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Life Update: 2021

Its funny scary to be at this age, on how fast time goes by. Like how it flies like torpedo yet you're still the same old you. yes, i am 30. yet nothing has really changed. I am still in a relationship with same sex, safe haven. I have a house on my own now, currently saving to buy it out anytime soon. I am still working as bedside nurse but in a totally different area from my previous. I now worked in long-term care facility but blessed to be in a tracheostomy unit. At first designated to male trache unit, then recently shuffled to female's last July 2020. At this time of writing, April 04, 2021 - 04/04/2021, yas.. last year pandemic broke out. COVID-19. this year has gone more aggressive for most parts of the world due to different strains mutating from the source. About my personal life, there have been some times that I want to talk to people in my past to revisit my old self. I don't know if that's weird, but I just loved every minute of old self back then no matter how boring it was.

I still wanted to make some changes of my bad habits. Like eating nasty. no exercise for a week/ weeks, working just to earn money, living a day with nothing really in mind, no goals met in a day, no happy banks at all. Lost contact with family.

I always get myself caught up in my thoughts. Breathing fresh air somewhere strange place but fear of virus creeps in. But really, I want to get break from bed and take photos of me strolling in some strange or even in aesthetic places. I want to join spinning fitness class and grow differently into a fine woman with intellect, humor and self pride instead of hiding in one room just like what I've been doing in almost 3 years in Doha. I want to parachute, ride in gyrocopter, sail in wide seas, kayak and paddle through like a fierce lady unique from all other pretentious ladies in Shein dresses. I think the problem here is, I don't have the confidence and I fear when I'm doing it alone, when I'm discovering them all on my own, when I overlook my limitations and doesn't know my potentials well enough to keep me safe.

I fear that I may never get out from solving my own problems. And that I hate myself very much for not confronting my responsibilities so well and procrastinate more often than dealing them. I don't know how I can build up enough courage to do so, but I'm still hoping one day I get to wake up bolder and stronger in my decision skills than ever. This time I want to grow, and I vouched myself to accomplish that before the dawn of 40 or even in the sunrise of 35.

Yes. I can do it.

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a word!

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Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender.

Tupac Shakur (via hplyrikz)

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There’s a brief moment when you first wake up where you have no memories, a blissful blank slate, a happy emptiness, but it doesn’t last long and you remember exactly where you are and what you are trying to forget.

Carrie Bradshaw, The Carrie Diaries (via hplyrikz)

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Night is purer than day; it is better for thinking and loving and dreaming. At night everything is more intense, more true. The echo of words that have been spoken during the day takes on a new and deeper meaning.

Elie Wiesel, Dawn (via hplyrikz)

mood.

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#shitgotreal

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Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

Unknown (via hplyrikz)

Clear your mind here

(via hplyrikz)

🚅

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😬

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Sometimes, it’s easier to tell a stranger something very personal. It`s like there’s less risk, opening yourself up to someone who doesn’t know you.

Linwood Barclay (via hplyrikz)

she drunk textd ❤