findingmyselfafterheartbreak - Tumblr blog

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Why are men so stupidly dumb? Yes I used both lol

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Damaged Goods

My heart hurts

My soul yearns for safety and security

A place in which to rest and rejuvenate

A comforting home

Things all which seem so out of reach

Tainted perspectives, delusional ideas

What is wrong with me?

I dance like she

Dress like she

Talk like she

What is the difference between me and she

I love how I want to be loved

But love is not equal

Love hurts

Love traumatises

Love irreversibly damages

Isolation must be the key

To a world of peace and bliss

A sigh of relief

Solitude

-J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Every woman I have ever loved is still working out how to love herself. Has a closetful of ghosts and has been to a hundred funerals of the women she used to be. Wonders what wounds her mother carries that she will never know about. Hopes that the weight of the world doesn't eventually crush her, that she is strong enough to handle it all. Wishes a day will come when she can put it all down, give her aching shoulders a rest. Wants someone to truly see her and not make a feast of her kindness and dreams. Is forever hiding a secret hunger for what calls to her in the dark. Holds a universe inside her, but has been told to make herself smaller despite the paradox. Praise be that universes are not in the business of listening to anyone but themselves. Every woman I have loved has thought about it. The art of disappearing. To be here one day, and the next, like smoke, simply gone.

- Nikita Gill, Every Woman I Have Ever Loved

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

I miss him :(. I shouldn’t because he treated me the worst, but I do :(

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

I am deserving and worthy of love

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

I deserve a love that is sure of me from the beginning

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

He isn’t the right person whether for now or ever. The right person won’t make you doubt yourself. No matter how mad he is at you he won’t fundamentally treat you any different. He wont be able to spend so long away from you in anger, he will forgive because he knows we are only human and all striving for perfection we may never achieve. He will make you so sure of his love and emotion towards you, you will never have to question it even through stormy seasons. He will protect you, protect your health and your mind. He will not damage you, as he will be able to reflect inwardly before reacting outwardly. He will appreciate you for the rare refined gem you are and adore you as such.

-J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

As much as you disappoint me

A part of me clings on to hope

Hope that I truly mean something to you

Hope that I haven’t made it all up in my head

Hope that you care about me

I love you

With my whole heart

But when do I come to terms with reality

You will never feel the same way about me

Unrequited love

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Too numb to cry

Too sad to be happy

Too overwhelmed to speak

Too drained empty to pour

Too pessimistic to believe

Too fragile to move

A lifeless object

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Love yourself again. Love yourself unconditionally the way you love people who disappoint you time and time again. Give this love to the one person who truly deserves it. You.

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Trapped, Caged, Stuck.

Collapsing

Sinking further, deeper

Will there ever be an end

Flooding, drowning, suffocating

Closing in

Trapped.

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

To begin is to never end

My heart longs for you

A longing that has blinded me

Blinded me to my self worth

To my happiness

And most importantly to peace

I fell in love with imperfection

An uncut diamond

With edges so sharp I hurt myself

At every turn

I allowed myself to be cut

Time and time again

Allowed wounds to bleed me dry

All because I saw the possibility

Uncut or not the end product would be beautiful

A beauty which never came

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

You cannot feel terrible forever, if so you wouldn’t even know what the feeling terrible felt like. Cling onto the moments of happiness you experience even if they are temporary. Let them be the light out of your darkness

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Realising how much a man has messed you up is scary, will anyone ever be able to make me feel secure and truly happy?

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Fuck you and your inconsistency

- J.A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

DouBt

To the one who I thought had restored what I’d lost

I don’t want to be writing this

But somethings need to be written in order to let go

We were two matchsticks in a fire

A relationship similar to that of water and fire

I thought you were perfect, for me anyways

I tried not think too much into the future

But I couldn’t help myself

The conversation started and never stopped

Which is why the way we ended surprised me

Not having reached our final destination

Never having reaped the rewards of our labour

I could see myself falling in love with you

Falling in love with your mind and you heart

How would we have ended up?

Only if you had allowed us to blossom

Once again, men a constant disappointment

The only difference this time was that I pulled the last trigger

Sent the last bullet that left things fragmented and broken

The bullet was necessary

Necessary for me to take back all that I’ve lost

And gain all the power I needed for the battles far ahead

You will always be a fond memory

Someone I smile in memory of

I really don’t want to say good bye

But it has been said for me

- J A

[findingmyselfafterheartbreak]

Dark

Blinded and lost

Darkness surrounding me

A waterfall of self doubt, confusion, anger

Wanting to end it all

Sunken heart

Weary eyes

Tormented mind

Secrets of the past unveiling

Neglect and disrepair

Informing actions of the present

The dim end of the tunnel

Unexplainable pain and anguish

Sinking further

No glimpse of hope