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#peak cinema

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Been a While

I’m not dead! The following shit has happened in the couple of years since I’ve really been active here:

A student from the club I advised was hit by a reckless driver on Valentine’s Day. He passed away two days later.

My school shut down on March 13th, with everyone saying we’d be back at the beginning of April, after Spring Break. The same shit show that happened everywhere proceeded to happen to all of us.

My cat, Panda, had to be euthanized due to congestive heart failure on February 27, 2021.

I get a new kitten (Gidget, who was perfect in every way and still is 2 years later).

Burned a lot of bridges because people are shitty sometimes.

Met Mhiron, started dating them, proposed to them on May 25, 2022. I’m in the process of moving to live with them starting on June 3rd.

Applying for jobs in the new city. There’s a teacher shortage, but they’re taking their sweet time hiring anyone. Seems sus.

And now I’m back here! Not dead, yay!

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stuff that feels rewarding as a fanfic author:

when your work inspires fanart/comics

when people point out a scene/particular line(s) that tugged at their heartstrings

when people ask for your meta of your work that they enjoyed so much

when someone comments on a fic you wrote 982783113502 years ago

getting recc’d

just the small happiness in knowing you made someone out there smile on their way to work/home or at school, in knowing you warmed someone’s heart somehow

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Panda stopped eating as much the week leading up to the vet appointment on Saturday, February 27. I knew something was desperately wrong with her, but I had hopes that she might be okay. Saturday morning, she refused to eat until I gave her some wet food. She ate some, but only a few bites. She would scarf that stuff down before...so when I took her to the vet’s, I knew that would be the day. I got a call two hours later that her lungs were full of fluid, and while they could drain them, it was extremely likely to occur again. I made the heartbreaking decision to euthanize her that day. As much as I wish I still had my beloved Pandemonium by my side, she would have been scared, she would have been struggling to breathe, and eventually her death would have been her drowning from the fluid buildup. I REFUSE to let any animal of mine suffer for longer than it takes to fix the problem...even if that ‘fix’ is euthanasia because there’s no other solution. 

So I know how you feel about euthanasia in shelters, but what about pets? Both of the cats that I've owned that have died during my lifetime died at home after a few days of refusing food. We might have gotten a traveling vet to euthanize them if they seemed to be in a lot of pain, but we wanted them to live out the rest of their lives in a place that they were familiar with, with the family that they loved.

The one that died the most recently, about a month ago, had some sort of cancer, we think. The vet we brought her to wasn't exactly sure what it was, but said that she wouldn't live longer than a couple of months after that visit. She stopped purring when we pet her maybe a week or so before she died, and stopped eating much of anything, and I wonder whether we should have gotten her euthanized. I hope that our bias of wanting to stay by her side as long as possible didn't put her through more suffering than what was necessary, but I didn't want her last moments to be stressful...

You are, unfortunately, not going to like my answer.

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Y'all know she knows damn well that kids will die. She just knows which kids are most likely to be killed by this and she doesn't care.