only love can hurt like this | na jaemin. [M]
SYNOPSIS: You didn't asked for more. You received all that he can give you, except for his heart.
pairing: husband!na jaemin x fem!reader
words: 4.5k
content: arranged marriage au, time skip, slight angst & smut
warnings: jaemin loves fucking y/n from behind :))
taglist: @frickyratz @lmkhandholder @donutswithjaminthemiddle @ashkuuuu @roohnyk @joepomonerof @nanadoux @her33n @oohyansi @jjaeyoonoh @jhoennysuhck @baehaechannie @sunshinedhyuck
author's note: i didn't expect that the preview would spark interest in some of you. i tried, really. any kinds of feedback is appreciated! ♡
"Daddy!" Your daughter, Min Jae shouts as she saw her father entering the house with paper bags in his hand, the other with his assistants.
"How's my baby?" Jaemin asks as he opens puts down the bags on the floor and carries her in his arms.
"Perfectly fine!" She responds earning a bright smile from your husband, but the smile quickly disappeared with her next words, "But mommy got hurt today. My teacher poured the hot coffee on her dress!"
You make your way to the living room, chuckling at her words, "Min Jae, it was an accident, okay? I wasn't hurt."
Jaemin roamed his eyes all over your frame, you shook your head, "She was nervous, it's her first time holding the parents meeting."
He just nodded in response, tearing his eyes off you. "Alright, how about you open these boxes that i bought for you?"
Perhaps marrying Na Jaemin was a good idea. You were happy. Both of your companies are soaring, you have a sweet little five year old min jae to light up your world and you have everything you ever wanted.
Are you really happy? Of course, you are.
Everything felt easy, it's like you were already assigned to do things. It's like marrying for convenience felt so normal but it was not. You hate to admit but it was like business.
You tucked Min Jae to bed, turning off the lamp and slowly closing the door to walk the other side of the hallway for your room.
You see Jaemin in his usual shirt and sweatpants, sitting on the chair and reading some thin stack of papers. You walked inside the closet, changing into your nighties, ready to sleep again without having to talk to your husband.
"Where did she pour the coffee on you?" You were startled to hear Jaemin talk as you walk to the bed, "On my lap. It was okay, i was wearing foamy underneath. It didn't hurt."
He didn't say anything, you took the cue to sit down on the bed and lie down, covering yourself with the comforter with the hope of having a good sleep.
You woke up by the sound of Min Jae saying your name couple of times. "Mom! Wake up!" You opened your eyes to see your daughter all giddy and excited, "Daddy cooked for breakfast, let's eat!"
You raised a brow, he rarely do those things. He cooks something for Min Jae but you always wake up later than the usual, not joining them.
"Hmm, baby. You eat first, I'll sleep a bit more. Okay?" You were tired being in school half day, there were many curious women about you and your family and so you were exhausted to socialize.
Min Jae slightly pouted, "I guess you're tired. Okay, mommy!" She smiled and ran towards the door to head downstairs.
A couple of minutes passed and you heard the door opening, "Let's eat breakfast." Jaemin said as he peeked inside the room as you open your eyes again.
You sat down on the bed, nodding your head. "I'll be there."
Jaemin nods as he walks to the halls and goes downstairs. You washed your face first then headed to the dining room.
"Mommy looks tired. Give her a kiss, daddy!" Min Jae suggests as she chews her food before swallowing, "Mommy always wants kisses from me when she's tired."
Jaemin smiles, wiping the sauce on her daughter's face. "Later, baby. I'll give mommy all my kisses."
You smiled as you see how you daughter's eyes sparkled when her father said that.
"Won't you be late today?"
Jaemin glances at his wrist watch, "It's still seven."
You nodded. Right. He goes to his office at eight. You finished your food, leaving your daughter and husband as you allowed them to talk and bond in their own way. You started to arrange the messy stacks of snacks in the hanging cabinets.
"I gotta go to work." You hear Jaemin says behind your back but you didn't expect his lips on your cheek and his hand smoothly on your waist. You let out a small "alright" as you continue to do your thing.
"Are you happy?" Haechan startles you, a wine glass in his hand.
"Bitch, I am."
"Well, yeah. Of course you're happy. You have that little ball of sunshine. I'm talking about your marriage, bitch."
Here you are, in an event because your husband has yet made another successful project so you have to be present. You're used to it anyway.
You rolled your eyes, sipping on your glass. "Of course!"
Haechan didn't say anything after that, only staring at you. "Stop, Donghyuck. I'm trying to be okay. I have my daughter, it's fine."
"Look what we have here!" You heard a familiar voice and an arm that snaked on your waist, tilting your head to see him, it was Mark Lee!
"Oh my God, Mark! It's been so long. How are you?" You didn't hesitate to hug him tightly as his arm is still encircled on your waist.
"I'm good, how about you? Damn, You look good!" Haechan was just standing there, rolling his eyes at how you both exchanged compliments.
Mark turns to Donghyuck as they shook hands while the other lets out an, "Oh, Canada!"
You were too fond of chatting with the two when you felt someone hugged your legs, "Mommy!"
"Hi, baby. Where's daddy?" You said as you stroked her hair but she just ran back to her grandparents table.
"Right here." Jaemin's voice was low as usual when he said that, entering your circle. Mark casually takes off his hand on your waist to shook hands with your husband. "Bro, it's nice to see you. You guys have a beautiful family!"
The side of Jaemin's lips perks up, "Thank you. Can I have my wife for a while? There's someone who wants to meet her."
He didn't wait for a response, Jaemin places a hand on your back, walking away from the two.
"Who is it? I think I've talked to every single person in here." You let out a laugh.
He didn't answer, he wrapped his arms on your waist instead and planted a quick kiss on your lips. You were surprised by his action and you immediately looked around, there were people who are smiling and giggling when they saw how Jaemin stole a kiss from you.
"What are you doing? They're watching." You whispered and looked at him.
"They better be watching." He whispers back as he leans to capture your lips again. Closing your eyes and letting your husband suck on your lower lip before pulling away.
You noticed your lipstick stained on the side of his lips and wiped it with your thumb. "I think that's enough." Jaemin says as he also does the same to your lips.
The event ended and you went straight home because your daughter wants to, she immediately fell asleep after her half bath.
And you...you bite your lip to supress your moans while Jaemin fucks you from behind.
You felt him raised his body a bit, angling his hips on the side as he pushed your leg with his knee and starts to pound into you.
The position made you roll your eyes to the back of your head, your hands on the headboard for support.
"Mmmh, please, please..." You let out small whispers as he speeds up with his thrusts.
"Yeah? You want it inside you?" You nodded frantically as you hear him mutter some words.
"Fuck, you are still so fucking tight for me. So beautiful." He grabs a fistful of your hair making your back arch as your legs shake and pupils dilate upon reaching your highs.
"Shit," Jaemin grunts, slamming his cock harder with an insanely fast pace that has you seeing stars as he hit wonders of your cavern.
His hot juice fills your womb as he keeps his slow thrusts to milk you with his cock. Jaemin detaches himself from you, lying on the bed.
You lied down, catching your breath while you feel your legs go numb. Perhaps it was because of how exhausted and tired you were, so you drifted off to sleep.
You woke up with an arm dangling on your waist and you felt hot breaths on your neck just to find Jaemin sleeping peacefully next to you.
In those five years, you have to admit that what happened last night almost happens every week. Of course, you take shots after you had Min Jae to focus on her and not get pregnant at least.
But you...wanted more. Not just sex but his heart. You wanted to love him, you want to love him. But you already have it in your mind that he will never reciprocate the love you will give, and you were afraid so.
Jaemin groans and stretches his hand as you close you eyes again and pretends to sleep, he caressed your bare waist and planted a soft kiss on you nape.
He gets off from the bed and heads to the bathroom for him to prepare for work, and you were left with your chest hurting with need.
"No, ma'am. Don't ever think about it. The last time you worked so hard in your office and fainted, Sir. Na was so mad that he was shouting at the hospital staff." Sela, one of the oldest house help tried to stop you from getting out of your house.
"You are overreacting. He was mad at me for being careless. Anyways, don't worry. I'll take care of it."
The office telephone rings harshly, you picked it up ready to entertain the caller, "Hello, this is Y/S/N speaking, What can---"
"Seriously, Y/N? I told you not to work." Jaemin's voice resonates in your ears. He found out, of course.
"It's been months, I'm okay. I won't push myself too hard."
You heard a sigh on the other call, "Okay, let's go home together later. I'll pick you up."
You didn't answer, expecting he would drop the call after that. "Y/N?"
"Yeah. I'll see you later." You responded to him as the line went off and you continued to sign some papers.
Someone knocked and went in your office, seeing Jisung handing you some stamps, "Mrs. Na. Here's the stamps you asked for. It's tiring to sign with pens right?" He chuckles, his white hair perfectly suits him.
"Oh, Jisung! It's been a long time. You've grown!" You laughed as you stood up and tapped his shoulder. "I told you, we should've adopted you, right?" He only flashed his sweet smile and shook his head as he exited your office.
You finished signing papers, your head resting on the swivel chair as you observed how the sun changed.
It was almost setting. You can see the buildings in front of you, knowing that just some blocks away, your husband is in his own office too.
Your telephone rings, clicking something on it and hearing the front desk say that Jaemin is already on the ground floor.
You got your bag as you walked outside of your office, being greeted by the hard working employees and seeing their smiles after a long tiring day. They're finally happy to go home. Chuckling to yourself as you arrived at the ground floor, the parking lot to be exact. You saw Jaemin leaning on his black Ford Mustang.
Your heels clicked as you walk towards him, he raised his head and grabbed the car door open. You thanked him before sliding inside.
The travel with Jaemin was smooth and peaceful. You were so used to his silence that you never dared to question it.
He clears his throat, nervous to strike a conversation. "How was work?" He lets out.
You smiled, "It was fine. Jisung grew up."
Jaemin couldn't stop himself from smiling, "Yeah? He's an adult now. Should've adopted him to accompany Minjae."
"That boy works hard, I'm glad he's the head of his team now." You said as the car halts at the little traffic that was formed.
You unconsiously glanced at Jaemin only to see him looking at you as he plays with his lips using his thumb, his other hand on the steering wheel. You look away as you felt your cheeks heat up. Damn it, after all these years.
He chuckles at your reaction, "Are you still wearing foamy underneath?"
You were wearing a black fitted dress just above your knee that hugged your figure. Shit, are we doing it here? You thought so yourself.
What should I say? If I tell him I'm just wearing my panties underneath then that means I'm saying yes? How the fuck do i answer that? I also-
You straightened your back, "Yeah, I'm wearing it."
He nods, a ghost of smile appearing on his lips. "Alright."
Jaemin continues to drive. That's it? I must be crazy for thinking he wants it.
You both arrived home safely, Min Jae running to the front of your house only to get carried by his dad. You and Jaemin walked side by side while he carries your daughter as she reaches for your cheeks, kissing it.
All this time, you were always thankful for Jaemin because he never made you feel like you can't do anything after you were married. He takes care of you, your daughter, everything. And you hated that, you felt like he was just doing it because it's business. You are business. That it was a responsibility that he can't avoid.
There's been rumors running around in the office lately. The way they go silent as you walk through the office halls, and the way you see pity in their eyes as they look at you.
You aren't that blind but really? Why now?
You plopped down on your chair, your nerves shaking as you recall what you heard.
"She isn't enough for him already? Someone saw Mr. Na going out from the hotel with a woman."
"He's a fucking jerk. He has a son and a wife. How could he?"
"Maybe she's no fun."
You sighed as your shook you head. Later on smiling while tears starts to swell in your eyes, "Maybe I am, no fun."
Did he found someone he truly likes, aside from business? Or did he realize that he doesn't want me anymore, and that he no longer needs me. You laughed at yourself, "Did he even needed me or wanted me? Nope, Y/N. He never did."
So you decided to fake it till you make it.
You wore your best smile as you walk down on the stairs, with your silky burgundy red backless dress. You immediately spotted your daughter on his grandfather's lap, giggling.
You roamed your eyes, finding Jaemin talking to an unknown bunch of group. A woman beside him that casually places her hand on his shoulder as she laughs. You rolled your eyes at the action.
Making your way on your family's table, you notice the eyes around you, some saying, "You look so good tonight, Y/N!" You chuckled at the shower of compliments.
"Hi baby!" You approached Min Jae, going down on your knees to level her. She pouted, "Where were you, mommy?"
You gently squeezed her cheek, "Mommy got dressed for tonight. How do I look?" Her eyes only focused on your face, "You look beautiful as ever, mommy. Can we go and find daddy, please?"
You stood up and took a seat beside her, "Daddy's busy and the party will start soon. Why don't you go and play with the other kids, hmm? Sela will look after you." She looked up and pointed her index finger on her cheek, "Okay!"
"How's married life, dearest?" Your father asks. "Never better, dad."
You kept the conversation short knowing that they will all just pester you with it except your mom who has her eyes on you while Jaemin finds his way to get seated next to you.
Your eyes are set on the stage as they presented a film starting from your family's business and merging with the Na's.
Jaemin exchanged words with your parents, casually laughing with them as they talk about whatever the fuck they're talking. Jaemin gently places his hand on your thigh, he leans closer to your face as he whispers, "Where's Minjae?" You replied by pointing to Sela on the transparent playroom for kids on the side. He nodded and you noticed how he looked at you for seconds.
Plenty of people came to your table, talking about how great it is to have a company soaring for years now and Jaemin's hand on your thigh never left, he keeps on gently squeezing and and tapping it.
You placed your hand on his, he looks at you with a hint of smile on his face due to his last conversation.
"We'll go home first. You can finish the event." You obviously didn't need his answer as you stood up and said your goodbyes. You walked with Sela, your sleeping daughter is in your arms.
Tucking Min Jae to bed, you heard the familiar car engine. Slowly closing the door in her room, you walked to yours, taking off your heels.
Jaemin takes the stairs, he found himself saying goodbye to those people who came and immediately followed you both home.
You walked inside the closet, ready to take off your dress when your husband comes in. His large steps on his way to the closet didn't help as you saw yourselves in front of the wide mirror. He loosens his tie, "Y/N, what's wrong?
You sat down on the high chair that was placed in the middle of your make up table, taking off your earrings. "What do you mean?"
"You've been silent at the party. Did I do something wrong?" His eyes curious, you looked at him through the mirror. "Wasn't I always silent? Was I talkative before?" You smiled and shook your head.
He didn't answer, for a second you thought that you saw fear on his face. But i guess that was what you wanted to see, the fear in his eyes of losing you. You sure are delusional.
He lowers his head and proceeds to walk on the closet, folding his dress shirt until his forearm. You waited for him to finish.
Perhaps it was the feeling that you've been keeping, or the dignity you have left for yourself that you uttered those words.
"Next time, don't be seen. You have a family. You also have the resources to hide her, were you that excited to do it in a hotel instead?"
Jaemin halts from his steps, his eyes are on you. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about. You should have told me that you want to fuck other women around you."
You stood up, still not looking at him. Afraid you'll breakdown and cry and even beg him to only have you.
He harshly took a step towards you, holding both of your shoulders to make you turn to him. "What did you say?"
You keep your eyes on the floor but you looked at him after he chuckled lowly, licking his lips. "You think I cheated on you?" He softly places his forehead to yours, "It's only you, baby."
He slides his hand from your shoulders to the side of your waist, "I don't know what you heard but you heard it wrong. I did have a quick meeting in a hotel, with Jaehyun and his girlfriend. It wasn't just me and her, you can ask the hotel for the cameras if you want." Jaemin laughs, his voice lower than the usual.
You were stunned, the only thing that was on your mind was when he said it was only you.
He tilted his head, closing the distance between your lips and his, but before he can kiss you, you placed a hand on his chest, pushing him gently.
"Who am i to you?" Your voice sounding weaker. Jaemin searched for any trace of emotion on your face. "I should ask you that. What am i to you?" He returns the question.
You felt frustrated and so you spilled yourself to him, "You are everything to me, Na Jaemin. You and our daughter. I know that this is all business to you! That i am your responsibility, that i trapped you into this marriage but," Your voice broke as Jaemin stares at you, "I want you more than you ever wanted me."
Jaemin wraps an arm on your waist as he crashes his lips into yours, your tears flowing as you closed your eyes to kiss him back. He pins you on the wall and pauses before kissing you again, "I always thought that i was the one who trapped you into this marriage, and i was a fucking fool for being miserable for nothing."
"I live only for you, baby. Always you." He whispers as he easily slides your silk dress from you. You saw how his eyes was clouded with adoration and lust, snapping your brassiere off, he crouched down and ran his tongue around the edge before sucking your nipple.
He alternately licks and sucks on your nipple while his hand snakes on your panties, sliding the fabric aside and without hesitations, he pushed a finger inside.
"Oh my, fuck." Your mouth hangs open as you shut your eyes from the pleasure, Jaemin sucks your nipple as he looks up at your pleasured face. It wasn't long before he added another finger inside you, thrusting it in and out harshly, curling it, knuckles deep as the loud squelch of your wet pussy can be heard.
"Ah! Please, Jaemin." Your legs felt week as you reach your highs but he deliciously withdrawed his fingers which made you whine.
He quickly turns you around, facing the mirror. He was behind you, his eyes hooded as he unbuttons his dress shirt. The sound of his belt and the way he unzipped his slacks, pushing it down till his thighs. He placed a hand on your back.
"That red dress has been torturing me all night. All eyes were on you. Did you liked that?" Jaemin's voice was hoarse.
You shook your head, lifting your eyes to meet his gaze in the mirror. "Did you like being touched in the arm by the woman who talked to you?" You talk back.
"I didn't even noticed that. God, it's been so long since i fucked that mouth of yours. Don't you think?" His tip touches the entrance of your pussy and you moaned at the sensation.
Jaemin grabs a fistful of your hair making your back arch as you tried to wiggle your ass on his crotch.
You screamed in pleasure as he slides his cock inside you, filling you to the brim. "Oh, jesus fuck. This pussy is still so tight for me." He grunts as he leans back and starts to move in and out of you.
You placed your hands on the mirror for support as Jaemin fucks you mercilessly. "Nnghh, ah!" He lifts one of your legs as he angles his hip and slams his cock deeper inside you.
"Jaem, coming, i'm--" You shut your eyes tight as your legs shake while he rams inside you with an insanely fast speed and cursed under his breath as he shoots his cum inside you.
You leaned on the mirror, panting as Jaemin lowers your legs and holds your waist to prevent you from falling while he detaches himself from you.
"I am already yours. I have always been yours, Y/N." You heard him whisper as he slides his arms under your thighs and a hand on your back to carry you and place you on the bed.
You woke up with a feeling of content as you feel Jaemin's lips on your neck, leaving wet kisses. "Good morning," He says as he raises his body up, capturing your lips for a quick kiss. You immediately covered your lips after the kiss making him chuckle. "What?"
"I haven't even brushed my teeth!" Your words muffled due to your hand on your mouth. Jaemin towers over you, he places himself on top of you as he pushes your legs open with his knees.
"What about it? I don't care." You felt his erection poking on your stomach, his large hands gripping both of your breasts as you shut your eyes and bite the palm of your hand.
Your pussy throbs as you have the need and desire to let him make love to you again. Jaemin grunts at the sight of you, his other hand stroking his cock as he penetrates your pussy with his tip but before he can push any further, you two heard a knock on the door.
"Ma'am, your family is the host for today's gathering with Minjae's friends. Is there anything else you would like to add than the usual?"
You pushed Jaemin away making him groan, "Come on." You quickly ran to the closet and got dressed decently. "Wait a bit, Sela!" Coming out from the closet you signaled Jaemin to get dressed as he painfully closes his eyes, his erection still evident.
You open the door, founding Sela talking to another house help as you get out and walk through the halls and heads to the back yard, "Are the parents coming too?" Sela nodded. "Alright, let's add pasta and have some types of sauce to choose. I guess that's it."
Coming back in your room, you found Jaemin coming out from the bathroom with only a towel on his waist, beads of water sliding through his chest as he heads to the closet. You thought he was going to work but he played with Minjae's friends and he has his arms all over you as you casually talked to other parents.
When the mothers of the children stopped talking to you, Jaemin turned to you, now you're both properly facing each other.
"Now i have your attention." He smiles as he tightens the hold on your waist as you look up at him adoringly. He brings your hand on the left part on his chest, "I was scared that you would push me away and just imagining that i can't be next to you drives me crazy," He leans his face closer to yours, making your heart beat faster than it was, "My heart only beats for you and i promise, that from now on, I'll take care of yours. I love you, Y/N."
"I love you, Na Jaemin." You felt tears on the side of your eyes rising up as he plants a soft kiss on your lips, you heard some squeals and you felt someone hugging both of your legs looking down to see Min Jae giggling as Jaemin lifts her up and kisses her cheek.
You didn't ask for more, you received all that he can give you, and he gives his heart willingly. Who are you to complain? You looked at Jaemin and Minjae as they mirrored each other's smiles. This, right here, is love. They say if it hurts you, it's not love. Truth is, love comes with hurting, you just have to see if it's worth it. And it is, with your husband and your daughter in front of you.
Jaemin nudges your shoulder as she puts Minjae down, "I'll take a break from work. Maybe we can continue what we were doing later- aw!" He dramatically reacts as you slightly smack his stomach.
Oh my, Na Jaemin.
only love can hurt like this | na jaemin by idyllicallycharming.
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