firelilly123 - Tumblr blog

[firelilly123]

Its sooo hooooootttt

[firelilly123]

A surprisingly helpful bit of social maneuvering I've figured out from trial and error: Throughout your life, you are going to need things from people. Often, it's going to be on a deadline. And when that deadline passes, you generally want to know what's going on. So, you need to ask them.

There are two kinds of people, broadly, in this situation. The Shameless will tell you what the holdup is, with absolutely no regard for if the reason is "good enough". This is actually very helpful, because you get the real reason immediately, and can start working on a solution.

The Ashamed is trickier. People who are Ashamed are people who were often told they were giving excuses when they were trying to explain, and they'll often avoid you until they solve the problem on their own. This causes them and you a lot of stress, and often takes a lot longer to solve.

Long term, the strategy for dealing with people who are Ashamed is to provide a supportive environment where they're comfortable sharing any problems they're having with getting things done. But, there's a way to at least partially short-circuit that:

Provide an explanation for them.

One example might be "Hey Susan, I noticed that I don't have your report yet. Are you busy with other projects?" The readymade explanation signals that you're willing to accept an explanation, which is the big anxiety point.

Sometimes, you still won't get an honest answer- especially if the honest answer isn't "good enough" by the standards of the person who traumatized them. But, I've found that it often at least gets you a lie that lets you give them some slack or work around the problem.

Let's say that Susan has actually completely forgotten that she needed to do the report. She's horrified at herself, and completely unwilling to admit the real problem. But, she can now safely reply with "Sorry Jennifer, I've been swamped, and it got lost in the mix. I can have it to you in two days. Does that work?"

From there, so long as Susan gave an estimate for when she can actually do it, she and Jennifer can hash out a solution.

It's not a perfect solution, but it works astonishingly well for how small of a change it is.

[firelilly123]

[firelilly123]

this is the most annoying phenomenon in the world bar none

[firelilly123]

Babygrill

[firelilly123]

oh man oh fuck its the alaskan bullworm

[firelilly123]

here is an anti-joke comedy sketch that feels like it's going to set up to make fun of a bunch of cringe nerds, but then the entire sketch is them getting along and enjoying each others company in a way that is genuine and heartwarming.

[firelilly123]

Artist: Naughtie_Nie

[firelilly123]

More faeries Good Omens AU ✨

[firelilly123]

a guy who is super into funding public transport but never takes it because he wants to fuck his car

[firelilly123]

[firelilly123]

"can men be lesbians?" bestie in 100 countries women can't be lesbians is this really the most pressing issue rn

[firelilly123]

anime_irl

[firelilly123]

kicking a hornets nest.

[firelilly123]

lets hear it for transgenderism and faggotry. can I get a round of applause for transgenderism and faggotry

[firelilly123]

Another Good Omens Faeries AU

[firelilly123]

Stuff like this radicalizes me. How is this the best system we have?