fishyparadise

[fishyparadise]

Back

Reminds me of the times when I’m in secondary school to say that I’m back to “blogging” after a long period of absence (those times were usually due to being packed with exams or outings).

Wanted to record my thoughts about 2021 initially but after my QT on 2 Corinthians 6-7, felt led to write a letter to my cell, like how Paul does it.

I wonder if it’s a letter of lament (or complaint), maybe it depends on whether it’s godly sorrow or worldly sorrow (7:10), which I’m still trying to figure out the concrete meaning of it. 

Are we too comfortable where we are at? Coming to cell online at our own convenience and waiting for someone to lead and provide the input. Behind the laptop/mobile screens, being comfortable doing whatever and distracted whenever. Is this how we choose to connect with our fellow brothers- and sisters-in-Christ and our idea of online fellowship? How does fellowship in Jesus’s time looked like? Jesus often got people to sit around the table to feast together and made time for his disciples and the underprivileged. Going online now, are we still giving Jesus the time and space he is due, and our fellow members too? Outside of our weekly meetings and online screens, are these kingdom friendships bearing fruit, benefitting the people amongst our midst?

Apart from the underprivileged amongst our midst, have Christ been exemplified in our direct circles? Does God’s work in our lives seem to be limited? When I look at the lives of zealous others who share testimonies of who Jesus is and what he has done in their lives, I sometimes wonder “if only Jesus would show Himself in such a manner too”. Is it true that Jesus has not been working/speaking, or have I been too preoccupied of “miracles” that I become insensitive to the still, small voice of the Lord. Have we boxed up Jesus, intentionally or not? Are we ready to speak such truths to each others’ lives, and to commit to journeying with each other to the pursuit of Christ or have we been just too focused on our own lives. Like what Paul says, we need to open wide our hearts (6:13). This journey is definitely not one taken without the help of any (Christian) community around us. 

Okay maybe I’ll just end my letter (more like a complaint now) here due to time constraints. But re-reading my letter, I guess the title I would like to give to this letter it “The Convenient church”. A small c because another thing which I felt about cell was how we seem to exist as a small unit by our own, and it’s difficult for most to see themselves as part of the big C. I struggle with 1) members not being able to see the value of being a small building block of the big C and 2) me as a leader not being able to help them see that. Didn’t managed to add this portion into the letter but essentially here is my lament over cell. Okay I’ve concluded that this is not a lament too because there’s only judgement and no hope hahaha but I’m reminded that I’m never fighting through these struggles and battles alone. In 2 Corinthians 7:6, Paul reaffirms that God comforts the downcast. In 6:16-18, he brings to mind that God is our Father and we are His people. These are never-changing promises. 

Maybe I’ll become better at writing letters and lament psalms in the future if I have more practice :) Was a good start. Shall end off here and head home for a simple homecooked dinner. I am thankful for OIL today and for sustaining my achievement of watching movies alone (I caught Spiderman!) and being able to redeem my birthday cake from Starbucks as a treat if I bought a drink :P

Wishing all a blessed CHRISTmas,

Yu Qian (6.05pm on 27 Dec 21)

[fishyparadise]

Honest thoughts here:

As much as I love family dinners, as in eating with my family members because I get to spend time with the fam, I dislike it at times. I seriously and intentionally try my best to make time for them amidst the busy busy schedule, but sometimes its pretty tiring. Arranging is a difficult task cause no one wants to initiate, and with initiation, sometimes faced with rejection. Having to face black faces and an annoyed tone at times. No one wants to suggest what and where to eat (i.e. saying I don’t know is the easiest), sometimes we don’t talk much and people are either glued to phones or tvs. Then I wonder what is the point of eating together?

Just needed to rant for a bit. Trying to be understanding but I feel like it’s tough getting them to understand where I’m coming from and hence my patience is running out too. Still love my family though.

Warmest Regards,

Yu Qian (8 Feb 18)

[fishyparadise]

Don’t know what to think. About authenticity, about openness, about it starting with myself with Christ as the model. Linking all these back to cell. What is one step closer to bringing us together? (Feeling like I don’t deserve to say all these after sharing it with Kyun cause I’m not sure what he may think of it instead hahaha?)

Enjoyed this article on fellowship btw - https://thir.st/blog/what-is-fellowship-really/

Cheers,

Yu Qian (1.10am on 27th Jan)

[fishyparadise]

Short post cause I’m lazy to write a lot, but still wanted to record my feelings. Maybe it’s because the year is coming to an end and hence I am feeling slightly more reflective hahaha. 

Sooo, Bible Camp is officially over! And I thank God for countless times for this opportunity and privilege to serve Him in such a manner, and to experience His grace as being really more than enough for me. However, my walk with God has really been pretty mundane for these few months, with my time spent with Him decreasing gradually each day, eventually coming to a stop (except for the daily prayers). Am still constantly reminded of His goodness and presence though, with internship started, and being placed around people who reflect a devoted heart to our one true God and sharing their testimonies. Just today, after a good time of fellowship and feasting with the ladies’ mentoring group (and their husbands), the topic of cell’s direction popped up and it made me aware of how out of the loop I was.

So on the way back, I think I just began reflecting on my thought of leadership this year. As a Bible Camp chair, and as an ACGL (excluding Pop Excel ministry and my own daily witnessing) - and as much as I am thankful for such positions, it seemed like I have been labouring a lot out of my own strength and effort. For ACGL, the thought of cell’s direction didn’t even popped up to me because I was so preoccupied with other things during December, and reflecting on my own posture, I found myself losing the heart for people. Losing the heart to want to mould or lead (or mentor the other girl in cell) my peers in cell for them to be closer to Christ. I mean not knowing how to do so is definitely a factor (along with the fear of failing at it), but a greater factor is being fine of how things are currently - that it’s okay that things are at a status quo, and that we are all comfortable where we are... Feels like I’m losing myself in this, or missing the purpose of why I stepped up initially. And relationships within the group has been something that is bothering myself personally too, with me thinking that I’m not part of the closer circle within the cell. AND hence, now that I’m considering and stating all these factors out seriously, perhaps its time to reconsider my serving in such a role. I feel that I should be giving God my best, and I definitely did not do so in this past year. So, maybe let me really take a few weeks to reconsider this role, talk to my leaders, and most importantly, make this decision with God. I’ve been thinking and wanting to step down (because lazy and I still am and I feel like I haven’t been doing much anyway cause my CGL covers a lot of stuff haha) for a few times and I mentioned it too, but I guess it’s to bring this point seriously across and make a commitment that I am going to think through this not by myself, but with the Lord. Help me Father, that when I seek You, You are near me and guiding me through.

Whereas for Bible Camp, I feel like I had goals and plans for the members initially, which is for them to be able to serve during this period with joy and also just coming to a greater realisation of CF as a student ministry. But to be very honest, this whole journey has been tiring because I’ve been trying to be kept in the loop for many things, and I feel like I didn’t do a good job on challenging my members as I spoon fed them a lot. And I definitely didn’t establish a close relationship amongst my members. Along the way of serving, weariness entered and joy decreased. I felt the serious lack of support and initiative from my committee members, though my staffworker really guided and helped me out there a lot, but still it was tough. And at the end of it, I heard from another friend of mine on what a comm member felt, on how she felt like I was fickle-minded and she feels pretty burdened after this whole service and maybe CF wasn’t her thing anymore. Of course I shouldn’t take it too personally but me being me, I think I can’t help it haha. Because I felt unfair for her to say that about me as along the way I remember being hurt by the way she did certain things instead... So yup, with all these experiences and feelings and thoughts, I just feel like I’m not ready to give now. Or to pour out on people, because my tank in God is lacking. Our last meeting is next next week, and I’m still stuck on what I should do for this last meeting haha. This planning experience has definitely been helpful and something I see God’s hand working in it, but I doubt my posture has been right in the midst of this journey. And I just want to take a break from CF too after this time - which is something that I fear saying because it has always been an openly pleasant experience thus far. Hahaha so I guess I’m hoping exchange will be a good break for me to clear my thoughts and have a widened perspective about international student ministry too, meanwhile I intentionally try to get back right on track with God, or my own heart at least. 

Warmest Regards,

Yu Qian (1.47am @ 29 Dec 18)

[fishyparadise]

Kamsa kamsa to you my Heavenly Father 😌

For a reminder such like this, of how far you have walked with me, and how much more you have in store for me. May my confidence continue to be found in you and the recognition that grace flows abundantly from you daily.

Just a short update and thanksgiving thus far. This month is hell month, but you are greater than all that I have and all that I am 🙌���

God bless and with overflowing love,

Yu Qian (31 Oct 18 and also the last day of early bird sign-ups hahaha it’s not all great but Lord let me keep my focus on you and realise that you will be the one who make it great and not by my humanly standards 🙂)

[fishyparadise]

Living Hope

“Jesus Christ, my Living Hope. Hallelujah, Praise the One who set me free. Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me. You have broken every chain, there’s salvation in Your Name. Jesus Christ, my Living Hope.” 

Returned back to hall today despite it being recess week because I had a meeting at Buona and tmr there’s another comm meeting in NTU so I came back. Which meant that after bathing I had the time to do QT. Just nice, it was on Christ’s crucifixion in the gospels, which was related to whatever we discussed during Progs meeting earlier for John. And these three words reoccurred to me, “It is finished.”  There’s peace in my heart, because I personally felt that Progs meeting went pretty okay, but it also made me realise I am relying still on my own expectations and not Yours. And also maybe cause I had supper so I have the energy to think now. But Lord, still, through this short time spent reading about Your death on the cross reminded me, that in order to draw closer to You, be it slowly and surely, is to give thanks to You. For what You have done. With this finished work on the cross, is a life filled with hope, miracles and proclaims victorious living. You remind me that it is not for me to carry my own burdens, to carry what’s on Your heart for Your people. Help me Lord, to draw closer to You, and hence know Your will for me, and help me to totally surrender myself to You. 

Also as I was reading the gospels, the two criminals who were crucified together with Christ had differing responses, one hurled insults at Him just like the rest, whereas the other chose to trust in Jesus and said to the other guy, “Don’t you fear God... since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he continued and said to Jesus, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” and Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” What an example of Christ’s forgiveness for His people - even if it may be the greatest of sinners, or even if we are deserving of punishment. The criminal’s response taught me faith, while Jesus’ response taught me grace and mercy shown in response to the faith we have. And I’m so thankful. But these reminders today. Yesterday was a pretty down night for me, but Lord for the fact that You see what I’m going through and hears my prayers, I’m thankful enough. Help me to persevere in this journey with the rest, but firstly rooted in You. :)

I feel that I can never love You in the same amount, but I can love You with what You have given to me. Thank You Father. 

God Bless and Cheers,

Yu Qian (1.21am on 3 Oct - it’s amazing how just exactly 24 hours earlier I was feeling pretty bitter but Lord you made me well again hahaha) :D

[fishyparadise]

Hello Tumblr. What to do when I feel like emo-ing again. Perhaps an overly used term back in secondary school days, but seems apt in describing how I am now.

I think I’m pretty disappointed in myself. For a few reasons:

1) In the lack of love for God to be disciplined in my QT with Him. 2 Thir.st articles really helped lift up my spirits by a bit, but I’m getting so so so tired in the doing, that the being isn’t there anymore as well.

2) In the lack of handling relationships - Really. Too. Caught. With. Carrying. Out. Responsibilities. That. I. Feel. Like. I. Neglected. My. Closest. Ones. Especially my fam - where is the time dedicated for them? Why are my promises constantly unkept? And it pains me not living out as a salt and light, because the weakly me is faltering, both physically and mentally (and definitely spiritually). And I no longer dedicate extra efforts to arrange meet-ups with friends anymore because it’s too time- and effort-consuming. To the extent I feel like a part of me dreads every social interaction I have to go for.

3) In the lack of mind control. And perhaps time management. And perhaps not meeting up to my own expectations (and others’ expectations - constantly being sorry to some). I really don’t know how to juggle all these different stuff - skype meetings starting only at 10pm, individual assignments, group projects, quizzes (HP3704 damn hardcore), tests/studying, planning for meeting agendas, being updated/doing things constantly for different portfolios, planning for bible study, thinking of games, preparing for wedding and the list goes on... Am I stretched? I feel like I am. And the lack of spiritual discipline really isn’t helping and merely making it worst. To be honest, I don’t exactly know when I’m gonna break and I’m pretty afraid if that is to really happen ☹️😢😐 (I appear and sound okay on the outside because I don’t really know who to break it to, or who will truly understand, which makes it worst if I ever really break down in front of others - can’t exactly do that in front of my parents too because they don’t understand why am I tiring myself out so much... and just be worried if I have the time to study - I mean I appreciate the concern, but I wish they see my heart for God now (or is it because it is not reflected now anymore?). I don’t know if all these thoughts make sense too or is it really just an “emo” thing...)

Lord, I’m afraid. Of not meeting up to your “plumb line” perhaps. Of not making Bible Camp one that is helpful/encouraging/inspiring/touching to the campers because my heart is not right (with You). Make my heart right, solely Yours... And to start with opening Your Living Word regularly with the right posture, and be touched and completely changed by You. Bring my worship to a deeper level with You, and help my heart to reflect a true desire of Your love for me and me loving You.

Cheers,

Yu Qian (1.14am on 2 Oct - considered sleeping early cause I don’t want to think anymore and some rest sounds good.)

[fishyparadise]

R A N T

L e g i t

s i n k i n g

i n

t h e

a m o u n t

o f

t h i n g s

t o

d o

.

H O W

?

1 8

S e p

18

.

p . s .

B u t

G o d

a l w a y s

p r o v i d e s

. . .

R i g h t

?

# n p

S t r e n g t h

O f

M y

L i f e

[fishyparadise]

Can I just say I love this account because every random time I load tumblr it provides me an encouraging picture or quote. Just needed this platform, to remind myself, “DONT BE TOO HARD ON MYSELF”. It’s okay to make mistakes, and I just need to learn how to humble myself and say sorry, not panic at that moment then regret afterwards then blame myself. MAY I GROW TO LEARN THAT :) Let me not weary myself through this service, but remind me that it’s always about You - Jesus. ((Side note: growing to realise how unhealthy it is that I am not showing and pouring out my real feelings to actual someone except You and here, and attempts to smile and continuously encourage others make me more :/ inside - *reminds self that there is not sincere*)). Coming to learn more about myself through this service, that after making a mistake/”failing my own expectations”, all I wanna do is take time and keep to myself - so unhealthy to my mental and spiritual growth ): H W A I T I N G.

#np 10,000 Reasons (back to the classics) - “whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes”

May my only desire is to make You my focus.

In His love,

Yu Qian (11.59pm on 5 Sep 18)

[fishyparadise]

Literally just what I read today (or moments ago hahahah)! HAHA thank You Lord for such a simple reminder. That because of Your promises, I can have hope for my existence. May the knowledge of Your second coming now be just a doctrinal understanding, but a posture of preparing myself to be ready to receive You at any time. Expand my lenses and understanding of hope. :D 

p.s. Bible Camp also got subtheme on hope hehehe kekeke

Woohoo and Cheers,

Yu Qian (3 Sep, 11.50pm)

[fishyparadise]

First picture: Making a friend at the BU8641 class, which I’m thankful for. May I really cross cultures hehe! And perhaps show her Christlikeness and love for her :)) (also secretly thinking that this sem is really learning about culture and hoping that all these learnings won’t be forgotten but put into good use, because I’m taking mods like cultural intelligence, cultural psychology and is korean counted? Hahaha)

Second and third picture: Perhaps being honest with myself here and an attempt of me introspecting... Today really was a looooooong day (had 9.30-2.30, then 3.30-6.30 classes, Wed SG - will upload pics when I have them, I mean long day but still I survived with God’s strength thankfully but...), so I just wanted to bathe and read the overview of John afterwards - to upload and suggest themes for camp and for discussion on Sunday’s meeting but instead, need to start on a project - some writing critique assignment due next week)... Also need to set up agenda for comm meeting next week to remind members earlier!!! Is it impossible to do all these while having enough sleep and rest? Hence the thoughts mentioned in the picture. Just ranting 因为我想我真的累了。我不知道该怎么办，只希望主能帮我，并赐予我力量。。。

Cheers (or not?),

Yu Qian (11.20pm on 29 Aug)

[fishyparadise]

Scrolled through a bit of my timeline before writing a post and perhaps this may be relatable. So, CF camp ended today woohoo!!!

Today Nat and David came to hold our batch workshop and I was so happy to see them because I just miss having meetings with them... Probably because I was taking a backseat haha. After the workshop ended, just wanted to share with Nat how I felt about the planning/progress of Bible Camp then got choked by emotions to speak then 😢. Tried to 🙄 to stop them from flowing but 😢 kept happening then I had to quickly leave the room and then Nat followed me and gave me a hug and 😭 followed naturally hahaha. Was sharing with her how I know it will all be okay in the end but just the process itself was something stressful for me or I feel like out of my league... (Now I realise that the irony was that during the batch workshop we just talked about the challenges/fears in serving or us making the choice to serve and that was exactly how I was feeling hahahahaha). But really really thankful for Nat because she just stayed silently beside me and patted me and gave me tight hugs... And of course practical advice, and reassurance and affirmation of who I am and prayed for me too - to seek comfort in Him and have greater trust and faith and for me to really merely come before Him as just the mouthpiece during meetings and all because I confessed I was bad at facilitation...)

This was just a short sharing on what happened today. Probably will write down what I experienced in the camp and my learnings sometime this week!!! I really do do do hope that I find the time to do so... But overall the main intention of this post is to rejoice over the fact that camp is over, I survived being a leader by myself (of course with God), and just a heart of thankfulness towards everything that happened within the camp - be it welcoming the freshies, talking to the seniors (the smol tok card game from Naiise was amazing), going through workshops and devotions...

Truth is I’m 10/10 physically tired, perhaps 7/10 mentally tired and lazy, and definitely also 10/10 I just need to retreat to my safe space (and commune with God) some time this week too if not I will end up flopping everything. This week is actually a crazy week ahead. But... Believing that all will work out in His hands - remember that He is carrying me all this time? Hahaha. Okay really need to sleep now (due to not satisfying my 8 hours of sleep the past 3 days) - and I’m also thankful that I’m at home on my bed (blessed by a fellow senior who offered to drop me at Kembangan) instead of NTU even though today is Sunday and I need to return to school tmr in the morning... But home bed is the best physical comfort to me, and definitely interacting with my family members too before I go back to Pulau NTU again refills my family tank (now that I think about it - how am I gonna survive during exchange without these two of my favourite things 😭)... Okay that one another day. Good night.

WITH A THANKFUL HEART, WITH A SONG OF PRAISE, WITH AN OUTSTRETCHED ARM, I’ll BLESS YOUR NAME. THANK YOU LORD. IN JESUS’ NAME, AMEN. Also Awesome God #np in my heart and head hahahah...

🤗,

Yu Qian (11.20pm @ 26 Aug)

[fishyparadise]

Good morning world!

Up so early in hall for the first ever time - 6am. Saw that the sky is still dark, and that the canteen turned out to be a mess after all the partying by idk who (but seems like many exchange students)... An area of empty beer bottles and food trash just left there like that. Perhaps what I’m waking up to is the harsh reality of how privileged we are. That when we are asleep, there are still people out there hard at work - for example, working hard to keep our environments clean and we merely wake up to expect everything in status quo, neatly and readily prepared for us. 😱 As I walked to the bus-stop, saw the cafeteria’s aunties already walking towards their workplace too, all ready to start work.

Just wanted to take a small moment to appreciate these people, and may I grow to see things in Your lenses - is there any way or action that we can take to make our campus a better place? And show love for people who are clearing that place? :)

This aside, may I just pray for God to pour out Your strength on me today. For an event-filled day, agreeing to become PY’s research participant at Yishun -> JL’s graduation -> going back hall -> heading out to Salvation Army for a camp (and as a group leader). Hahaha the last event is the newest and scariest to me, but I pray that Lord I will be sustained by You despite all these things to do. Yay 🙌🏻 Hallelujah, this I will shout at the end of the day to give You glory for what You have done in me.

(p.s. Also just alighted from the bus, and thank God that I boarded the one which is a lot emptier, to have some peace and ease in the morning 😌)

A very good morning and with love,

Yu Qian (6.40am on 24 Aug - also blessed birthday to my 小哥！)

[fishyparadise]

We went to extension for supper. Need to capture moments like these for memory’s sake. And a cup of teh c xiu dai was just what I need at the end of a tiring day to brighten feelings up a bit. 谢谢你老爸！真的真的很珍惜你（还有我的一家人)!爱你们很多很多！<3 :D

[fishyparadise]

Hello Tumblr! I am back. After a long hiatus again... Sorry God, haven’t been disciplined in my quiet time and have been pretty meh because I feel like I haven’t been hearing much. Emotions are always the driving factor in why I’m writing - and I thank God at least You have made me someone who is emotional and is (pretty) rich in feelings. Just randomly deciding to reblog this picture as it was the first picture that popped up in my timeline and it kind of fits into my situation right now so yeap, reblogging it. 

Sooo, today was a little discouraging to me. I think I briefly mentioned last time on being the head of Bible Camp chair and yes, here I am! Today it was like our first official progs meeting (we had comm meetings in the past already and it went pretty fine and I thank God for them because chairing a meeting is unfamiliar and something that I felt I won’t be good at). Cause unfamiliar means scary and scary means too much negative energy and too much negative energy means wrong focus on being too negative and hence job not well done HAHAHA so I always pray and surrender my meetings into God’s hands. Also constantly reminding myself that the camp is for God to head/lead/chair it, and us (the committee), a mere vessel (hands and feet la basically). I think I have been feeling this way since the start when I took up this role, and along the way it probably hasn’t been the most smooth-sailing, with the original treasurer having to withdraw from the comm and having to approach a few more others to become the treasurer and finally getting some positive responses after school started. Think it will be good to record my journey down here so that when I look back at the end of the camp, probably I will be amazed at how God works and how much I have grown (spiritually and out of my comfort zone???) <: 

Okay so back to the main point of this post, hmmm. Today’s programme meeting didn’t exactly turn up to be very productive (one of my members was sick - to anyone who ever reads this - please pray for good health and protection for all my comm members because we seem to be prone to being sick). I personally wanted to finalise on our camp theme today because I was afraid we won’t have enough time to prepare for the other stuff. But we didn’t really get anywhere as we were all throwing out thoughts on John and had just a huge bulk of silence in between. Had to move on to discussing the workshop topics’ objectives and save the theme discussion for another day. Then afterwards when I went back (p.s. I thought I would be home by 6pm for dinner with family but nope, meeting ended around 6.30pm and when I reach home my fam members said I was a liar sobs), decided to get some ice cream at the mrt station to make myself feel better as I walked home HAHA. After that I received a text from my staffworker saying that she hoped I wasn’t feeling discouraged and yeap - I guessed she named the emotion for me that I was experiencing. So obviously it will spark negative feelings like was it my fault who didn’t facilitate well or had enough bible knowledge and semi-feeling bad for (potentially) wasting their time? Hahaha not that I have come to conclusion with it now, but I guess I am coming to learn how each individual works differently, and perhaps my comm members are seriously all thinkers, and hence we probably need prior preparation before discussion and coming to meet together. So one thing I have learnt is - identifying your members’ working style to better improve and make meetings more efficient. So with this in mind, we will create a document to list down our thoughts on John again and how it may challenge CFers before we can come together to discuss and I hope the next time round, meeting will be more productive!!! God. In Your hands liao. Praying that we will all be able to see beyond our normal lenses of approaching John, but God You will grant us creative lenses to challenge CFers’ words, thoughts and deeds indeed! :)))

I know I kind of always end on a positive note. But the process of thinking and struggling and fighting with myself in the midst is always a tiring one ): BUT I REALLY REALLY THANK GOD FOR MY DAD - who then drove me into school (because today is wednesday and it is a public holiday and I have classes tomorrow morning sobs but I initially thought of just staying home tonight because I wanted some comfort from my bed but yup made the decision of going to school in the end). So my dad drove my 小哥 to camp then me to school. And brought me to eat something first (SUPPER @ extension) hahaha and I guess I just thank God for a such a simple moment with my dad which brings me much joy after a “semi-exhausting” day of internally struggling with my thoughts and choices. Thank you God for such a loving father who is willing to sacrifice and give a lot for my siblings and I - and Lord, it is my deep deep down desire that You will bring him to Christ, as well as the rest of my family. I won’t want to imagine heaven without them (even if I may not recognise them when we’re up there) T.T So overall to end off here, my mood is brought up because of the interaction and perhaps human contact with my loved ones, but also the soft spot for my family’s salvation is ever-present. Once again, in Your hands :) 

God, sovereign Lord, my Father, would You just help me in all these areas I am lacking, be it as a chair of a camp, or just a daughter at home to be your shining testimony. 

With love,

Yu Qian (23 Aug, 12.58am)

#nowplaying God I Look To You 

[fishyparadise]

Matthew 8:1-4

When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. 2 A man with leprosy[a] came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

3 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy. 4 Then Jesus said to him, “See that you don’t tell anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”

One week ago I was reading this and just asking for God to remind me or help me remember my own testimony, to form and piece it altogether so that I can go and spread of the good news to people around me. Today after reading the Word and while praying I suddenly remembered - of how the younger me was always asking questions like “Why am I me?” or how come I’m the one controlling this body or how I wished to be someone else. Today I was reading about the Gospel books and how the individuals in the book demonstrated faith for Christ to work in them and it was just a reminder of faith can be in the small things, unseen but holds strong power and can bring revival. Also reminded me of Hebrews 11:1. So I was just praying for God to help me so that my faith will grow and become like that of a mustard seed and also the song “Who You Say I Am” was playing so I asked God to renew my heart, and be reminded that my identity is only formed in Him and that’s when I recalled that I used to be a child who questions my identity a lot... Haha God really works in interesting ways - am thankful that through prayer indeed You hear and answer when it is done in a right way. Thank You Lord for such a reminder! Such that I can be a stronger testimony to those around me. Love You loads my dear Heavenly Father. Praying also that You will sanctify each area in the student care center and have Your eyes on each child there that seeds would indeed be sown in their hearts and they will come to know You as they grow (or through the staff) ♥️

God Bless and Cheers,

Yu Qian (3 June 11.55pm)

[fishyparadise]

Day 278 Reflections

Hello! Was contemplating on whether I should write or not cause I was feeling lazy... But decided if not now, then it seems like never (p.s. laziness gotta go man). Also have another post that I want to write on but I will get back to that maybe some other day in the week (I try!!!). So was just doing my QT today, reading on John, and thought that it will be good for me to note down my reflections, because just by reading a short 3 chapters of John (John 2:1 - John 4:26), there’s so many things to be learnt. Before I go through them one by one (only focusing on verses that jumped out to me/allowed me to see things differently), there was this description on how John records none of Jesus’ parables, but notes down several miracles that Jesus did to reveal Himself as the son of God, and there is a total of eight “I am” statements in John.

1) John 2:1-11 - A miracle in which Jesus turned water into wine. 

2) John 2:13-22 - Jesus chasing the people doing business in the Temple out, for it is His Father’s house, not a market (v16). V17 states “Zeal for your house will consume me.”, showing Jesus’ passion for the Temple, a place of worship to be kept sacred and pure. Also when the Jews challenged Jesus to prove His authority when he chased the people out, Jesus foretold that He will raise up again after three days when the Temple (referring to Himself) is destroyed. And only when whatever was spoken was fulfilled, the disciples believed the Scripture.

3) John 2-23-25 - Many people saw the signs that Jesus performed in Jerusalem and came to believe in Him. However, v24 says “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people.” It felt like to me that, Jesus only entrusted Himself into the hands of God, and not human hands. That should be our response too.

4) John 3:1-21 - The point about baptism was brought up again somehow (something I have been pondering and asking God for awhile), as Nicodemus (a member of the Jewish ruling council) asked when would someone be born again, and Jesus answered in v5-6, “no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.” Reminded me of Matthew 3:15 too, when Jesus asked John the Baptist to baptise Him such that righteousness would be fulfilled. Also in v12, I think I was reminded of how our humanly nature may be stubborn, and blind at times - “I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?” Also down the passage, is the famous memory verse John 3:16. But I think I never really considered John 3:17 as something that was meaningful too, as it follows right behind v16 saying, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Above us believing in Christ and His love, it is a good remembrance that Christ never seeks to condemn us, but to save us as a whole. V19 to 21 was also personally a beautiful picture painted for me, as I really like verses with reference to ‘light’. “This is the verdict: light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”

5) John 3:25-36 - John the Baptist’s testimony about Christ. Also in this passage I think the popular memory verse is John 3:30. “He must become greater; I must become less.” But when I read the few verses before that, I think it reflects John’s humility, complete reliance, and joy in Christ as the Messiah. V28 shows John’s recognition of the one who has come after him is greater than himself, and being a willing vessel. V29 then follows to say, “The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.” LIKE WHAT. Such a humble posture and one that seeks to complete his joy in Christ and that he may decrease so that Christ’s rule in him may grow stronger. Also, John reminds us that God has given Christ the full authority from v34-36. Special mention/reminder to selves in v36 that “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them.”

6) John 4:4-26 Jesus meeting the Samaritan women (side note that at that time Jews don’t mix with Samaritans because of status differences hence Jesus talking to her first already shows initiation) at the well, and restating that whoever drinks the water He gives will never thirst, for He is a spring of living water (v14). And even as the Samaritan woman fails to recognise Jesus (who is right in front of her) as the Messiah despite knowing about the existence of this Messiah to come in the later times. Jesus then say in v23-24, “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” I think this is a reminder that worship (be it the act of praising or our lives as a total act of worship) should be one that engages both our hearts and minds, and allowing our spirit to connect with the Spirit in the midst :) This section ends with v26, where Jesus reveals His own identity to the Samaritan woman, “I, the one speaking to you - I am he.” When Christ comes again (which is probably soon), are we ready? Will we recognise Him? Hahaha. 

Let me end here today eh. It was a good 3 chapters of John to read (haven’t finished reading John 4 though). Thank You Jesus for such a time to read Your word! To indulge in it, to find more of You, and fall deeper in love with You. Thank You. Good night! Praying that I’ll be able to have a good rest, and peace even as I do the social cognition test tomorrow hehe.

God bless,

Yu Qian :)  1.05 am, 19 April 2018.