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Uuuugh I keep seeing people post about Sinners like "it'll change your life (by rewiring your brain so you think about nothing else ever again)" and that's exactly the sort of recommendation that will get me to hightail it to a theater, but alas I have no free time for two to four weeks and I don't think I'll last that long before being spoiled by bootleg gifsets....

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Every time someone says Tom Hiddleston should play a younger Palpatine I don’t just kill a hostage I do horrible jigsaw tortures to them first

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Legitimately the funniest thing just happened in our virtual book group after someone rec’d a vampire romance to me and someone else piped up that it had a “problematic age gap.”

In a vampire romance novel.

Like, yah. I sure fucking hope so.

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Apparently there’s a website called Public Square where conservatives register their businesses to identify themselves as “anti-woke” so other conservatives can find them. I just thought I would share in case anyone wanted to put their zip code in and learn which local businesses to avoid.

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i think a big part of the current wave of antifeminist rhetoric among women is that people just cannot accept the idea that liberating yourself is uncomfortable. like of course it feels Wrong to see something you've internalised as normal/necessary (like wearing makeup 24/7) be challenged, that's because you've internalised it. and it will feel ostracising to go against the status quo once you question the things you've internalised. but the discomfort is part of it. you have to move past the fear response and look at the bigger picture.

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It's the last day of April

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I tend to put very bare-bones descriptions in my calendar, and today I realized that taken all together, my calendar sounds Insane. These are all real entries for the next month:

Sentinel

Stabby

Mega stabby

Cookie dental

Couch

It sounds like I'm going to stand guard, fight an intruder, fight a LOT of intruders, celebrate with so many oreos I get a cavity, and then go pass out on the sofa.

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I love when a meme gets so many steps away from its source material that it would be completely incomprehensible if I didn't know what today's date was

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Yet again, and entirely for the best, it appears that Canada will be smarter than us.

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So the "don't call trans women dude" discourse is back on my dash, and I just read something that might explain why it's such a frustrating argument for everyone involved.

TLDR: There's gender-cultural differences that explain why people are arguing about this- and a reason it hurts trans women more than you might think if you were raised on the other side of the cultural divide.

I'll admit, I used to be very much on team "I won't call you 'dude' if it feels like misgendering, but also I don't really grok why it feels like I'm misgendering you, especially if I'm not addressing you directly." But then I read an academic paper that really unpicked how people used the word 'dude' (it's Kiesling (2004) if you're curious) and I realized that the way I was taught to use the word was different from the way most trans women were taught.

... So the thing about the word 'dude' that's really interesting is that it's used differently a) by people of different genders and b) across gender lines. This study is, obviously, 20 years old, but a lot of the conclusions hold up. The gist is, there's ~5 different ways that people use the word "dude":

marking discourse structure- AKA separating thoughts. You can use the word 'dude' to signal that you're changing the subject or going on a different train of thought.

exclamation. You can use the word "dude" the way you'd use another interjection like "oh my god" or "god damn".

confrontational stance mitigation. When you're getting in an argument with someone, you can address them as 'dude' to de-escalate. If you're both the same gender, it's homosocial bonding. If you're different genders, it's an attempt to weaken the gender-related power dynamic.

marking affiliation and connection. Kiesling calls this 'cool solidarity'- the idea is, "I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're just guys being dudes." This is often a greeting or a form of address (aka directly calling someone dude).

signaling agreement. "Dude, you are soooo right", kind of deal.

Now, here's the important part.

When [cis] men use the word 'dude', they are overwhelmingly using it as a form of address to mark affiliation and connection- "hey, we're all bros here, dude"- to mitigate a confrontational stance, or to signal agreement.

When [cis] women use the word 'dude', they're often commiserating about something bad (and marking affiliation/connection), mitigating a confrontational stance, or giving someone a direct order. (Anecdotally, I'd guess cis women also use it as an exclamation - this is how I most often use it.)

Cis men use the word 'dude' to say 'we're all guys here'. It is a direct form of male bonding. If a cis man uses the word 'dude' in your presence, he is generally calling you one of the guys.

Cis women use the word 'dude' to say 'we're on the same level as you; we're peers'- especially to de-escalate an argument with a cis man. Between women, it's an expression of ~cool solidarity~; when a woman's addressing a man, it's a way to say 'I'm as good as you, knock it off'.

So you've got this cultural difference, depending on how you were raised and where you spent time in your formative years. If you were assigned female at birth, you're probably used to thinking of the word 'dude' as something that isn't a direct form of address- and, if you're addressing it to someone you see as a girl, you're probably thinking of it as 'cool solidarity'! You're not trying to tell the person you're talking to that they're a man- you're trying to convey that they're a cool person that you relate to as a peer.

Meanwhile, if you were assigned male at birth and spent your teens surrounded by cis guys, you're used to thinking of 'dude' as an expression of "we're all guys here", and specifically as homosocial male bonding. Someone using the word 'dude' extensively in your presence, even if they're not calling you 'dude' directly, feels like they're trying to put you in the Man Box, regardless of how they mean it.*

So what you get is this horrible, neverending argument, where everyone's lightly triggered and no one's happy.

The takeaway here: Obviously, don't call people things they don't want to be called, regardless of gender! But no one in this argument is coming to it in bad faith.

If you were raised as a cis woman and you're using the word the way a cis woman is, it is a gender-neutral term for you (with some subconscious gendered connotations you might not have realized). But if you were raised as a cis man and you're using the word the way a cis man uses it, the word dude is inherently gendered.

Don't pick this fight; it's as pointless as a French person and an American person arguing whether cheek kisses are an acceptable greeting. To one person, they might be. To another person, they aren't. Accept that your worldview is different, move on, and again, don't call people things they don't want to be called.

*(There is, of course, also the secret third thing, where someone who is trying to misgender a trans woman uses the word 'dude' to a trans woman the way they'd use it to a man. This absolutely happens. But I think the other dynamic is the reason we keep having this argument.)

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Every time a woman makes a pink job or girl math or girl dinner or I'm just a girl joke I unfortunately have to kill a random man on the streets. And you may think this is cruel or unjust but in reality that's just the way the cookie crumbles

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Bastille was right. How am I gonna be an optimist about this. Also right about eh eho eho.

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by fomajc on instagram. im losing my shit over this

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"women are always like—"

"men are always like—"

shut up shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupshutupsHUT UP 🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄 gender essentialism-hating herd of cows running you over

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Bank of Sapphire Cold?

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No no, i promise that this social norm that's been around since the 1950's is totally an innate aspect of human nature.

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I love how here on tumblr dot website we regularly cast the greatest curse we can muster on each other by pointing our long creepy fingers and intoning "10,000 notes" in a voice that carries the winds of the mountain with it.