fishinboatsproceeds

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Thinking If Ppl Were Rain… Id Love To Suck The Rain Out Of Her Ripe C Cup Tittys. My Names John Green And This Is My First Sex Scene Involving Teenagers I Write… Quite Nervous Yet Also Excited

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john green being sexually harassed off tumblr, c. 2014

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someone ate all the town's cum supply!!!!! *the town villagers angrily look back towards a lethargic and bloated John Green*

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ooh you have such a nice archive, love it, had a good laugh 💕

i’m glad you appreciate! sometimes i scroll through and see posts i completely forgot about but are still so good

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a blog??? dedicated to it???? it's been literally so many years??????? try listening to music or something???

i started this blog when i was 13 at the height of cockgate. subsequently decreased post frequency reflects the natural ebb and flow of the memory of john green among tumblr as a whole. i only listen to podcasts due to my sigma male grindset. moreover cock is legitimately one of my favorite tastes

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hank you know good and well people aren’t calling it “the copypasta”

pls

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you just know he was having flashbacks while typing that reply

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whats a tumblypoo

I’ve been calling you people tumblypoos since 2011. 

I find it odd that people only just now seem to be realizing that I am a dork.

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Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

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I think John Green’s canon response to cum monologue was something like “this is actually very offensive to people who LOVE to suck cock (women and homosexuals)”

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when im mad  i chew on this john green book

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I really, really had to take a shit when this photo was being taken. Seconds later I relieved myself in a small potted plant.

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What? You can’t quit the cock sucking championships now, you’re our best player!

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john green just won a noble peace prize for teaching nerds how to fuck each other. tragically, he wasnt able to make it to the event. on the drive there, he stopped at burger king for his favorite snack: the chicken tender. short on time, he opted for the drivethru. he accidentally ‘dipped’ his tender into the cigarette lighter, mistaking it for a packet of honey mustard. the burning hot tender sealed his esophagus shut and he died instantlym RIP J. Green

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we joke about tumblr’s pjge (post john green era) but it is legitimately wild that a) a social media site allowed others to edit your posts for five years, and b) that we all agreed to use the honor system about it until mr. green arrived

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the day that tumblr removed the ability to edit posts because Mr Tumblypoos complained about the taste of cock edit is the day this website took a permanent turn for the worst