floraviee

[floraviee]

i have this really weird issue of wanting to be everyone's "person". like in the sense i want to just be there for everyone all the time, and i hate when people just dont think im comforting enough or im not someone they find solace in, and then i give and give and give myself out to people and be like, insanely sweet and kind and yk it works, but then i am so so tired. and it just gets impossible to keep up with everyone's problems—not that they're a burden, just that it's a lot when like over six people come to you to tell you things about their life just for solace when you cant even give yourself peace in the first place. sigh.

[floraviee]

just gonna put my schedule for today here so i feel like i actually gotta get it done and wont procrastinate it!!!

[floraviee]

being an oldest daughter is knowing your mother had you, wanting to break the cycle, but knowing that it was inevitable regardless.

being an oldest daughter is also wanting so desperately to break that cycle, but fearing you'll end up just like your mother, and her mother before her, and her mother before her.

[floraviee]

fuck. to think i loved her so much i spent days on end making sure she felt beautiful in every sense of the word.

[floraviee]

in another universe i do not cry when trying on clothes, i do not feel as if i should rip my skin off because clothes don’t look good on me the way they do for other girls. in another universe i was taught to love myself instead of conditioned into believing that i am an ugly beast.

[floraviee]

its always "why are you such a bitch" and never "well, maybe its my fault she hates me"

[floraviee]

my mum fr arguing that she shouldnt need to say good morning back because i didnt come into her room and i only said good morning when she walked past mine........

like can we talk abt the fact your son doesnt say hello, hi, bye or ANYTHING all day and only comes out of his room for food. but thats fine, thats okay, you still coddle him like your lil baby <3

[floraviee]

me: says good morning

my mother: dead silence, on her phone

[floraviee]

i think i am in love with the idea of being in love

[floraviee]

how can i grieve something im not sure i ever lost

[floraviee]

[i want to go back] by Gregory Orr

[floraviee]

no i dont have a scary boyfriend who drives recklessly when hes mad at me, instead i have a mother who does the same thing 👍🏾

[floraviee]

forever stuck between "the cycle ends with me" and getting INSANE baby fever.

[floraviee]

anxiety so bad im gonna throw up

[floraviee]

i genuinely think i forgot how to actually be happy without guilt a long time ago

[floraviee]

god i feel so ick... i thought i could sleep it off but i woke up with MORE existential dread

[floraviee]

YAY!! new blog theme