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Because the service worker at my local grocery store isn't allowed to tell you and I'm angry right now:

If the makeup product is sealed then it's not a fucking tester sample, you dumb fucking idiot

Get. Your. Fuck. OFF. SKATEBOARD??? HEELIES? Fuckin. RoLLER. SKATES. BICYCLE???? Riding. .In the GROCERY STORE??????? Shut the FUCK your FUCK. BASTARD

(Tears in my eyes) I'm fucking begging you to leave your non-service animal outside. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Surprise inspections happen and they will shut the entire building down for the love of God

Your kid rolling on the floor and making potions out of the shampoo and filming tiktoks in the clinic is the reason you're going to hell and I'm going to take you there myself

If you make a staff member cry on purpose then you're the biggest ugliest bitch in the whole wide world and nobody loves you

DO NOT LOCK YOUR BIKE TO THE SIGNAGE/GARDEN DISPLAY/TABLE THRY NEED TO BE ABLE TO *MOVE* THOSE THERES A FUCKING BIKE RACK RIFHT FUCKING THERE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ISE THE BIKE RACK

YES YOU *DO* NEED TO WEAR SHOES AND A SHIRT IN THE CAFE WE LIFE IN A GOD DAMNED SOCIETY

If you bring an untrained dog with anxiety out in public on purpose and leave it tied next to tge front door to lose its fucking mind for an hour and a half while you stand around the lotto booth when you just as easily could have not then I will kill you with a rock

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as of a few months ago, I literally Can't Sleep without my stuffed raccoon, Sir Bartholomew II. Don't ask me why. I have tried other stuffies, spraying lavender scents, new blankets, everything. The only thing that can get me to sleep is Sir Bartholomew II.

If your 13 or older and still sleep with a stuffed animal please rb this im tryna prove a point to my friend.

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I literally think the best thing I did for myself as a writer was go, "Nobody will ever see this".

Like, never ever forever. Ever. Forever.

Now my stories are like, "Plot holes? Whatever." "Completely nonsensical sentences? I know what I meant."

And it's so FREAKING GOOD.

Ive been doing it for a few years now, and sometimes I'll be like, "This literature doesn't scratch the itch."

But then I remember I KNOW WHAT WILL.

And I can reread stuff from like 3 years ago and I've mostly forgotten the plot and I can surprise myself! And it's the best thing ever!

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And more:

Used menstrual products

Taco bell bag (with food, uneaten)

Open (but not drunk) Monster Energy

Someone climbing on top of the bathroom stalls (as in. Over them. Into other stalls. I realized this was happening just after I left the stall she was about to climb over)

But no. Still no genitals.

I’ve gone to the women’s restroom a lot in my life, and not once have I ever seen genitalia besides my own while there. No penis, no vulva, nothing.

I’ve literally seen a bathroom full of baby lizards, one time a whole fucking fish on the floor, and someone come out of the stall with a plate, knife, and fork like they just ate a meal before I’ve seen genitals. Why would I ever be worried about seeing some woman with her cock out

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wdym an average platonic bond cant be deep and meaningful do none of you remember the power of friendship

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☀️💖👌👍✨️

💯🙏💛🟨👍

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i would do literally anything to be able to shapeshift i mean it

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I play tennis, and for a while I was like, "oh no I've invested so much time, money, and love into the most bougie sport ever :("

And then I remembered golfing exists and I went, "ok well at least I'm not them :)"

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i love you ibuprofen, i love you naproxen. i love you nose spray & cough drops. i love you snacks between meals. i love you naptime & sleeping in & taking a sick day when the body needs rest. i love the avoidance of unnecessary discomfort in its many shapes and forms!

what an act of unspeakable tenderness, to treat your body as a beloved animal and not a machine to grind to the ground

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>Tall enough to stand inside >sedan height front hood for pedestrian safety >looks like a ducky :3

YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT , BUT THIS IS WHAT THE IDEAL MAIL BODY LOOKS LIKE

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Today I saw a sign advertising public transportation.

"Taking public transit to the mall? Now that's bussin'!"

Keep in mind this is October 2024, approximately three years too late. However, public transit is wonderful and amazing. It is bussin.

The thing is, when museums and cultural institutions or researchers adopt memes in a "How do you do, fellow kids" way, that's adorable like my grandma when she's misusing emojis. However when some megacorp does it to sell me evil products or some influencer is trying to get me to buy nonsense skincare mud or cyberpunk looking face masks or weightloss pills, I think that's evil incarnate and their name goes into the Death Note (very mindful, very demure)

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Literally, in primary school, I was so confused because I didn't understand the simplified versions of things they talked about.

Me: "Why are there only two genders?"

Teachers: "..."

Me: "if we're descended from monkeys, how are monkeys still around? Wouldn't there have to be something preventing gene transfer?"

Teachers: "..."

Me: "how do bears sleep all winter? Wouldn't they get bedsores? And how do they piss and shit?"

Teachers: "..."

“Well, it would confuse the kids if trans people were teachers.”

You know what else is confusing? Being told my entire life that I would be exclusively attracted to men when in fact I am a raging queer. And you’re not giving kids enough credit, if they can handle topics like ‘you have a set of earthly parents and a set of Heavenly Parents and both are real parents to you’ then they should understand the concept of being trans.

Also, I’m not sure if they’ll care. God knows me and my friends were only in primary for the songs and the fruit snacks.

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The thing is, when museums and cultural institutions or researchers adopt memes in a "How do you do, fellow kids" way, that's adorable like my grandma when she's misusing emojis. However when some megacorp does it to sell me evil products or some influencer is trying to get me to buy nonsense skincare mud or cyberpunk looking face masks or weightloss pills, I think that's evil incarnate and their name goes into the Death Note (very mindful, very demure)

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