fighting-for-love-lost - Tumblr blog

[fighting-for-love-lost]

You can't break someone's heart and expect to reappear later like nothing's changed. Everything's changed and you're the reason why.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

To all my beautiful followers, for those of you that still follow my progress, message me and everything else; I want to apologize for not posting much. I've been busy with life. I know I've been secretive about my identity but I do believe the time has come. So for anyone who is interested you can follow my personal blog or even add me on snap/Insta/Twitter username Italyvsgermany on all platforms. Thank you.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

Sunday, August 9th 2015,

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how much I’ve grown. And how some of the things I thought I felt no longer seem like what I actually felt. Not to demean the meaning of when I said I loved someone because I’m sure on a level I did. And now what I thought was love just seems like deeply caring compared to how I love now. You love every single person in a different way not to say that it lessens the fact that you loved them but it’s different and some ways are just deeper than others. Sometimes asking “who do you love more” really doesn’t have an answer because it’s a different love. The world is not black and white and neither is love. It’s a very colorful and very vibrant world. So, spread some color in every way possible and tell someone how you feel. As always stay beautiful

[fighting-for-love-lost]

Friday October 24th 2014 Some of my followers have sent me messages asking about how I am and what happened to the girl. Well, truth is she wasn't the one. And so I stopped chasing something that wasn't meant to be. As for me I'm doing great. I met someone and she's absolutely wonderful. She makes me incredibly happy. It may not always be easy but I know that she is worth it. She thinks that I've had to give up things I want but it's not true because it's not a compromise because as long as I'm with her it's okay. Because she makes me feel like no one else ever has. She makes me feel loved, good enough, worthy. With her by my side I know everything will be okay and she doesn't have to tell me it will because I know it will because she's in my life and she loves me. I've learned that what I thought I wanted isn't what I wanted. And I couldn't imagine my life without her. And it's only been 6 months but it seems like we've had years together already. And I know it scares her sometimes but I'm here and i don't plan on going anywhere. And let me tell y'all something I haven't told her yet. I love her unconditionally. She is everything I need and everything I've ever wanted. She's not only my girlfriend but my best friend. And I know we can work through anything. I am completely and utterly head over heels in love with her. And I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I love her. And starting today starts a new series of daily letters. But these are for only her eyes unless she decides otherwise and unlike before they'll never stop. I'm going to tell her tonight at our spot how I feel and how lucky I am to be blessed with having her in my life. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

September 11th 2013

Hey so two years ago you told me how you felt and I was the happiest I had ever been. Even though we ended badly I don't egret ever being with you. I just regret losing my best friend in the process. I am over the hurt. I'm over what you did. I'm not sad about it anymore and it doesn't effect me as much. The only thing that hurts is no longer having my best friend. No longer having that one person I could tell anything to knowing that there would be no judgment. If there is one thing I could ask God for knowing that I would receive it, that one thing would be to have you in my life again. Not in a relationship, not as a fwb, not as my girlfriend but ONLY as my best friend. You might not have been a great girlfriend at times but you were ALWAYS the greatest friend and I miss you in that aspect. Remember no matter what there will always be someone there for you, someone who cares.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

He is the most important thing to me and he gives me reason everyday. I love him more than anything. 18 months ago I was going through the hardest time in my life so far and then he was born and he gave me reason to push through it. He is the world to me.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

August 3rd 2013,

So, I heard that you met your birth mother. The happiness I feel for you is immense. The memories of you crying in my arms about it and me being unable to help you or fully understand what you were going through are a haunting thought. I'm glad that nightmare is over for you. I remember The feeling of not belonging that you felt and how desperate you were to discover who you were. I'm so glad that you no longer have to wonder. I hope that she met the qualities and standards that you set for her. I wish we could have shared that moment together just as I wish we could have shared the birth of my nephew together. Our lives our now coming together. And although I never thought you wouldn't be included in mine that's okay. Congratulations on meeting her and on the way your life turned out. I know you are doing well. Remember, there's someone who cares.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

July 16th 2013

Once again I started drinking again. I don’t know how to tell you. I can’t even pick up the phone to contact you. There’s so much I want to say but I don’t know where to start nor if I actually feel the way I think I do. You’ve been constantly on my mind and I keep replaying our memories. I haven’t done that in a while. I’ve said all I could say before. I could continue telling you the things I think and feel but even if it’s off my chest it’s still on my mind. And it always will be. I just want closure but I don’t know how to obtain it. I’ve talked to you, I’ve talked to others, I wrote, I drank, I cried, I fought and I’ve slept with other girls. But once the conversations are over, I’m sober, the broken bones and wounds are healed and when the girls leave, this feeling in the pit of my stomach is still there. It all seems to be just a temporary fix and then I’m right back where I started. First hating you and then hating myself. I hate myself for not holding on to you, for not fighting harder. Then, I realize there was nothing I could do this is the way it was all meant to work out. I wish it wasn’t. I hate who I’ve become. I no longer smile. I no longer enjoy the things I once did. I’m cold towards the world. I hate everyone and I hate life at more times than I should. But I’ll work through it and I’ll get better. I swear.  As always smile beautiful and remember there’s someone who cares.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

Wednesday, July 10th 2013,

I've been thinking about everything lately. Maybe it's because what would be our anniversary is coming up in two months or maybe it's because you keep insisting on talking to me and wanting to meet up. I realize something though, as much as I am over you and over everything that happened I still love you. And that's never going to change. The only thing that will change is in what way I love you. I'm no longer in-love with you I just love you. So, remember no matter what happens, who you date, who I date, what we say to each other there is always someone who cares. There will always be someone who loves you. So, if you're ever feeling down and feel like no one cares.. REMEMBER: There's me!!

[fighting-for-love-lost]

You once said that trying and failing was better than never trying at all do you still believe that?

Honestly, I do. I now know that there was nothing I could do to save what I believed we had because it was not anything that I did. I gave it my all and it did not work out and that is okay. I do not have a what if hanging over my head and I like it that way.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

April 3rd, 2013

Hey,

So, it has been a little over a year since everything "fell apart" between us. A year since I called the cops and saved your life. But according to you I ruined your life that night. I wouldn't take it back though and I do not regret it. Think about it, you have now received and continue to receive the help you needed and honestly desperately wanted deep down. And now you say how great your life is, you went back to school, have multiple jobs, support yourself and are in what seems to be a healthy, loving and mature relationship. I'm really happy for you. We've both grown so much in the last year. But I would like to remind you that if I hadn't called if I hadn't cared, If I hadn't gone with my gut instead of listening to those telling me to let you do whatever you wanted in a way you wouldn't be where you are. We are both took an important part in the others life. So, please stop acting like I don't exist. Also, if someone who you once claimed as your best friend tells you they might be seriously ill you don't ignore them. You be there for them. Well, sorry for the rant. Stay beautiful.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

January 16th 2013

Dear followers,

I realize now that thriving for something that use to be is not the way to live. Instead, I've decided to thrive for something new that has the possibility of not leaving me heartbroken. For reasons of my own, I stopped writing to her although occasionally I still jot things down. There are also letters that were never posted. For those that are curious she did read the letters but in the end it didn't make a difference. As much as we cared for each other us being in a relationship or even just being friends is not a possibility not out of being a choice from myself or from her just something that has occurred. It is unlikely but maybe one day her and I will once again be friends but there lies to much hurt at the moment on both ends. So for the time being we will care from a distant and hope that the other is doing well and has found themselves. I appreciate everyone's hopes for the best and everyone's support and I will still post from time to time and would appreciate the continued following and I do apologize to those who may be disappointed by the events that took place. I hope everyone is well. Feel free to ask any questions you might have.

                                                                                   LTH

[fighting-for-love-lost]

May 27th 2012,

Hey beautiful, I miss you and I really do never stop thinking about you. I can't wait until you come home and read these letters and see what I've made for you. I love you always.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

May 26th 2012,

Hey I really hope that you are doing great and that you come home soon. I miss you and I love you. Always.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

May 25th 2012,

Hey I hope you're doing great. Today was somewhat stressful for me. I was almost late for work because I was getting new tires. Then after work I broke down. And when I finally got to my destination my friend punched a dent in his truck and I had to keep him from doing any other stupid thing. Well, I hope you're doing great. I miss you. I love you. Always.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

May 24th 2012,

I hope you are doing great. I hope you are finding out new things about yourself and becoming who you want to be. Secretly, even though I shouldn't I hope you miss me and think about me. I hope you want to talk to me and see me as badly as I want to see and talk to you even though it is unlikely. I miss you beautiful. I love you. Always.

[fighting-for-love-lost]

May 23rd 2012

Hey beautiful, I hope you’re doing well. People are starting to tell me to give up on the letters. That it won’t make a difference that I can get someone else, that I am wasting my time and effort on someone that might not even come back or give a shit. But even if you don’t it wasn’t a waste of time it wasn’t effortless because you would know how I feel. Yes, the possibility of you not feeling the same way and rejected everything said in the letters is high but that doesn’t matter to me. It’s not about getting you back. It’s about letting you know. I love you. Always