findtheroute

[findtheroute]

I feel like i’m being punished constantly

and I don’t want pity I just want to bleed without using a tourniquet

[findtheroute]

not to go off topic of what my entire account is based for, instead of making a poem I want to rant. why do divorced parents start their own life in the middle of one they have? I get it, they fall out of love. doesn’t mean they should be hiring babysitters more often for their own kids. doesn’t mean they should be out with their new friends or even new love interests 24/7. take care of your mfing kids. providing food and money isn’t where it ends. there’s a difference between needing stuff to survive and needing stuff to feel loved, which is just as important. especially when your 5 years old and only know your parents world. I’m old enough to have not had to experience it as a child, but seeing it happen in real time and not being able to do anything about it because the parents need to care is saddening. you can’t force someone to be there and understand what this child needs from you. the regret they will phase afterwards will be something they have to learn and not be told. it’s only going to get 10x harder when the kid they raised in a loving family isn’t as stupid as they think he is. when he unconsciously but mentally notes what love is supposed to be according to his parents .. and it messes him up for the rest of his life. or worse, he realizes it’s wrong and eventually forces himself away from the parents. I just can’t get my mind around why parents won’t fight until they can properly tell their kid and not abandon them for their own continuation of their life. not saying that they need to give up their life and stay in a divorced relationship forever to raise a kid but to figure it out before going out all of the time and not being around family… to start a new one in your 40s :(

[findtheroute]

I need to make a playlist, album, or some type of memory holding piece of work that describes may 1st. with inspiration of beach fossils, I wanna capture this song in a solid form

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i had a dream last night that I went to an outside party with almost every single person i’ve known in my life time. it was music i liked, and my closest friends stuck by my side the whole night. there was no drama, but only a silly mistake where the floor was muddy and a handful of people were falling. the lights distracted me and i wasn’t able to feel pain….. i think ill go back to sleep

[findtheroute]

[findtheroute]

i pick my skin because i’m scared you’ll leave me

and i made a poem just to make it worth something

you’ll never have to grieve me

but it is worth knowing if you’d help by holding

my body parts together when it’s not my fault

[findtheroute]

to only care when it’s visible is to not care with genuineness. to only care when called out, to forget and stop indulging once inattentive… is when the connection dies.

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a lot of times I think people don’t know what i’m talking about when I explain stories that seem too emotional to have been experienced by another singular person;not even in the slightest of feeling is similar. an idea of an emotion is made up but they won’t ever truly get it. or i’m manic and think that nobody feels what I do, because truly I can’t put myself into someone else’s body to know that they are telling the truth of relating. this isn’t about relation, being too special, having too much trauma, or simply degrading the people I am talking about. normal every day conversations that anybody will talk about, I think is different. is it truly different emotions we are feeling as we are completely different people with different wired brains and way that we have grown up or is it something deeper? I’m not a narcissist but having this idea makes me feel this way. I’m usually right when there is clear evidence that it’s not the same emotionally for anybody else against me so why shouldn’t I believe it’s like that.. for everything? completely ignoring the fact that this could be a mindset often seen in people with depression or some type of disorder that makes them feel different but even so.. I’m not ashamed of feeling different. I genuinely like the way I see things.. and would never want to think like anybody else.

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then I go ahead and become hesitant like a flower with no smell. rotted from lack of dew droplets from the rain lastnight.. I can’t remember if I liked the rain. really it’s not fun to be outside during it, so I like to stay inside when I know it’s coming. you didn’t know that though

[findtheroute]

it’s simple that I want to collect purple buttons and when I go to heaven i’d like to see every animal that has died in my arms….,,, when it’s over id like to believe I was happy although i’m ignorant sometimes and tend to get irritated at the little things, I always realize it’s never that big of an issue. to love and hold something with care or hold grudges: having the silent belief that it will only be me or nobody. to genuinely believe I was made perfect.. like the things I love to the core. gestures as a woman follow myself in ways i’d like to understand but never did and nowadays it seems like life needs to teach me a lesson for me to get it. I want to be everything all at once but not at the same time.. there’s not enough of it. i’m staring at her through a thin piece of glass, but I still won’t break it.

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[findtheroute]

13731

[findtheroute]

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

i can’t stop getting animals

[findtheroute]

just now we made the deal

packaged tight with plastic seal

for what sense does it make

to leave it wide open awake

a long long time went by

before it even made sense to try

times are never better enough

through the simple and tough

having the closure

showing exposure

I want to stay with you forever

until we pass the bad weather

through trial and error

the worse and the better

I love you it’s true

just say I do

[findtheroute]

[findtheroute]

the diner

oh sweet chicle

stuck under the table

once soft and pink

now hard and stuck

left by someone

perhaps on a date…

maybe a child who begged her mom for quarters…

a woman in heels may have pulled it from her shoe…

besides the remaining thought,

I wonder how long it’s been there for?

the diner is 18 years old.

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new year’s eve is a scam 🎇(what’s new?)

all of these months correlate to eachother,

the days follow by another,

doesn’t matter the way you think about it,

everything is still permanent.

whether you dictate the future,

or dwell on lost treasure,

new year’s eve is still every year,

it will never take away that fear.

to be precise,

to be nice,

or whatever brings you back,

yet tend to redeem a slack.

people don’t really want to,

do what they preach new,

it’s just a mitigation

to have a celebration.