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“…the queen of the divine cows, Surabhi, rained milk on Krishna and consecrated him Govinda, meaning “lord of the cows.”

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mozambique, china, thailand or reunion island for next move... so many offers so undecided!

In the end, I think I will settle on Reunion or close <3

Market Reunion Island

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Shield-backed Bug Nymphs (Plataspidae) by Sinobug (itchydogimages) on Flickr. Pu’er, Yunnan, China See more Chinese true bugs and hoppers on my Flickr site HERE…..

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Spring & Chinese tea house

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Varanda Encounter

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Good ol’ KAK Miss you

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somewhere in Africa

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<3

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When Death comes knocking

I will NOT,

have any participation in

anyone or thing,

that is not sacred,

that is not of God.

I don’t want to

see smell hear feel or taste

anything else.

I do not want

to hear tinny electronic music

or about how

I need drugs or violence to get by

I will cut all association with anything or one,

that tries to pull me into Maya

unecessary sense pleasure

exploit me

who only wants me as mother when they are crying

that tells tales about masks they have never worn

That does not respect or value me

as part and parcel of the most high

make effort for me

keep his word to me

See me as greater than a

sextoy

that cannot approach me directly

present matters of high intelligence

or admit his own faults

and repent humbly

for the sake of

healing and harmony.

He should dare to promise me more.

He who disrespects others, earth, women and God

by these means

will have nothing to do with me.

I will not negotiate.

I will not settle for less.

And I will do my best to reflect these qualities

First for God.

My law upon myself will be respected.

And all should know

I am divinely protected.

And know

It is because of my utterly weak heart

weak mind

soft and merciful

because if I let myself cry and give for all

like I want to

I will drain dry

pour every golden drop of myself

into hungry blackened mouths

When daddy gave up on God

he dragged me through the depths of hell with him

I fell out

Fell down

unclothed

of the pious, wine-stained haven my mother had created

turned on her dark God

for the impersonal ‘universal energies’

And God laughed

Mother

mother

mother

I am just not there yet

And no one ever gave me a leg up

no one ever told me I’m good

and I am still trying to find that in me

And God helps me

Why he saved me, I’ll never know

I’ll never know.

Looking back, 7 years fallen,Can’t say I deserved it.

I almost quit again

and who, so cruel, to

kick one when they’re down

rub dirt into their wounds

It’s like hot nails in my heart.

It still burns.

and I don’t know if i’ll find the strength to

forgive again.

I don’t want to hear gypsy songs

Or share my body where everyone else is

I will not.

Don’t dare ever threaten me again

don’t face me,

and i won’t face you.

Don’t waste my time.

I want protection

And Goodbyes are too easy for me

So easy

So

Give me something higher

give me something higher

and I will pour it out for everyone to share

Or just let me say Goodbye

and say goodbye

so we’re clear.

Mamma

I am sorry I never listened

you told me so many times before

‘It’s God’

I pack my bags again in two weeks

and up I go

Up I go or else,

when will I let go of childhood?

Can I

shake my fear

shed my comfort

shake out my wings

slip out again?

I pray

Have one last look at my stars

and they warn death.

mm. so

I know I might die tomorrow.

And the sun’s in the North, so i’ll come back to earth.

But i’d rather die on the road

My sweet Lord knows

than here,

pouring my orange out to wailing fat.

Please hold me mamma

please hold me Krsna

I need to see wider

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Mercury

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The four simple tips which saved my life

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Reminded today of a car accident I had on valentine’s day in 2016. Shortly after I began praying to the demigod Ganesh and asked him to remove all obstacles in the way of me experiencing true love. Super interesting dynamics which I am reflecting on and making sense of again today, all showing me how this crazy life is just a reflection of God’s master plan for us. I can somewhat see how I have been lead since I surrendered, and the incredibly masterful and creative way that Krsna directs our lives and brought me to his Lotus feet. Because there is no higher love than love of God.

I wanted to be an artist, and that was more self-serving and immature. I would have been leading people into spaces full of sinful and de-spiritualised activity in this way. The people in the Fine Art world are mostly indulging in sense enjoyment and material exploitation in a way that is not useful to the world or spiritual life. This was the path I was going down when I was in Maya, before I became awakened to a higher truth and began to live a spiritual life.  In Maya we live a life for sensory pleasures, a life of illusion and suffering.

In spiritual life we find a deeper truth, and deeper bliss - that of the soul, and we can see through illusion, and live to serve a higher purpose in creating positive change through service to spiritual life and spiritual people. Now I want to be an art teacher, which is more natural - serving, and more selfless.I can remember God in this work everyday, and really help people everyday. I will be working in purer energies, children are such good and pure clean energy, and have a platform to ACTUALLY make positive change by guiding the youth to become better adults - not pretend to be making change in a space that is actually just full of false ego and still within demonic sense enjoyment (art galleries & the art scene - where you think you are doing something important but it never even really leaves the gallery, or truly changes anyone for the better.)

Krsna has been so merciful to intensely purify me over this time while I have been practicing yoga - the purest healing art. It’s like when I was younger, studying sound engineering, and I wanted to be a DJ. The false ego would dictate that by putting some few lyrics with spiritual suggestions into my mixes, that I am doing something good for people and for the world, but it is completely Maya - illusion. False. Actually, by not being lazy and making some effort, I should have continued to make my own live music, with my own lyrics speaking and sharing truth, on a much more mature and effective platform to use music to bring change. I could then create those platforms, specific events, specific representations of myself and my work and choosing where I feature. Even teaching music to children and teaching them some good moral values, which I have learned from a good moral teaching that is verified and not made up by some arrogant buffoon or false Guru.

If I was thinking I would be making a change in a nightclub or trance party, I would still be deep in illusion and demonic behaviour - since these are the spaces where people are being lead far out of spiritual life into Maya behaviour - selfish sense gratification, intoxication and drug abuse, cultural appropriation, and misleading and lowly forms of ‘spiritual’ behaviour which is not true or effective and more false ego and self-serving. I would be leading people into spaces full of dark and selfish energies and habits of abuse and addiction. This is not helping anyone or the world. I would take the bad karma for facilitating that.

Osho used to be my Guru when I was deep in a stage of ignorance and finding ways to justify my selfish ways of sense gratification. He began to lead me down a good-ish path by encouraging mediation, but his teachings are not pure and not everything he says is verified and true - I can vouch for learning that the hard way. For example, his teachings led me to exploit and not respect my body as a woman, by encouraging open sex, he is unaware of the violent representations of women and rape culture in today’s society.

He commercialised the sacred practice of Guru and disciple relationship, polluting the pure lineage of spiritual knowledge and stopping many people from actually discovering this path and the incredible magic there is behind it.

I was fortunate enough to come along a line of disciplic succession which is actually bonafide, verified and true - so you know what the Guru gives is legit information, from the sacred texts and will ACTUALLY guide you to a higher path and not lead you back into Maya, or give you the lowest kind of realisation in which you think you are God, you think you are liberated, but you are not - and waste your life away behaving just like everyone else who is the problem with the world, selfish and unnatural. I am actually healing, I am actually coming closer to Krsna, and blessed enough to be experiencing the miracles that higher love and real spiritual life brings. It’s sad to see so many people lost in false versions of this, when the real thing is so accessible and loving.

I am grateful to have moved on and up in my life, to have found an actual real spiritual family and organisation that is giving the best pure love and knowledge and am on my way to continue growing and improving in this life, and living balanced, healthy and good spiritual life in the company of ACTUAL good and beautiful souls, not a bunch of selfish false ego people. I am so grateful for the love and support and tolerance I receive on a daily basis here. It is so amazing to have found people who are actually creating something good and care and work to help each other. I am so grateful to once again be able to look forward to a brighter future.

I am so grateful for my realisations and growth. I am so grateful for my spiritual life and deepening bliss and capacity for love. I am so grateful for being able to learn how to balance spiritual and material life, grow in positive independance, learn true self-empowerment and have the wisest helping hands when necessary. I was going to live a much lower life before I came home! Onward & Upward <3

I am so grateful to be learning the tools to actually effectively and really help others in life and be the change for a more positive world. Even though it’s Kali yug, and the world is quite a fucking mess, I am being equipped with the tools to be protected, create positive change where I can, and be a vessel of pure light and love.

I wish everyone I have loved could experience and trust this movement, but many think it is a crazy cult and I totally get that from the outside - I even thought it for long while inside. My family, my friends, past lovers, it would give them everything they need to be themselves in the best possible way. One doesn’t need to stay inside or follow it completely striclty, but everyone should go through the phase of purifying and building a solid foundation with what is taught here, sacrificing some things and time to refine oneself to become the best possible version of themselves. Temple life is the easiest way to do it, as everything is provided for you. Even traveling through India by myself for 5 months couldn’t do what the knowledge and devotees in this temple have done for me, it’s the real deal!

<3

All glories to my Guru’s (now btw Kadamba Kanana Swami and bhakti Charu Swami) and Srila Prabhupad

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19. 24. I will be taking some space.

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mmm

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Pianorange Solo