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@wcrldsaway

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wcrldsaway

They gave him the wrong drink. That’s it. That’s all there is. He hasn’t asked, and he didn’t much care. There wasn’t a single reason that could possibly be a good one, and none of them could even begin to matter. Red tinges his vision, an indignant sniff sounding off as he allows his eyes to wander. Everything said thereafter, all the supporting bits of story laid out for him, fall upon deaf ears. Can you help?He is on it, stepping up and folding his own fingers into the mix. She’s trembling, barely able to keep it together; he’s never felt so secure in his whole goddamn life. So sure. He could easily bring it all down on Henry’s head. Sell him out, get him completely goddamn destroyed. The secrets are right there, waiting to be whispered into the right ears. Her shirt together, he leans forward, pressing the softest kiss to her temple. Her skin is hot. Too hot. “Sure. I can wait until tomorrow.” Beat. “But we’re packing you and the kids up, and you’re coming home.” Where is home, really? His one bedroom bachelor pad, equipped with the bare necessities and not much else. There are some toys, there. Coloring books and a dollhouse, things to keep the kids happy. Just in case. Extra toothbrushes, too. He knows that he’d have to go buy new things, that what he has to offer is likely not their speed at all anymore - but he’d do it in a heartbeat. Take ‘em to their favorite place, tell them to load up the cart, and buy it all with a goddamn smile on his face. Dare to dream, amirite? “That man isn’t calm. He’s waiting, and my girls,” Sera, included, “aren’t goddamn safe here.” He could go one to tell her about his Go Bag, how he is prepared for the day she might call him up and ask to get picked up. Tell him that they have to go. Hell, he’d go anywhere. Likewise, he could tell her about his nightmares. They wake him up, though never fast enough. Imagine attending a funeral for three, and never having the chance to say what needs to be said. And Henry always gets away with it. Somewhere in-between, the doubt comes into play. What does he lack? What is he not offering that he does? What if he bought a big house? Or a better job? Then could he have his family with him? “Ser, please don’t make me beg.” He’ll do it. He’ll goddamn do it. What more is there he could say? Somewhere beyond the door, he can hear the girls shriek. It makes him stiffen, legs ready to spring and muscles going rigid before hysterical laughter follows. Gideon didn’t realize his breath getting stuck in this throat, nor the moment he exhales and sets it free. Silence consumes him for seconds uncounted before he carries on with his thoughts: “Life isn’t supposed to be this goddamn hard.”

It's almost nauseating, the rush of comfort that came from the softest contact. But that moment, just like all of those that the two shared, simply never lasted long enough.

Her lips almost curved upward at his agreement, that waiting until December 26th to for murder was a reasonable request. But at the rest, Sera just about gave herself whiplash ( if she didn't already have it ) with how quickly she looked up at Gideon.

We’re packing you and the kids up, and you’re coming home

Mouth falling open just slightly – wanting so badly to say yes, grab everything and leave then and there. But something stopped her, and that nauseating feeling returned in a less appealing manner. She could throw up, she really could. It was preferred rather than giving Gideon the response that plagued her mind day in and day out.

Thoughts, dreams and daydreams, lived constantly in her head of the life that she never realized she wanted.

Her mother always promised her the world, swore that no matter what, Sera was bound for success and greatness and that she would have the world wrapped around her fingers – with the understanding that she would be nothing without her mother, of course. And then, along came some goofy-looking kid who waltzed into her life, swooping her off of her feet and taking her away from the life that tore her to shreds. Henry promised the world too, and fuck, if he didn't seem to have the world at his fingertips. He had stipulations too. And fuck, if Sera didn't somehow feel like nothing without Henry.

And here, right in front of her, was another world. A world that didn't need to be promised, because it was simply just the way things should've been.

But this, the world that turned from a teenage dream to a fucking nightmare was the one she chose. For better or for worse, but the instructions were unclear on what worse was. Sera had no idea how much worse it got. How the words that once were spat in her direction would slowly find their physical form in Henry's hands. How she'd have to spend her nights letting the man tire himself out with whatever means necessary, then crawl in bed beside him while he mumbled promises of getting better, of working on himself. How she would hear herself talking – sometimes yelling at Henry in those arguments, and not recognize her own voice and how cruel she could sound. And sometimes, seeing her own arms flailing around in some weak attempt to fight back and landing a hit or two. She chose all of this, and she was no innocent.

Had that laughter come even a millisecond longer after the shriek, surely, that would've made her throw up.

Sera cleared her throat, eyes full of tears again. "How?" It wasn't a legitimate question, Sera knew exactly how it would go. She'd seen it plenty of times in her head. Scooping up the girls and fading off into the sunset. Those visions, however, were closely followed by doses of reality. It wasn't that simple, and it never would be. Not in her head.

"He won't let me," her voice full of defeat. "Even if I got out, he'll find me. They'll find me. Th-they never leave, and they won't let me," she started, practically croaking the words out, "the guys." They weren't all friends, that much she knew, the small group of Henry's pals that always hung around. They'd interrogated Sera more than once, finding her walking around her own home in the middle of the night. Condescending questions, gentle threats for her to go back upstairs. Whatever the hell they did for Henry, or whatever the hell he did to keep them around was one big mystery that she was a little too terrified to investigate. "A-A-And the girls, they–" a sharp breath. Suck it up. Stop crying. Swiping beneath her eyes, Sera's mind was plagued with all of the what ifs that surfaced every once in a while, drowning her. Til death do us part, that much she felt confident in. It would take herself or Henry dying for Sera to feel completely safe, completely free.

After a few moments of silence, Sera attempted once again to compose herself with a deep breath. She turned back to the counter, ready to attempt to put her makeup back on, to go back downstairs and play house for the rest of the day. "I have to stay." The words hurt to say, and her eyes burned like there were more tears ready to start pouring out again, "I'm sorry."

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gibleon​

Something smelled off. One minute all his people are in sight. He takes advantage of these sorts of things, spends more time with the kids. He loves them, swears they grow three inches each between his every visit. There’s always a new story, always a thing to share and show him. Gideon soaks it up; these are the happiest moments of his life. The next minute, Sera and Henry both are out of sight. He stays with the kids, not skipping a beat as he splits his attention between the room and those little hearts. He’s patient about the waiting, though slightly apprehensive. Gideon tells himself, everything is fine. They’re hosting a party, they’re busy, this is normal. But only Henry reappears, and though he waits a few minutes for her grand re-entrance (there is something so special about the way she steps into a room), she never comes. “I tell you what,” he’s got one arm around Beth and Mer on his knee, “You two build me a village, and when I get back, we’ll play Godzilla.” Pillow forts and stuffed animals be damned, there isn’t a single child that doesn’t love intentional destruction when its safe and fun. It’s a laughter he’d need soon, something whispers in the back of his mind. He’s just happy to have them distracted while he makes his way through the house, steering clear of Henry along the way. Takes a minute, but he finds her. The hushed sniffles give her away, and Gideon is nothing if not bold as he helps himself into the room. Quiet, calm, the door silently shut behind him despite the protest. It’s all wrong. “What the hell,” he’s swallowing back a whole lot of everything right about now. Henry be damned, because he’s locking the door before taking those steps toward her. Let him try to come in. Gideon would love the opportunity. “What did he do?” He can see what he did. The story is written on her goddamn face; It’s practically everywhere. She looks so goddamn battered. “Sera,” a little more heartbroken, now. He’s barely touching her chin, almost afraid she might shatter right there on the spot. There’s not a word that needs uttered. There’s one man hurting his family, neglecting them. Raising his kids, endangering them. How far might he go? Where would it stop? When someone is dead? He’s so resolute on the only logical conclusion he can come to. “I’m going to kill him.”

After an eternity, she’d gotten just the bottom button done. The rest would surely take way too much time, so with hesitance, Sera looked up at Gideon. 

He was the only one, the girls aside, whose presence made her feel safe. Of course, the two tiny spawns had no idea what they were doing, nor what was going on at any given moment, where Gideon was aware enough. Henry wasn’t subtle with his words, the insults and digs he spat at everyone around him at all times. The man was charming as all get-out, but he wasn’t known for his hospitality. He never tried to hide his behavior from the children, but he also never spent more than as little time as possible around the girls, so they remained blissfully unaware. 

Henry could be dragging Sera through the mud with his words for no apparent reason at dinner parties, small gatherings, or even on a day-to-day basis — she was hardly bothered. His bark was substantially weaker than his bite, but Gideon was always there with a soft demeanor to either counteract the insults or to make some god awful jabs at Henry as well, either in whispers or boldly. But, in recent months, the barking was fewer and far between, and she was pulled behind closed doors for the biting. Henry was just about any horrid name in the book, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew well enough to isolate Sera, and most of these instances were played off as a tired mother calling it an early night. However, it was hardly even late afternoon, she knew this time she had to suck it up and get back to the show.

Eyes welled with tears, tears from the lingering pain, the vague and blurred memories of what had happened less than five minutes ago, and tears from disappointment. A touch of embarrassment as well, considering she had managed to hide things so well for as long as she had. At least, to her knowledge she had. Sera’s vision was blurred almost completely from tears filling her eyes, the contact from Gideon was enough to send those tears down her cheeks. 

Unable to find any words, Sera winced as she managed to lift pained shoulders in a shrug before turning back to the counter. She set aside her makeup bag before turning the faucet on. “They gave him the wrong drink,” she spoke softly, letting her palms fill with water and bringing them to her cheeks. The sudden tinge of pain from touching her own cheek elicited a sharp breath, and Sera worked quickly to get the task over with. Grabbing a nearby towel, with even more caution she dried her face, noticing the swelling that had already started beneath her eye. 

“He thought that, um,” clearing her throat, attempting to rid her voice of the hoarseness. “I think he thought I told them the wrong drink, or something.” It was a lie, but Sera rarely knew why he was upset with her. She knew that there was no use in making any sort of excuse, that Gideon hadn’t asked why. But in her head, that was better than acknowledging anything else. 

Attempting to start on fixing her makeup, Sera was faced with the reality that she still couldn’t hold her hands steady enough. Setting the makeup down, a weak sigh brushing past her lips, the only thing left to do was attempt talking about what had happened, or try those damn buttons again. Fingertips landed on the little round pieces of plastic, and she looked up at Gideon, almost ready to make some sort or quip, but the throbbing in her eye reminded her it wasn’t the time.

“Can you help?” The words were barely above a whisper, and her eyes reconnected with Gideon��s, giving her that warm little fluttery feeling in her chest again. “And, maybe.. um, wait until tomorrow. For the killing, I mean.” Despite asking for help, Sera still attempted the buttons, falling silent as her breathing finally leveled out. "He stopped, right? He's calm now?"

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The timely transition from All I Want for Christmas is You to Happy Xmas (War is Over) was hardly noticed by Sera, as she stood trembling in her bathroom, attempting to clean herself up. She could hear the faintest echo of the music, along with the chattering of the many guests in the Montgomery household. Sera stood, staring at herself in the mirror briefly as she assessed the damage. The headache, from her head hitting the wall, that was invisible, therefore ignorable. Her eye was bound to turn black and blue soon enough, as the skin surrounding it burned and glowed pink under the light green eyeshadow Bethany had applied that morning. Her lip was cut, and bleeding, though her red lipstick did help cover that a bit. It was her blouse, really, that would be all the more telling. The blouse that Henry grabbed her by, ripping the buttons right out of the fabric when he used such force, before he took his anger out on the rest of Sera's features. The mascara and eyeliner-stained tears that had began streaking down her cheeks might've been a dead giveaway as well, but Sera was an old pro. She knew how to clean herself up quickly after Henry's fits. Quickly pulling the ripped blouse off of her torso, ignoring the older, fading bruises that littered her forearms, Sera stepped into the closet and searched for a shirt that looked similar enough. Similar enough for the tipsy guests to pay no mind to a wardrobe change, at least. Preventing further damage by holding back tears wasn't working, not this time. Mostly because the blows never seemed to affect her eyes and she'd never dealt with the sting. It was primarily because her childish mindset had Sera convinced that today would be different. Not for any particular reason, Henry's mental and physical rage had never been inconsistent, no matter how hard Sera tried to calm him down or avoid him. But today, when he smiled and told her Merry Christmas that morning, some little part of Sera had enough hope. Surely, she couldn't have predicted that the kitchen staff serving him the wrong drink would've granted Sera a trip to the bedroom where she privately received a full blown body slam against the wall and several blows to the face. But at that point, all she had was blind, naive optimism. Back in front of the bathroom mirror, Sera brushed her fingers through her tousled hair and swiped her cheeks quickly with her fingertips. Shaking hands began working on the buttons of the new shirt, just as the door gently began opening. Practically jumping out of her skin, ready to try to do whatever it took to calm the man down, a stuttering mess before he even entered the room. Tense shoulders fell just slightly as she was able to make out Gideon's silhouette, and Sera looked down, focusing on the buttons. It was around that point where she could hear Christmas Time is Here being sung by the goddamn Peanuts. Clearing her throat, she glanced up once more, still unable even to get one button done with how violently her fingertips were still shaking. "I'll be right down, okay? I-I spilled—" voice breaking, she cleared her throat, "—wine."

@wcrldsaway

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gibon​

One glance over his shoulder to ensure the door is shut, and Gideon is giving her a once over, a relaxed (albeit excited) smile crinkling around his eyes. This room, right now, is a fantasy world. There’s only one goddamn woman for him, and she’s right here, resting after bringing their future into the world. A future who, he hopes, he is privileged enough to watch grow up without interference. Scooped up with painstaking and unpracticed care, he cradles that future in one arm. A finger smooths the dark hair atop that tiny head before tracing that tiny chin. It’s not often that this grown man would be moved to tears, but there is no deny the sudden blurriness of his vision. It took mere seconds for Gideon to realize that his heart would be living well outside his body, and only seconds more to understand that he’d miss damn near everything. “That’s your little nose,” he muses. “Thank God it’s your nose.” A quiet laugh then, sober though it is. He simply doesn’t want to put his second love down, so he doesn’t. “Ser, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” As if he had a choice, as if he could have removed Henry from the room and taken that supporting role so that it would be done right. Another glance to the door, and he decides to give them the only thing he can: everything they’ve ever wanted. He sits again on the edge of the bed, leaning to press a kiss upon Sera’s forehead, so careful not to disturb the peace. “Did you pick a name?” Beat. “Because I’ve got plenty of ideas. Gideon for starters. Works for everyone.” Beat. “Do we have enough diapers? Everything I’ve read tells me they poop like theirs no tomorrow.”

Watching Gideon hold that tiny little thing was something Sera could’ve done for hours. Simply just sitting there, staring at what should’ve been. Well, it was what was being, if you wanted to get technical. But it wouldn’t ever earnestly be without a handful of lives at stake. 

So there she sat, hands clasped in her lap, staring at Gideon almost the same way that he was staring at the baby. Trying to burn the image before her into her mind the best that she could. Thankful that there wouldn’t be any interruptions from any doctors or nurses, as they knew it was Sera’s second baby and that the woman could manage keeping the baby alive on her own for a bit. However, in reality, they probably were all steering clear of the room because there was no way in hell any of them wanted to risk running into Henry. A shit situation, really, but it had its benefits.

"Huh?” Yanked out of her little dreamy cloud, Sera shakes her head. “You wouldn’t have wanted to be here,” she scrunched her nose slightly. Given that this birthing experience and her last also included a shit time with Henry, there were no positive thoughts regarding the process. Having a supportive figure wasn’t even something Sera fully realized was an option. “He was pissing everyone off, I’m pretty sure that’s why she was taking her sweet time.”

Relaxing even more at the small gesture, that simple forehead kiss being the only contact she’d had all day from anyone other than the baby. Silence coated the air again, aside from a tiny squeak or two. Opening her mouth to speak, she paused for a second. Sera couldn’t help but get hung up on Gideon’s wording for a moment -- if we had enough diapers. "It’s true, but there’s plenty at home,” she smiled, “Maybe too many. I’ve been a little... focused on the nursery the last few weeks.” Focused, meaning neurotic. She was spending every waking moment in the room, and had slept on the floor a handful of times, just trying to make sure everything was perfect. Sera was the same way with Beth’s nursery, but this time it felt like asking Henry for any sort of help would ruin things.

Wiggling just slightly and laying backwards, Sera let out a soft sigh. “Hardly,” giggling, she brushed a few stray hairs from her face. “Henry’s given me.. maybe, two names. One of them was my mom’s name. He didn’t recommend it because it was her name, he didn’t even realize it was. The other was from whatever movie he was watching the last time I asked. I’ve mostly been talking with Bethany, who's hell-bent on naming her Barbie. Dawn ( the nanny ) had some ideas too, but they’re a little... dated.” Sera shrugged. “So, as of right now, it’s between Gideon, Barbie, something that’ll make the poor thing sound like she’s already sixty years old knitting on the front porch, or maybe Meredith. That’s the only one I’ve gotten." Sera’s only idea had just happened to pop into her head one day, and was actually from the obituaries section of the paper. The jumbled messes in her brain managed to let her forget that part, thankfully. Tapping her chin playfully, Sera looked up with a grin, “Gideon it is?”

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galest pals​

“That’s how it works, I guess.. Sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re vomit crying,” that was what had taken Toni so long to learn herself but she finally had. She got it though, really she did, the woman did seem a little extra and she’d only seen her once. How annoying could someone be? Yet the second that she thought it, Antonia felt bad. “God, I don’t know if this group is going to work for me, it can totally be yours if you want,” what a kind offer Antonia, truly.

The tears, she saw them shining in Eden’s eyes and though she didn’t have much time to think about it, Antonia was on her feet and picking up her jacket, instead moving closer to the blonde and taking a seat. “Fine, I’ll go first and then you go and I’m not taking no for an answer, but you’ll have a lot of time to get ready well I talk because we both know I never shut up.”

A nice offer, but also an offer that didn’t leave any room for budging because Toni figured if they were here, they might as well talk even if was just to each other. “My fiance, Anna. Broken picture frames Anna,” starting off Toni realized she’d never told Eden more than that but shaking it off, the raven haired woman took a deep breath and continued. “We were together for a long time, like first year of college together, she was in vet school,” for a moment she closed her eyes and opened them again, eyes staring ahead. “Anyways, together a long time, and we got engaged, I was so happy, we were planning a wedding and we were going to have dumb little babies.. everything was perfect. Then one night. . the cordless phone rang and Anna wasn’t home yet but, i figured she just stayed late even though we were supposed to go see her parents in the morning.. uh, it was the hospital. Someone came right for the drivers side.. killed her instantly, I think. I tell myself that at least. I can’t think of.. of the other options.”

Without realizing it, her tears slipped down her cheeks but she quickly wiped them away, a sniffle following, “your turn. When.. when you’re ready, but I’ve never told anyone that story so. . keep that in mind.”

“The next closest is like 20 miles away,” Eden said softly, wiping a tear from her cheekbone. “It’s not even worth it at this point. I just come and dissociate once a week. Nobody looks at me, nobody talks to me.” And, you know, that’s what happens when you are the almost vomiting crier one time, and make it a point so shake your head no any time the sweet man in charge looks at you, wanting to give you another chance. But, Toni didn’t need to know that.

When Toni moved closer, Eden felt a small touch of comfort. She was a hugger. Her love language was physical touch. Not even love language, just regular language. Eden hated being alone, and she hated feeling alone even more. Sad eyes looked at Antonia’s silhouette as she spoke while her teeth gently bit the insides of her cheeks. As she heard that story, her heart ached. It was almost too similar, minus the untimely death part. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled, “I’m really, really sorry.” 

“I used to, um, wish that something would happen to Sidney.” The admission was quiet, and it was something Eden hadn’t even told either of her therapists before. “When we were together, like before and after you came around. I used to think that i-if something would happen to her, that it would almost be easier then dealing with the... the drinking, the broken promises, the flakiness, and watching her become someone I didn’t know.” Pausing, Eden swallowed the lump in her throat as she felt tears slide down her cheeks freely. “I used to wish that something would happen. Never explicitly death, but... it was implied. I implied that Sidney dying would be easier than trying to fix everything we broke, easier than learning to love her again. And the universe o-or God or whoever the fuck is up there, must’ve heard me.” Eden used her palms to clear her cheeks of her tears, a few soft sobs escaping. For a few moments, she tried to compose herself, tried real hard, because she definitely didn’t want to be crying like that woman out there in front of Antonia. 

There was no use in catching her tears or wiping them away anymore. The floodgates had open, and as Eden had humbly bragged about a few weeks ago when she last saw Toni, it’d been a bit since crybaby Eden had cried. Her tear ducts had to make up for lost time.

“It’s Sam. He’s dying. He has some... some stupid spinal thing, and his doctors basically gave him —” Eden paused, coughing slightly. Absolutely no dry-heaving. “They told him, th-that at this point he’s living on borrowed time.” No heaving, just sad little cries. “I wished bad things would happen to my ex-wife, and then a year later I meet the most perfect human I’ve ever known. I love him so much, and I feel so loved b-by him. A-And he proposes, and we’re planning a stupid weddingand our kids are fantastic and they’re best friends and we have a zoo of the sweetest animals and I-I feel like I’m living in a dream,” pausing to breath between sobs, Eden brushed stray hairs out of her face. “A-And then poof, now he’s dying. I’m the happiest and most in love I’ve ever been, i-in my life. And the universe o-o-or God is making sure that I’m being punished.”

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bathroom buddy​

Once she’d seen Eden, mentioned that she knew her, completely by accident, Toni felt herself fidgeting. One lady spoke about her dead nephew, some man about his mom and the longer Antonia sat there, she remembered how much she hated these things. They were awkward, uncomfortable and for a therapist, she hated crying. It made her entire body ache, whenever someone cried she didn’t know if she should reach other to console or just ignore it.

This time she couldn’t do either.

This time she had one choice and one choice only as she was sure that the woman was inhaling her snot and choking on it. Jesus Christ, it sounded painful and before she even realized what she was doing, Toni was grabbing her purse and standing up. For a moment when she realized the blonde was standing too, Toni considered sitting back down, it wasn’t like she wanted to interrupt the blondes bathroom break, but at the nod she realized. Oh, they were ditching! Thank fucking god. 

Quickly her short legs ran after Eden, trying to ignore how her healed boots clicked on the ground as she made the fast getaway. Once they were in the bathroom, the brunette twisted the lock, tossing her leather jacket down on the floor before she took a seat herself. Finally, it felt like she could breathe, eyes glancing up at the ceiling as she took in a heavy breath, a giggle escaping at her ex girlfriends words. Was it funny? No, but was she uncomfortable? Completely.

“I wanted to laugh, I’m horrible but she started sniffle coughing and I almost fucking laughed, I’m going to hell,” and then she realized they were both there, at a grief group. It really sunk in and her smile faded. Suddenly, maybe for the first time, Toni was truly worried about Eden.

“So, I take it that your dandy was a little over compensated the other weekend. Thought I was imagining things in my sleepy haze. . Spill.”

“Every. Week.” Eden spoke with a sigh. “And, you know, I’m a therapist, I get it. I’m supposed to have so much sympathy, respect her feelings..” she trailed off, trying to hide the little smirk that threatened her lips. “I can only hear the same story so many times. She, like, alternates weeks. One week she’s okay, she’ll tell a happy story, and then she tells that story. And gets so worked up, that she’s literally all but vomiting all over.” 

The smile fell as soon as Toni spoke, and Eden attempted to hold back her tears. Eden. Attempted to hold back tears. And it worked, mostly because she let her teeth bite her bottom lip as hard as she could to distract herself. 

“I don’t want to,” she rasped. “I can’t.”

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RUDE​

Did Toni find it funny? Not quite, maybe she missed the joke but did she hate Sidney? One hundred percent so, Eden’s story at least caused a smirk to appear on the womans face. “Your mom sounds like a savage, I love that,” taking a glass she poured some of said sparkling juice for the blonde before she poured for herself. Reaching out to grab a carrot from the tray, she chomped down before swallowing.

See, now maybe that story was funny because the more Antonia listened to it, the wider her smile got. Was it ridiculous? Maybe, but in a way it was endearing, at least Sam got attached to things easily so the thought of ditching Eden hadn’t and probably wasn’t going to cross his mind. Which was good because after everything Eden deserved to be happy. “That’s sweet though, he sounds like really nice and sweet, it’s what you deserve.” A beaming smile, one that made it clear there were no hard feelings there. Antonia was so over Eden she could officiate the wedding if the blonde wanted without a care.

“Wow and you don’t cry when things get stressful?” The woman teased, taking a sip from her glass, smirk on her face. “I am so proud,” how easy was it to go back to teasing Eden like nothing had ever happened between them? Way easier than Toni thought, although maybe she was masking how uncomfy she was by making all these jokes, who really knew? “I miss Noah, sometimes. I hope she didn’t die or something, kid still wasn’t eating shit last time I saw her.” A hasty goodbye, the only one that Antonia had made to anyone. “She was so pissed at me for leaving, it’s probably better I don’t try to find her,” mostly she was talking to herself, but Eden was an okay sounding board.

Head turning toward the voice, Antonia furrowed a brow. The boy seemed familiar but she didn’t really trust herself to assume that she’d met him all that time ago, no way. “Hey,” she muttered in his direction, a smile on her face.

God, this was weird. She was already freaking inside over Emmy practically being a tiny adult and now there was Hudson. Who before she could offer some juice or even say anything else to was heading from the kitchen. “Nice to. . meet you uh.. too?” Turning back to the blonde, she nodded in understanding, her polite smile not seeming to fade. “So. . I probably do know him then.. but I can’t remember,” lifting a shoulder, she found it easy to brush away. “I mean, I’m not one to judge, pretty sure we weren’t supposed to be extra bffs either, but hey.”

“The kid wanted the dog, I think it smells bad personally but after everything she’d been through, I couldn’t keep saying no once we moved back.” Clearing her throat, Antonia glanced at the table, stomach suddenly aching. “That’s…my niece. My sister in law had a nice mental breakdown, dipped and my brother uh, you know.. unalived himself so, here I am. But, I always more of a mom to her than her mom was so, nothing is different, really. We just don’t talk about it, at all really, unless she wants. She doesn’t really understand where my brother went… fully but I also don’t want her to think it’s her fault so i don’t give the details.”

“She’s... yeah,” Eden nodded. "You’d probably like her. But she’s...” Nose scrunched, and Eden tucked some hair behind her ears, “she knows about you.” The admission was soft, though it felt like a weight got set down on Eden’s chest. She told Josephine everything. And that meant, Josephine hated just about everyone. Eden’s judge of character was also something that her mother drilled her for. Which, y’know, happens when your mother pulls the best lawyers she can find for your custody trial against your ex-wife only for you to get back with her years later and try for another child. 

Moving on.

“I’ve improved slightly with the crying,” Eden bragged, dimples popping as she beamed. “It helps a little that I’ve moved up in the field, so there’s less people above me. Less people to make me cry.” It had also been 3 years since she had a breakup, so that was also helping. Just a smidge. 

Eyes scanned the vegetable tray, which was carefully put together by Emmy the night before. She’d attempted to make an animal with the veggies, but got too pissed off when it didn’t resemble a shoebill and color-coordinated the food instead. Eyes flicked up at Toni’s compliment, which sounded sincere. Felt sincere, too. “Thank you,” Eden grinned, “he’s, um, obnoxiously fantastic. He has a thing for broken little strays.” It was a joke, but not entirely wrong. She cried about her ex-wife on their second date, and he still called her that night to make sure she was alright before she went to sleep. Annoying.

“You might not,” Eden shrugged, “he was, like, six, maybe. He got transferred right after his seventh birthday when they moved out of state to get away from his mom. It was sad.” However, Eden couldn’t quite peg why Hudson was so stand-offish just then. It wasn’t like their house was booming with guests at all times and he was a little Walmart greeter by any means, but he usually had at least a little more kindness.

The bubbles. Eden watched the bubbles while Toni spoke. Holy shit. She couldn’t help when her mouth fell open a little bit, and her eyes flicked back up to the brunette’s. “I’m really sorry, Antonia,” she spoke, her mouth turning into a frown. A hug. Hug’s were good for solving problems for a few seconds. But for some reason, everything in Eden’s head was telling her not to hug Antonia. The room fell silent, and for a moment the sounds of Emmy and Violet playing upstairs were audible. “A-Are you hungry?”

Nailed it.

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nverended​:

@flippityflcp​ | LOL ITS TIME.

NOT THIS, NOT HER.

Antonia hadn’t been to grief group in so long, not since Seattle. But she had a lot of grief to overcome and she’d learned to stop pushing it down because pushing it down just made her drink. So, after a terribly long day, the raven haired woman had asked the neighbor to watch Violet and headed out to the first group she could find. When she’d walked into the sketchy community centre basement, she didn’t even pay attention to anyone else, only walking toward the coffee area and grabbing a bottle of water.

Keeping to herself until it was time to take a seat, Toni stared at her lap with her fingers picking at something on her jeans. Gross, what the hell was it? Only shaking for her thoughts when the man at the head of the group started talking, she lifted her gaze, her stomach twisting when he suggested anyone new in the circle introduce themselves. Fuck sake, she hated this part but oh well. One or two people went before her and then Antonia stood up. “Hey, I’m Antonia..” she muttered nervously, her eyes wander the room. “No one really calls me that though except for..” and it was then her eyes landed on Eden. Holy fuck, what the hell? Did Sidney die? “Except for uh, her,” a finger lifted to point at her ex and then she quickly tore her eyes away.

“Anyway, my fiance died and.. my therapist at rehab recommended these instead of drinking so I’m here,” shuffling to sit down again, her head turned to look at Eden, a curious brow raising in her direction.

Have you ever been at the grief group that your couples’ therapist tells you that you absolutely need to attend and your ex girlfriend walks in, only a few weeks after you’d had a really wholesome catch-up suburban mom lunch with?

Eden hadn’t either. Until today. 

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? Couldn’t Eden just play house with Sam a little longer and have one person who wasn’t shooting her aw, poor thing with a dying husband glares like the rest of her friends and family were? 

A sharp inhale as Toni spoke, head nodding and avoiding eye contact as the brunette spoke. Thankfully, this wasn’t Eden’s first rodeo, and she’d made herself known as quiet blonde lady who had a breakdown on day one but literally doesn’t talk anymore. So there was no awkward introduction for her. It was simply her job to listen to the others, and listen she did. Just until one of the other members began sobbing uncontrollably. Even more uncontrollably than Eden sobs, which said a lot. 

Whenever things got too much in the group, Eden would head to the bathroom, then sometimes sneak out. It wasn’t like she was going to get detention for leaving, but there was no way in hell Eden had the strength to successfully lie to her therapist about not leaving. However, as soon as she stood up, Eden realized that fucking Toni had stood up as well. Nobody had really batted an eye at the two, since there was someone practically dry-heaving while talking about their grief, and Eden nodded her head toward the bathroom after glancing at Toni.

Eden led the way, holding the door and letting it close behind Toni, letting out a sigh of relief when she heard the click of the lock. She turned back to Toni before taking a few steps toward the sink, then placing her back against the wall and sliding down until she was sitting on the surprisingly clean floor.

“She’s like that every meeting,” Eden spoke softly, breaking the silence. 

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henricavyll​:

Closer (2004) dir. Mike Nichols 

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@wcrldsaway

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exie​

📲 ; i would never kill a child, this is my good person era. 📲 ; see you tomorrow at noon, Eden Myer.

With that, Antonia was quick to go back to her show, although she never made it through a scene before her phone buzzed again. Dandy was an overshot, maybe Eden hadn’t changed as much as she’d been scared over. Without responding, only figuring that she wouldn’t want to interrupt anything that the blonde might be doing, she simply haha reacted before plugging her phone back in and setting it down again.

Something told her that everything wasn’t as okay as Eden told her it was, but she knew at this point, none of that was her business. Not unless the other told her anything about it. She had no room to pry into the others life, not anymore. At least rehab had taught her that boundary.

Shaking off her worry the brunette let her eyes close as she fell asleep to some woman talking about how some dude shot her mother when a second date didn’t pan out. Tragic, but also a great reminder as to why she was single, at least until Violet was old enough to live alone.

***

Since Vi had woken her up at eight am, Toni considered cancelling multiple times. What if this was some joke and Eden was sending her off to a trap house with her child? Absolutely ridiculous and very un-Eden like but all morning she’d felt nauseous. Even as she got Violet ready, even as she made the homemade macatonironi that she’d perfected a couple years ago. Although, after stopping at the store to get her favorite sparkling apple juice on the way to the blondes, she was feeling okay minus the mutter of how she was going to piss her pants after knocking on the door.

Her smile as the door opened seemed to match Eden’s. Somehow it was infectious, and yet before she could get a word in, Violet was speaking well kicking off her shoes haphazardly. “Do you have a bathroom? My mama said she’s going to piss her pants,” the words had Toni freezing, her mouth opening and closing even as the soon to be third grader bounced on the heels of her Sponge-bob socks.

“I NEVER said that, Violet and don’t curse,” gentle scold as she bent down to straighten the girls shoes on the floor as well as her own.

“Lying is bad mom and you said it!” The girl responded, and Toni almost sighed in relief when Emmy came bounding down the stairs, gasping slightly when the girl almost fell. 

The tinier blondes words had Toni biting her cheek to keep from laughing, only giving her a very serious nod. “Don’t worry, dude, I won’t sue you today - consider it a trial run,” a teasing wink before the two girls ran off upstairs and Eden and Toni were left alone together. “Sorry about her, she’s - we’re working on a filter and the politeness. I only adopted her a couple of years ago and she really had a shit home life, so..” trailing off, Antonia gave an apologetic smile as she followed after the other into the kitchen. “Thanks for having us.”

Peaking out the window into the backyard, Toni sighed softly. It was adorable although it was still a surprise to see Eden have a literal zoo. “Very sweet, I approve,”  opening the fridge to set the casserole dish inside, she then set the sparkling juice on the counter. “Apple. It actually tastes better than booze,” was she just trying to say ANYTHING so that they weren’t left in awkward silence? Maybe. “No, no questions . . Except you roasted Kevin as a name and Sam has a dog named puddles? How did that happen?” Slowly, almost nervously she took a seat at the kitchen table, before really glancing at Eden.

“So tell me, what’re you doing now? Minus being a zoo keeper and Carol Brady impersonator? ‘Cause I don’t know about you but even thinking about working at another facility makes me want to have a panic attack. Nate attacking me was truly my breaking point, won’t lie, so now I turned into a less bubbly version of you and am working with children, at a school come August.”

There was a slight squint as Toni presented the bottle, though once the label was clear to see, Eden nodded. “I’m familiar,” she huffed, “my, um...” Eden stifled her laughter. It wasn’t funny. “Sorry, um, my mom used to try to, like... she’d very subtly try to have this out when Sidney was at their house for holidays.” She turned to the cabinets behind her, getting out two glasses and setting them down between herself and Toni. “Pour up, Rowland.”

Eden walked over to the fridge, getting out (probably some really cute DIY type shit) a little tray of vegetables, setting them out on the kitchen island as well. “So, Sam does this thing — I mentioned he browses pet rescue websites frequently — and when he does rescue animals, he has a really hard time changing their names. He feels like we’re putting them in witness protection or, like, repressing their past lives.” She rolled her eyes, “specifically, though, Puddles survived a hurricane, and Sam really felt like it would be extremely messed up to change his name.” 

“I’m doing... a lot?” Eden lifted a shoulder, shrugging it slightly. It was hard hearing the kid’s name again, only because he was now a legal adult and Eden had no fucking clue where he was these days. As his pseudo-mother, she worried. And as his therapist, she really worried. “I’m still working in in-patient facilities, with kids. I hop around a lot. I’m the lucky one that they call when things get out of control,” she beamed. Nothing like being the big guns, huh? 

There were distant thud sounds, then a door opening. “Eden?” Before Eden could respond, Hudson slid into the room, holding his laptop with his eyes fixed on the screen. “Look at — “ The boy stopped speaking immediately upon seeing Toni. Definitely not awkward at all. He stood in the doorway, shaking his head, “I didn’t realize it was noon,” he muttered. 

Eden started to walk toward Hudson, “you can show me, sweetheart, what’s up?’

“No, it’s okay, it’ll still exist in a few hours,” he mumbled, closing his laptop and holding it down by his side. “Nice to meet you,” he threw his hand up in a half-wave before dipping out, back to his little basement cave.

Walking back toward Toni, Eden waited to hear the basement door shut before speaking again, “sorry. He’s really shy.” And possessive. “That’s Sam’s son, but I legally adopted him almost a year ago. We go way back. He was a patient of mine when I was an intern,” she explained, taking a sip of her adult apple juice. "I ran into them a few years ago when I was first doing my traveling therapist thing and helped oversee his discharge. But, don’t worry, no rules were broken,” certainly not by Eden Mayer: notorious rule-follower. “Because Sam didn’t ask me on a date until we signed all of the papers.”

“Now that I shared a snippet of too deep for the dog park,” she started cautiously. “I don’t know if this is too soon or, like, breaking a boundary, but what made you decide to, um,” Eden paused, trying to find the words while combing her fingers through her hair, “adopt a dog? Or the kid.” A subtle wink in Toni’s direction, “because I think it’s great, what you’re doing, and it seems like you’re doing a great job. Just... wasn’t on my BINGO card, y’know?” Eden posed the question in her sweetest tone, trying to show that she wasn’t judging, doubting, etc. She was genuinely curious, and it was something she would’ve never expected from Toni.

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insp. x x

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grumpy​

If she wasn’t nervous when when she’d texted Eden, she was when the woman didn’t text her back before she’d climbed into bed that night. For a while it gave her a nervous stomach but before long she’d turned on Deadly Dates, settled in with her peanut butter m + m’s and got engrossed in shitty crime TV, it was actually a surprise to her when her phone buzzed halfway into an episode. “Never wanna date again,” she mumbled, picking up the item and glancing at it. 

Eden. Okay, cool. She had this. 

📲 ; Dandy sounds fake as fuck. Are you seriously okay?

📲 ; I am fantastic, Mary Poppins, thanks for asking.

📲 ; I am now a very busy woman, if i waited two weeks I would in fact forget. Sadly, you haven’t been the only thing on my mind for years, r.i.p.

If only she knew the womans partner was dying she probably wouldn’t have added the r.i.p but hey, couldn’t fault her for that one, not this time.

When the next text popped up, the brunette found her breath catching, accidentally choking on one of her m+m’s. Tomorrow? Coughing to dislodge it, the woman began typing, and then deleting, hoping Eden wasn’t watching the bubbles come and go. Why was she suddenly sweating? Oh God. Suddenly, Toni felt ill, the last time they’d been alone together she’d been so awful. Maybe she should get Eden flowers? No, she was engaged and that would look suspicious and gay and she was no longer gay for Eden. Maybe, she could just bring a snack. A snack would do!

📲 ; Tomorrow. Around noon? We can bring lunch!

📲 ; I wanna see this entire little farm situation - I don’t believe it.

There, there would be no going back now. Tomorrow Toni And Eden were making a platonic comeback.

__

📲: Am I ever?

📲: First of all, that’s rude

📲: Second of all, noon absolutely works for your petting zoo appointment

📲:  Just remember a peanut could end Emmy’s life  ���� 😬 😬

Why the hell was the urge to add more to her first message? Obviously, explaining the dying husband, the impending single motherhood to now two kids wasn’t necessary, nor was that something to explain over text. Surely, Toni would learn about that situation sooner or later. Later, probably. No need to scare her away yet. 

But that was a little too condescending, even for someone with Eden’s level of natural dramatics. On the off chance that Toni was worried, she should give the other woman some clarity. Cryptic texts late at night never did anyone good.

📲:  I am okay by the way, dandy was maybe an overshot

She was seeing not one, but two therapists. Therefore, on paper, Eden was far from okay. But it was late, and none of that was anything to explain over text. There was also no need to scare Toni away yet. Not that it should’ve scared the other away, given the fears and worries that Toni had unintentionally instilled on Eden years ago.

***

“Now, if the kid lives, do I get paid more? Or, like, do I have to pay a security deposit?”

“Emilia Louise,” Eden groaned, eyes rolling dramatically. 

Emmy’s head shook as she continued cleaning up her pile of shoes by the front door, unable to hide her dimpled grin, “I’m just asking a question, mother. I think it’s a valid question. I also put all of my legos in Hudson’s room, he said that was okay. I have too many sets in progress, too much on the line here.”

“Good priorities.” Tucking her hair behind an ear, Eden flashed her daughter a smile. The idea of Toni’s kid getting a lego stuck in her nose or ears wasn’t something that crossed her mind, but the fact that her house was now a cleaner, less young-child friendly home became slightly more apparent. She was grateful that Emmy and Hudson were (mostly) very independent, but now she realized that there was way too much for a young child to get into. Maybe a security deposit wasn’t a bad idea.

Though, there was no time to be concerned when there was a knock at the door and Emmy was halfway up the steps with her arms full of shoes. There was no turning back, and no middle men this time. Opening the door, Eden greeted Toni and Violet with a smile. “Emmy’ll be down in a second, she’s in the middle of cleaning,” she said as she stepped aside, allowing the two into the house. “And, um, Sam’s working today, so he won’t be home until later.” Not a necessary detail, but it felt important to throw into the mix. 

Perfectly timed, Emmy zipped down the steps, nearly busting her ass on the hardwood at the bottom. “Mama told me that there’s no security deposits for kids, and I don’t know how insurance works, but I’m gonna keep her as safe as I can,” she giggled, looking down ath Violet. “My name’s Emmy, let me show you to the... um... recreation room.” Sounded more professional than play room. “First door on the right upstairs is my brother’s room, he’s in the basement right now but he can, like, smell when his door opens, and there’s a lot of... valuables in there. So it’s best we avoid that room. Let’s go, kid.” Grabbing the younger child’s hand, Emmy led her upstairs quickly.

“Well, that handles that,” Eden chuckled, “we can go to the kitchen.” Leading Toni through the family room, she cleared off counter space for her to set things down. “So, um, the bunny’s upstairs, Puddles — that’s Sam’s little fluff ball — he goes to work with Sam. The other dogs are out back, and the chickens are out there, too.” Her head nodded to the kitchen window that led to the backyard, which showed the little bull terrier running in circles chasing a toy, and their much larger wolfhound mix sleeping in the shade under the tree. “Little one’s Monet, and the ginormous one’s Atticus.” Turning to Toni, she smiled softly, “any questions about the zoo?”