and those who followed you because you were painting me as a villainous type. Or at least, as we both can realize, it felt that way. With that being said, I want to make a very clear statement. I only attempted to reach out to you twice in January, once on the fact we had each other’s discord once, and the second through the private dms when I recognized your account due to a mutual of ours retweeting it.

With that being said : bringing up the point of the unnamed friend, I know who this is, and I will not be naming names, but I will explain the same point as I did to them. I had seen them on my timeline writing with a mutual, as I usually do. I was interested IN the thread being written and went to go backtrack and continue to read, that’s when I saw I was blocked. If you wish to consider this as stalking you are free to do so, but then you also have label anyone backtracking to read threads they aren’t apart of as such. I knew I shared a groupchat with the friend and attempted to reach out to communicate and be aware if they wanted me to back off, there was NO ill intent, just me attempting to ensure that the environment that your friend had curated was a safe one for THEM.

I will state again, I AM very anti-harassment, and I don’t support my friends in doing that, I didn’t even know that they sent that message and instead was just sent the screenshots of you celebrating me deactivating my account due to the discomfort and anxiety you created due to your vague posts. Even so, I do not support the messages they have sent you and WILL Not support the messages they’ve sent you. You deserve a safe space on the internet just as I do. I will say though again, you have talked bad about me behind my back when our exchanges were civil. You speak of me being a bully, an awful person but through our entire private exchange history I was nothing but kind and civil to me.

The only times I had ever been anything ‘rude’ was when I was establishing boundaries or asking for you to communicate with me when we shared a private roleplay server ran by a mutual friend.

I do not know what Egge is, I do not care what it is. As far as I’m aware it’s another social media platform like Blueskies or huddle, I was shown a screenshot of you celebrating my deactivation which I had deactivated my account only 10 minutes prior, so It seems you aren’t clean from this ‘stalking allegation’ either if you want to play that angle.

Timestamp for when I had to change my password to log into my account thus to deactivate. You cannot act high and mighty when you also did this suspicious activity right after I deactivated my account.

I think we have both been hurt by each other’s actions, unknowingly and knowingly. But it’s something where instead of being able to approach me and handle this privately.

I fear all they’re doing is enabling you in this strange delusion that this is a two-sided battle where I’m doing everything in my power to ruin your life. I stopped caring about this back in January, and I had assumed you had as well, but it’s obvious that I’ve taken up a bigger spot in your head than I expected. I do genuinely hope you get help for the issues that make you feel this way. Paranoia is the most terrifying thing to experience, especially after a major trauma.

you have instead chosen to talk down to me publicly, treating me as nothing more than a paranoid individual knowing I have schizophrenia and paranoia being a large and dangerous aspect of my day to day life, as well as knowing how bad it HAS gotten due to sharing experiences of these things inside the server we shared.

A screenshot from the server we are in. Where I talked about how harmful my delusions + my paranoia HAVE been in my life. A server you were in when I talked about these things.

The way you responded to my ask feels gross. I know you likely didn’t mean it that way, but picking at paranoia and opting to insinuate I have been deluded into my feelings and my view points is harmful and cruel.

I digress,

I have never once said your name anywhere, I have only referred to you vaguely in public; anyone else in this community who happened to block you was someone who reached out to me on their own cognizance to ask for your URL, which even then I was reluctant to give out. Anyone who did so can back me up. The only reason I ended up putting you into my DNI was because a mutual friend reassured me that it was okay, and even then that only happened months after things simmered down, because I had culminated a few users that I wanted to steer clear of for both their sake and mine. I had my XKit filter out any posts containing your URL so that we could coexist when you were active. From there I had no problems, that was the end of it.

I was inactive at this point due to my discomfort at how you had handled the situation. I only became aware of this today as my friend who had sent me the egge screenshot then in turn handed me this one, which I imagine is the one you are referring to.

this is not a callout post, this is nothing I want to be handled VIA callout post. I am just tired of you lying about me behind my back and now lying to my face and treating me as if I'm less than you.

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