flawedconqueror

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Yes, there is a place / where someone loves you both before / and after they learn what you are.

Neil Hilborn, "Lake", The Future

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I listened to sermons, podcasts on marriage ad nauseum. I look forward to meeting people, going on dates, flowers, all that fun stuff. Oh, and therapy.

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Marie Spartali Stillman (English, 1844-1927)

The Long Walk at Kelmscott Manor, Oxfordshire

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i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

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i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

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Ai yi yi. I can't even play Mario Kart, the ghosts, after watching DDU. I have been broken down before my breaking through.

Being in Toronto has been such a disorienting experience I no longer identify with this home, this city, I feel so alienated. The IT person at King's who I met and was at England at 30 years expressed this sense not feeling quite home in his homeland of Iran, nor in England, this overwhelming sense of displacement is the same.

In my uncle's I feel alone, it's hard to connect. Granted I was acting the fool and the mess, but overall there are structural, underlying tension that alienates it's really sad and everyone just goes along - but it got to the point where it became unsettling. But God told me she did the best she could with what she had.

I go back to the building when I sang lullabyes to Michael. I think God is also giving me the chance to say goodbye as I won't come back this time it's for good. I wanted to create a life I didn't want to escape from.

The more time I spend with God, the more video games and anime have felt unsettling. It's hard as it's an integral part of my childhood, but sanctification is not easy. God is in control.

God it's not about journaling it's time to release me in Jesus' name!

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Margaret Atwood, from The Blind Assassin

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It was my cousin's grad and I stayed in bed, I have felt quite disconnected trying last week I got pizza and a cake, but I still feel today, in particular, depressed. Depressed that life has felt bleak, hopeless, and not what I imagined at 31. However, I know at least I have dealt with a lot of the emotional baggage and bitterness that plagued that latter part of my twenties. Alienated, disconnected in a land that feels more foreign than native to me with each growing day. Confused about my future. I was tempted to smoke - something I haven't done since my undergraduate days. But anyways, we keep, keeping on.

The breakthrough is around the corner, it's always darkest before dawn. God's plans are to prosper me; to give me a future and hope.

[flawedconqueror]

Thirties are the new twenty

I definitely have a stronger sense of self. Knowing what I like and don't like. However coming out of my grief capsule, all of the sudden is baby-engagement-serious long-term relationships-mortgages. Does this lead me into a frantic panic frenzy to meet my significant other? No. Not necessarily.

Get something stable, move across the pond permanently and build from there...

from there...

I actually see it as an open canvas

The world is indeed an oyster.