flawedvictori

[flawedvictori]

think maybe its time to get annoyingly into FF14, become a gposer. women.

[flawedvictori]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[flawedvictori]

i really do like my little sim games

[flawedvictori]

This seems to be what I've learned.

[flawedvictori]

[flawedvictori]

[flawedvictori]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family and how I was treated as a child, and honestly, my father has never seemed more amazing in my eyes.

I used to love Luigi(Mario's brother) when I was little. Like, he was my favorite character ever, and I had multiple plushies of him. Didn't give a fuck about Mario, vaguely tolerated Peach, but I loved Luigi.

On my first day of kindergarten, my dad gave me the number for his work phone and said it was Luigi's phone number. "If anything happens at school, call Luigi."And not even twenty minutes into my first day, I was having a panic attack. So I went down to the principal's office and called "Luigi."

Now, at the time, my father was in a meeting with his manager and his supervisor, along with most of his coworkers. And when I called, he picked up before he even left the room.

And he put on a very awful Italian accent and said, "Itsa me, Luigi! Whatsa the matter?"In front of his boss and coworkers. Without telling them what was going on. So they were absolutely bewildered, and he carried on like they didn't even exist. He only explained what was happening after I had calmed down and hung up, to which most of them responded with "Aww, cute."

I continued to call him whenever I got upset at school, and eventually his coworkers got in on it. I distinctly remember one of them impersonating Toad. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just thought it might make you smile :)

this is so delightful I love your Luigi dad

[flawedvictori]

heres a choccy milk

bc your awesome

keep up the babyposting indefinitely pls

ok

[flawedvictori]

of course you have blue curtains and subtext

[flawedvictori]

[flawedvictori]

shaped like a friend

[flawedvictori]

reblog to remind prev they're not a bother and their presence is wanted <3

[flawedvictori]

Hi, the past 4 weeks has been sort of a mess for me. For 5 days I had abdominal pain, that I had tried to ignore until I ended up having to go to the Emergency room. Then I was told I had to get my Gallbladder removed had to stay at the hospital for 3 days and was away from my apartment for another 3 days.

Getting out of bed from laying down to sitting up/standing has been difficult for the past couple of weeks, thankfully its now lessened without the need of painkillers or anything. I have alot of commissions I need to work on but I am behind on the commissions I need to do. I'm very sorry commissions have slowed to a snails pace. Thank you for your patience with me and for your patience with me.

[flawedvictori]

think that "Fridge Cigarette" post might do more about helping me quit sodas again than anything else lmao

[flawedvictori]

I thought this show would just be a cute girls doing cute things kind of thing but it actually turned out to be wholesome and good.

[flawedvictori]